[Closed] So I've Been Reported to Social Services...

Best thing is to rock up at the playground next week with a black eye and drinking out of a hip flash. See who reaches for their mobile... 🙂

we don't even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

My money's on the cleaner dobbing you in.

Messy house gets social services onto you?

We are sooo in the shit.

So. When [i]did[/i] you stop beating your wife?

My money's on the cleaner dobbing you in.

Yeah we wondered that - but the cleaner complaining about the house being messy would be a bit rich! 🙂 Plus she knows better than anyone that our glass recycling is mostly empty coffee jars and the like.

Weird to be on the wrong side of that situation but

...frankly I'd much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

pretty much sums it up. Sometimes innocent people will get asked a few embarrassing/awkward questions but in the big scheme of things it's a price worth paying.

You off down the offie for some celebratory tonic wine?

My take on it all was that it comes from a place of love. It is clearly someone well-intentioned who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of her and our kids and frankly I'd much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

That sounds very pragmatic of you, I would be spitting fire! Not nice at all knowing that someone thinks that way of you.

Sounds like the system has worked on this occasion though and you are right, it is good that people can raise concerns and have them checked out in a proportionate manner. Even so, I totally understand why your wife is so upset.

We live next door to two teachers and I always make a point of shutting the windows before I start hollering at the kids out of fear of the same happening!

Most of our glass recycling is jars and stuff

....because Stella comes in cans.

When did you stop beating your wife?

As soon as she stops provoking me.

Happend to me once for a similar thing but mainly because a teacher put words in my nippers mouth
Ah well at least if I had been beating the shit out of her they would have caught it I guess

Messy house gets social services onto you?

Gulp....

I think [url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/parking-outside-of-schools-the-madness-that-is-can-anything-be-done ]this[/url] thread is relevant. If someone had concerns, why didn't they talk to you!?

empty coffee jars

What - like Nescafe? I was on your side up to that point, now i think the kids need to be fostered with someone who can make a frilly pattern on a flat white and knows the difference between burr ground and blade ground by crema appearance alone.

You bastard.

pretty much sums it up. Sometimes innocent people will get asked a few embarrassing/awkward questions but in the big scheme of things it's a price worth paying.

Not if the innocent op and his kid end up on some kind of register for life it isn't.

You off down the offie for some celebratory tonic wine?

Funnily enough my wife went and had a chat about it with the school and the headmistress said to her [i]"Tell him that I expect to see him in the pub on Thursday night and if I don't I'll report him myself"[/i] 😆

You did exactly the right thing by talking it all through with the social worker. A quick, honest discussion will put their mind at ease much better than evasive defensiveness.

My dad's best friend spent decades as a social worker, and has told of the number of people who would never talk to social services and got cases escalated unnecessarily - and also the surprising number of people who would report their neighbours because their children were "always messy".

He said they were always much more concerned about the children who were tidy, but quiet, and played out violent or sexually explicit situations with toys or peers. Or the kids who came to school on Monday morning in grubby school uniforms because they were the only clothes they owned and they'd been playing on building sites in them all weekend...

3) his breath sometimes smells of stale beer on a Friday morning (the day I do the school run)

I hope you aren't driving.

And secondly, we don't even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

How's that an excuse? Plus it sounds like you need a new cleaner if your house is a dump.

What - like Nescafe?
..
You bastard.

Good God no! Douwe Egberts Dark Roast. We're not heathens.

Full points for being a turnip Dragon. 10/10 😛

Have you had a bad day by any chance??

My take on it all was that it comes from a place of love. It is clearly someone well-intentioned who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of her and our kids and frankly I'd much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

That's a very generous attitude and credit to you. But I've known to many mean spirited, nasty, poisonous individuals to come to that conclusion myself 🙁

I hope you aren't driving.

Nope, small village, school is a ten minute walk away. Fifteen if I'm really hammered.

How's that an excuse? Plus it sounds like you need a new cleaner if your house is a dump.

Well it was more a "How do they know what our glass recycling looks like when we don't do it?" - fair point about the cleaner but to be honest she does sterling work. It's just there are only so many piles of toys you can make in one room.

But still... WTF!?!?

As you say, reasonable grounds for concern, concern passed on the relevant people who know about this sort of thing, concerns answered – case closed.

Not sure about the messy house thing though, we’d be guilty of that, but ours is messy-tidy. Mrs hides away all the mess during the day, but the dust is inches thick behind the sofa.

We had a similar ‘chat’ about the eldest. ‘Mystery bruises’ not so mystery when you consider he’s an MTB riding (when he feels like it) indoor climbing, wrestling with his old man, parkour wannabe gymnast. I’d rather be embarrassed about being asked about it rather than live in the ‘good old days’ when things that happened behind closed doors stayed there.

You know what to do Graham,find the [b]GRASS[/b]

Did you skip a round at the pub with the other dads?
😉

Who's chips have you pissed on recently ?

- no dessert for them.

blimey Graeme - I'd give you a character ref 🙂
Parent... or teacher (possibly)

So. When did you stop beating your wife?

But I've known to many mean spirited, nasty, poisonous individuals to come to that conclusion myself

It crossed our minds but we don't have any enemies that we know of and I think if it was malicious they'd have just made something up, not based it on misinterpreted truths.

we don't even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

My money's on the cleaner [s]dobbing you in. [/s] filling your glass recycling with her empty vodka bottles

If you don't think you have any enemy's.

You are the enemy......

Or something like that 🙂

Tell yer mrs to be more careful and give her a dig in the ribs as a reminder.

[img] [/img]

^^Graham heading up the [s]pub[/s] school

A friend of mine had a malicious accusation along pretty similar lines- ironically, she is a youth social worker. Apparently it's fairly common, which is really pretty awful. That one had outright madeup accusations with just enough truth to give it some plausibility. It went away pretty easily but pretty unpleasant to go through anyway.

I think you've got the right attitude, OP.
Plenty of people got their pitchforks out for Social Workers when Baby P died, but then a lot of the same people cry like babies when Social Workers act on reported concerns.

Yes, it's shit when someone reports you and it can be terrifying when a Social worker rings up or knocks the door, but they've got a job to do.
I've looked after children in care and spent a lot of time with the sorts of families who have their children taken away. Untidy houses and alcohol would not even get a social worker out of bed, but the bruises require at least a phone call, just to tick the box.

Now all you need to do is find out who shopped you and wee in their shoes...

^^Graham heading up the pub school

It's more like this really, I suspect <twitches curtain>

[img] [/img]

What - like Nescafe? I was on your side up to that point, now i think the kids need to be fostered with someone who can make a frilly pattern on a flat white and knows the difference between burr ground and blade ground by crema appearance alone.

You bastard.

My favorite post, well done!

Apparently someone raised some concerns about us to the local school, who had been obliged to pass on those concerns to Social Services

Nice family i knew dad worked nights came home at 7.00 am, had a can of lager before going to bed, a freinds kids used to call round to meet his kids to walk to school, freinds kids noted drinks can on floor and dad smelt of drink, told teacher, teacher tells s/w team, s/w,s call round a few days later to interview family, freinds kids and freinds now banned from talking and from the house.

Also as its been reported a file will be opened and left open somewhere for the duration of the childs child years,just in case something ever happens, covering their arse, just be aware.

I think if it was malicious they'd have just made something up, not based it on misinterpreted truths.

could it have been someone with whom you discussed appropriate lane discipline at nearby roundabouts?

just a thought 😉

my mate works with kids. and the school are obliged to investigate [i]any [/i]report.

some of the parents, being a cross section of society, are unhinged.

my mate was investigated for colluding with the IRA and using the school as a weapons store. Turns out she's not. which was reassuring! 😆

[quote=Northwind ]A friend of mine had a malicious accusation along pretty similar lines- ironically, she is a youth social worker. Apparently it's fairly common, which is really pretty awful. That one had outright madeup accusations with just enough truth to give it some plausibility. It went away pretty easily but pretty unpleasant to go through anyway.

its wrong if its malicious but in the broad scheme of things it not bad as it shows someone somewhere actually cares and it was dealt with via simple phone call

Good on the OP for his attitude to it all.

IME most folk in that sector have had a spurious complaint anonymously made by the "loving parents" of the children they are trying to help

You know what to do Graham,find the GRASS

Mrs was keen to. But I'm not.

I think it's someone we consider a friend that is genuinely concerned. If they knew we knew it was them then it would poison that friendship.

So instead we decided to just tell everybody, which

A) has been very therapeutic, especially because everyone that knows us has reassuringly said [i]"What? You?"[/i] etc, rather than [i]"Yeah sounds about right. Had suspicions myself."[/i]

B) hopefully means it wil get back to whomever is worried and reassure them that everything is fine (we also asked school to pass on our thanks to them for looking out for our kids and tell them it was all resolved)

Not if the innocent op and his kid end up on some kind of register for life it isn't.

Which he won't. A record will obviously be kept of the initial report and what SW did about it, but there isn't a specific register of Parents the Authorities Are Not Concerned About.

*puts GrahamS on "really nice people on STW" list*

there isn't a specific register of Parents the Authorities Are Not Concerned About.

I will never give Mrs May a chance, nor any of my time. Nor the steam off my piss, come to think of it 🙂

just a bottle of wine between four adults.

All seemed very normal until I read that bit. 🙄 😉

Definitely start mock drinking from a hip flask

I like how social services are abbreviated to SW rather than the actual acronym.

have your children been on Childline recently?

can I have your bikes when you go 'away'

Someone wants you out of the picture so they can shack up with your wife and kids.

I come from a farming family, I think just about all my aunts and uncles have had to meet with a social worker at some point because their kids had collected bruises from falling off stacks of hay bales, dirt from picking up chickens and the houses are a mess because there's much everywhere, all the time.

My mum and dad were terrified about getting a visit when my 2 year old sister managed to break through the child gate at the top of the stairs the night after a dinner party and have a glass of left over wine for herself, then for teddy, then herself, then for teddy until she woke the house up banging her head against the radiator. The doctors understood though and said the main thing was that they must let her sleep as the hangover would be as unbearable for them as it was for her.

One piece of advice I would give is to Minute the conversation yourself, and get them to sign it, or follow up the conversation with a note saying "you expressed the following concerns, I answered as follows"

From bitter experience and having seen the notes myself, you would be amazed how social workers own recording of these meetings varies from your own recollection, and I found that the language used by them was horrifically biased when subsequently cut and pasted into a chronology a couple of years down the line (e.g. words like 'restrained' and 'chastisement' crept in from nowhere, and look far from innocuous when they are in a report that essentially seeks to blame your daughters behaviour on parenting rather than accepting she has autism)

My nephew aged about 4 or so got into the fridge and helped himself to lots of (forgot the name of the drink, but it's milky baileys type but not that strong) that his mum had unthinkingly put in there half opened. He polished off the bottle before she found him, so she phoned poison control in a panic (this is in the US). They advised her to feed him carbs but they were out of bread so she had to go to the supermarket with this now merrily pissed toddler. In the store she became increasingly paranoid that someone would call social services trying to cover up the fact he's inebriated. She told him not to talk to anyone, so he was just grinning and lolling around in the trolley singing drunkenly. Except the cashier engaged him in conversation, and he replied "I'm feeling SUPER confident right now!"

Slept it off after that. No-one called Social Services, and at least they know he's going to be a happy drunk when he's older.

This is great news. My son is due to start school in about three years. I already have a larger beard and will start not looking after it from now. I will then take my son to school in my pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers 'the dude' style. Can't wait to see how many complaints or phone calls are accrued as a result.

I knew it. There's no smoke that's all I'm saying.

And they missed that you're the kingpin in an international terrorist cell. Graham or should I say Ali Hassan aka the jack of clubs! Not to mention the grow you've got going on in the loft.

My in-laws had a visit from social services when their daughter (now my wife) was about eight. She'd gone to school with a black eye and when questioned had responded that she'd run into a door... Further questioning led to an admission that she was running away from her dad because he was angry.

She was very into karate at the time, and was showing her dad the new move she'd learnt, a high kick. Except what was a kick to the upper torso of her peers was a kick in the plums on her dad. He hit the deck screaming in agony, she panicked and fled, thinking she'd be in trouble. Straight into the edge of a door...

I like how social services are abbreviated to SW rather than the actual acronym

Seems a reasonable acronym for the department known as Social Work which is what they are called up here.

That OP is awfully defensive... 😉

Well in the end sounds like a sensible outcome, at some point a lot of stories of things that went wrong probably started like the OP's report. In this case it was nothing and everyone is happy, in other cases a lot more goes wrong and nobody thinks it's useful to ask/question/report.

House messy?

I'm going to tell Jnr to get the dishwasher loaded pronto, or I'll report him to Social Services.

I have to say I get worried by the neighbours reporting us and I'm a teacher. There was some rather fruity language coming from our garage last night after Jnr decided to attack me with a stepladder pretending it was a scene from WWE!

Douwe Egberts? It's still instant. No smoke without fire I say.

I will then take my son to school in my pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers

Quite normal in numerous parts of Teesside.

GrahamS. I think you are taking the best view possible.

First I heard about it was after the kids had gone to bed when she sat me down (with my pint of whisky) and quietly told me all about it (clearly worried she'd get a slap).

genuine guffawing

15 if I'm really hammered

and again

From bitter experience and having seen the notes myself, you would be amazed how social workers own recording of these meetings varies from your own recollection, and I found that the language used by them was horrifically biased

Do this.

A few years ago my daughter was having a massive tantrum on the way to school - when she arrived she threw herself on the floor. A little later one of the staff noticed a red mark on my daughters head/face and my daughter said "daddy hurt me". The school then referred it to Social Services but totally neglected to mention my daughter had thrown herself on the floor (This latter element may or may not have something to do with the fact that we don't always see eye-to-eye with the school...).

That evening we had a visit from the social workers who viewed the home and interviewed the children on their own and us too. As a result they had no issues with the house, our parenting approach and established that when my daughter said I had hurt her - she meant I had hurt her feelings by telling her off.

All well and good you would think. All but the fact that the report described my wife and I as self-reporting moderate social drinkers whereas my wife didn't and still does not drink and I had not had an alcoholic drink for a couple of years... Especially concerning as we did not discuss alcohol consumption at all! There were multiple other small inaccuracies too.

MrsMC is a front line CP social worker, and would like to know which local authority has so little work on that they can send someone round to "piss around" with a report like that!

Birmingham...

My friend who works in Birmingham as a mental health social worker specialising in working with children said at the time "WTF!"

As far as we know, we had not been previously reported for any concerns - and would not know why we would be....

Northumberland for me MC, but no personal visit, just a phone call. I think they were obliged to do some kind of follow up, so fair enough I think.

We are good friends with a couple of foster parents, an ex-social worker and a retired policeman, plus my wife is a consultant and sometimes has to refer people to SW/CP herself - so I've heard enough tales of genuine social care issues to appreciate what SW see and to have some perspective on what a "messy house" really is!

I'd be more ashamed of someone saying I had smelly breath than the rest of the stuff, to be honest.

The curse of the real ale drinker.

Well that and an enormous beer gut.

Does anyone have a hip flask I can borrow?