[Closed] Arse, what to do?

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is it the Brazil angle or the not-seeing-kids angle you're worried about? Brazil's a big place and not all of it is nice. If you're somewhere nice it will be easier to deal with being away from the little 'uns.

love the thought of brazil, i'd be in sao paulo first three months, then based in Rio. i've made loads of business trips before, travel is great, other places are great, its the kids angle that bothers me.

how old are kids?

sit down with them (and their mother) and discuss it.

my ex had the chance to move to oz some years back, taking my then 11yr old son. after a lot of soul searching I agreed it would be good for him to go. it never worked out in the end and she stayed but mentally I had prepared to let him go.

Any good singletrack in Brazil?

Unless your kids are dont do it, you will be missing out more than you gain in my opinion.

The first thing you need to do is figure out whether the pilot will attempt to take off on a runway or not; that might just swing it or not for you 🙂

I'd go.

There's the phone/internet for staying in touch - as long as you listen and care about the kids they will know you love them wherever you are in the world. It's not a life sentence, you will be able to change your mind later.....but not if you miss the opportunity in the first place.

4 months isn't that long

Go - as little girl bunny says you can remain in touch - buy them a 'puter with a webcam if needed

donks - it's my understanding that there's some beautifully trimmed bush in Brazil 🙂

Anyway Dave; If you don't go your daughter will never speak to you again...."You turned down what opp for holiday?" 😡

id be gone

could be worse

Equitorial guinea for 4 months for me .... no kids but leaving the missus at home

*awaits 'which thong for Rio beach' thread with great trepidation*

I'd go for it bit of videoconferencing and a daily catch up and time will fly.

i met some brazillian girls while traveling in peru over xmas

id go there in a flash

just set up a regular webcam chat with the kids

Don't think i could be apart from my kid, no matter where the offer was.

cant be without my sprogs for more than a week, but its all down to choice ...

I would buy this.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michel-Thomas-Method-Portuguese-Foundation/dp/0340971673

and this.

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You'll be back by Christmas,

ex wife thinks i should go - she knows i have a nomadic gene

i realise that short term it's no big deal, but my job would be in Brazil and being a part time dad isn't ideal for me or the kids. but then i'd be in a good position to help them through uni and later in life

it's things like being around when my daughter was hassled, seeing them after school, biking etc. you can't be a parent via skype.

damn. might do it for a year. damn. no idea.

If you are worried about how your kids will be:

My Dad did the same, took a 6 month well paid job in Brazil when I was 6-7.

Not that I missed or noticed much looking back, remember some of the long distance phone calls, mostly because Mum nagged about the cost!

As mentioned above 4 months is not that long.

I think a lot depends on the age of your children. My mum and us kids moved back from HK to Scotland about 8 years ago. My dad stayed there. We were 14, 12 and 10. Ever since then we have seen our dad about three or four times a year, usually for one/two weeks at a time.

I think it's been a lot harder on my mum than us - we know our dad loves us, and we at least had the whole 'teaching us to swim, ride a bike etc.' stuff already done. I know it has affected our relationship with him but I don't think in any particular negative way (in fact, he could wind me up something chronic, so maybe it's best we have a few thousand miles apart). We appreciate that he's made the choice to earn more money in the short term, provide us with funds to go to good schools, uni etc. and then hopefully enjoy retirement with my mum.

I know it's not how a lot of people on here would choose to live life, but my parents have made their choice and have had the opportunity to change it back if it didn't suit them.

Dude, I'll go in your place if you decide not to!
Do I need any particular skills? 😉

stop pissing about
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I have spent 6 month is Switzerland and that was travelling home at weekends. I is horrible and almost destroyed the strongest loving relationship I have been in (My wife, not my right hand).

I am looking for the first way out.

Talk to the people several times over as much time as you can. Their ideas and opinions will change. Unfortunately the biggest changes will be when you are there (if you go). Skype with a webcam is so much better than telephones BTW.

Yowzer. Have a good flight iDave 😆

Discuss it with the people that matter?

looks like i can make more money than i ever imagined. divorce left me with no house, no pension and no savings. a year there 'could' rectify that.

but money isn't everything.

yeah, the women are going to be fit. but they are here too - though not in the same quantity.

as far as required skills, it seems like self confidence and gift of the gab are enough.

my kids are 10, 13 and 16 and i like being around for them

will have a few chats with special people over the weekend.

thanks for the input so far.

LOL @ Terrahawk.

Personally, I would miss my little girl far too much. Skype and a phone call are all well and fine but you can't get a hug or kiss online (I never, ever thought I would such slushy nonsense before becoming a father) but it does sound like a once in a lifetime opportunity, so good luck if you choose that path.

i spent 17 years in our forces and was pretty much an absentee father for most of their growing up but in the main i have a great relationship with my kids now . it isn't being apart that is the problem it is what you do when you are with them that matters

this may not be helping me much, but some of the time i'd be working with the agents for ladies like this 😯

tired thinking, might need a little lie down.......

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gotta be a troll 😉

it's like a troll only it really isn't

Dave,

I worked in the UAE for 5 years (no kids) but missed my Mrs big time, eventually settled in and through good planning could get home about every 6 weeks, do what yout heart/instinct tells you mate, if it doesn't work out come home, what have you lost...... well maybe your current job!!!

All the best.

Andy..

No contest for me...... grass is often greener..... but your kids are your kids....do the best you can by them.......for you that mean moving away......earning more money........or staying home. Make your choice, but put your kids first.

BB

I'm armed forces and have had a couple of times when i've been away from my nearest and dearest for months at a time. Yes it's tough but I maintain the hardest job is for those that remain at home. If the people you are leaving behind have the mental "toughness" to cope then do it; 4 months will fly by and you might surprise yourself with the experiences you gain (apart from the financial stuff that you've already alluded to).

it's not 4 months then back to the uk for good. if it was, no contest. its 3 months in Sao Paulo, back to the uk for a visit, then to a job in Rio which should pay enough to work 2 months, have one month back in UK. the new 'experience' isn't a worry, i love being overseas, seeing new places, pick up languages fairly quickly etc. the issue is purely the kids. but if it means being able to pay for a few medical degrees....... maybe that's the best thing i can do for them right now.
tchau

It is a difficult one. If you kids were much younger I wouldn't see a problem but they are all at a potentially difficult age. It's not a long time in the general frame of things and if you can get back on a fairly regular basis (and have them visit?) then it's not too bad.

At least nowadays you can stay in regular touch on t'internet and will still be able to have regular input in their lives.

If it means being financially 'secure' and covering uni costs (it's a bloody fortune, I've just done it) then it may well be more beneficial to them in the long term. As b1galus says, many fathers spend a huge amount of time away and it works out very well.

Good luck

You know this bit already...

If you say yes, then change your mind, you can just pack it in and come back.

If you say no, you can't change your mind.

just waiting to hear the full offer - they said accommodation is provided for the first three months - i'd like to know what and where - don't want to be 2 hours from work in a flavela. they're saying one free return flight a year - which i expect to be business class

if it goes tits up and I come back there will be a job for me here so that's covered

sao paulo seems to be a huge, insane and very dodgy city, but that might be fun

will talk to the kids over the weekend

watched the movie Rumble Fish last night - that brought some clarity

double post

tbh you can't win either way

I got divorced when my kids were 1 and 2 (now 15 and 16), and while worked hard to stay in touch for the first few years once they got into football etc saw them less and less.

Living at the other end of the country doesn't help.

Its just how it is, and there have been ups/downs and I'm sure there will be more - but they know where I am, and can call me anytime (plus come down), and vica versa.

I'd go for it, but (big but), make sure you plan a holiday (2-3 weeks) for them to come over in the school hols (don't bother coming back here initially) - that way you've all got something to look forward to.

And with modern cheap comms, the only real difference is the time-zone over just living 1-200 miles away.

Obviously have a contingency-plan (cash) if someone is sick/dead etc and you need to return in a hurry.

I'd do it, just explain it well to the kids and keep in good contact, my dads a major **** and never kept in touch and thinks a phone call 1x a year in a really preachy way is how you treat loved ones, so i stopped answering them a few years ago.

id say acknowledge why your doing it and keep in touch with your kids as they are the most important things in your life

my young lad is 6 months old, so I wouldn't go...

But, if he was older, then yes, it's only 4 months, not 4 years

update - looks like they're having me out there for 2 months, then I'll be back here for a month, and by end of Sept I'll know if the projected income will sustain 6 weeks on 3 weeks off, as promised. In which case I will live in Rio de Janeiro and Staffordshire. If it doesn't work out, job held here for me. Almost excited.

Does sound very exciting. My first thought reading the earlier posts was have you talked to your kids about it and what do they think?

Apparently thongs are quite common on the beaches..

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If the job is that lucrative, you can probably get the kids flown over 2-3 times a year. If so, they might actually benefit and grow from that experience more than a wet saturday at Sheffield Mcdonalds or whatever.

Ah, wet saturdays at Sheffield McDonalds. Makes me go all misty eyed

Makes me go all misty eyed

That'll be the additives in the McFlurry.