[Closed] Since having kids I really miss...

I miss being able to leave the house....first time with everything thats needed.....with out an organisational operation akin to operation Overlord!! 😆

You have to kinda reset your expectations. The other week we had planned a family bike ride with friends. With one thing and another it just didn't go according to plan so you just have to go with the flow and not have much expectations. Mine are 8 and 13 now so we can go on some decent walks or bike rides and they love camping. The thing I'm missing the most at the moment is watching films that are a bit grittier as we only tend to have time to watch them when the kids are around.

It's been so long I can't remember. 😐

Babies can be frustrating, especially the ones that don't settle well and leave you sleep deprived and grumpy.
[i]But[/i] . . . balance bike at 2yrs, pedals at 3, tagalong at 3, bike with gears and grip at 5. You'll be out on the trails before you know it. And talk to the Mrs about arranging some time off to go biking, even just a couple of hours once a week or so.- she'll appreciate a hubby who's recharged the batteries much more than a grumpy tense resentful one.

Tag-alongs are great, by the way - with some minor modifications (fit a HUGE crud catcher to the tagalong) you and the rugrats will be off-road before you know it.

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I always thought I would like to have kids. That was until a good friend had one and I saw how his life was turned upside down. He was no longer able to decide what he wanted to do and when. He suddenly found himself in the bottom rung of the priority ladder.

I think I'm far too selfish to have kids and be happy. I need lots of time to myself.

Now many of our friends have kids (GF and I are now in the minority amongst her old friends) and I look at them and don't envy their choice or their lifestyle.

Kids are tough and all absorbing (should be) and significant life changes and sacrifices have to be made, and if you're not prepared to make them then please do not have kids. There are way too many people having kids who shouldn't be having them and just as many people who should have and want kids who sadly can't have them. It's the biggest responsibility anyone can take on in life.

I love my kids to bits and have never had a single moment of regret despite giving up many of the things I enjoyed before kids. I lead a full life before kids and a good 80% or more of what I did before (and people I socialised with) I no longer do.

I fully accept that i've made those sacrifices and my personal wants and needs have to take a back seat for a time, even my relationship with my wife has to take a back seat to the kids - luckily she is of the same mindset as me. And when the kids get to an age where they are no longer completely reliant on us and start to get their independence then I can start re-discovering life without kids - which i'm sure will be different to life before them.

One thing is sure - kids certainly change your outlook on life and make you see the world differently. I've been on a proper journey over the last 10 years, some real soul searching about beliefs and opinions I was once so sure about - i've softened my stance on alot of topics and become more tolerant, but on some other topics i've become much more binary and unsympathetic. It's a complicated mix.

But despite all the activities i've given up since kids the one thing I miss the most are my Sunday afternoon naps on the settee in front of the F1. There is nothing like F1 to send you off to sleep, but with kids around there are no afternoon naps on the settee. Within seconds of you dropping off into a nice peaceful slumber you'll be woken up in the most startling way by the little tykes jumping on your chest or something.

lol

Strava KOMs!!

What a bunch of wingers...woe is me...ohhh I have a kid...or two kids.....

😀 😀

Diddums...3 of the little monsters here....I can't even take a quite morning moment without WWIII kicking off!!

Any if any of you guys have 4 kids....you are Saddists!!!

Joking aside, of course we love em...but we also had pretty cool lives before hand....being active, getting out for rides, camping, trips etc.

It's hard, we're tired, have less time, more stress and we don't really get a chance to do the things we used to love (well not that often and not when we just want to).

But slowly slowly it gets better and we get to craft kids who will hopefully also enjoy getting out in nature and appreciating a good bike ride with mates and perhaps a bit of camping.

Ours are now daughter at 7 3/4 and twin boys at 6. First years are really tough. Quite good when they are young, chuck em in the bike trailer and they fall asleep, they are still quite cautious so don't climb high up trees, or hang over big drops....now it's a bit tricky as they are testing their bounderies. Both boys have already had stitches in their heads!

But to be fair, they are now enjoying bike rides, nothing crazy, short distances and no big hills, but it's a start.

Main thing, you have to organise a couple of times during the year where you, and or the Missus get a bit of me time. I normally try and get a weeks riding in with a good mate. He's got 3 sprogs too so we just enjoy taking it easy and feeling physically tired instead of mentally tired.

I'm also lucky that I can commute by bike, makes a big difference to sanity.

My tips, don't stress, kids pick up on that (especially babies), just makes things worse.

Lack of sleep sucks
Sex...first time in my life (only twice or three times mind) that I had to say no...just too tired and not interested.
Being able to have an afternoon snooze at the weekend.
Man I miss laying in until 10:30. If I sleep until 9 I feel like I've been in a coma.
Being able to take care of my morning abolutions when the wife is out without the fear of arguments starting.

But as they say, little kids, little problems....I'm just hoping we do a good enough job to give them the skills to get through their teenage years unscathed.

Any if any of you guys have 4 kids....you are Saddists!!!

You know that there's one dude on here with 8 kids right?

He rides his bike way more than I do and I've never heard him complain about his children obstructing his life.

I am in genuine awe of him as a result.

One advantage of having kids is that you do become a lot more efficient with your time. When I think back to childless times I shudder to think of the time I frittered away when I could/should have been off for weekends etc.

Cleaning a nappy at three in the morning whilst I had tooth ache was a particular low point though, I think I might have a had a little cry at the time.

I think that when you have that many kids it starts looking after itself. He and his Mrs can both go out and there's like 4 more people old enough to look after the younguns. Plus they probably play with each other and don't pester the parents all the time...

I miss Sunday mornings and enough time to make eggs benedict and enjoy several cups of joe over the papers.

That's why TV, tablets and minecraft were invented.

It gets better Dan, honest .....

Me and middle iaincjnr on Sunday morning 🙂 :

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Agree with the time efficiency thing. I have one, only will have one, wife doesn't work and does all her training and running around during the day so I get priority at the weekend which is nice. During the good months I'll mainly keep it to 1 big day every other weekend and a couple of 4-5 hour sessions each day getting up at 6 and back for lunch. I want to spend time with my daughter so it keeps everyone on balance.
Things i've learned are that worrying about the unmanageable is pointless, Zwift is great for those nights when i get home at 7 but need to do something to relax, 50 mins in a pool of my own sweat certainly lets me switch off, laugh a lot.
My little girl made me a Valentines card at school which said that she loved Daddy as i pretended to steal her chocs from her Advent calendar and it made her laugh. It was very dusty at that point - things like that make you remember you are shaping a little person who can contribute.

I think that when you have that many kids it starts looking after itself. He and his Mrs can both go out and there's like 4 more people old enough to look after the younguns. Plus they probably play with each other and don't pester the parents all the time...

Yeah, now......bet it wasn't like that 5 - 10 years ago.

Also, getting older kids to stuff for themselves is difficult enough without trying to get them to do stuff for their younger siblings.

I've just bought my 5 year old a new Islabike. And this one takes panniers, so we'll be cycling for a weekend away in the spring. In the summer, I'll be taking my younger daughter on the Weehoo tagalong, and go camping for the night. So, the adventures may be different to what I used to do, but I reckon this is the cool stuff I'll remember most when I look back.

Probably- I can't do piss all after picking up an injury training for the London Marathon and feeling quite shit for myself.

Crying about it like a baby on a forum isn't going to help is it 😆

playing weird music at high volume and spontaneous boning on the stairs after boozy long dinners out somewhere.

The modern father has to be a master of Time Management.

The pre-modern father just pissed off down the pub and let the mother get on with it.

You just need to be more organised, and wonder why you didn't have them earlier in life so they'd be more grown up now and you'd be back to been child-free while still able to enjoy yourself.

I'm 52 and all 3 sons are grown up and working, the wife and I do what we fancy plus have a free-taxi service whenever needed 🙂

Crying about it like a baby on a forum isn't going to help is it

I'm about to have my girlfriend, her 12 year old daughter, dog and bump move in to my tiny rented house and coming on here to read posts like this isn't helping at all.

I miss.... nothing.

I think I’ve just about squared it away now the youngest is 2.5 years.

I have either adjusted to the new norm, or worked out all the *current* issues (with kids the only constant is change).

I have time for my hobbies, which luckily my mates share, I make time so my OH has time for hers. We make time for each other.

We don't have much spare time, but then when we did, we only sat about watching TV anyway.

...everything about my pre-kids life.

I miss nothing. Had kids in mid 30s so had done a lot of what we wanted already.

Mine are now 13 and 10. Both active in various sports and clubs. I'm the chief chauffeur, find I have to get any days for me on the calendar in permanent marker in plenty of time!

molgrips - Member
I miss Sunday mornings and enough time to make eggs benedict and enjoy several cups of joe over the papers.
That's why TV, tablets and minecraft were invented.

Lol. My son has just discovered Minecraft and has had great pleasure in building a 4 story house with a library.

On another no re Kids/no kids, my childless cousin joined Strava last year and "followed" me. After a few months she emailed me with a "FFS, how come every weekend you ridden 100 kilometres before I've even woken up!".

When I think back to those lazing around days I wonder how much time was actuall wasted on hangovers and lazing about...

Yeah, having kids makes you wonder where the time and money used to go! You become much more efficient with both.

The one thing I genuinely miss about life pre children is the luxury of taking a dump in peace.

There are 5 people living in my house and 3 toilets. You'd think the chances of an uninterrupted China Cruise would be pretty high.

You'd be wrong.

Even if I got up out of bed at 4 in the morning and sneaked to the furthest away lavvy like some sort of shit-ninja, I can guarantee that the minute I get myself settled on the nest there will come a loud banging on the cludgie door and the following conversation.....

Mysterious Disembodied Whining Voice :AAAAWWWW DAAAAAD! Hurry up! I'm BURSTING.

Me:You'll need to wait.

MDWV: I CAAAAAN'T WAIT ! I'm going to pee my pants!

Me: Go to another one

MDWV: I can't. Somebody's in there.

Me: Somebody's in here too!

MDWV: DAAAAAD! Hurry up.

Me: Oh, bloody hell (harumph) OK wait a minute......

Every. Single. Time. 🙁

You lot are not selling this kids thing too well.

Conversation required with Mrs GD.

You - need regular biking adventure
She - must have something she'd like? lunch with friends, spa days etc...

Compromise required - ie one day a month that you and her are out of the equation completely, from dawn til dusk, and a couple (at least) weekends away biking.

You're not 'not being a good dad/mum' by doing this, quite the opposite, I need time doing what I want in the mountains to be a more chilled, rounded individual, and thus a better dad.

The rest of the time, fit in local nightrides post kids nedtime, early morning stuff etc...

edit - lol @ Perchy!

So anyway, with a clear head (wife was out last night so I settled down with a curry, beer and a movie (Creed - which was surprisingly enjoyable) I shall try to post something more constructive...

I am not actually sure I miss too much - perhaps I have just adapted and no doubt some things have been a struggle at times. I certainly don't ride as much as I did and have 100% given up on weekends away riding with my old team but I don't really miss it. I feel like I have moved on to a different part of my life. I still get out (gym, running when not injured and road riding). My wife 100% supports me in doing what I want to but I often look at things and decide 'hell, I can't do x today because that means my wife has to do y & z by herself'. I suppose that makes her appreciate that I am there when I am needed so doesn't fuss when I *DO* ask whether it's okay for me to go out on a 5 hours road ride.

Equally, she does gym classes, runs on the treadmill in the garage, sees friends etc and I don't stand in her way. I still see my friends but equally I now enjoy having a quiet night in front of the tv with the log stove burning away.

My girls are now approaching 8 years old and are (generally) a joy to be around. One of them loves me taking her swimming and is about to compete at county level doing cross country so I am enjoying taking her to do junior parkrun.

So OP, don't spend too much time looking over your shoulder, embrace what you have and enjoy it – true friends will always be there but you may well find that over time your priorities change and you move on anyway.

The rest of the time, fit in local nightrides post kids nedtime

You set aside time everyday to teach your kids to behave like neds?

That's dedication.

It's no wonder Ayrshire's in the state it's in if these are the lengths you're prepared to go to. 😉

things i miss?

happiness
sex
free time
clean things
travel
the woman i married....

Weekend morning shags.
Being able to go out for something to eat, anywhere at the drop of a hat.
I never actually rode that much before & whilst i now do even less 'quality' mountainbiking, i'm actually fitter & lighter becuase i now make better use of my commutes on the bike.

happiness
sex
free time
clean things
travel
the woman i married....

Hahahahahaha!

I just flounced on organising me and the boys annual spring mountain biking trip cos all the ones with babies/young kids were being rubbish and either not committing to dates or kept changing their mind.

Just go mountain biking on my bloody own for the weekend. Fed up stopping and waiting for the ones who can't afford droppers stopping constantly to put their seats up/down

We used to go to see my wife's folks in America in November and sometimes in spring.. cost us £800 for the two of us. Now, because we have to go in school holidays, it costs us about £3,500....

You set aside time everyday to teach your kids to behave like neds?

That's dedication.

It's no wonder Ayrshire's in the state it's in if these are the lengths you're prepared to go to.

😆

When you coming down to the 'shire for some decent biking anyway? We'll get Iainc doon anaw, film him for a bit, bound to faceplant at some point, bingo - £250 from Harry hill....

The one thing I genuinely miss about life pre children is the luxury of taking a dump in peace.

While I agree that kids does have an impact, I often wonder how much is self-imposed and attitude. My sister in law and husband have one 5 year old - they spent the last week with us wondering how we cope with three of them, working and still get proper days out and carry on with life... The answer is we choose to and choose not to let our life be overly dominated by kids stuff and activities, and that we brought our kids up (with other 'outdoor families') locally to enjoy being outdoors.
Yes when they were little the adventures were smaller. Yes we did lots of walks in woods and halfway up hills. Mrs_OAB and I had to book in time to ride, run, walk or have weekends with friends out adventuring. Now they are the age they are, we are being dragged out by them to go have adventures.

the Lesson is to get being a Man-Child out of the way before you go and spawn... I'd love to bugger off with my bike every other Friday and not come back till Sunday night, but the reality is that I have committed to something more important than just maintaining my own pleasure/happiness...

I know various other Dads, some are more involved than others with their kids, I seem to be more towards the [i]"family before mates or work"[/i] end of the scale but make some time for riding/seeing friends...

Those friends that chuck a hissy because you can't come to the Pub or for a weekend away at the drop of a hat seem to have fallen by the wayside...

The thing that strikes me now (as others have mentioned) is just how much time I seem to have squandered Pre-parenthood... That will probably inform any advice I give others considering kids.

But yeah I'd love to plan grand expeditions or go riding, more, it's not going to happen any time soon.
By increments my "freedom" has come back as they've grown up, I get the odd day here and there now, and I will get more "Me time" back the older they get, but ultimately I really quite like being a Dad, it's not a chore to me, odd as it might sound I actually love my Family...

aye, very good nobeer 🙂

When you coming down to the 'shire for some decent biking anyway?

I don't go to the 'shire. Too many neds. 😉

I prefer to stay in the 'Shire among my own kind.

I could maybe be persuaded if you could arrange an hour's uninterrupted access to a toilet, however.

(just for me - not an invitation)

The answer is we choose to and choose not to let our life be overly dominated by kids stuff and activities

That's not always the issue though.

In our house my kids want my attention; they just want me around spending time with them.

perchy - are you likely to break into a rendition of Careless Whisper.... ? 🙂