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Regardless of what he wants, decisions on accesss will prioritise what is best for the children. In the case of the 2 year old it is unlikely that a court will allow even overnight stays
Hey Pandabear... I'm not even trying to do quotes on the new forum yet....
As you say this is something that has obviously been brewing for a while but then both parties must have been involved (or perhaps not involved is more accurate).
Obviously I don't know your friend... or her "ex" but reading between the lines a bit surely the relationship has been on the rocks for some time.
They presumably didn't go from lovey dovey to him walking out in a week? Based on what you said earlier it seems to me she knew things were not right but thought she could "play happy families for the sake of the kids".
However, they were presumably not communicating effectively.... for her to be surprised about this.
Incidentally I do have a friend who stayed for a decade... and walked out the same day the youngest left home. His wife was shocked and stunned.... but then he said she hadn't listened to him in a decade so hardly surprising. She continued to be shocked and stunned for about 3 months.
To be fair he's a bit of a brash bloke... many may describe as chauvinistic or arrogant. He didn't leave because of another woman, he left because he didn't want to stay in the same house a day after he felt he had to.
3 months later his ex was over the shock and another bloke had moved in. From his perspective the two happened simultaneously - one week she was accusing him of walking out and practically demanding he move back in.. the next she was shacked up with a new bloke. He doesn't suspect anything was going on at the time but then he doesn't care... his only regret he says is putting up with the situation for 10 years and not moving out sooner. Especially as his kids are now asking why he didn't and how living in that environment affected them.
I never met his ex nor kids but its just a perspective that he could almost be your friends "ex" ... except he didn't.
Your friend however is in a fairly strong position.... the fact he walked out seems to illustrate he didn't plan this with the intent of getting the house and any legal advice at all.
That leaves being too stupid to get legal advice.(or even a consensus of people as surely most would say don't leave the house) ... just snapping or another woman ???
Mildbore - I'm curious as to why you think a father would be denied overnight stays of their two year old? I was cared for my children overnight on a regular basis pretty much from weaning/3 months.
My comment was based on CAB advice given to my son when he was pursuing access to his 2yo. It may of course be wrong or modified by individual circumstances
She needs to get a solicitor to respond to the letter. She needs to know facts about her entitlements and his as father. From that point they will need to come to some agreement. The father may pursue the court route if but that is his choice she will just have to deal with it.
Luckily when I split from my eldests mum it was kind of amicable but still really horrible for the first couple of year's. You just have to suck up / back down on some things for the greater good. If both gets spiteful it's super tough. Sometimes you do need a solicitor to state your case and facts about their choices and your rights. It also reduces worry as you dont live with maybes and coulds in your head.
Yr friend seems to be doing the right things but needs facts rather than advice. She can then only make her own decisions. It's a tough process but once a routine is established it gets easier. Eventually.