So, last night the whole porn filter thing cropped up in conversation and I mentioned to Mrs Danny that the whole thing was ridiculous, would never work etc.
I then proffered the suggestion that we would opt out. Well, that didn't go down (no pun intended) particularly well. I explained my reasoning - that babybgoode would be better served being properly educated on how to use the internet safely, that perfectly legitimate sites would be blocked, that some porn would not be blocked (page 3 Mr Cameron or will that upset your Tory donors at news International) etc.
The argument raged and she is convinced that I just want to watch some poorly shot grumble flicks. I have tried to protest my innocence and suggest if she is that worried about my browsing habits she can install a CCTV camera pointing to my monitor or just sit there and watch me bang away on STW.
Still no joy.
I then made the fatal error of making the pointing out that it actually didn't matter whether the filter was on or off as I already knew how to bypass it...
Well, lets just say I could have perhaps handled the whole thing a bit better!
No signature
poorly shot grumble flicks
I can vouch for some excellent production values in a lot of the ones Ive watched if that helps your argument with her.
some poorly shot grumble flicks
Fnarrrr
Anyway, how would she know if the grumble-gate was locked or not?
Make sure your Broadband account is in YOUR name!
This will happen a lot in the next few months.
I've applied to be a Grattan agent as a fallback.
I'm almost blind getting in before the LK
In these days of HD 1080p even the poorest levels of home cinematography can yield titillating results, errr, apparently.
What is your wife's reaction to presence in the near vicinity of a paid firefighter? Previously I've seen supposedly strong value driven solid types go spontaneously wet to the socks at the sight of a single heat resistant high vis sock. And thus the high ground is lost...
USB stick and start saving your favourite films ?
Are there other uses for the net.?
More importantly for the rest of us who haven't been so stupid as to do what you've done....
How do we opt out without the wife finding out?
I know this thread is tongue-in-cheek (it is, isn't it??) but I thought the whole point was that ISPs would not automatically do anything to change existing customers.
@chilled - hope the pop up asking whether you want to opt in / opt out comes up when you're using the internet and not when Mrs Chilled is...
she is convinced that I just want to watch some poorly shot grumble flicks
Unless you're into poorly shot grumble flicks then she is very much mistaken. Nowadays even goat porn is big budget and HD.
@stillt - no, that is how last night's conversation actually went.
re: What the ISP's are going to do - existing customers will (if all goes according to plan which it probably won't) at some point before the year end have a pop-up come up on their computer asking whether they what in or out
[i]I then made the fatal error of making the pointing out that it actually didn't matter whether the filter was on or off as I already knew how to bypass it...[/i]
How do you do it then?
TOR is probably the easiest, followed by a VPN or Proxy server in a country that doesn't have the filter (e.g almost anywhere but the UK once its introduced)...
Would like to see a graph of UK Internet traffic volume before and after they turn that on!
Just show her this.
proxies - essel
Would your wife really be upset if you watched porn?
I can imagine if it hours and hours of anal fisting randy nuns with a cup type stuff .... but really ?
I'm surprised this is actually an issue for people. Unless there is conflict such as mother wants it turned on to 'protect' the children and father wants it turned off to enjoy himself?
An old tri-lingual girlfriend of mine worked for a professional European porn production company as a PA that was very professional.
Weird as Brits are happy to smoke weed, take pills and coke recreationally where down the production process people are murdered daily. Yet its young and happening to ingest the end product here (and a fair few STWers from prev posts). Yet if a bike was nicked out of their shed it'd be the crime of the century.
We in the UK have odd-skewered view on criminality.
Leave porn alone. What next Cameron? 'Tighter moral control'/censorship?
Drac, thank you for that.
[i]just sit there and watch me bang away on STW[/i]
There's a mental image I didn't really want to have...
[i]proxies - essel[/i]
Whoaa, I'm still on imperial & can remember Pounds Shillings & Pence!
WTF are proxies?? 😳
WTF are proxies??
Someone watches the porn on your behalf, then describes it to you later.
You should just have argued about false positives. Michaelangelo's David, Venus De Milo, medical websites, Nirvana album covers, the S****horpe problem, etc etc. See the other thread.
The argument raged and she is convinced that I just want to watch some poorly shot grumble flicks
The correct answer here is, "yes, I do. And? Why not join me?"
piemonster - MemberI'm almost blind getting in before the LK
Genius, post of the week.
Cheers
CheeZe B*
*oh teh ironing
Drac, thank you for that.
You're welcome it's rather old but still funny.
perhaps handled the whole thing a bit better!
surly that's a bit difficult with a mouse in one hand whilst engrossed in hand to gland combat with the other 😀
I can imagine if it hours and hours of anal fisting randy nuns with a cup type stuff
Surely that's what everyone watches?
Someone watches the porn on your behalf, then describes it to you later.
May I be the first to offer my services....
Wait till some of you ring up and request the filter removing and the ISP says.... Its already disbled..Your wife called yesterday .....
My wife would be happy if I was watching porn, it's CRC she has the problem with.
Randy nuns??? Is there another type?
Some interesting points raised.
Cheers
Danny B
I quite like the idea of proxies . . . Can you specify who describes it to you!? Who needs audio books when you could have a blow by blow (s****) description of porn by your chosen voice ... there has to be a market for that surely
It's the thin end of the wedge, censorship is censorship. If we let the government decide what we can and can not see we are on the slipper slope to totalitarianism.
If its not illegal there no reason to block it, encourage better parenting not a nanny state parenting from government.
dannybgoode - Membersit there and watch me bang away on STW.
Still no joy.
fnarr fnarr
This post is meaningless without signatures.
Had a funny conversation with a person at O2 today while upgrading my phone:
"So, as standard, we block access to certain websites over the data network, like, erm,..."
"Like gambling sites?"
"Yes! Like gambling sites. And, erm, you know, other sites."
"Hate speech, that kind of thing?"
"Yes! Those too. And, well, over-18 sites as well of course. So, do you want us to leave those filters on?"
"No, turn them off please."
So, last night the whole porn filter thing cropped up in conversation and I mentioned to Mrs Danny that the whole thing was ridiculous, would never work etc.I then proffered the suggestion that we would opt out. Well, that didn't go down (no pun intended) particularly well. I explained my reasoning - that babybgoode would be better served being properly educated on how to use the internet safely, that perfectly legitimate sites would be blocked, that some porn would not be blocked (page 3 Mr Cameron or will that upset your Tory donors at news International) etc.
The argument raged and she is convinced that I just want to watch some poorly shot grumble flicks. I have tried to protest my innocence and suggest if she is that worried about my browsing habits she can install a CCTV camera pointing to my monitor or just sit there and watch me bang away on STW.
Still no joy.
I then made the fatal error of making the pointing out that it actually didn't matter whether the filter was on or off as I already knew how to bypass it...
Well, lets just say I could have perhaps handled the whole thing a bit better!
Im so glad im not hetrosexual in a monogamous relationship, I really am....
she has her faults but I love her nonetheless.
Cheers
Danny B
Wait - who wrote the OP?
WTF are proxies??
They are the nasty rash you get from watching too much internet porn
Wait - who wrote the OP?
Danny B, except he wanted to keep it anonymous just in case his wife was reading.
There was a complete knob'ish debate on that silly Jeremy Vine R2 "me, me, me" show yesterday prattling on about this, to be fair to JV he did put some logical questions to "call me Dave" to which "CMD" could only answer "erm, no not like that, like this" & "no, it's upto the ISP's to put the filters on"
Well thought out idea Dave, thanks for your input 🙄
😀 some excellent stuff here
Cheers stw
EDit: to be clear I'm thanking the stw massiv not postong as them
Slainte Rob
What! There's porn on the internet??? The hours I've wasted searching under hedges for stashes of damp razzles....
Wonder if they will enforce that for business, used to cost us £10K a year to stop staff being unnecessarily exposed to inappropriate material
Nowadays even goat porn is big budget and HD.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Simply explain that you have certain needs that she is not fulfilling, and that she has a choice- either you can fulfil those needs using the internet, or she can up her game. That'll resolve the issue.
Nowadays even goat porn is big budget and HD.
more like no budget!
I can foresee a late night conversation with Talk Talk customer services...
"And now I'm having to have proper sex with girls because I can't yank meself off around the clock"
I reckon this will be a choice on the ISP's automated phone line. Press 5 if you are a w****r.
I've been thinking about this after camerons inability to denounce page 3 on radio 4 yesterday. The internet has effectivly made and broken the porn industry. As HD cameras become domestic goods, anyone can shoot good quality films, which with increasing broadband takeup can be effectivlel streamed or downloaded and shared for free. No one pays for porn. It has become less of a commodity and more of a household product, it is, to coin a phrase, the new smoking.
now, what if a major studio offered the tories a lot of money to ban internet grot? suddenly DVD sales go through the roof, "adult shops" start increasing turnover, porn becomes a paid for industry again.... prohibition could be very good for business.
Simply explain that you have certain needs that she is not fulfilling, and that she has a choice- either you can fulfil those needs using the internet, or she can up her game. That'll resolve the issue
Its a brave man that takes that approach....!
Im so glad im not hetrosexual in a monogamous relationship, I really am....
What's that got to do with it? I am heterosexual in a monogamous relationship, and we both decided right away that there was no sodding way we were letting David Cameron and the Daily Wail lecture us on morality.
Some simple methods
1) it really won't work so just ignore it
2) it will block hundreds of sites you would normally look at & the daily mails celebrity bikini pics
3) just unblock it - the bill probably won't come addressed to That nasty pervert @
I would imagine STW is now on the list due to the topics discussed recently and hopefully the bastion of moral crusading that is mumsnet for it's blatent pornographic threads about Centre Parks
But in simple terms how would it stop this?
New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, who was forced to resign from Congress over a sexting scandal, has admitted sending more lewd texts and photographs to a young woman.According to news website The Dirty, Mr Weiner, 48, used the name "Carlos Danger" to contact the woman on Facebook and establish an online relationship with her which involved the exchange of intimate photographs.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-07-24/weiner-bid-for-ny-mayor-seat-hit-by-new-sex-scandal/4839518
Thats right darling, if they turn the grot filter on it's fine I will just make a fake facebook profile and swap pics with other strangers online.
What's that got to do with it?
I think the idea was to sneer at heterosexuals in a monogamous relationships for effect. And of course she is allowed to do that - anyone saying "I'm so glad I'm not a homosexual" would expect to receive considerable criticism.
If your wife has a problem with you looking at porn you're with the wrong woman or she doesn't know you at all. My wife understands that men have a very primitive urge to crack off at least once/twice a week minimum. There are certain times of month where a wife is not willing (& neither is the man either for that matter ewww) to fulfill those urges, during that time a man must see to himself or risk explosion in a salty sticky mess!
compositepro - Member
Would like to see a graph of UK Internet traffic volume before and after they turn that on!
Get in!!! a geographical map of where all the real w@nkers are
There'll be very large clusters around various government and civil service establishments.
It's already common knowledge that IP address searches show that lots of illegal downloading of grot and music takes place in government departments.
The same people who've been trying to introduce Internet control, encouraged by the Americans, at the behest of Hollywood.
What's that got to do with it? I am heterosexual in a monogamous relationship, and we both decided right away that there was no sodding way we were letting David Cameron and the Daily Wail lecture us on morality.
Plus one.
Not sure Cameron is in a position to lecture on anyone's morality.
very primitive urge to crack off at least once/twice a day
Fixed that for you
From Horatios link
They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.
Right then, I've got 30min before I have to leave for work.
*spits on palms
Can't imagine being married to a woman who didn't know/got upset about me watching porn, surely people (except religious idiots) are more enlightened these days...
Im so glad im not hetrosexual in a monogamous relationship, I really am....
I'm glad I'm heterosexual and in a monogamous relationship. I watch porn I'd be a fool to think my wife didn't know or care given at times she's watched it with me. So what's your point?
Im so glad im not hetrosexual in a monogamous relationship, I really am....
Taking the not trying to be offended point of view there are heaps of posts on here with blokes looking for passes to go riding, sneaking bike purchases past their wives, copping a heap of stick for doing something then complaining about it here. The stereotype of the whipped man hiding from 'er indoors is probably alive and well enough to poke fun at.
Ahhh, that's better.
Damn it Mike I never thought of the weak ones who post on here about such things.
Hang on a minute? There's porn on the internet?! 😯
It'll not happen.
In the same way they u-turned on the minumum charge for a unit of alcohol, too many people in high-up places (including MPs) will lose out, so the government will change their mind again...
If it does, its back to keeping an eye out for hedgerow-razzle...
Is it just me, or is the creation of a database which says which major political figures like to download a bit of porn just asking for trouble? Instant hacking/paying somebody at the ISPs target.
It's also a political minefield, as every MP will have to answer the question as to whether they have turned the filter off, so they'll either have to not watch any porn, lie, or admit in public that they watch a load of porn.
I'm pushing for the discrimination angle. This law will discriminate against people who like traditional porn with cocks and things while in the meantime, people who like rubbing off to a nicely shaved poodle will be able to continue unfettered. I'll see you at the European halls of justice.
this thread is cracking me up thought I'd share I with the missus but I think I'll keep this one to myself lest she get any ideas
You don't see so much of that these days, porn in bushes. Or bushes in porn, for that matter.
(C) Jimmy Carr.
LOL @ piemonster.. 🙂
I've shared this thread with my Mrs (a mums netter) and she thought it was hilarious. But as for freedom in the country. ... Since when have we turned into China ffs?
Cheers for that binners 😀 Quagmire reminds me of a less randy version of myself