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DanG,
If you don't mind me saying, I think the bible bashing can wait, not that I think you are wrong, I just think there may be a better time & place.
Have a great evening.
TON:
Your son needs to know if the child is his, regardless of how soft others may be on this site.
Only then can he plan the future.
Girls so oft choose the pregnancy, two have gone this same route in this street, both aged 18yrs old in the last 5 months and said road is all of 100m in length.
It’s torn one family apart, (the other’s chffed she’ll be getting a council place) but as an outsider, it was 100% predictable to me and many others in both these cases.
One wants a flat paid for by the tax paying public, the other just wanted a child – period.
No disrespect, but any bloke will suffice – and that’s why your son needs to establish if he’s actually the father.
If he thinks by sleeping on the sofa of a girlfriend of only a few months standing & looking after the mother and baby is the right thing to do at this time, it’s both naive and also commendable in equal measure & doing what many would consider the right thing is all & good but what if it’s a cuckoo?
I’m afraid this present will route will ultimately prove to be his downfall. He absolutely must insist on a DNA test.
He needs to be brutally hard-nosed and realistic about this. He’ll pay the CSA a huge amount of £ over the next 16-23 years (about 25% of his earnings) if he chooses not to have a parental DNA check.
2unfit2ride, unfortunately I'm not 'one in a million', people who abuse their family are far too common, and across all walks of life.
I used to think that forgiving was the answer, but for me it's not, and it's not for many other people either.
cinnamon_girl - understanding where abuse comes from doesn't make it acceptable.
I'm 36 now, and I've not spoken to my father since January 1st 2000.........I guess what I'm trying to say, is sometimes fathers aren't worth knowing, they're just a waste of space.
You should contact him. It's almost ten years now, and although you can't be sure how things will turn out, one thing that you can be sure of, is that it is extremely unlikely that things will be as they were ten years ago.
I'm not saying that you should contact him as an act of charity for [i]his[/i] sake, but for your sake. Time to bury the anger and resentment, there's enough shit in life without burdening yourself with unnecessary extra luggage.
10 years is a very long time to be angry with someone, and you are clearly still very angry. It is now a pointless emotion which serves no further purpose, and it will continue to weigh you down providing an obstacle to your own happiness and contentment.
You will discover how liberating forgiveness can be [u]for you[/u] as you purge your mind of anger and resentment, allowing you to concentrate on the real crap which life invariably throws at us, and which really matters.
As I said, you can't exactly be sure how things will turn out, but after ten years things will be different, especially if you are determined that they should stay different. And even if he is still angry with you after all these years, it will still have been worthwhile. Because if you manage to forgive you will be free of your anger, despite him being still trapped in his.
You, and you alone, are responsible for your own anger, feelings, and emotions - not him.
Nor anyone else for that matter. And yes, I've been there.
imho
TI29er . more diplomaticly said this time,as for the DNA test, go get one to the lad,otherwise youll always have that doubt its not your son, and to his dad the child support agency will take a big chunk of the money you pay your son in a wage to subsidise the childs upbringing.
They may well love each other as we all did at 17 with our first partner/sexual activity,but not all of us had a chjild to support as welll, with 2 sets of parents,at loggerheads with each other, and 2 kids with 1 baby in the middle,all with the CSA, awaiting in the wings.
Sorry ernie_lynch, but that really is cod-psychology, and not particularly good or useful advice.