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Hmm, not just me then?blah blah blah.
What a load of bollox eh?
Damn right. First step for you has been to recognise that. Second step is to do something about it!
The bit I've perhaps petulantly quoted "blah blah blah" is, I think, very typical of people (like you and me) who suffer from low self esteem. The negative thoughts such as "why would my friends want to hear about my problems" and "my illness is insignificant compared with theirs" and "I can't get the job I want" and "I'm not good enough for my girlfriend" etc etc etc are dragging you down, and it is your attitude that is causing it. That means YOU can change it by thinking about the positive side of things instead of the negative. 🙂
e.g.
Problem: "why would my friends want to hear about my problems"
A Solution: Because if they are your friends, or family, then it is because they care. Don't assume that they are so wrapped up in their own problems that they have zero time for a chat. For example, your friend with breast cancer - do you have time for her? Of course you do! So why wouldn't your friends have time for you? And for them, talking about someone else' problems would perhaps take their mind off what they are going through, so in a way you're helping each other. Put it this way - what harm will it do to give them a call?
P: "my illness is insignificant compared with theirs"
A: Theirs is life-threatening. So is yours. How the illnesses differ is a moot point. Part of mental illness is the perception we have as sufferers of what other people think. Mental illness is stigmatised whereas cancer (for example) isn't. There's no depression screening program or such like. But that doesn't mean that its not significant! A lot of people don't realise how significant it is - tell people you've been thinking of suicide and you'll see how quickly people take your "insignificant" illness seriously (but don't use it as an emotional blackmail tool!)
P: "I can't get the job I want"
A: Well, see your unemployment as the key to opening a new door in your life. You have skills, whether you currently recognise them or not, which will be applicable to whatever you want to put your mind to. If you are struggling, then consider further education or retraining. Can't afford it? Then sell your house - who needs the weight of debt that that entails! As for turning something down you'd love to do because its not going to earn you megabucks, then you need to look at what your priorities are - do you want to be happy going to work everyday, pouring your soul into the best job you ever had OR do you want to slave away doing something a bit shit to pay the mortgage (do you need it, see above) and forever live out your life regretting not taking this golden opportunity?
P: "I'm not good enough for my girlfriend"
A: A common thought and reaction, to hide yourself away and deal with it on your own terms. Firstly, you don't have to get her involved. If you want to deal with it yourself, then why not? And she should be able to respect that. But that only works if you ARE doing something about it instead of wallowing in self pity and misery because you're [i]not doing anything about it[/i]! Or you can talk to her, explain how you feel, be open to any suggestions. In my experience, its difficult to relate how you feel and it can be difficult for them to understand what you are going through. And just because you are with her now, does not necessarily mean she is the right person for you...
All a bit rambling, and I hope I don't come across as arrogant or anything! I eventually sought help for my depression and I have been in the same shoes as you, for sure. The above 'advice' I could not have dreamed of giving to anyone a few years ago. Email is in my profile if you want to drop me an email - would be glad to help!
Oh, and the offer of help/advice goes out to anyone on here who wants it 🙂
Good luck Mrs F and all who are finding things tough.
There are a number of options out there for dealing with things like this and not all will work for everyone, it depends on the sort of person you are.
My wife has recently trained as a psycho-dynamic counsellor and has been working at a GP practice where they are recommending counselling as an alternative to medication for those diagnosed with depression. the take up for counselling has been high and the results have been good too.
Kit talks the sense.
Mangoridebike, it's great that your wife is doing that. My view about medication is that it should be seen as a stepping stone to get you out of the deep pit and in a state that's receptive to other help.
Thanks for the insight everyone.
One of the things that is getting to me is the isolation. I've been living alone since my former fiancee left, when i was working it wasn't a problem as i was still mixing/interacting with people on a daily basis. Now i can go days without really having spent time with a real person (as opposed to a phone call etc).
I think counselling would be of more use than the drugs, they didn't work much for me last time.
The sense of isolation and worthlessness is what's getting me down - plus reading idiots like captain F pontificating about dole dossers.
TBH i feel like wandering down to wherever he lives and putting several arrows in his arse!
I can see how soul destroying it must be, but don't confuse loneliness with worthlessness. And ignore people spouting about dole scroungers, there are a lot of people on the dole just now through no fault of their own. You've paid your taxes for years to cover this eventuality, and you will find another job in the end.
Mrs F - I agree that medication can play a very important role in recovery. as with all the options sometimes they work on their own sometimes they work as part of a suite of treatments.
The line my wife got from tutors was that medication can deal with the symptoms of the issue and that counselling can help to sort out the root cause of the problem. They are hardly unbiased though.
Muddydwarf - counselling offers the opportunity to talk issues through and you can discuss issues when you're ready to. The counsellor will aim to ask you questions that challenge you to address issues that you've maybe been avoiding and will allow you to understand the things that are affecting you. It can be very hard though, my wife went through 2.5 yrs of it as part of her course and found parts of it really hard to get through as the counsellor challenged her to address stuff about herself that were really entrenched. ONce dealt with though it lead to far greater self awareness and a more balanced approach to life.
muddydwarf - assuming you ride, are there any other people in your area that you can meet up with for some riding company during the week? How often is your girlfriend willing to come round - would she take a day or two off to help you through a week and give you a wee lift?
Part of combating depression, as a few of us are subtly hinting at 😉 is to challenge negative thoughts which end in a downward spiral. You have to look rationally and logically at situations and once you can step back and look at things like that you realise things aren't as bad as you have made yourself believe.
I gave an example above about your job. Instead of seeing it as a bad situation where you are [b]forced[/b] to stay inside and you are [b]worthless[/b] ad nauseum, you are actually now in a position where you are [b]liberated[/b] from your old job and have the time to persue anything you [b]truly want to[/b].
Its all about positive thinking, although of course, this approach isn't for everyone and drugs may help you out instead or before you are ready for this stage.
TBH i feel like wandering down to wherever he lives and putting several arrows in his arse!
Do it Do it Do it, can I come. I'll steal his beers, while you fire arrows at him. 😈
Just finished 6 months of CBT for heavy OCD problems. I've just upped my meds to soften the blow of not seeing anyone regularly, as i have previously stopped taking them and relapsed before. Keep doing the stuff you learned at CBT if possible and get a friend/family member to act as your mentor if that helps.
If you need them, don't be shy of keeping on the pills. If it was a physical problem you'd take them without question. It's taken me 7 years to get my head around that one, that it's the same for a mental issue as for a physical one. If your meds allow you to keep active and busy, then that's got to be better than sitting inside struggling without them.
It may be different depending on paricular illness, but that's my experience anyway. Good luck
Mrs Flash - well done and good luck for the future!
Muddydwarf - I experienced a very similar situation to you many years ago after being made redundant, fiancee leaving, father having stroke, money problems, negative equity, lots (and I mean lots) of rejections from job applications / interviews across the country etc. Didn't do the GP thing or take happy pills but started doing some volunteering with a well-known international development charity in their regional office. I did things I never believed I was capable of, got meetings with senior politicians, and had my biggest ever career achievement (and possibly also my second biggest achievement) during my time volunteering. The new skills, experience and confidence of that experience opened up a number of new opportunities and led me away from wanting to work in the private sector. I ended up being a director of one of the UK's leading environmental organisations - something I would never have considered or had the opportunity to do were it not for the volunteering. So it might be worth a trip to your local Volunteer Bureau - see http://www.volunteering.org.uk/ or http://www.do-it.org.uk/ for opportunities. If nothing else it will give you something to do each day and will give you the chance to chat to other people during the day. Email me if you want any more information or help. Good luck!