[Closed] People with no kids - any regrets?

as a side note its amazing peoples reaction when we say that were not having another...

Same here, we have one child and we are both happy with that.

The amount of times i've heard the same as above 🙄

The fact my mrs nearly died when we had my our son seems to have no effect on their "opinion"

Bringing up children is never going to be easy, but the good times far far outweigh the bad ones.
Not only do i get thge biggest cuddles every time i step through the door i get to to marvel at the world through the eyes of a 6 year old and a 4 year old.

No regrets whatsoever.

I'd make a useless Dad anyway.

edit: I do manage a fairly good job of being the cool & funky Uncle though...but Im sure my niece & nephew have different opinions...

I needed to have kids

I would have looked like a right peado at Soft play, Legoland and the Santa Special steam train without them, and it was brilliant fun!

philconsequence - Member

BUT, people who spout' nothing missing in our lives, or we have no void to fill'.....ffs
oh, and enjoy your 'toys'.

why ffs?

Posted 2 minutes ago # Report-Post

phil, i buy 'toys' to fill my voids.....fast cars, big bike, new shoes.

kids are a bit more precious than void fillers. imho that is.

Does caring about that make me selfish?

No. It's your decision and yours alone. We're planning to have kids soon, not out of a unselfish duty, just cos we want kids. It is that simple. If you think you'd do a good job raising them then go for it.

Smiles are a rare commodity sometimes.

Not if you have little kids 🙂

i'm the harsh, no fun, no sweets, no tv, have you done your homework uncle. They objected so much to me picking them up from school ( I was between jobs) that they now go to after school which is [insert 12yo word for bad] but then when I was working they wondered why I wasn't visiting them with the missus. Guess I'll stick to cool uncle, they would be under the patio otherwise.

I would have looked like a right peado at Soft play, Legoland and the Santa Special steam train without them, and it was brilliant fun!

Finally, we've reached the real nub of having kids - they give you an excuse to return to behaving like one 😀 rather than becoming old and boring 😉

[img] [/img]

As trite as it may sound our neighbour in her congratulations card wrote

"welcome to the best, smelliest, noisiest, most stressful club in the world"

She was right and it is...she sleeps with us in the campervan, comes to races did her (I should point out I was riding around for 24hrs not her) first 24hour this year and so long as you're not one of the types that follow 'the contented baby' bullshit and allow your baby to flow around your life it hasn't really changed our way of life as drastically as we first thought.

wors - Member

as a side note its amazing peoples reaction when we say that were not having another...

Same here, we have one child and we are both happy with that.

The amount of times i've heard the same as above

My mate who already had kids, on finding out that my wife was expecting said "Now your ****ed"...

makes sense ton 🙂

It's a big decision, but more of a practical one than any response to some sort of spiritual awakening.

What I mean is you shouldn't feel that parenthood is some sort of calling that is felt at a deep level. It's not for most people IME (although it's true do meet the occasional person who is just obsessed with having kids, even from a young age).

No kids = valid choice
Kids = valid choice

Didn't ever want children at all - met Mrs JAMJ and almost immediately thought "This is the mother of my children"...

I'm with Binners above to an extent - however lovely, children can be the most frustrating and annoying things ever. On the flip side our children are my joy.

No one can tell you if being a parent is right for you except you and no one can see into your future and know if it will be a regret. This is one you can only work out for yourself.

I never wanted kids, Had lots of toys, holidays etc
It was a biological impossibility with my previous Partner and didnt bother me at all, always felt that the benefits of kids did not outway the drawbacks.

Now I am Happily engaged and the Father of 2, My daughter is coming up for 3 and my son is 9 months.
Its the hardest thing I have ever done but it is also the most wonderful, the look on my kids face when i walk in through the door at night is enough to bring me to tears, they are so happy so see you.

Yes its hard, no I havent ridden my bike for months, I havent been snowboarding in 3 seasons etc etc and at times I`ll be honest I do mourn my "Pre-Kids" freedom, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the whole "This isnt what I signed up for" attitude, as the kids were supposed to be "In addition to" rather than "Instead of" the life we already had.....

I am still 3 years on coming to terms with it, but I love my Kids dearly, regret is a strong word, sometimes I feel we should have stayed at one child, but as he grows that feeling visits me less and less.....
I am happy to be a Father.
I would like more time to do the things I used to do
I now look forward to be able to do those things with my children

A lot of people say 'I miss doing xxxxxx but I wouldn't change it for the world etc' - but you kind of have to say that don't you? Not saying it necessarily applies to people here but it's a big taboo to admit you regret having kids.

Sounds like we have a few years to decide anyway hopefully.

From my experience, the people I've met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I've known.

These two things are probably connected.

Is my observation. Only a tiny sample out of a global population of 7 billion of course. And my observation hasn't been peer reviewed and displayed as a pie chart, so according to STW rules it must be immediately rejected without question. 😀

Absolutely the hardest and the best thing I've ever done...

I used to surf every week and couldn't imagine a life where that didn't happen. With kids, you get a different perspective and my surfs are rarer than hens teeth these days but I wouldn't swap it. I guess that's similar to your powder boarding. I guess I'm saying you can't really view what your life with children will be in the context of your current lifestyle.

at 32 you're still young and have got 8 years realistically to give it a go

grum - Member
A lot of people say 'I miss doing xxxxxx but I wouldn't change it for the world etc' - but you kind of have to say that don't you. Not saying it necessarily applies to people here but it's a big taboo to admit you regret having kids.

LOL yes, you do HAVE to say that... however you don't HAVE to say it to a bunch of faceless internet texts you're never likely to meet.

Why would i lie about it ? It would be silly...

I'm never likely to meet any of you, be friends with you... so i have no reason to be embarrased about my replies.

From my experience, the people I've met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I've known.

These two things are probably connected.

Hmm sounds like the kind of smug condescending attitude only parents can fully achieve. 😉

weeksy - not saying it applies to all but I suspect it does for some.

I guess that's similar to your powder boarding. I guess I'm saying you can't really view what your life with children will be in the context of your current lifestyle.

Interesting way of putting it.

met Mrs JAMJ and almost immediately thought "This is the mother of my children"...

Good point. Mrs Grips is so fabulous, I wanted to preserve her DNA forever... 🙂

I would like more time to do the things I used to do
I now look forward to be able to do those things with my children

This is a good point. Lil Grips #1 is probably big enough to climb small hills, when Lil Grips #2 is not so lil I think we will be able to go on some good walks.

The cool thing about Lil Grips #1 is she is up for absolutely anything. Almost every activity you can think of sounds great to her*, even stuff she can't really do yet like go on long bike rides. Even went for a run with her the other day. Ok so it was just once around the block but it was fun 🙂

* unless it's stuff like tidying up, putting on her clothes, eating her dinner...

I do have kids (ok, kid, but ones brewing at the moment) however I can see that while I would not swap what I have, and genuinely love micorbits to death (even when she's screaming because I've put the wrong frikkin socks on her...) that if I had not had them, and spent all my time on beaches and in bars as I did pre kids, I'd actually be very happy. This is probably a fair reflection of my personalty, I'm just a very content type of person.
I think that as I get old however, I'll appreciate them more and more.

From my experience, the people I've met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I've known.

I take it you've never watched the Chelsea tractors arriving outside the gates of a private school when the kids are being dropped off?

Having kids is a great excuse to do stuff you used to enjoy as a kid - lone adult in soft play is very weird, adult with small person completely normal.

From my experience, the people I've met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I've known.
These two things are probably connected.

tinybits - Member
I think that as I get old however, I'll appreciate them more and more

IT's only as i've got older i appreciate my role as a son more and more,... You see it's not all just about the parent having the children.... it's about the child becoming a man, becoming a parent and becoming something 'more' to the parent as they get older too

Due to deaths and health reasons my perspective on 'family' has changed over the past few years and i'm now 10X the son i was once... This is a HUGE factor for me and as well as getting the true perspective of being a parent, i'm getting the real meaning of what it means to be someones child too.

it passes every time I have to listen so someone describe in agonising detail how Jnr (they don't have names these days) crapped by himself without getting it on his legs.....
on the serious side the missus also has some residual gladular fever/cfs type stuff and now admits she's gad we don't (being the one that was keen) we wouldn't have done some of the stuff we have done/going to do with kids and tbh I probably too harsh on them.

To be honest, it doesn't sound like you'd make a great hash of it anyway so I think you've made the right decision for the life you'd create and those that would have to deal with the consequences. But most of all, for yourselves.

I would like more time to do the things I used to do
I now look forward to be able to do those things with my children

^^ this

The cool thing about Lil Grips #1 is she is up for absolutely anything. Almost every activity you can think of sounds great to her* even stuff she can't really do yet

^^ and this

* unless it's stuff like tidying up, putting on her clothes, eating her dinner...

^^ and unfortunately sometimes even this...

Hmm sounds like the kind of smug condescending attitude only parents can fully achieve.

😆

most annoying is people who think because they're a parent they're somehow superior or more knowledgeable than those without kids.... the phrase "speaking as a mother" for example 👿

From my experience, the people I've met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I've known.

you don't know enough people then.

i'm pretty certain there was a thread like this a while back and a STW member was very honest about her feelings about having kids, i might be wrong but i think regret played a part in it.

Thanks deadly seems like a good back handed compliment.

Mostly I'm just sick of being treat like a freak for not wanting to procreate.

when i was younger, say around 22-25, i could easily imagine myself having a child; teaching him/her how to throw a frisbee, ride a bike, taking them to school and checking out all the sexy young mums. but at 26 my best mate got his girlfriend pregnant. i saw how his life went from "me" to "gf - me" during pregnancy and to "baby - gf - me" once the little one arrived.

what scared me was that he has/had a very selfish character and that i'm very similar.

the thought that my life would be turned up-side-down wasn't a nice one.
then i also began to think what the world will be like in 20, 30 or 50 years time. i don't believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now. the thought of bringing a child into that doesn't appeal to me.

the GF's sister has a little one now and has another that will be ready to pop in 7 months. the way that the grandparents run around and talk about the little one pees me off no end.

the GF's mate has a little one and they went through hell after the birth, in and out of hospital due to some strange complications. scary.

and then i think of the table that i recently restored and the ink and scratches on it after the sister-in-law visited and her little one was practising her drawing (actually seathing under the skin thinking about it! :evil:). if she ever gets near my leather sofa there will be hell to pay.

and why do parents think that you won't mind if they change their sprogs nappy on your sofa? strangely i don't want to run the risk of having a shit smeared sofa and i don't appreciate the lingering smell of baby poo in my lounge, either.

I have always considered that it is kind of my debt to my parents to have kids.

They had me, raised me, dealt with my shit and have never asked for anything in return. The only way I could ever repay/atone is to have kids of my own and do the same for them.

Of course this is not the only factor in wanting kids but it does play some small part.

If it adds anything to this I achieve more personal goals now I'm a parent as I realise the time I wasted before, it's sorted out my time management completely.

And just for the record

Not all kids are cute, not all kids are nice, not all kids grow up to be nice. Its a lottery.

If you think the way in which your children turn out is purely a function of chance, then you definitely shouldn't have any.

We have two and I couldn't imagine life without them. Was never that bothered all through 20s and early 30s - lots of traveling, boarding, biking, FUN. Now I have as much fun, just in different ways. I was looking through my snowboard bag for some gloves when it snowed and wondering if I'll ever get to use all that kit again, I certainly hope so but I don't miss it half as much as I thought I would.

People say children shouldn't change your life, and perhaps they're right, but mine changed enormously in that split second when the first was born. You might still do the same stuff - biking, work, etc etc, but everything else takes a seismic shift. You expect your priorities and all that stuff to change because people tell you they will, but it's like flicking a switch (at least it was for me).

Now in the grand scheme of things nothing else matters, just that my family is safe and well. If money is tight, if we can't go to the cinema at the drop of a hat, so what. Some days I can't wait to get out of the house to get some peace and quiet, but 10 minutes after leaving I can't wait to get back.

I know people say it a lot, and I don't want to sound trite, but you really cannot understand what it's like to be a parent until you become one. Teaching your own offspring the simplest thing like how to use a knife with your dinner is incredibly rewarding. My eldest is three and listening to him talk to my mum on the phone, having a proper conversation, brings me close to tears sometimes.

Whatever you decide to do the most important thing is that it's the absolutely right decision for you and your wife. If that means not having kids then so what, if you decide to have them you don't strike me as the kind of person that would regret it. The fact you're even thinking it through speaks volumes.

thing is, no matter how amazing a parent you are, your kids can still turn out exactly the way you don't want them to.

and why do parents think that you won't mind if they change their sprogs nappy on your sofa? strangely i don't want to run the risk of having a shit smeared sofa and i don't appreciate the lingering smell of baby poo in my lounge, either.

Never wanted kids at all until my **** buddy got pregnant last year.
I was totally gutted,she wanted to keep it so decided to give it a whirl
with her.
Moved in with her and two weeks ago today had a wonderful baby daughter!

Even though its very early days,it's changed both me and her for the better!

thing is, no matter how amazing a parent you are, your kids can still turn out exactly the way you don't want them to.

shut up Phil.

😯

then i also began to think what the world will be like in 20, 30 or 50 years time. i don't believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now. the thought of bringing a child into that doesn't appeal to me.

I thought that, but:

When I was born, we were in the depths of he Cold War - the chances of being incinerated without warning in a fraction of a second were very real and present.

When my parents were born, we were fighting for our very existence against the Nazis, thousands were dying in bombing raids on cities.

When my grandparents were born, Europe was tooling up for the war to end all wars.

The world is always going to be an uncertain place - that's not a good reason not to have kids I think.

No regrets so far

Thanks deadly seems like a good back handed compliment.
Mostly I'm just sick of being treat like a freak for not wanting to procreate.

No problems. I'm not treating you as a freak; as i said, it sounds as if you've made the right decision. From your sweeping generalisations so far, you appear to be strongly validifying your own choices and denigrating those of others. I don't know why this is. Why is it you feel the need to tar everybody with the same brush?

saw a cracking bumper sticker yesterday

remember a kid is for life, not just for benefits....

I have the set, girl (5) and boy (3), hard work yep, costs lots, yep, independence gone, sort of, but boy they brighten up out lives. They make us laugh, have shown us what total unconditional love is, and have made our lives complete. We're not adding to the world population, we're just replacing ourselves and we are bringing them up to respect and love this ball we live on. In a weird way they have also helped us come to terms with our own mortality, we as animals have a job to do, pass on our genes, we've done that so as wiggo would say "job done"

(+ put the groundwork in now and hopefully when they are better off than we are, they'll be paying for the cruises in our 60's)

Four girls and a boy.. all in their twenties.. My god how I regret having them now hehehehe