[Closed] Random stuff that old people say

He wanted to bum you, you should be flattered.

Reading our son Thomas the tank engine stories and some of the phrases/sayings in it are just lost on me.

Knock on his door and ask him if he's taking the piss.

He probably was.

Offering to give you a lift to work?

BTW how do you "bed pads in the street" ? Drive/cycle up and down the street ?

"5 and 20 to 3...."

BTW how do you "bed pads in the street"

Ride up and down with the brakes on to get them hot then chuck water in them.

'Crikey'o'likey I fell off me bikey' grandad norm.

Good morning young chap. Would you like me to tow you using my motor car in order for you to get some speed up?

My long gone Grandad used to confuse the heck out of his 6 year old grandson by piping up in a proper northern accent 'I'll come t'foot of our stairs' to which I'd always reply 'but Grandad you and Grandma live in a bungalow'.

Occasionally he'd ruffle my hair (so this was a VERY long time ago when I used to have some) and proclaim 'tha's not as green as a painted cabbage' and smile benevolently.

To this day, I'm still not absolutely sure what he was talking about. Lovely man tho.

"5 and 20 to 3...."

That's quite common rather than 'random'

Could have many origins, certainly used by Shakespeare and also in rhymes etc. '4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie' etc.

I've heard it used a lot in Eastern England so I reckon it's just a literal Dutch translation that came across and stayed.

Alex - the cabbage thing means you're not daft. I know folk who say 'I'm not as green as I am cabbage looking' when someone tries to take them for an idiot.

I'll come t'foot of our stairs

tha's not as green as a painted cabbage

I thought my mother was quite astute

people nowdays seem to have so many labour saving devices that they don't have time for each other anymore

my fathers song 'have you ever caught your bollocks in a rat trap' - army I think

" darkies..."

A generational thing

A cup and saucer please (and a spoon)
Where are the grape scissors, marmalade spoon?
In my day....
What are they wearing....
Turn it off....
Can you turn it up....

This reminds me of a time I listened to my Grandad giving a driver, who was clearly not from the region, directions using northern affectations and referring to parts of the village by their local names, (i.e. up yonder, past Copyhold). Even though I was less than 10 years old, I could see that the fella had no bloody clue what he was going on about.

This was 30+ years ago, I'm quite sure the poor bloke is still lost. 😀

"Do you think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat" (as in, do you think I've just arrived, completely naive...)

"Old age doesn't by itself..."

My mum's not far short of 90, I'll collect a ream of them next time I visit her.

"Fits like a ready made shirt on a chickens lip"

Just what the hell is that all about?

The original Thomas the Tank Engine books (Tank Engine Thomas) are full of great little phrases like sandwich eater says.

"Where have you been lazybones?"

"My system is out of order, no one understands my case"

"Rubbish," said Thomas. "You're too fat, you need some exercise"

Also enjoy reading the Richard Hannay shocker novels by John Buchan - crackingly out of date phrases like 'feeling a bit seedy' and many others - some not really PC any more..

In fairness to the o.p they do speak particularly strangely in that little corner of north Manchester. In fact the local dialect is responsible for the oddly named boozer at the end of his road 😉

The Same Yet.

It used to be called The Star but when the sign was being re-done a few years back the sign writer asked what the landlord wanted painting on it. The landlord wanted the same again, but in local speak it is "t'same yet".

Is there anyone who was out on Monday nights filth-fest who wasn't bedding new brake pads in this morning?

I had no comments from pensioners, but then I was swearing a lot. It's fair to say, it didn't go well. Sodding Avids!! :cry

Back to the OP. I used to love my gran's expression "aye... Well I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking".

"Ah say! How do you want a lift to clock on?"

this would make more sense
"Ah say! How do!,..... you want a lift to clock on?"

Man on the train: "D'ye ken a chameleon son? A chameleon?"
My brother: "Yeah!"
Man on the train: "No ye dinnae son, there's nivvir bin such a thing! Ah just made it up!"

Thanks all. Every day's a school day 🙂 I have now been reminded that another Grandadanism(tm) was 'There's more ways to kill a pig than by choking it with strawberries' to which you could only respond 'er, yeah I suppose that's true'

My Dad has a tendancy to repeat the last word I say when we`re having a chat "chat, aye" 😀 so if its a long one "one, aye" it can get quite irritating! "irritating aye" lol! "lol, aye" 😀 😀

my very scottish grandfather used to say to us kids when we were in a sulk.
'aye ye've got a face like a well skelped erse'
which translates as you got a face like a well beaten bottom, or it could have been a welsh skelped arse, not quite sure.

biglee1 - Member

My Dad has a tendancy to repeat the last word I say when we`re having a chat "chat, aye" so if its a long one "one, aye" it can get quite irritating! "irritating aye" lol! "lol, aye" 😀

My uncle does that, so I just avoid him, it's better than murder

'Yyyees, never mind ' (Uttered with air of resignation and slight absence)

'Well bugger me backwards with a broomstick'

I'd rather not thank you.

"Tarnations!" Was as near as I got to hearing my grandma swear. She's been dead these last thirty years.

'Someone's just walked over my grave' said after having a sudden shiver.

When foxed by something my dad used to say...
I don't know if my arsehole is punched,bored or reamed.

I don't know if my arsehole is punched,bored or reamed.

I'm borrowing that.

Hearing one half of a telephone call, my grandad being talked at by his brother:

"Aye"... "Aye"... "Aye"... "Aye"... "Now!"... "Aye"... "Aye"... "Aye"... "Oh aye?"... "Aye"... "Now"... "Reyt." *click*

"Like a dog with two d**ks" my Dad used to describe someone who was very happy.
Also heard him say someone was dressed like a pox-doctor's clerk.

'tha's not as green as a painted cabbage'

I've not heard it in that form but "green" means naive. So that's basically saying "you're not as naive as something that's very, very naive." I'm not wholly convinced it's a compliment.

As others have said, "I'm not as green as I am cabbage-looking" is the more normal form I think. Almost literally, I'm not as daft as I look (or you aren't, etc).

One of my grandma's: 'If he were alive today, he'd be turning in his grave'

Eh?

When talking about someone who's doing a bad job: 'I'd not pay him wi' washers'

"Less haste, more speed" my mum (aged 80 1/2)
Translates as don't rush, you'll mess it up and it'll take longer to put right (applies to my bike mending)

"I was sat there like piffy on a rock cake"
You talked to your mates all night, I didn't understand the in-jokes and couldn't get into the conversation

"Sitting up ther like a fairy on a gob of lard."

I know what it means, but I have never seen a reference to faries sitting on lard anywhere else.

Good Black Country one:
"Yow'm yampa yow am."
Self explanatory really.

"Yer away tae the one side like Gourock."

Nice descriptive expression from an old boy in a sarf London pub "she 'ad nipples like a dockers thumbs"

"Christ! Tha looks like a d**k in a top hat" was a favourite of my dads when I was younger and wearing clothes that I was yet to grow in to.

"Gradely" was another, I think it just means grand.

I need to start taking note actually there's some crackers about. My mates farming stock and after a thai spiced nut yesterday he said "bloody hell, me arse will be like a dragons nostril when that lot comes out!"

You couldnt knock the skin off a rice pudding

Regular references to Soft Mick

Watching you handle that tyre/spanner/brush gives me belly ache !

One of my Old mans favourite questions to any of my friends was what kind of milk they had at home, he was convinced that sterilised milk would be the complete ruination of civilised society and that a pint of green top/farm botted was the only cure.

Some friends of mine had their elderly mother move in with her. She was hard of hearing so would sit with the telly on pretty loud, channel hoping and mutter to herself about whatever she was watching- again loud enough to hear in the next room (or anywhere in the house really)

During her channel hopping one day she ended up on the adult channels, so in the next room we were treat to several minutes of full-blast adult chat followed by Phylis reflecting loudly "If I'd known about oral sex before I got married I'd have never have gotten married"

My mum was from Collyhurst:

'Face like a well slapped arse'.

'Shape yerself'.
Sort yourself out, sunshine.

'You shape like my arse'.
You are a particularly useless individual.

'Face like a robber's dog/cobblers thumb/that could turn milk'.
You'se ugly.

'If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your cap off'.

hammyuk - Member

"5 and 20 to 3...."

Twenty five to three, innit?

He's as useless as tits on a boar! Often accompanied with a roll of the eyes.

On a similar vain- he's got his ambition and ability the wrong way round.

Both used when someone is being generally useless at the task in hand

Most of these are either just slightly archaic phrases, or just phrases!

The old bloke who lived next to my folks used to come out and talk to me periodically if I was cleaning the bike. He confused me with a chap of similar age a few doors down, which was awkward, but 99% of the time I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. He was like a real world Rowley Birkin QC. Very amusing.

I grew up with an old Austrian bloke living next door who throughout my childhood and teens would give me random unsolicited kernels of advice. In my late teens my two favourites were.

"Stay in education for as long as your parents can support you. Then retire. Thats what I did"

And

"When your dad asks you what you want for your birthday tell him 'Dad, I want your car' "

My wife's grandfather would regularly say 'A joke's a joke. But the leg of a chair up your arse is furniture.'

No idea at all...

"Rotate"!....something we said when things not going well. About to lift off!

"It looking black over Bill's mother's...." Which is a reference to approaching rain... Apparently..

"all fur coat and no knickers" - to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

My Step Mums late Mother who was from the East End used to say 'Gordon's brewery!' as a general exclamation. She couldn't remember where it came from!

"Less haste, more speed" my mum (aged 80 1/2)
Translates as don't rush, you'll mess it up and it'll take longer to put right (applies to my bike mending)

More haste and less speed, shirley.

"If I'd known about oral sex before I got married I'd have never have gotten married"

My ex's gran once came out with, "I don't understand all this fuss about oral sex. What's so good about talking about it?"

"all fur coat and no knickers" - to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

I always thought that described someone with delusions of grandeur; ie, they aspire to being posh but they're really not.

My mum exclaims "Jings, crivens, help me boab!"

Straight out of The Broons.

"all fur coat and no knickers" - to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

I think it's more about someone that tries to appear [i]classy[/i], but isn't. (At least when I've heard it used)

More haste and less speed, shirley.

Nope. Right the first time, it's meant as advice: work with less haste and it will ultimately be faster/speedier.

"It's times like this, I always wish I'd listened to what my gran told me."

"Why, what did she say?"

"I don't know, I wasn't listening."

it's meant as advice: work with less haste and it will ultimately be faster/speedier.

Yeah, it means work quickly but pay attention. Thinking about it, maybe I have got it backwards ("hasty" would imply rash?) but I'm sure that's how I always heard it.

One of my favourites from my grandad was "havent got ha'penny to scratch me arse with" in reference to been a bit short of cash.

Or when he was hungry, he described it as being "pined wick" - still no idea 30 years on!

I thought a whore was all fur coat and no knickers ?