So yet again we have a pile of landfill under the tree. Random shite that I don't ask for and don't want. Random shite for other people.
The planet is dying yet it's considered a good use of resources to guess what people might want and buy it for them without checking.
I try to ask for 'doing' things like a voucher from the kids to come family sailing/kayaking/biking with me or helping with the logs but it cuts little ice.
Drives me crazy. A vast amount of our consumption is stuff we don't really want at the best of times, why add to that by a mass consumption guessing game every christmas.
I accept that gifts *to* kids are a special case but even then they're getting so much crap they value none of it. Surely 4-5 things they *want* is plenty. How about one decent thing they actually want?
In the environmental stakes surely doing without stuff you don't even want is the low hanging fruit?
Not really expecting solutions, I've suggested all the obvious things, I just have to endure it.
Or you can just say ‘no’.
It’s easy, I/we have for the last 8 years. Xmas is a roast dinner, admittedly a very tasty roast dinner but not excessive, just the usual left overs for a tasty bubble and squeak the following day.
The conscious consumption and hypocrisy that surrounds this time of year genuinely makes me feel unwell. The core message of extending oneself for the benefit of others is good, just no need to involve Visa and/or Master Card.
We've cut back significantly. In fact I view the past 50 years as a bit of a blip. Xmas wasn't a massive affair when I was growing up. MY Father was often working. It was a pretty normal day, though we had some paper decorations up there were always a few presents for us kids. Hogmanay was a much more important celebration and that mostly involved food and drink.
Nowaday, I'm happy to accept the mundane, useful, stuff like socks and pants, though anything that can be eaten or drunk usually goes down well too.
You just need a grown up conversation with everyone. I did it about 30 years ago, no presents will be given or received - done.
So yet again we have a pile of landfill under the tree. Random shite that I don’t ask for and don’t want. Random shite for other people.
All that sounds like it's totally under your control.
Personally, I'd rather just receive cash or PayPal to buy things I really want or need. Often the stuff I want is way more than I'd be comfortable receiving as a present.
If people feel uncomfortable sending cash and being judged on how much they give, get someone to act as the money pooler and then receiver gets a lump sum from mum, dad, gran and Dave.
No, I'm with you. I've literally just been having this same discussion in another channel.
I like Christmas and I like a partner to have "something to open" on Christmas day. (Quiet at the back.) But having to buy a present cos the calendar says so, I have no real idea, I never have.
With my ex at the time it almost turned into an arms race. Like I'd buy her an iPad and still feel the need to buy twelve other stocking fillers, and vice versa. It got ludicrous.
As far as mates go, within a couple of years of us starting work for the first time decades ago we all pretty much came up with a pact going "look, this is daft, I spend ten quid on something you don't want, you spend ten quid on something I don't want, let's call the whole thing off."
On the other hand I think I'm pretty good with "I saw this and I thought of you." I bought a mate a little something back in the summer, it was a random spot in a shop and it was just "oh my god that's perfect for [mate]." I'd much rather do that for people than be sitting here on Xmas eve going "OMG what am I going to get them?"
Nowaday, I’m happy to accept the mundane, useful, stuff like socks and pants, though anything that can be eaten or drunk usually goes down well too.
Funny you should say that. I actually need some two stroke oil. I can honestly say that would make me smile whereas random discounted books about DIY or WW1 the M-in-L buys from 'The Works' will just raise my blood pressure.
I’m probably lucky in that I have only two family members who I give presents to, my brother and sister-in-law; she gets the Cloud Appreciation Society calendar every year, which she loves, and he gets money.
I have no other close family who are alive, which makes things simple, and there’s only my g/g, her mum, and three close friends who I give presents to, my buying guide is, would I buy the item for myself? As our tastes are largely similar, disappointed seldom ever occurs.
Obvs, those with large, extended families are going to need to make some hard choices, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to chose items that will be appreciated and enjoyed.
In the case of my friends, music, books and alcohol (scotch!) are guaranteed to be well received.
Weve been involved in a lot of the purchases this year and the kids will be getting stuff they want. It's not hard. The wife and I have also had stuff we would probably not have bought ourselves as we're tight as **** when it comes to buying stuff for ourselves, so the presents off the parents such as some biking trousers for me will be really well recieved.
I only buy my young kids a maximum of 5 gifts each; 1 that they need, 1 that they read, 1 that they eat, 1 that they wear and 1 that they want. We do things as a family instead, I don't remember the gift I was given at 6 but I do remember having a snowball fight by a loch with my cousins. Kids get plenty of stuff throughout the year and I'd rather get adults a gift if I want to rather than because it's expected, if I see something I know that they'll like or need. I'd rather spend money on memories rather than merchandise
I actually enjoy getting socks - our washer seems to only return mis matched single socks !
I get fed up with tat - I've thrown away quite a few presents in recent years as they were a waste of time (electric heated car ice scraper - you had to wait for it to heat up off your 12v socket then start - what's wrong with a 6 pint milk carton with warm water).
We've stopped buying for neices and nephews this year as they all have their ow homes, and we don't even get a card - we only did it for so long as my two are much younger, although 18/16 now. My daughter and son would perfer cash to get something they need. Not bought tat this year, just useful stuff. My lad now has tools/portable maintenance light/cleaning stuff for looking after his first car.
I have got him a 25 litre drum of snow foam - worked out a damn site more economical than the stuff from Halfords. He will actually be made up with it. Daughter, some Xbox games and a 12 month PSN membership (she has an PS4 also). Other stuff is useful - we ditched the 'tat' from her amazon list.
I don't need anything, so bought a couple of presents for my daughter to give to me (torque wrench) and one from my MIL (tool wrap - wasn't expensive, but she buy's sh1t, so I gave her that to wrap for me) . My mum will get me socks which I tnank her for as it's stuff I NEED.
My wife has bought me a concert ticket (and one for her). I bought her some GHD's (she's wanted one for years after cheap ones are just crap) and some 'sewing' accessories, as that's her hobby.
I know I'll get crap off my SIL's.
I've pre-empted my 50th birthday though - I've said 'local currency' please as we're off away for 4 days - that's just after Christmas.
OP, it's all under your control. Make the changes you want.
I got bee bombs and an expensive jumper for the Mrs. My combined birthday and Christmas present is chainstays for my Salsa.
Always try to buy my lads something they need, eldest is getting new gear for biking, he out grown all his old stuff. I managed to get a couple of my younger (15 y/o) lads art projects framed for him. Just really hate the wasteful consumerism of it all.
My sisters and I don't buy each other presents, haven't done so for years.
All adults in our families either don't do presents or take part in a secret Santa of £50 with wish lists perfectly appropriate. I'm hoping for a really nice shirt this year.
Our kids get one main present upto £50 and a few small things for a stocking from us. That's it.
Lunch is a big roast. But we don't drink much and we try not to overdo it.
Our tree lives in the garden for 11 months. Not glamorous but works.
Even with all that effort some of the wider family try to drown the kids in utter tat...
Or you can just say ‘no’.
You just need a grown up conversation with everyone.
All that sounds like it’s totally under your control.
OP, it’s all under your control. Make the changes you want.
And I say ha ****** ha to that.
Clearly none of you have met my folks, if only it was that easy. Tried all of the above at various points to be met with, on various occasions; agreement, offence, anger, all states in between and ALWAYS completely ignored. My family seem to be one of those ones where everyone got each others kids presents and now that seems to have extended to grandkids/grandnieces/grandnephews.
Madness, utter madness.
Last year asked for socks. I got 3 pairs of "amusing" Christmas socks. On Christmas Day. So I wore one pair once on Boxing Day and the other two have not seen the light of day.
Two years ago the MIL got me a pair of Christmas Tree cufflinks, on Christmas Day. I only occasionally wear double cuffs; and definitely never on Christmas Day which is resolutely a day for polo shirts and maybe an anarchic jumper.
Three years ago I asked for some new work shirts. I only wear Charles Tyrwhitt in a particular fit and size. I was bought a half dozen different shirts from every single shirt company other than CT, none of which were in a style I liked, or the right size, or material.
**** it. I'm just asking for cash this year.
Thankfully my side of the family is proper Yorkshire and buy each other nowt! As my sister pointed out, our memories of our grandparents is not about what they bought, but the time we spent playing cards with them at Christmas (2p a hand, full contact whist).
Eight in our immediate family and since 2008 we have run a "Secret Santa" scheme where each person buys one (or more) present for one other person limited to £20. I organise the secret list based on a spreadsheet so you don't buy for the same person for several years and you don't know who had bought for you. I do it a couple of months before Christmas so you'd think I'd remember who bought for me but I usually don't.
It's worked out pretty well so far with everyone usually getting something useful as you only have to concentrate on buying one decent present.
Three years ago I asked for some new work shirts.
That was foolish 🙂
That was foolish
I've asked for socks and pants again this year. I have supplied weblinks for the ones I want... I'm not holding my breath.
We tend to buy stuff we want/need throughout the year and no longer feel the need to mark Christmas (apart from making an effort with nice food) or birthdays (had lots of those now).
our washer seems to only return mis matched single socks !
Summary dismissal. It's the only way, especially at this time of year when they should be obsequiously angling for tips.
Wife and I have decided not to get each other 🎁 this year and the kids (all in their late teens) have supplied ideas and are getting exactly what they would like.
No guesswork involved.
I’ve floated the idea of not getting each other anything for the last few years and finally this year everyone has (as far as we know) actually listened.
Nephews are getting a couple of little bits from us, but adults aren’t exchanging presents.
Me and the wife aren’t getting each other anything this year either, sometimes we do if there’s something we want/need but don’t feel we have to get something for the sake of it.
God theres some miserable sods on here. Still love seeing the kids get some shiny surprises even though they're 17 and 14. We do also do a 50 quid secret santa on christmas eve where I team up with the daughter and we buy for the wife and lad and they buy for us. Love shopping on christmas eve with them as its bus in to town, shopping, then a family death match at laser quest then a trip to the pub. Hopefully it will continue and Ill still keep doing whilst the kids want to.
Family came to us last year and instead of presents I said to make something food related and we can swap. Worked out really well, as we had jams, chutney, pickles, chocolates, homemade bacon, smoked cheese and spice mixes. Was great.
Years ago in my family we agreed we'd only get presents for the kids, much less hassle (the main driver) and I guess wastage. Occasionally exchange bottles of alcohol between the adults but rarely anything else. Why not suggest the same in your family OP?
Clearly none of you have met my folks, if only it was that easy.
It is that easy. But then I am blessed with aspergers so not getting emotional, being very blunt and to the point along with not understanding why people don't see it my way are my strong points.
If you lived close to me I would come round and talk to them for you 🙂
[i]It is that easy. But then I am blessed with aspergers so not getting emotional, being very blunt and to the point along with not understanding why people don’t see it my way are my strong points.[/i]
Oh wow. I wonder why I'd never thought of "blunt and to the point". Several times a *ing year, every *ing year.
OP you have my sympathy. I can relate. I get very few birthday or Christmas pressies now, but the mother in law just refuses to listen.
EBay has a search function so you can buy only from charity sellers, takes the edge off it!
Massively looking forward to seeing my kids open their Lego and massively looking forward to helping them build it.
Also presents can be taken to the chatrity shop it's all the ****ing wrapping/ disposable decorations that people buy that's the problem.
Ah but @kerley, not everyone has superpowers... 😜
Neutrotypical syndrome is a neurobiological disorder characterised by preoccupation with social concerns, delusions of superiority and obsession with conformity for which there is no known cure. Basically, they can’t help it.
Over a decade now I opted out of the festive season (unchecked the participation box). Even my aged parents got it, eventually. I still get a few cards from people that I really care about but I appreciate that they take the time to remember me.
A while. Yes it's bloody wasteful but then so is driving to the trails to ride your bike, buying a van or 4*4 not a Golf, etc. The waste annoys me too by the way (along with the ridiculous excess food buying and associated waste) but it's far wider than just Xmas.
I honestly think humanity is (in the words of Metallica) hard wired to self destruct.
My sisters and I have said that we're not doing presents this year. Just stuff for the kids. But we always buy them stuff they actually want.
My asked for an electric guitar so I've bought him that and an amp. My daughter has clothes and stuff she wanted.
I've asked for some grip grab gaiters and a watch strap from my missus/kids this year!
When I was a kid eveybody got ONE present. Nowadays it seems normal to give people between six and a dozen presents. Madness.
You could always sell or donate things you don't want or don't need. Plenty of people and animals don't even have heating or food this Christmas.
when I was a kid my presents were an orange and a cardboard box so times have definitely changed.
Our present level is higher than I'd like, but not horrendous and we don't buy tat.
I used to work with someone who just used to pass a £20 note around the dining table before they ate.
My wife likes to open a stocking full of presents on xmas day, it reminds her of time with her mum.
It's nothing special - few nice chocs, some of her shampoo / conditioner / moisturizer wrapped up.
Our present to each other this year is skiing over xmas.
Agree with most of this. My other half has 2 kids, and they are completely bombarded with presents every Christmas. We've even discussed a desire to cut down on waste, and stop buying so much plastic crap and non-recyclable wrapping paper.
And yet every year we end up _literally_ knee deep in discarded paper and cardboard, and crappy toys that are played with once before either breaking or being left in the rain to die. It pisses me off mightily.
when I was a kid my presents were an orange and a cardboard box so times have definitely changed.
The best we could manage was to suck on a damp cloth...
Pah, that's a load of old flannel.
We still go through this fiasco. This I opted out. The lack of stressing over what gift to buy, how much to spend, will they like it and what do I ask for... All gone away. As I am a miserable so and so I even opted out of the contrived family meal and have offered to drive local oaps to the community center for their home alone Xmas lunch, then back again afters.
My divvy sister failed to grasp the concept of there and back a couple of hours later and asked if was coming to lunch. It's 90 miles away, and as of yet I don't own a harrier jump jet
as of yet I don’t own a harrier jump jet
Maybe next Christmas?
Agree totally also considering the state of the environment isn't it time all those plastic containers of Heroes Celebrations and the like with their indivually wrapped chocolates was banished to the history books? There's been talk about doing away with crappy crackers rightly so let's include the above as well. 🙁🙁🙁
My family agreed years ago to limit how much we spend at Christmas. We now all create a small list of stuff we want around early November and give it to my mum. She is then in charge of who gets what off that person's list. We also limit the gift to £20 with one £30 one per person and you have no expectation to get everything off your list. That way spending is controlled and you still don't know exactly what you're going to get! My 6 year old nephew spent a whole week drawing up his list, he gave it a lot of thought and there's nothing crappy or cheap on it!
This year my list is just boring stuff: chamois cream, some brake pads, new disc rotors for the commuter bike, etc. The £30 item is a gift voucher that I can use either at 417 or FOD, didn't get that last year so hoping this time.
Rang the parents last week.
"what do you want for Christmas?"
"I don't know. What do you want?"
"I don't know"
"Shall we not bother this year?"
"OK".
Christmas shopping done, just like that 🙂
Will get them a box of chocolates or something to open on the day, that's enough
If I can’t buy my mrs a new full face lid how the hell else are we supposed to celebrate the coming of the messiah?
Jesus would be turning in his grave if he hadn’t already risen
?????
All my presents come from Father Christmas. It's hardly my fault that I've been really good this year.
#istillbelieve
All my presents come from Father Christmas. It’s hardly my fault that I’ve been really good this year.
Santa's fine by me. He asks for a list of specifics and sticks to it. He doesn't just randomly buy crap all year and use 'presents' as an excuse to feed a "shopping for tat" addiction.
Having said that, is a large scale maufacturing facility in the North Pole combined with a (near) light speed delivery service really good for the planet?
Also the naughty kids get coal! Surely with the current state of the planet the naughty kids should get solar panels?
The spoilt neighbour's children get presents all the time. Their yard is filled with plastic items, boxes of them even.
My mother bought a fine bone china mug yesterday as a Christmas gift. It got taken to the till where it was wrapped in some tissue. She then insisted on about half a metre of bubble wrap being sellotaped around it,
Arrrgghh. I tried to intervene, but she has no concept of looking after our planet and being environmentally friendly.
The few gifts hubby and I buy are usually sensible items of use. E.g. walking boots.
We went through the rigmarole of asking people nicely not to bother buying us stuff and in return we won't buy them anything about five or six years ago. It's pleasantly liberating not being part of it. I still like to get into the mince pies and stuff though, celebrating the solstice and all that.
Generally if we want something and we can afford it we'll just buy it regardless of the time of year, what with being grown ups and that 😎
We decided and told everyone a couple of years back that it’s kids only (ours and theirs). Caused a few raised eyebrows as we were not being in spirit of it. It’s worked so far.
We buy our kids exactly what they want within reason so no unwanted gifts/waste and unless something specific we haven’t got them it’s cash for them off everyone else which goes in their bank accounts until needed.
Doesn’t bother us in the slightest it’s for the kids anyway.
I'm usually moaning about receiving crap I don't want. This year, purely because we have been so busy, we seem to have ended up with everyone getting one small parcel and some money/vouchers. Feeling very under prepared but the planet will thank us
On the "people not getting it" front,
After a couple of years of you not sending them anything, do you still receive stuff? I'd have thought most people would have got the message / taken the hump by now. It's taken my "stop sending cards" message a while to get across, but my received card quota has gone down from dozens to two so far this year.
My brother has a gathering at his house on xmas eve for the majority of their friends and kids so circa 10 kids. One of the dads dresses up as Father Christmas and they all get presents from the other kids in the group - I believe it's sort of agreed in advance what they will be i.e pyjamas, lego, board game etc. So each kid has already started with 10 presents on xmas eve which I find excessive - I'd add I don't have any kids.
My nephew has shelves of games which are probably played with once or twice, and now my sister in-law is gradually having a clear out of these games.
Saying that, the average age of the kids is probably around 8 or 9 now, so this will probably be knocked on the head next year or dragged on a few more years for the younger ones.
On the “people not getting it” front,After a couple of years of you not sending them anything, do you still receive stuff? I’d have thought most people would have got the message / taken the hump by now. It’s taken my “stop sending cards” message a while to get across, but my received card quota has gone down from dozens to two so far this year.
Most of OH's family still insist on wasting a card on us because they 'don't like leaving anyone out' despite the fact we've [i]asked[/i] to be left out
My mam just buys us a calendar which is actually useful. I machined a perma-card for Mother's day on a bit of 10mm ally and engraved the back by hand, and made a birthday card from Lego that she can bust out every year. She understands my point of view now 😎