MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
How many male chauvenists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - she'll do it when she's finished the washing up.
Under supervision, obviously...
How many computer programmers?
Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just the two, getting them in is the tricky part
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but god knows how they got in there.
EDIT - damn, simultaneous posts.
How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
You can't CHANGE the lightbulb, you have to SMASH it!
- Alexi Sayle
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Banana
How many fish does it take to change a light bulb?
Surrealist.
How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you wanna go for a bike ride?
How many psychotherapists?
Just one but the bulb must really want to change
How many women with pmt?
JUST ONE - RIGHT!
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
How many policemen does it take to break a lightbulb?
None, it just fell down the stairs all by itself.
How many freestyle skiers?
10.......1 to change the lightbulb and 9 to sit there saying "I can do that"
Five. One to stand on the table and four to lift the table and turn it round.
Can't remember the question though.
I do remember that there's a comparison with a pregnant woman. Something like you can unscrew a broken light bulb.
How many Manchester United fans?
2....1 to change it and 1 to drive back to Surrey
How many Wizards does it take to change a lighbulb?
Depends what you want it changing into.
How many STW'ers
1 because.. no you're wrong, it's less than that, why does it need to change anyway, what tyres for lightbulb changhing, is it a London lightbulb, has anyone considered the lightbulb in all of this, won't someone think of the children, random daily mail post, epic copy and paste from wiki with nothing to do with OP, blah blah blah, no real need to change it anyway purely a conservative ploy, quite right I blame Thatcher, Edinburgh defence = FACT
How many footballers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one; they hold onto the bulb and the world revolves around them.
How many graphic designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
**** off, I'm not changing anything.
how many freudians:
Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold his [s]cock[/s] err, ladder
How many architects...?
Three - two to go to the specialist factory in Italy and look at one first before ordering a sample, and one to put the bulb in.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
How many pilots...........?
One, he holds it and the whole world revolves around him !
How many goths?
None, they like it in the dark.
How many punks?
10, 1 to change the bulb and 9 to complain that it was better before it sold out.
How many of my staff....
depends.
1 to do risk assesment/safe system of work, 1 to write method statement, 3 to put up scaffolding (cant work off ladders) 1 to take bulb back to the stores cos they got the wrong type first time and 1 to actually change the bulb.
or 1 on overtime.
Roadies?
1....2.....1.....2......2..2...2...1......2.....
How many Singletrack readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Have you considered a gerbil instead? Kids love 'em!
How many OCD sufferers?
1, but they have to do it 3 times.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just the one - they're efficient, but not very funny.
How many guitarists?
None, the tech can do it when he's finished changing the strings
Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We choose not to make a statement of either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
Q: How many Hasidic Rebbes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What is a light bulb?
Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?
Q: How many Conservative Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, call a committee meeting.
Q: How many Reform Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, anyone can change it whenever they want to.
Q: How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 30. One to change the bulb & 29 to discuss it ad nauseum.
Q: How many Lubabavitchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it never died.
Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
Q: How many congregants does it take to change a light bulb in a synagogue?
A: CHANGE? You want we should CHANGE the light bulb? My grandmother donated that light bulb!!!
how many tissues does it take to change richard gere's light bulb?
Two, one to wipe the poo off the old one and one to tidy up the residual lube afterwards.
Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say "here's one we
did earlier"
How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
**** off
How many Kids with ADHD?
Lets go and Ride Bikes!
How many lesbians to screw in a lightbulb?
two, one to change it, one to complain about the word screw.
How many forum big hitters does it take?
Just one, he stands still, holds the bulb, and [i]imagines[/i] the world turning around him.
How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
Have you tried turning the light off and then on again? Have you uninstalling and then reinstalling the lightbulb? If that doesn't work you will probably have to upgrade your entire lighting system.
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five.
One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"
How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hundreds
Confucious say many hands make light work...