😈I am just waiting for them to put a foot wrong. Can't wait.
Best comment of thread - made me laugh!
So many perfect parents with perfect kids in this thread
I don't think anyone is saying they have perfect children, just that they have other ways to control them without resorting to hitting.
I do wonder about the mental well-being of a generation of children brought up with the stigma of being put on a naughty step or being [s]put in isolation[/s]shut in their bedroom; mental punishment may be as damaging as physical punishment. Physical punishment may take other forms, not just slapping eg restraint, holding still to admonish a [s]verbal assault[/s]telling-off, etc..
If a child is being punished, they need to understand why. It's no good to just slap them, it's no good to just scream at them.
A lot of parents need to just step back for a moment and consider why they are punishing a child - unfortunately it is more often because of their own frustrations, lack of time for the child, selfishness or even embarrassment rather than anything the child has actually done wrong.
A gentle slap in the right circumstances with a considered explanation of why does no harm IME; lashing out in anger just does harm and is wrong.
Just my thoughts.
I haven't read all that. To answer the question - just on rare occasions, perhaps two or three times. Once was when he decided to run off from a crossing, sideways, into the traffic. The reaction was immediate, perhaps instinctive, and the event resolved safely and quickly. Under the circumstances calm and mature reasoning was not an option. And I believe that children are programmed to push the boundaries
Then there's the other extreme: seeing and hearing a young mother saying to a pre-school child 'Come here you little shit'. I feel that's more deserving of attention and forum criticism.
Always turn pan handles away from the front of the cooker, folks. Make it an established habit now, you may need it later. Similarly keep electric leads tidy.
Smacking and hitting are different, I'm not so sure.
If you were slapping your husband or wife with intent to control behaviour it would be physical abuse.
Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn't very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.
9 y/o boy and a 15 y/o girl. Never smacked, there are other sanctions. What I tried to do though was be consistent and set clear boundaries very early on. Really pisses me off to see parents laughing at their children misbehaving and laughing along until little Jack / Jill crosses the line and then the predictable smack comes along with prolonged verbal bollocking. Or indeed using the smack as the first sanction.
If you are comfortable with hitting your kids, that's your choice. After all learned behaviour never did anyone any harm.
Surely punishment is punishment no matter what form it takes. Would you 'punish' your wife if she did something wrong. Is n't that known as mental abuse.
Spare the rod and spoil the child, but then I have no kids and am rapidly becoming a curmudgeon these days...
psling you make an interesting point, I'm anti smacking myself, but am not really sure why when I think about it in more detail. I expect one of those road crossing type incidents will occur at some point and I may smack him, who knows. I wouldn't want that making me a criminal though.
Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn't very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.
I think it would help if the parents backed up the teachers, many are well out of control by the time they are going to reception, so the later streams of education have no hope in trying to get them back on track, when it isn't backed up in the home. There are plenty of parents making comments of I didn't do well at school and i've done all right, so you don't need to bother son, heard it only earlier from a neighbour when his son passed the 11+ and they wouldn't send him to grammar.
I don't have kids, but is it ok for me to discipline other people's kids by smacking them? I mean, if it's fine for the parents then surely it's ok for other people to get involved as well?
Mmm I see why there are so many awfully behaved children...
I did it once when my children were young but it traumatised me quite badly and didn't seem to achieve any more than having my daughter treat me with distain . Didn't work for me but both children have grown up well balanced and loving , I imagine smacked children , when they grow up won't thank their parents for treating them in a way that is now illegal .
they wouldn't send him to grammar.
That's another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.
Very envious of all these perfect kids on here. I'll swap you for 2 of the 3 foster kids we look after and see how long it takes before you want to ring there bloody necks. 😀
That's another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.
Be interested to know your reasons.
I was utterly battered as a child and even spent a week in hospital.
I have no cautions, arrests for violence or criminal record and my last punch thrown was 20yrs ago. My last fight Intervention was 1yr ago.
I do however utterly dislike politicians of any sort. Sick of them.
The "antis" will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.
All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.
FWIW, a couple of years ago, my daughter (now 17) asked "did you ever smack me as a child?"
Smacking children is a symbol of failed parenting!
what you want is a shock collar
[img] 
[/img]
Hitting is quite different, usually with intent to cause harm.
So describe for me exactly what the act of smacking entails. What is the dynamic and the experience (generally) of each involved? What precisely is the purpose of the act of smacking? Can a child smack another child? Can an adult smack another adult?
[quote=grum ]I don't have kids, but is it ok for me to discipline other people's kids by smacking them? I mean, if it's fine for the parents then surely it's ok for other people to get involved as well?
I'll see your straw man and raise you another.
If it's OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?
I agree largely with psling and would prefer not to and I can't think of any reason to do so after they are 5 or 6.
onzadog - Those too are so badly behaved, I avoid going around his house
That was my reaction initially as well but I've been out for a bike ride now and I realised that in almost every case where there were poorly behaved children in families that were anti smacking the families actually didn't appear to have any form of 'end of game' punishment that they were willing to enforce so rather than the lack of control being due to lack of smacking it was more due to lack of authority. There were lots of threats of 'no ipods' etc. but it was never enforced as that took a lot of energy and willpower.
Parenting can take a fair amount out of you
The "antis" will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.
You seem confused. The anti's children don't need protecting from smacking/hitting.. Society is trying to protect children from poorly educated parents who have their blinkers well and truly on.
Just because mental/pshycological abuse is the same or worse why should that make any difference to banning smacking.
Education is the key.
I've smacked both my 5 and 3 year old boys from time to time. Most commonly because I've run out of patience but also in rare moments because they've done something so incredibly reckless that a short sharp shock was required. I'm not proud of it and normally ended up apologising to each child along the lines of "I'm sorry I smacked you but this is why I did"
MrsP is an infant school teacher and encourages me to find other ways - parenting is a continual learning curve!
That said, I don't believe any lasting harm has been done. I'd rather have my my kids and their standard of behaviour than a lot of the ones I see out in public or at the Beaver group I help to run. And no, I don't think it is ever OK to lay a punitive finger on other peoples kids and would go batshit crazy if anyone did to mine.
I'll see your straw man and raise you another.If it's OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?
I toyed with the idea of putting a wink by my post but decided not to bother. 🙂
I was being facetious - however presumably no-one sees anything wrong with an adult giving someone else's kid a verbal bollocking if they've been out of line and their parents aren't around - just wondering where the line is?
Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home - are you in favour of its use in schools?
Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home - are you in favour of its use in schools?
No it's not ok. But it's still understandable for parents to resort to it with their own kids. I would expect better from childcare professionals....
Let's turn this around.
My father was mentally ill and self-medicated with alcohol. When he was mentally unwell he beat me - but not at other times.
Not realising there was another way around this - aged fifteen I started to take a beating too many and turned on my father and beat him very badly. I did this several times until he left me alone and I was in control.
Needless to say, I am deeply ashamed.
In your eyes, was I wrong to smack my parent...?
Love the article 'Politician with two grown up stepchildren tells an actual real parent what they SHOULD do' 😆
Abit like 'heating bills not our remit citizen so wear more jumpers' advice.
One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault...so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?
One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault...so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?
Because as well as giving you a special insight/authority that non-parents don't have, being a parent also gives you special rights (though some of these aren't recognised in law for some reason).
God forbid you should ever criticise anything a parent does in relation to their children, even mildly. This is totally unacceptable.
Unless you are talking about poor people aka 'chavs', in which case criticise away.
😛
Going back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.
can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse
It's not the antis who can't tell the difference!
Oh yes it is!
Well, it is the panto season 😀
I smacked both my boys when they were little on a few occassions when I judged it appropriate, once they passed about 5 or 6 I stopped. I'm a monster but a very happy one with two very happy little monters of my own.
I'm loving the smacking is hitting comments, yeah, of course it is.
Perhaps rather than banning smacking and spending cash on enforcing an unenforcible law, they would be better to spend the cash on parenting lessons:
That way, the smackers will understand not smacking isn't akin to acts of water boarding or mental cruelty, and the anti-smackers will understand smacking does not necessarily equate to physical abuse.
We've chosen not to smack. I was smacked, my wife wasn't. Our kids are well behaved. I hope that I keep control and never feel it is my only option.
The govt should focus on other areas of child welfare. Smacking and abuse are already covered.
[img] 
[/img]
Recently on TheChive..
I could understand and forgive a parent that loses it in a running-towards-the-road type situation and gives a child a smack out of desperation. It's the pre-meditated administering of physical violence that I find sinister and creepy.
I was smacked once or twice very lightly, but the sheer terror of the threat of it did rule our lives. Terror is not good for relationships Imo.
I believe that kids don't want to be bad, usually, so you need to explain why what they are doing is wrong. If they are too young to understand this then they are probably too young to link the smack with the act of wrongdoing. If a kid doesn't know it's wrong then how can any punishment work? They will just think you are being mean to them because you are upset. Not good behaviour to teach.
If an older kid deliberately misbehaves to piss you off or despite clear rules that they understand, then yes punishment is appropriate. But not violence IMO. You risk teaching kids that violence solves problems; and if you are angry at the time then they may learn that violence is an appropriate way of expressing anger.
As for the danger situation, tone of voice and a serious talking to should work. If not, maybe you issue too many bollockings and your kid tunes them out?
Going back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.
I wish we had them where we live, my son would have received the education he deserves, rather than having his lessons disrupted by morons who think learning is irrelevan.
there's more effective ways to discipline a child
Do explain.
@ matther01 - if I punched an adult I'd most likely knock loose teeth and/or break their nose or jaw if they had their mouth open.
If I smack the back of my sons hand the issue is gone in a few minutes.
Are you a Cassandra in real life?
Plus an adult has wisdom, learned experience about crossing roads or electrical items. Comparing the naivety and danger of a child to an adult with 'you cant smack an adult is very basic and sensational reasoning/faux and wrong.
I dont want to live in a society that would pander to such blanket policies.
Depends how good a parent you are doesnt it?!
If you can control your kids without the need for a smack then fair play. If you need to give them a smack to stop then acting up then crack on.
However, there seems to be some parents who don't agree with smacking, yet their kids act like complete ****s. If you can't discipline your kids without smacking, then stop being a bad parent and give them a wallop round the back of legs quickly.
so you think a bad parent will instantly become a good one , and the kids well behaved, just because they have started hitting their kids 😕
Its odd apparently only the most vulnerable and smallest in society are fair game to hit and only if they are yours and its your job to protect them from harm
Violence [ or physical force if you prefer] is only ever justified to protect yourself not to harm others. I assume those who smack their kids dont tell their kids to smack other kids
anagallis_arvensis - MemberGoing back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.
I presume you are going to do what most senior labour front benchers do in respect of their own children's education
I thought grammar schools got the same per pupil funding as other schools including the pupil premium for kids from disadvantaged backgrounds?
Going back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.
So spending loads on teaching assistants to try and help those who don't want to be helped at times is a better way of spending money. It's no wonder this country is slipping in the world wide education tables, we spend more money teaching the unteachables and remove the funding for the gifted and talented.
Just in case there is any doubt yes I would bring back the cane in schools and the stocks in the market places as asbos and asking nicely is not working.
@ hora hitting someone and losing teeth is more like abh i would have thought. Spitting on someone is still classed as assault even though there is no physical contact.
Wasnt so long ago that domestic violence was deemed acceptable in the eyes if the law. Shouldnt the law protect those who cannot protect themselves, especially if they dont have the cognetive ability to understand what they are doing?
I have 4 kids and have never resorted to smacking as its more about finding what makes them tick and guiding them about choices and ramifications rather than indoctrinacting them on how to act/behave through the use of physical harm and fear...but thats how i parent and it isnt for everyone.
