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Good luck with the counselling, if there's something worth saving in the relationship then do your best to save it. I went for counselling with my ex, but by then it was too late by then.
I didn't get screwed in the divorce settlement, although it felt pretty bad at the time, and it was somewhat galling that when her parents die she'll be a multi-millionaire, when my parents died they left me a bit of dosh of which she got half. I paid her a lot of maintenance and kept 50% of the assets, I was lucky to be in a position to offer that, but I guess if you're a doctor you have a reasonable income.
The best decision I made was to buy solicitor's advice an hour at a time from the best divorce lawyer in the area. I applied that advice in my correspondence with her solicitor. It didn't stop them from sending me a massive bill for "managing my case", fortunately I had our agreement that I was just buying advice in writing so I told them where they could stick their bill.
Good luck.
I have been informed by my accountant that i would end up near destitute if i choose this route .... the other half would do very very well.....
All depends on circumstances around house, pensions value of any business and the lack of the other half having a career or job etc.
It appears as if the less you have the better off you end up.
Makes you kinda wonder why we get married dunnit 🤨🤦♂️
Good luck with the counselling, if there’s something worth saving in the relationship then do your best to save it.
On the other hand, beware of any seemingly quick results. Your other half might be buying some time to sort her war plan.
Makes you kinda wonder why we get married dunnit
Makes me wonder why other people do. I was smarter and never did, not a week goes by where I'm not glad for that.
Just going through the last stages of separation myself, divorce was finalised a couple of months ago and house sale is currently going through.
No kids involved and not got solicitors involved - agreed on a 60/40 split in her favour on the house equity as she put more money in deposit wise.
She ran off with a work colleague 9 months ago and is now expecting his baby, so no chance of a last hurrah for me!
Managed to stay surprisingly amicable under the circumstances!
Onwards and upwards!
It depends really. If you've brought in the most money then you'll lose out financially as her lack of earning power is considered a sacrifice to support yours.
Part of the reason I left my wife is that I felt she didn't pull her weight - either at work or around the house. It was all "too hard". This from a graduate of Yale and Cambridge who was pulling in around £14k a year.
I didn't get screwed in the divorce - it was my house, so she moved out and I gave her a couple of grand towards things we'd bought together I was keeping. I had given her half of my savings the year before (about £10k) as I was fed up paying for everything and being unequal in the financial power balance. So I was still paying for everything, but she had her "own" money she'd pay for half of things with. Never saw those £££s again.
Still, I went from owning half a house to owning all of one, so I guess I won there.
Twice divorced so guessing most of these things only apply to England because Scotland seems fair to me.
I’ve been seeing busses with written on the side “ divorce, get us on your side “
I’ll take a note next time and pm you.
😝
I can’t comment as I do not fully know your situation nor am clung together by a piece of metal in form of a ring.
Thank f as marriage is long dead in the water these days.
chin up though and seems you have priorities namely your children. 👍
Not gone through divorce but have been through the family courts over my lad.
As far as children go, if you both *truly* put the kids first it won't be so bad.
If one of you doesn't it will be a living hell.
I went through the courts twice just to see my lad.... she could break court orders with impunity with no realistic deterrent as he lived with her.... hence they wouldn't fine her/imprison her etc. Not that I wanted them to do that! I just wanted to see my son.
My solicitor warned me that the court process would be like going back to Victorian times.... The woman looks after the child, the man earns the money.
He was spot on in my case.
Now? My lad is 21, lives with me and by all accounts he is a fantastic young man with a truly kind heart.
He is still close to his mum which is great and is just how it should be. All kids should be allowed to love both their mum and dad.
Just put the kids first. At all costs.
I have no advice, but you're always welcome if you fancy a holiday in New Zealand with bikes to borrow.
Rich
ime whatever is agreed isn't adhered to anyway. my ex still hasn't paid me back the legal fees for our divorce 8 years ago & it was her idea! in hindsight though it's worth every penny.
so my moral is don't rely on the word of the other party get it agreed via a solicitor. good luck
Recently published research by the Marriage Foundation has been doing the rounds as apparently the divorce rate is down. They think it's because people are taking their marriages more seriously, but most people know its because most people can't afford to divorce, especially in terms of buying new houses, so are staying put and having affairs on the side.
I'm not saying I got screwed over, but when I divorced my ex-wife (7 year marriage, abusive alcoholic) she walked with over 200k thanks to me having savings, my work pension and an inheritance from my father. She only had debt, so the balance sheet looked like I was loaded. It was less than she wanted, but given that she originally said she was not going to touch the inheritance...
I feel for you and really hope that the counselling can help sort things out. Do take care of yourself though, especially your mental health, these things really mess you up.
Reading this, it's no wonder that men die earlier than women.
As has been said by many other posters, it’s not a forgone conclusion. It depends on the attitude of both parties. I left my ex just over a year ago and it was pretty rocky to begin with as she started a ‘new relationship’ (yeah right 😂) a few days later. With a bloke in San Francisco!! The kids suffered more than they should have done as she was away seeing him pretty frequently and it scared and unsettled them to the point where they both were referred for counselling by their school. Amusingly, he dumped her shortly afterwards.
However, fast forward 12 months and things are amicable between us, the kids are thriving, we’ve split everything 50/50 (even though I’ve probably put more in) and, most importantly, I’m happy and moving on with my life. Getting divorced is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
A couple of things I’ve learned (from my situation - yours might well be different)
1. Put the kids first no matter what and get a co-parenting agreement in place at the earliest opportunity that spells out clearly your access agreement.
2. Ask yourself honestly whether you want to be with your partner. If you come back with anything other than an emphatic yes don’t bother with relationship counselling, save it just for you.
3. Be prepared for your ex to make bad decisions and be even more prepared for them to be none of your business/out of your control.
Good luck