[Closed] Splitting up - who gets what?

Kids involved? Hmmmmmmmm. As a rule of thumb, just assume she'll basically get everything. And he'll be lucky if he's still got the clothes he's stood up in. That's the way these things generally go

And a massive legal bill.

Tell him to get the best divorce lawyer possible, the best & then cross his fingers.

just assume she'll basically get everything

Legally first port of call will be to make sure the kid is looked after properly, best bit of advice is to try & divvy it up without recourse to laywers otherwise all three of them will loose out & also whatever happens make sure the kid is first consideration in all decisions. Best of luck.

edit:- Kept house & kids & good relationship with Ex - lawyers got sweet f a

Definitely best to sort out something you both agree on rather than going to the courts. Not usually possible though, I guess. Although not [i]all[/i] women are money grabbing bitches! 😉

And some men are money-grabbing gits.

best thing for them both to do right now is to stay cool, or as cool as possible - hopefully it's an amicable split? As soon as lawyers/courts are involved it'll take a turn for the worse and nobody wins.
As above, assume she'll get it all.

I got to keep my clothes and cook books, she got everything else, including the kids, it took 5 years to have a civil conversation with her due to me leaving her. I took the view that I wasn't giving everything to her but the kids and kept up the car repayments as the kids needed to get to school.

loads of my mum and dads friends are splitting up at the minute, It's like "get to 40, git seperated" LOL

keep away from the courts seems to be the best advice

Don't they prefer to do things through mediation by bring the parties together to find an amicable solution, it also depend on how if at they get along, if they utterly despise one another then it could be very messy, hopefully though for the childs sake they can both be reasonable, and find an amicable solution.

House in his name means nothing, even if it was bought and paid for before they met. It would still mean nothing even if they weren't married; as I found out :-/

At least house prices are pretty much at rock bottom. I borrowed very heavily to pay the other side off. Soon as it was in my name the market crashed. Lost pretty much everything I'd spent 25 years working for.

Rule of thumb would be 50-50 on the house, with a 10-20% stake awarded to the person who stays in it if they have the child there too. So typically, she stays in the house with child whilst the bloke gets 30% of the value. If the woman can't (won't) pay the 30% then it gets messier.

Financially it is lose/lose 🙁

which law? england and wales or scotland

The split is fairly acrimonious tbh & has been on the cards for over a year.

She won't mediate she just wants out which is not surprising since matey has provided her with a comfortable lifestyle.

Is there really no (English) justice in this? How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

[i]How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything? [/i]

It's not quite that cut and dried - I believe she only gets house until kids are 18, for example so he doesn't lose all his stake.

He really needs some proper legal advice and I think mediation is mandatory now so she may have to accept it like it or not.

My brother's ex got everything, his house and all it's contents, which she then went on to sell, to move in to a house about 60 grand cheaper to pocket the cash. Now won't let him see the bairn and he can't afford to take it to court.

OP this post of topic is the worst to ask about on a forum.

He needs some proper advice, start at CAB.

How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

People seem to forget that marriage is a legally binding contract, everything I own ...blah blah blah, add in the responsibilities for any kids & there you have it.

Tried to warn a mate off marriage a few years back, his Mrs managed to engineer a rift so that they got married in secret without even telling the best man (me) still got my fingers crossed for him

Because she holds all the cards. She will, barring being a crack-whore, ALWAYS get custody of the kids. And the court will put the kids interests first. Thus, she gets everything!

And of course, then she can subsequently deny him access on a whim, whenever she damn well feels like. The courts will do absolutely nothing about this*.

This situation enables her to demand the moon on a stick, or she doesn't play ball. Your mates going to have to bend over and take it, basically

*One of my mates racked up £25,000 in legal fees to find this out

al, matey is seeking professional help I just wondered what other people's experiences were

Can hardly believe she gets everything - from a financial point of view she has contributed FA

If there's no divorce, they're still married, so the law doesn't really come into it.

Having said that, professional, not STW desk-jockey bitter or not ex-divorcee, advice is needed.

Is there really no (English) justice in this? How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

Because no-one on here is a family lawyer, and so isn't giving true advice.

Out of interested, is there any legal reason why the mother would normally get the kids?

If there's no divorce, they're still married, so the law doesn't really come into it.

ourmaninthenorth - ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh. He doesn't want sound legal advice. He wants a deluge of bitterness and cynicism from a bunch of grumpy blokes who've been collectively taken to the cleaners. 😉

Out of interested, is there any legal reason why the mother would normally get the kids?

cos men are horrible, brutish creatures who only care about chasing other vaginas, fighting and drinking until the wife becomes a blurred target for their testosterone induced fists.

wimmin on the other hand can only be loving mothers with nothing but the best intentions of their offspring at heart, unless they're arrest sheet approved crack-whores.

its a sexist world out there, and that sexism seems to be (based on anecdotal evidence) turned firmly against even the best dads when it comes to divorce 🙁

Has he asked her to leave rather then him leaving? Worked for me - kept the house & kids

There's a lesson here I think. Don't ever get married. Just in case, like.

I don't have kids or anything, but IMO Fathers for Justice are right on with their view on divorce and custody. This is not a man's world. It is a very confused world, full of sexism on all sides, none of which help anyone. OP, I hope your friend will be alright through all this and can come out the other side still able to see his child.

my advice would be no matter how hard life gets at home is DO NOT move out of that house becasue he'll never get back in

Whatever he does, don't leave the house without advice.

I went through divorce nearly 20 years ago, we split on good terms and she (and the kids moved in with her b/f) - I kept the house, although it was pretty much +100% owned by the Building Society (late 80's crash).

We never paid for advice, just had the solicitor draw up the legals' - and no CSA since either - I've always paid whatever was needed.

But it does need both sides to want to - lucky she'd seen the CSA from the other side, with her b/f's ex 🙂

EDIT - and we split up the stuff using a combination of which side of the family had bought it and/or who needed it - only arguement was over the dishwasher.

she gets what she wants, all the stuff she doesn't want you have to pay her for.

There's a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread.

Best go with cynic-al's advice -

OP this post of topic is the worst to ask about on a forum.

He needs some proper advice, start at CAB

stanley, sounds like you were shafted as married rights are different to those who are unmarried, although if there's kids involved it may change things.

There's a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread

You say that like its a bad thing?

from a financial point of view she has contributed FA

Just for balance like 🙂

There's a lesson here I think. Don't ever get married.

Or if you do then make sure it's to a crack whore.

There's a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread.

Not bitter, just says it like I sees it.

Or if you do then make sure it's to a crack whore.

Of course your mate (;-)) needs proper legal advice, but the anecdotal "evidence" is overwhelming- In general, blokes earn more but then lose more when a relationship ends.
Married v cohabiting rights maybe different.... the "rights" that conspired to rob me weren't!!

Might be coming across as bitter here.... but I'm genuinely not. I'm glad that my ex has gone on to do well. And after I lost so much financially, then had a breakdown and couldn't face the world for a year, I now live with a great woman, in a lovely house in a good area, etc. My position now is better than it was before the money-losing split.

Shouldn't happen again- I've not much(financially)to lose now 🙂

Just to add a bit of balance the opposite happened to a female friend of mine. She had always been the main breadwinner while he worked 1 day a week. She paid all the mortgage on the house, bills, food etc and also ran the house and looked after the kids. When she decided she'd had enough and asked him to leave/divorce basically for being a ****less halfwit (no other man involved, she'd just had enough and would rather be without him) she ended up having to pay him half the value of the house and her savings even though she stayed in the house and had custody of the kids.

Im single. Woooohoooo 😀

IF it happens to me. MrsHora would get the house, all of it. From my own bitter personal experience I wouldn't fight for any of it and I'd make sure hora junior isn't left in poverty. Whereas my own Father wanted everything, used the break up to turn cold, very bitter and basically drove the best bargain for him.

I'm of working age and can easily get another place. If its me leaving why should I make them suffer?

As someone who has had to move out and lost big stylee two out of three times, I can only re-iterate - GET PROPER QUALIFIED LEGAL ADVICE 8)

Edit: Hora - no-one is talking about making anyone suffer, just an amicable fair arrangement so that all parties can get on with their lives.

If its me leaving why should I make them suffer?

Easy to say when in a happy relationship presumably, and not when one has ended in bitter resentment and hatred...
Just sayin' like...

Ok, so what if theres still a mortgage? Does this mean the 'wife' and child have to take on an additional to buy out your share of the Equity?

Something I wouldn't do. Whoever has custody should have the lot IMO.

I have a friend who was walked out on and she had to take on additional loans etc to pay him his equity in the property as 'he is planning a new family and needs the money'. Nice. Nothing to cold and calculated. Its not all about 'getting what is due to me' it should be doing what is right.

Hora - you are making an awful lot of assumptions there and as for

Whoever has custody should have the lot IMO.

❓ Are you of working age?
❓ Do you have a job?
❓ Can't you open the paper and find a small bedsit or flat to rent?

Or do you just take what you are entitled to because it says that in law?

How about you leave a roof over their heads. IMO same as if the 'wife' decides she wants to walk out/leave.

Is that stunningly hard to grasp? If your wife was the one leaving you with your son or daughter would you feel it was morally right that you had to buy her out of the house?

Maybe its just me but I'd go 100% with what is right for the child. In addition if I was leaving because we'd argued and I'd found someone new I'd leave as much as possible for them.

Worried about feathering the nest for another man? Thats your decision to leave.

Sorry, I come across as harsh but I was the child in such a situation and I witness selfishness when things break up.

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes but it's not quite as easy as that as most people do not live in the simplistic world of Hora eg. I had to borrow money from my folks for a few weeks last time for a deposit because EVERYTHING I had was ploughed into the house and I had no savings. Not everyone can pull £1200 up at any given time, especially when you are part of a 'partnership'!

No-one but you is talking about NOT leaving a roof over anyones head and equally no-one is advocating that any child should suffer as a consequence of parents splitting up. What we are trying, or should be trying to achieve, is an amicable agreement which is fair to all parties and maintenance, as far as possible, of the standard of living prior to the split of all parties. We are not apportioning blame in the case the OP is talking about as we don't know the circumstances.

Is that so hard for you to grasp?

So take half the house then 🙄

In addition, with your attempts at trying to get a rise out of me repeatedly I'm guessing you have some anger issues/something underlining? After all two sides to a story neh?

horabollocks 😀

horabollocks

No. I'm not trying to get a rise out of you and I don't have any underlying anger issues that I'm aware of. It is you who seems to have issues because of the way your Father behaved.

Going back to the OP

They are married with one child (still at school) and the house is paid for and in his name (he'd bought it before he met her)

Horabolox - used in circumstances when the poster spouts such utter crap that it is unwise to surmise that it is anything other than weak trolling.

Have you got the painters in today Hora?

Well normally I'm easy going but hey if I was the one walking away I'd more inclined to leave more than my fairshare behind. There was a close point personally and that was in my mind. This coming from someone who sank every penny he had saved into the deposit and repairs/refurbishment..

What if there's a dog involved?

my cousin had to hand over the house and 2 kids plus close to 60% of his take home and first thing the former mrs did was stop working, get implants,lease a range rover and move a new bloke in.. took my cousin 5 yrs to get over it he'd always wanted a range rover..

What if there's a dog involved?

Half it

I left my husband many years ago, took the kids and some basic bits of furniture and never asked for a share of the house, but about a year later he offered me half of it's worth - I wasn't going to refuse it, I had a low paid job and he earnt lots. The kids came and went between both of us as they pleased, and he funded them through uni. I reckon we were both very civilised about it, although he still doesn't want to speak to me 17 years later!

Half it

Oh, and what bandsaw for dog division?

my cousin had to hand over the house and 2 kids plus close to 60% of his take home and first thing the former mrs did was stop working, get implants,lease a range rover and move a new bloke in.. took my cousin 5 yrs to get over it he'd always wanted a range rover..

I can see that would be gutting, what Model Range Rover was it?

Has anyone mentioned pensions yet?

Cos their entitled to half of that too, and it's at the pensionable age not when the separation occurred.

Thing is "other parent" needs to provide a roof over the head of kids also, as most separated couples share responsibility of kids.

When I split with my ex we split equity 60/40 and she got nearly all of contents, I took the gardening tools and that's about it. She ended up buying me out of my share and stayed in the house with her new fella.

Hora.... not being funny mate as I also had preconceived ideas in my head what would happen if we'd split up, but then it happens and your attitude changes. I was very fair but wouldn't be walked over and refused to walk away with nothing.

*One of my mates racked up £25,000 in legal fees to find this out

He got off lightly then.

Despite spending significanly more all the legally promised settlements made to me evaporated out of court. I was at breaking point by then and I just walked away. Best day's work I ever did.

To OP....

All assets split 50/50 if married, you negotiate either way depending on who will have main care of kids and whether/if which parents are working.

There are no fixed rules and depends on how much either party is prepared to give away.

My advice is don't take legal advice and try to keep it friendly, unless other party gets bitter. I spent £K'sss on solicitor and we ended up agreeing what we'd discussed at the beginning, she engaged solicitor 1st due to her evil twin sister giving her bad advice.

Hora.... not being funny mate as I also had preconceived ideas in my head what would happen if we'd split up, but then it happens and your attitude changes. I was very fair but wouldn't be walked over and refused to walk away with nothing.

Thats the sticky part though isn't it. If the partner (be it male or female) has met someone else then theres the perception the new guy has to take on a burden..

If its the bloke wanting away then its different IMO and tough what happens afterwards. You can't expect someone to stay a martyr/alone forever..

I'm pretty sure it's 50:50 these days.

The wife gets half, the lawyers get half.

Matey has been to the solicitor's and the split is 70:30 her:him.

You get the pants you're wearing*. Your partner gets everything else.

*if you're lucky

Kill her?

[i]IF it happens to me. MrsHora would get the house, all of it. From my own bitter personal experience I wouldn't fight for any of it and I'd make sure hora junior isn't left in poverty.[/i]

Yep, ex-colleague did that. And then had to pay out more later as she and her new lovers' had spunked it all away and she and his kids were going to be kicked out...

Legal advice - yep, for sure but try to find a decent solicitor - one I went to for advice took one look at my (she was the one ending it all) position (she was the one ending it all) and told me to brace myself for not taking a thing away from the situation... nothing at all, shall we say, constructive, came out of the conversation, not all all...
Guess I was a very lucky boy though, Mrs Turner 1.0 and I had no kids, and kept it amicable. In the end she paid me out as the house was all in her name and I was the one moving out.... might have helped my case that pretty much all her family were 'on my side' and were not about to see me dropped with nowt but the clothes I was wearing...

Lots of bitter men here...

For a bit more balance. A female friend of mine found out her husband was having an affair. He scarpered, spunked their savings on a car, left her with the large mortgage, a 2-year old and a part-time job. She'd given up full-time work to raise their child. He doesn't bother seeing his kid or contribute maintenance.

It seems to me that any divorce settlement should be in her favour. I doubt he'd see it like that.

I can tell you some stories of men leaving with as much as possible- one friend who went through a Muslim ceremony and found out 3 kids later that he got the house, another got another woman pregnant and treated his devastad as toilet paper/coldly.

Of course (for me) its 'us and them' as soon as they decide to leave their wife but as soon as the woman finds a new man she's 'snake with tats'.

My Dad did as Hora suggested. When the family split up he left and renounced all claim to the family home. In return my Mum relinquished any part of his future inheritances or pensions. He paid good maintenance as well. Despite that, it was still pretty hard for my Mum as a single parent on a low income. My Dad's relationship with his mistress fell apart and he did end up in shared accommodation for a while, we still visited him there. You know what, I really respect him for making sure his children were not disrupted any more than necessary. Every case is different but 50-50 from a marriage seems fair to me, then adjust if there are kids involved to safeguard them.

If a woman has given up a career to raise kids then it must be recognised that she will probably be significantly affected by this for the rest of her working life.

*shakes head at the straights...*

And they won't let me get hitched 'cos I'll destroy the the "sanctity of marriage" 🙄

Naughty hora naughty thoughts stop 8)