[Closed] Rarely required hand signals that don't yet exist.

"I believe you are the produce of a long line of inbred, syphalitic gibbons who routinely lick dung from the street while simultaneously sticking their genitals into rotting chicken gizzards."

I have to say, I need that one a lot.

HA!

I had the very same thing a few years ago...escorted a similar family of ducks (with mum quacking like mad) around a quarter of a mile along a country road to the pond they were headed to. Felt like a muppet slowing people down but felt very good about it afterwards. 🙂

thank you for your considerate driving and being patient - it is certainly rarely needed though i do try a thumbs up

I often want one of those LED screens for the car. Most recent sign would have been "I have stopped because there are 2 large dogs shagging in the middle of the road and I don't want to either run them down or piss them off by trying to interruptus their coitus".

But realistically it'd always say "2 second rule, ya prick" so I should probably just write that on the boot with a black marker instead.

thank you for your considerate driving and being patient

A smile and a wave works well. But it is a rare event on our roads 😆

haha @ those dogs

Had the same in French Guiana. We'd been partying at a carbet in the jungle, and driving back pretending to be Colin McRae for several km on a dirt road at 1am. Round a corner, and 2 feral dogs humping in the headlights. The real problem was the car behind was being driven by someone who WAS a rally driver! And it was night, dusty roads, and on a blind corner.

"using the left hand lane will not give you instantaneous leprosy of your male chicken parts/fishy lady bits - go on, give it a try, you middle lane hogging cretin" would be *most* useful on the motorway.

Caution, nervous family of mum and 6 ducklings making repeated aborted attempts to cross the road

Such a hand signal exists. May I draw sir's attention to this public information film.

We had similar traffic marshalling problems once, where a family of duck/ducklings lost one duckling down a road drain. So there was a team effort to lift the drain and hold someones ankles as the reached down to rescue it. Usually ducklings follow their mum in rockstep, like a madness album cover, but if mum thinks theres a threat she starts flapping about like her wing is broken and thats the signal to the ducklings to scatter and hide, so mum was flailing around the guy down the drain and the ducklings were scattered in all directions like tribbles.

"There is no such thing as road tax, it's called vehicle excise duty and is based on the pollution generated by your vehicle"
"Actually my good man, in these circumstances, you do NOT have right of way, as is clearly explained in the Highway Code"

Or my own personal favourite
"ha ha, you never thought i'd catch up with you did you, and now that I'm here, would you care to explain the meaning of that hand gesture" (although i can normally express that one verbally and personally)

"There is no such thing as road tax, it's called vehicle excise duty and is based on the pollution generated by your vehicle"

You'd just get relentlessly laughed at.

Buy two identical cars, run one on the road, one off road in competitions. Or just leave it in your garden with he engine running. They both pollute the same, but only the car using the roads pays the tax, which is why it's colloquially called Road Tax!

'Jeeze, cheer up why don't you? You're supposed to be enjoying yourself'

To be motioned towards grumpy roadies who can't even managed a nod of the head of lifting of little finger in acknowledgement of your cheery 'morning' to them

Buy two identical cars, run one on the road, one off road in competitions. Or just leave it in your garden with he engine running. They both pollute the same, but only the car using the roads pays the tax, which is why it's colloquially called Road Tax!

You roll that out e[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/motorist-tweets-of-knocking-off-cyclist#post-4997559 ]very time "Road Tax" is mentioned[/url] Tucker and every time you fail to answer any of the subsequent posts pointing out the numerous and obvious logical flaws in your argument.

So... hand signal..

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BigButSlimmerBloke - Member

"There is no such thing as road tax, it's called vehicle excise duty and is based on the pollution generated by your vehicle"

To which I shall respond with the complicated gesture that means "FFS, I'm a cyclist and even I don't give a ****"

'pick a flicking lane you moron'

'anytime today grandad/ny'

when passing roadworks 'stop standing around smerking tabs and pull your flicking finger out'

'No you can't come in, p off'