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Your "girlfriend"?
When you man up and get committed them you get a say. Until then you have to bank roll them both until you find your balls.
Let's just call it £50 a week all in, % of bills gets too complicated. He's getting a sweet deal if that includes food
Noisy sex is the answer.
+1
plus walking round your house naked
no one could withstand that...
plus walking round your house naked wearing only one rubber glove
FTFY
Is the actual issue here more about the OP having to share the new home with somebody other than the partner? Or about money?
I have three adult kids, two have left home and one still at home. The youngest who is still at home doesn't pay anything to this household, and isn't an issue to us, instead he saves his money for his future.
There is no way that I would force him out, he'll leave when he is ready.
My stepdaughter still lives at home and my wife refuses to charge her a penny in rent.
And you put up with this?
Is the actual issue here more about the OP having to share the new home with somebody other than the partner? Or about money?I have three adult kids, two have left home and one still at home. The youngest who is still at home doesn't pay anything to this household, and isn't an issue to us, instead he saves his money for his future.
There is no way that I would force him out, he'll leave when he is ready.
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My argument is that I'm not subsidising her adult working son while he's living under our roof we've worked years to pay for with no intention of moving out.
The reality is someone else living there costs very little as council tax, water and elect, broadband etc are largely fixed costs as is the mortgage
YOu are neither subsidising him nor charging him the small increase in cost you actually have as a result of him being there
IMHO the fact you dont want to "subsidise a partners child" is the real issue here not how much you can force him to pay because you basically dont want him thre
[quote=Cougar ]My stepdaughter still lives at home and my wife refuses to charge her a penny in rent.
And you put up with this?
No he puts his foot down kicks out the daughter and then he remains happily married for ever after.
Not much you can do when its someone child as their love for them may well be greater [ or at least equal to] their love for you
as others have said, cut him some slack to begin with, if he's got a plan and is pitching in then all well and good, affordability is a killer for people in their 20s and 30s - also if your opening gambit is a confrontation with your future family then that way failure lies... good luck 🙂
Pook, say something that is intelligent.
Cougar - Moderator[i]My stepdaughter still lives at home and my wife refuses to charge her a penny in rent.[/i]
And you put up with this?
Yes, so far, but it's now six weeks since she turned 16 so I'm going to put my foot down as soon as her mock Highers are finished next week.
I'd be sympathetic if he was saving for a deposit on a house of his own rather than wasting the money on nights out, clothes etc. I tend to think that the younger generations have been dealt a pretty rubbish hand these days.
I tend to think that the younger generations have been dealt a pretty rubbish hand these days.
Whilst they have, they have also (been allowed) to develop a pretty entitled minimum standard of living before they consider a wage 'saveable'. The list of wants rather than needs your average live at home 20 odd year old considers essential is a bit embarrassing. Saving for a deposit is a tough gig these days but a good proportion of them don't half make it hard for themselves.
No confrontation with the son. Partner agrees that he should pay his way. He argued why should he pay to live with his mother. Sadly he has no idea that freeloading for the foreseeable future is unacceptable. He said he's moving out so his mother said fine, crack on. He'll be begging to move in with us when he sees what a great deal he's getting
We're lucky in our area that a 4 bed terrace with a garden can be had for £110k so with a wage of nearly £2k a month it's affordable
Maybe you should show him the actual household bills you get and have to pay. Explain to him what they're for and how they're broken down. Have a man to man chat with him.
[I]I'd be sympathetic if he was saving for a deposit on a house of his own rather than wasting the money on nights out, clothes etc. I tend to think that the younger generations have been dealt a pretty rubbish hand these days. [/I]
Jesus, didn't you pi55 it up the wall when younger, or spend it on hols/cars/bikes? I bloody did, and still do. Just now we've kids to come and collect us and brings us back home at gawd knows what time 🙂
Feeling the paternal love in this thread...
Being Scottish "Smell yer ma!" springs to mind
25% of a wage sounds a lot to me tbh
In the real world, my bills come to 65%, and thats before food, and I have to do my own washing!
Being Scottish "Smell yer ma!" springs to mind
Well, that's certainly one approach.
Being euqally Scottish I'm already charging my 5 month old son rent. It's being kept on a tab and will be charged retrospectively once he gets his first paper round.
His mother has still to decide if she'll backdate the rent to include his 9 months spent in the womb.
Being Scottish "Smell yer ma[b]w[/b]!" springs to mind
Yes, so far, but it's now six weeks since she turned 16 so I'm going to put my foot down as soon as her mock Highers are finished next week.
You are joking?
biglee1 - Member
It's broken down as £30per week lodge and the rest as a 3rd of the bills. So when he's swanning round with all the lights on, troughing thru the food and spending half an hour in the shower that's what he's paying for not unreasonable for living in a £270k house imo
This sounds like what I'd consider acceptable. Treat him like an adult and try make him understand what an adult has to deal with, financially (if he's the one who's been to Uni then he should already have an idea of how the world works). Treat him like an adult, share all the bills with him, don't just ask him for money contributions against a notional amount. However, the downside for you is that he will consider himself an equal contributor, you inevitably have to forgo some control, therefore he gets to use the house how he likes, "PARTY BACK AT MY PLACE, 2AM!" (or some degree of that).
It does sound a bit harsh to me but that might just be the tone just sounds like you want rid so the money thing is a side show.
You are basically charging him private landlords rent.
Are you sure you can't 'all' sit down and talk it through to come up with a forward looking plan that everyone is happy with? Having his own (or house share) place will be good for him but forcing him out isn't the only option for him to see it.
You are basically charging him private landlords rent.
£30pw ......private landlords rent? Really?
The £30 sounds cheap to me but he said he is charging him £500 a month all in to live in a house with 3 others plus a couple of occasionals
A house share all inclusive is easily doable for that sort of money.
It just sounds like the op wants rid so doing the 'this is the cost of living sonny' to get him out rather than building real respect between everyone
Like I said might just have been how I was reading it.
is charging him £500
Where are you getting that from? He said 25% of his income and he is earning £2pm. I suspect one is before and the other after tax.
You might be right, but even at £400pm (not the £30 a week you suggested :D) a house share with 3 others plus 2 occasionals is very doable on the private market. Which seems the point of the ops 'lesson' to me, ie getting him out.
Of course there are loads of other things to take into consideration that we don't know. The op sounded harsh to this Dad when I read it.
I had similar with an ex, I think from the parents side is just that want to provide. You may well have an agreeable conversation about what you both think is right, but as soon as the child starts moaning the tension gets felt between the couple and it just becomes an ongoing squabble around the margins as the parent tries to appease both partner and child. Hence I sacked it off, as it became blatantly obvious this tension would never stop, regardless if the agreement was reasonable or not. Tough stuff.
You might be right, but even at £400pm (not the £30 a week you suggested :D)
I am a private market landlord. I can assure you I don't pay the council tax, the utility bills, the broadband/sky bill or for my tenants trip to Tesco. So you initial assertion was total bobbins. I do agree though - in my early 20s I'd have been desperate to leave my parents and on £22Kpa would be finding a way to make it happen.
Have you been drinking 😀
I've never been a landlord but I've lived in a few house shares if that makes any odds to you.
I don't think it's bobbins at all but we can agree to disagree. I thought it sounded a bit harsh in the op you didn't, fairy do-do's
You are joking?
Of course. A little bit 😉
biglee1 - Member
We're lucky in our area that a 4 bed terrace with a garden can be had for £110k so with a wage of nearly £2k a month it's affordable
Surely then a 1 bed flat can be had for £40-50k? So once he can save £6k, maybe 6 months saving, he could afford to BUY, let alone rent?
I absolutely agree with what you're charging, and the whole concept of getting him out of the house.
It's one of those things that he'll thank his mum for in future.
Help To Buy ISAs can be withdrawn from after 3 months to get the bonus 25%, but has lower deposit limitations, the upcoming Lifetime ISA must be open for 12 months to get the bonus but you can whack in the whole year's allowance of ~£4k in one hit. 😉
If he's in his early 20's, he's hardly a child. If either of my sons wanted to live with us as adults I would make them contribute financially as well as with household chores. Part of being a loving parent is teaching them how to be independent and manage their money.
I know it's inconceivable for me, as I preferred to live in some very basic, scruffy houseshares rather than live with my parents when I was that age.
I paid the first quarter of my pay, upto £250 a month to my parents once out of education and living at home. I have benefitted from this money as rental deposits and eventually in covering costs of fees in house purchase. They had a few holidays out of it too. Everyone comes out well.
Still some great points of view!
He has been shown what it costs to run a house so is fully aware. The meeting last night went well. His attitude of assuming he could be kept while paying a minimal amount still was blown away. He was trying all ways to minimise the amount by suggesting he stayed in our house x amount of days per week but I told him it's not a pay as you go arrangement.
We're not trying to force him out but at the same time we're not subsidising a working adult with means to support himself. He's never been to uni so costs of living and budgeting have never been an issue for him.
The biggest issue is that we've 3 other dependants to financially care for as well.
Times are a changing
Really interesting views on here, for a father of two lads of 5 and 6. I wonder how old they'll be before they can afford to move out... 😯
We're not trying to force him out but at the same time we're not subsidising a working adult with means to support himself.
Why would you not subsidise him?
You have fixed costs for the house that don't change if he lives there or not. Even electric and gas will hardly be any different.
Charge him a "rent", deduct for food and as others have suggested, look at an ISA or savings account and put the remainder of his "rent" in there until he has enough for a deposit. Then boot him out.
Next thing you find is a new car outside costing a couple of hundred a month which he can only afford because he is poncing off you
OR
Next thing you find is a new car outside costing a couple of hundred a month which you can only afford because you are poncing off him
😆
(I AM JOKING)
Help To Buy ISAs can be withdrawn from after 3 months to get the bonus 25%, but has lower deposit limitations, the upcoming Lifetime ISA must be open for 12 months to get the bonus but you can whack in the whole year's allowance of ~£4k in one hit.
As far as I know, the Lifetime ISA is more of a retirement thing as the bonus is paid annually on the first year then monthly after.
So the £4000 will then boost to £5000. But, from what I have Googled, if you decide to withdraw any funds before you reach 60, you will lose the bonus. You will still get the interest, but the 25% is deducted.
Living with parents ? How's about when you buy the house of your mum, she moves out, her " gentlemen friend " dies and the place they were in gets given back to the council as that's what his family wanted and she then moves back in ?
Sponging off me, but then again she is getting to the stage health wise where she couldn't be alone.
Well it's surprising that someone mentioned it but there is a 16 plate Ibiza fr sitting outside that he is indeed paying a couple of hundred quid a month for. I got my first new car when I was 44!