"It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done"Except when it comes to having kids! If you regret having them then that's several lives messed up.
Great advice. If you don't want them, don't have them. Also, as someone mentioned not too far above, do bear in mind that if you do choose to have kids, there are no guarantees they will conform to your image of being a parent. We have two kids, one of which has had two bone marrow transplants which was a big old strain on my wife and I. Also, he has difficulty with his balance and mobility, so may never get to enjoy the many things that have brought joy to our life that we hoped to share with him. We simply don't know what the future holds for him but it doesn't look like what we had in mind when we entered parenthood.
Our kids are absolutely adorable and bring immense joy, but my advice to any prospective parent is to never ever underestimate how difficult it can be.
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry.
Unbridled joy
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Great fulfilling proudness
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Anger & frustration
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Pretty much sums it up for me,
Wouldn't be without him now though!
If any of you (and I do mean any of you) are unsure whether you want kids, it's your lucky day!
My children (5 and 8 ) have the next 20 or so weekends available on a first come first served "try before you buy" basis.
Don't worry about references or CRB checks, you all seem very nice.
I can even deliver free of charge within 5 or 6 hundred miles.
Email in profile.
Ta
Friends of mine have admitted they deeply regret having kids. Everyone's always scandalised when they say it but I always wonder how many people feel the same.
Based upon this thread, not many.
s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren't. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it's difficult to describe.
Know anything about adoption?
I'm in the Doug Stanhope camp
Have you ever considered registering as a sex offender, just so you have a legitimate excuse for why your friends can’t bring their stupid children over to your house?”
I had a spectacularly shit day at work today.
Got home to two bursting girls desperate to tell me about their day, homemade biscuits for me to eat.
Work doesn't matter anymore.
I'm in my mid 40s, never wanted children and, despite that decision costing me at least one otherwise-perfect relationship, I appear to be perfectly happy and have no regrets at all.
I was firmly in the 'screw that for a game of soldiers' camp until I met my wife, who skillfully spent 5 years bringing me round to the idea.
Now we have our little wriggler, I usually get home a bit before my wife does with him and now he's crawling she opens the door and puts him down so he can come and find me, the cackle of delight when he first catches sight of me is pure magic.
Yes it's tiring, yes you don't have as much 'me time' (but you certainly make the best of it!) but I can't remember the last time I was actually bored.
Plenty of our fiends have no plans to be parents, that's their call, each to their own. I know that had I decided to dig my heels in I would have regretted it, and probably lost a damn fine woman at the same time.
People with no kids - any regrets?
None what so ever, i love my selfish life.
I've never wanted them in the slightest which admitingly has caused a few break-ups of otherwise perfect relationships but i always made it clear from the outset that i do not want kids and this was usually met with a "you will someday" and a wry smile that seemed to say "I'll change your mind", i guess the biological tick-tocking of the girls/women i went out with got to them over time and we had to part ways, amicably i might add but part none the less.
In a funny kind of arrangement i am a legal guardian to a 4 1/2 yr old boy if anything happens to his dad or mum or both of them (god forbid). She's an ex-girlfriend and her husband an old friend of mine, he's a skipper and often out at sea for up to 10 days at a time fishing in all weathers and he's fully aware of the dangers of his job as we've lost many folk we've all known and grown up with out at sea so it was agreed that if anything were to happen to either him or her then i've to bring him up or help bring him up. This is fine with me as i get on great wi him and love him to bits, and he loves me to bits and his parents are quite elderly and greek (they stay out there in greece) and her parents are also elderly and stay 400 miles away so all the legal papers were drawn up a few years ago for everyones piece of mind.
It's quite a good arrangement as i get to do stuff like get him running about on a balance bike by the age of two and i got him an islabike beinn for his xmas, he's already done the blue route at Kirroughtree (with a few stops i might add) and he loves his bike - i've already got ideas about a custom frame for him in a couple of years time so i get to do all the exciting stuff without any of the real "parenting" issues to deal with.
Have met plenty of people who regretted having kids. Never met anyone so far who regretted not having them. Mrs and I have four nephews and nieces between us. That's plenty of sprogs thanks all the same. If you want to have kids, then go for it. If you're not sure, buy a dog. They only last around 15 years, then they die and you can buy another! Simples..
I can't help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it's just me?
Ouch...yes, what this chap said.
I just don't get the affordability aspect that some people put up as an excuse/reason.
I'm from a single parent family when there was still a stigma around that situation. We went short on the materialistic things, we walked. cycled or caught a bus. Holidays mmmm
However we didn't go short on the essentials love, stability and knowing right from wrong.
That said I appreciate its a different world and the commerciality of it makes me want to weep but with children comes responsibilities and on the flip side watching your children grow up is a magical. Each to their own . IMHO
Me and wor lass were on the same page from day 1, and now have two kids, 6 and 4. Love them to bits and love our life to bits - they both have bikes, love camping, the outdoors in general etc. And they get more fun and interesting as they get older. And we'd had plenty of adventures/travels before we had them.
However, we both said that if it never happened, then we'd be great aunts and uncles to our nieces and nephews, and just enjoy a more selfish life, more cash to burn, more travels etc.
My point is, is that as long as you and your good lady are on the same page, then you'll be fine - there's no right or wrong answer.
However, I'm gobsmacked at two pals who have just got/are just getting married, and this isn't a resolved issue that they've bottomed out with their partners yet. I know of at least one pal where this has led to a fairly quick divorce.
s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren't. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it's difficult to describe.
Know anything about adoption?
Ignoring the tone, clearly I include adoption. The point is that it's difficult to explain what having kids means to those who don't have them, adopted, or otherwise.
Been out watching Les Miserables - almost made me wish I had a bawling child at home to look after instead!
I just don't get the affordability aspect that some people put up as an excuse/reason.
Why should you need an excuse?
I can't help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it's just me?
Ah shit just realised what you are talking about. Mods please delete/change thread title if you think it's insensitive.
Love them to bits and love our life to bits - they both have bikes, love camping, the outdoors in general etc.
What if they didn't love all that stuff and were a bit dull, would you still love them as much? 🙂
Grum having read all this, what are you thinking?
Has anyone answered your question? (I guess that requires a childless older person, in particular a woman, who is well past the threshold of being able to have children, so maybe not. Younger people who "have decided not to" don't count because they still may).
Bregante : If any of you (and I do mean any of you) are unsure whether you want kids, it's your lucky day!My children (5 and 8 ) have the next 20 or so weekends available on a first come first served "try before you buy" basis.
Don't worry about references or CRB checks, you all seem very nice.
I can even deliver free of charge within 5 or 6 hundred miles.
Email in profile.
Ta
Genuine LOL 😆
mattjg - I'm not sure that it provides the OP with 'the answer', but I'm a woman past the age of having children. I don't have children, never wanted to, and don't have any regrets.
Having just read the "save the planet" stuff.
We've a friend who at 21 convinced her doctor to give her the snip. She was that way inclined back in the day apparently.
When she's had a few sherries now, and is with our kids she always cries and rues the day she made that decision.
-
As for not being able to do stuff. I've been a slacker this month with the weather and have still cycled 200K this month and run 60K.
consume you little bastards.. consume, CONSUME!!!
[img] 
[/img]
yunki most Jr hugging my Xmas fat 😀
Fair dos Sue.
Grum in 7 pages you have at least one person in a position to answer your question succinctly and doing so.
I think the rest of us, either because we have kids or we're young enough that we still might, aren't qualified to answer.
Would love to have more looks like adoption is our only way!
[url= http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3165/2617407347_41f5161d91.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/nzrich/2617407347/ ]mountain mayhem 170[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/nzrich/ ]Richard Munro[/url], on Flickr
[url= http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3458/3828130596_90599686fd.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/nzrich/3828130596/ ]I love stickers[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/nzrich/ ]Richard Munro[/url], on Flickr
[url= http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4046/4520897688_f0b0c5c038.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/nzrich/4520897688/ ]SSUK 09[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/nzrich/ ]Richard Munro[/url], on Flickr
[url= http://farm1.staticflickr.com/89/240748940_4110c63d81.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/nzrich/240748940/ ]DSC00521[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/nzrich/ ]Richard Munro[/url], on Flickr
Just thinking back to the mugshots thread actually...
I think many here won't really get a choice.
My lad is 12, he's now out with me on his bike whenever he can be. Strong enough to keep up and all. I'm tremendously proud of him, both in his abilities and his personality. I could not imagine life without him and getting him to this point has been so easy, it really has.
My daughter is 11, she's just finished a run in the local panto, which was excellent. She's sparky and witty and fun to be with. I'm tremendously proud of her, both in her abilities and personality. I could not imagine life without her and getting her to this point has been even easier.
They'll both probably ruin this pride as they hit teenager stage, but it's the biggest and best adventure ever.
But it's not for everyone.
If you're the kind of person who doesn't want kids then you're probably not the kind of person who would regret not having them.
If you're right, no-one should have kids and the human race would be extinct. Would the Earth be a better place without humans? It would simply be full of other species who would take over the world and mould it for themselves if only they knew how.Life is selfish, and without life the Earth is a floating rock. So really, who cares if we live on it or not? Given our biological makeup it makes more sense to care about those close to you. And having kids is an excellent way to have people close to you.
Yes the Earth would be a far healthier place for ALL other species. How can you argue that our influence is anything other than parasitic destruction. See Attenborough.
How is it a floating rock? We haven't found anything remotely as interesting in the rest of the Universe. I'd say before the freak genetic mutation called homo sapiens came along this planet was natural perfection.
The problem here is a question of how much you can trust the opinion of those who haven't had kids and say they don't regret it. Imagine you're 60 years old and the window for kids has passed. In arguably the most important decision of your life you chose not to have kids. If you regret that decision you have made a ginormous cock up in your life, far more important than anything materialistic. People don't like to admit that they've made a bad decision, especially when it's a big one. Again, I'm not saying people are deliberately lying; I sure people genuinely believe they don't regret having kids, but subconsciously I wonder if this really is the case. Unfortunately, this means I tend not to trust the opinion of those people who haven't had kids unless they say they did regret it, which makes it totally unfair on my part. I would would only trust them if I could be assured that their testament is guaranteed to be true, and that is not possible.
You could of course apply exactly the same argument to those that do have kids
Absolutely. So I can't trust anyone! Ha!
Unless you can think of moralistic reasons like overpopulation etc to not have them. People who have them only have desire as an excuse.
Are we now allowed to put up gratuitous cute kid pics?
(JCL can't be for real)
cobbdu, that does sound a bit like total rubbish to me.
The fact is we all (childless and prolific procreaters) have only the one life and we can't rewind, change a variable and try it again and see if it's better the other way around. Those with or without kids will never know how their lives might have gone if they had taken different choices. The good news is the as humans we are pretty amazingly adaptable and most of us are very good at making the best of it whatever comes along. Even better news is I think blokes are the masters of this - most of the blokes I know really didn't care a huge amount about becoming dads. The ones attached to very keen potential mothers had them and are happy and those of us attached to not so keen baby machines didn't and are happy too. When it comes down to it I don't think us menfolk have an awful lot to do with the decision but are pretty good at going along with what we are told to do!
One last thing - the title of this thread was "People with no kids - any regrets?". There were a good few folk in that situation that actually answered the question one way or another. There were however the usual predictable number of parents that rolled out the usual "having kids was the best thing in the world ever - here are some photos of my wonderful darlings" bollox. That wasn't the question being asked and to be honest not especially helpful. I'm forever being told by parent friends "well you are not a father so you won't know" (about all sort of random stuff that seems to have very little to do with parenting!) - well in this case parents, you might have been childless once but you never made the decision not to have kids so butt out as you don't know what you are talking about on this specific issue 😉
PostieRich, great pics.
Two couples I know have divorced over unwanted children, unwanted by half the couple that is. In one case the woman was pressured into having a third and giving up work by an overbearing husband, and in the other case the wife announced she was pregnant again.
If you can't agree on the number of kids you want early in a relationaship, best split IMO. I went out with a girl who wanted three, but I couldn't see beyond one so we split. We remained in contact (very close contact even) while she went through various other men looking for Mr Cottage-in-the-country-and-three-kids even if they were dull and bored her in bed.
Around 8% of French women have children by men other than their husbands, the theory being they marry the social position and shag another guy because they (sub)consciously want his children. In my own experience I've only been with two/three women I could envisage getting pregnant; strong, healthy, intelligent ladies that (sub)consciously I thought would make good mothers. One is my wife and mother of my son.
Nope.
How is it a floating rock? We haven't found anything remotely as interesting in the rest of the Universe. I'd say before the freak genetic mutation called homo sapiens came along this planet was natural perfection.
Here's the thing (and this is as religious as I get) - humans are the only creatures to actually try to understand the world, the only ones who actually appreciate the beauty and wonder of what is around us. It's like flying is wasted on birds - they don't appreciate it.
In addition, since we're here and causing all this mess, I think we have a purpose - to ensure the survival of life. It'd only take one large asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth - it's almost happened several times already. Humans are the only species with the capability to help life spread to other planets, to help prevent that tragedy happening.
Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?
Bit of a mess these days init?
Having children is not something I ever have really considered, even as a child it wasn't part of my plans. My partner feels the same way and as we're both in our 40s we don't have to think about it any more.
The thing that really winds me up about not having children is the constant patronising comments from people I know with children asking why I haven't got children. For some reason they become very upset when I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice. As was said where I grew up 'if yow cor tek it, doh dish it'
For some reason they become very upset when I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice.
I can understand the reactions you get - you probably come across as a bit well, you know, knobish.
Perhaps if you say 'we don’t want children' or 'I had my testicles chewed off by a rabid hedgehog on a camping trip to Rhyl as a 13 yr old' the reaction might not be the same? Just a thought.
Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?
But imagine if those aliens are not friendly - would the mammoths defend the Earth? I don't think so. I've seen Independence Day.
[i]Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?
Bit of a mess these days init? [/i]
I always assumed Aliens would turn up, quickly identify the human race as a virus and destroy us all to ensure the planet survives.
I for one welcome our extraterrestrial, genocidal overlords.
I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice
As is not having them.
Although, I agree with the 'patronising comments' point.
Well it's fairly futile trying to spread life to the other infertile planets in our solar systems and other possibly habitable planets are a few too many light years away. Without wishing to provoke a Rousseau/Voltaire debate, we lead fairly futile existences and the most important thing is being able to live with your own choices rather than worrying too much about the impact they have on the planet.
If you can live with owning/driving a car I don't think you should wory too much about the impact of having kids.
