[Closed] Only Children

Going through the same thought process at the moment. Little one is just over 1 and thinking about trying for No:2 after Christmas...if we decide to.
It's a very tough call...

I'm an only GRANDchild.

Throughout my childhood I massively missed having a brother/sister, especially on holidays etc. Even now (aged 26) I would LOVE to have a sibling to turn to, and like you say, I feel like I've missed out on that unique sibling relationship. Having cousins may have helped, however does feel a bit lonely sometimes!

However....on the plus side...... inheritance gets funneled down to just me! Silver lining, etc etc 😀

I have worked with many "only" children ...
Hmmm - I don't think it leads to them being the most balanced adults - they like to be the centre of attention, find criticism hard to take, need a lot of affirmation regarding what they are doing, and is it the "best". They have been developed in a very ego-centric world so sharing and empathy with others doesn't come naturally.

However, this is a generalisation and I am sure you will get the counterpoint soon.

BTW, I am one of four - and that has lead to all of us having confidence issues - so I guess it is a case by case basis and parenting plays a big part.

My dad was an only child, he really wished he had a sibling, so that is why he was very keen to make sure he had at least 2 kids.

IME most couples with one child had tried for more but it didnt work out.

Certainly one child reduces costs and disruption to quite a degree but having two say 2-3 years apart is very do-able and I think the benefits outweigh any drawbacks. FWIW I have 3.

Similar dilemma here, complicated by no1 arriving at 27wks. He's emerged relatively unscathed but wouldn't want to put anyone at risk of going through that again,

Can't really comment on being an only child, as I have 4 sisters!! Which can be a bit of a nightmare but I'm glad I have some siblings rather than none. Always someone there to play with when I was a kid. And we all have kids now and they're pretty close as well, which is great at Christmas. Messy but good fun.

My 2 cents... Having a 2nd child should be something want to do, not something you feel you should do. My other half is an only child and she turned out ok!

EDIT:

IME most couples with one child had tried for more but it didnt work out.

IME most couples with one child had tried for more but it didnt work out.

Well this is kind of us too - not impossible but due to some prior complications about 50/50.

So perhaps decision will be made for us in any case...

My parents were both only children, my Mum disliked not having siblings but my Dad seems happy enough about it - he went to boarding school though. Anyway, they ended up having 4 kids mostly my Mum's choice really. I have one kid and am sticking, he spends a lot of time with friends so hopefully won't feel lonely.

I'm an only child, make of that what you will.

Can't say as I particularly cared one way or the other as a kid, from what I remember. Most mates with siblings seem to spend most of their time either warring or ignoring each other from what I saw. I suppose there were times where I might've wanted a brother, but given the choice I expect I'd rather have had more Lego.

IME most couples with one child had tried for more but it didnt work out.

This is our case. Our daughter was born with complications which meant 4 operations before she was one. My wife also had two miscarriages before her birth which meant we weren't keen to try for another! Our daughter is all fine now though and 10 with the attitude of a 16 yr old.

The only downside I see is that she doesn't have a sibling to play with which makes greater demands on our time as parents as we are her only outlet when friends aren't around.

Apart from that she's no different to any other kids, and very independent.

I'm one of four siblings but I only have one child, a son aged 14.

There are pros and cons but on balance I think it would have been better for my son if he had had a brother or sister. It would have knocked some of the corners off him, made him more ready to share (which he's not) and given him some companionship. I hate the idea that one day he will be alone in the world; I at least have a sister and a brother remaining and I value them very greatly, especially as we have an increasingly nutty mother who is going to cause us all a lot of stress (as if she doesn't already).

I can see now that bringing up two kids of more or less the same age wouldn't have been much extra work though of course we would be financially poorer than we are with only one.

My Dad was an only child and that was not a good thing at all, but his parents were odd folk.

You could have more than one child but from what I have seen just because you are related you don't have to like each other. In my I got pregnant when my daughter was 2 and shortly after I reached the 3 month mark our daughter was diagnosed with cancer. having a little brother gave her and us something positive to focus on and they were a great little team. Unfortunately she lost her fight so now we have Daniel who although he knows he had a sister is to all effects an only child. I get people asking me are you having another one? oh poor Daniel he will be lonely. But in my eyes our family was completed when he was born and I am not in the market for a replacement. He will not be lonely as he has lots of friends to play with and as I was pregnant when the shit hit the fan I feel abit scared of it happening again tho the probability is small but we are happy how we are and he is a well balanced little boy.
I love my Brother but we hardly see each other due to location and also our lives are so different. When I go to houses where there are multiple siblings all I see is chaos and I do love coming back to the relative peace and quite of my house

My Nan was one of nine.

*not a Borg btw

Wife is an only and I'm one of two. We wanted two but one would have been fine. Our first took a while to happen and required a little help so we assumed the second would be the same. Lucky for us No2 was 18 months behind No1 and it was hard work having them so close at the start; but as soon as they were a little older it became great, they are frequently assumed to be twins. If No2 had not come along so quickly I would not have tried too hard as one was what we wanted, going through IVF or whatever for a second would have felt cheeky. Having the pair so close in age works brilliantly as they tend to play together and get on very well with each others friends. We stuck at two and I'm very happy with that decision.

My brother and I are 18 months apart and I can see the similarities and it makes me smile.

Hmmm - I don't think it leads to them being the most balanced adults - they like to be the centre of attention, find criticism hard to take, need a lot of affirmation regarding what they are doing, and is it the "best". They have been developed in a very ego-centric world so sharing and empathy with others doesn't come naturally.

Poor attempt at a troll... It's true in some cases, certainly but I've come across just as many with siblings who would just as easily match that description. It's more to do with how you're brought up by your parents rather than whether or not you have siblings.

FWIW I'm an only child. Both parents worked so if anything I think it made me more independent and used to doing stuff for myself from an early age rather then developing the need for constant self-affirmation. Missed the support of having a sibling at some points growing up but can't say it bothers me now.

Our little boy is going to be in the same boat - he's a late arrival and we had a very difficult birth so don't think we'll risk another. He's turning into a very self confident, caring and independent person and there is certainly no lack of empathy for others.

My boy is an only child and is staying that way, that was a deliberate decision.

Quite a few of his mates are only kids too, but I know that's not out of choice in several cases.

Selfish?

No more or less selfish than having any other given number of children, I'd say.

Have twins, problem solved.

To be honest, it's difficult to imagine having one, they play great together and are totally lost if the other has to go do something alone!

2 kids, oh my there is a difference especially logistics challenges... all though,when my daughter is really annoying me i can set my son on her - this is completely passive agressive and not recommended.

i have 2 children 3 and 4 1/2

tried for the first, tried for the second then had the snip, so was all on our terms for timing and amount of children.

all i will say is 2 is a HELL of alot harder than 1 LOL.

If nothing else, once you get beyond two kids transport, hotels and other logistics become increasingly difficult and expensive.

Poor attempt at a troll...
...
FWIW I'm an only child.

You appear to be finding criticism hard to take... (-:

Going through the same thought process at the moment.......
It's a very tough call...

Um, is it really?
I'm intrigued. Are there genuinely people out there in functioning relationships who have one kid (intentionally) and then have trouble deciding whether to stick at one or not.

I'm amazed.

I chose to stick at one my wife would like another despite saying in the past one would be best for us. She wants a career and isn't a very well organized person so one is best I think.

Am an only child. For some reason anyone who has siblings feel pity and assume life was lonely. Not a bit of it, I feel sorry for people who had siblings. I was always out with mates and learned to be much more self sufficient at an early age. Now have two young daughters, though the decision to have more than one was down to the wife.

I am an only child. Never wanted a brother or sister when I was growing up but then again I am a bit of a solitary beast. Make of that what you will.

Um, is it really?
I'm intrigued. Are there genuinely people out there in functioning relationships who have one kid (intentionally) and then have trouble deciding whether to stick at one or not.

I'm amazed.

Yes. We changed our minds a couple of times and discussed it repeatedly and in great detail.

Why are you amazed? Do you think that everyone should want to have more than one kid if they are able to? Because that's really not the case, sometimes it isn't that simple, it can be a very hard decision.

It's funny - before we had a kid, everyone kept saying "so, when are you having a baby?"

Now we have one, everyone asks when we're having the next one!

I was an only child - never felt lonely particularly, had lots of friends. My gf has a sister, and they absolutely hated each other most of their childhood - get on well now though.

Just like the whole "having kids" question, there's no right answer.

Two here, & if time was not agaisnt us we'd have had another. I love kids, but appreciate that for some its a sacrifice they arent prepared to make. Each to their own, but our lives were enriched a million times over by having them. As a Beaver Scout leader I see lots of children, from big & small families, & I wouldnt say [i]only[/i] children are in any way disadvantaged by it. In terms of material things they often enjoy some pretty amazing opportunities in terms of travel etc, that multiple families just cant afford.

often the lifestyle choice of well heeled parents

Erm, or those of us who barely have the space or money for one, let alone two 😉

It is better for the environment.

I was an only child until I was 12. I only really connected with my brother when my own child came along. I can't say I missed anything as I had so many good friends.

My wife is one of three sisters and they wind each other up something awful even in family crisis moments when you would hope the benefits of siblings are really strenthened. Don't get me wrong they have plenty of good times but she gets a much better support system from me.

My daughter is an only child and it will stay that way. She is very well balanced and goes to a great school.

I'm an only one.

When young I never missed siblings, I was (by personality or circumstance I don't know) very self contained at home and on holidays. But, I grew up surrounded by cousins in a big extended family which was brilliant.

Now, as my parents reach their 90s and other relatives need help, that I realise how much support my cousins who had siblings give and receive one another.

I am very lucky that my cousins are still close emotionally if not physically.

For my children I wanted them to have the relationship I never had, so we have two. It would have been 3/4 if we had the money or space.

[i]I'm an only child, make of that what you will.[/i]

START MAKING EXTRA BABIES NOW!

Our son is an only child, not by our choice. We desperately wanted more and I'm sure he would would have liked to have siblings too. I can see some vague traits in him that I'd normally associate with only children but on the whole he's a pretty well rounded individual.

My wife is from a large family and the in-fighting the siblings have always done appalls me.

Currently got a 19mth old and another due early September. Tbh I thought much more about the first one, and generally the more you think, the more you can find a reason to delay. Having the second seemed a much easier decision, as the first makes you realise that as long as you havent completely ignored basic points on costs etc you can always make it work. You wouldnt swap them for the world either...those holidays and newish cars suddenly seem unimportant. I did makes sure I had a decent MTB first however and justified a BMX purchase on the basis that it was a gift to myself and would eventually get handed down to number one son ! hehe

Only child here, married to a sort of only child (much older step brother and sister she's met once). Being an only child hasn't really been a problem for me as my folks were very easy going and let me play out with the neighbouring kids all the time. My wife feels diferently as they lived on a main road and her parents are much more controlling, wouldn't let her out to play much and are odd ****ers anway!

We have 3 kids (5yo / 2yo / 11 week old), I'd have been happy with 2 but she really wanted another - she didn't want the house to be quiet and the kids to be lonely which I think is her experience of childhood. Loving fatherhood and all the comedy moments it brings but don't get out on the MTB much!

Was trying to explain to my eldest that Lance Armstrong had been cheeting by taking drugs (his school book was on the TdF). He asked how he had been found out so I said they take wee samples. Reading the book with him again last night and he said 'there's that man with the things in his willy', I asked him to explain 'he cheated by putting rugs in his willy and they came out when he weed'.... 😆

Cougar - Moderator
Poor attempt at a troll...
...
FWIW I'm an only child.
You appear to be finding criticism hard to take... (-:

😉 I think it's my constant search for positive affirmation that I'm worried about more.

I am also an only child, never wanted siblings, never wanted to share and I don't play well with others.

My wife is one of five, she used to say she felt sorry for me that I missed out on having a brother or sister, which is odd because I always felt sorry for her that she had to share everything with her four brothers.

Linking to the other thread I definately don't want childern and actually I don't really like being around other peoples children - there must be a link here, any Psycologists in the house?

I'm an only child and:

am self centred
can't take criticism
uncomfortable in social situations
have a twitch in my left eye and a love of hand guns.

im 38 the wife 39 we have a 3 year old daughter.

we have no intention whatsoever to have another, it makes me laugh the pressure through advertising, friends, family have put us under to 'have another', if i had a pound everytime somebody has said to us "so then when you having another" - where is the rule that states YOU MUST HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD!?

we did talk about another initially but we are in no financial or mental state to have another, it has been hard and if im being totally honest if we were both 10 years younger we may have thought about it a bit more.

its each to their own, i know friends who have been on their arse skint and banged out a few more and struggled even more, to the point of having to virtually beg for help.

i guess with an only child you have to be careful not to spoil them and you don't have the arguments or for want of another word the hassle of fight etc.

My wife does worry that our daughter may be lonely but we have a very large close group of friends with kids of similar age so she wont go without, also you can tell she is not going to be a shrinking violet!

I'm an only child. As Cougar said, it only really bothered me on holidays, other than that I only really saw my friends squabbling with their siblings so don't feel I've missed much.

When me and MrsV were talking about kids I wanted 1 at most, she wanted 2. Once we had 1 MrsV was happy that that was enough and we've left it at that.

MiniV often requests a sister, which breaks my heart a little, but now she's 6.5, she'd be almost 10 by the time a sister/brother was out of nappies so I doubt it'd be as much fun as she thinks it would be...

Always.wanted 2. Mrs tenfoot is one of 3, i am one of 2.

Fortunately we have one of each , otherwise i think we might have had 3.

My patience wouldn't stretch that far.

Having one of each is great. They don't always play well, but i get to experience different things through each child.

Don't regret it for a minute even though my 2nd born is often a little monkey.

really interesting, and personally a pertinant thread. we've only 1 child, and it seems that for whatever reason we can't have any more. We've had quite a lot of chats about what the impact will be on our daughter if she's any only child.
Interesting that no-one has mentioned adopting, as this is what we're considering. Maybe that's for a different thread altogher...

they like to be the centre of attention, find criticism hard to take, need a lot of affirmation regarding what they are doing, and is it the "best". They have been developed in a very ego-centric world so sharing and empathy with others doesn't come naturally.

I’m an only child and an only grandchild. The above sums me up pretty well.

It shouldn’t be surprising to hear then that I feel somewhat hard–done–to as my parents are divorced, meaning I’ll have the double whammy of twice the care responsibilities when they reach old age, and nobody with which to share the workload. Bonza.

we have two kids - aged 6 and 2.5.
The age gap should have been smaller but my wife lost a baby after her car was hit by a van driver who was on the phone.

Her last preganancy was a nightmare, and the delivery was the stuff of TV hospital dramas (google 'Ruptured Uterus during delivery' - a 1 in 300 chance that both mother and baby survive - and both did)
we don't want to risk another pregnancy so 2 kids is enough.

I have a brother - he's 4 years younger than me (i'm 40)
He has terminal Cancer.
I don't want to be an only child.

One child policy should be law globally. Replacement rate in this day and age where things are obviously ****ed environmentally is a continuation of the insanity and selfishness that got us here in the first place.

Only child here and so is my missus- I think it helps us understand each other a bit more and I never wanted a sibling growing up.
My Children with my first wife are over 20 now but my partner and I have a two year old, we would have a sibling but feel its best we dont- I'm 45 and she is 42 so technically I think we were bloody lucky to pop out our little un with no issues so will leave it at 1, I suppose she is classed as an only child.
But when we get old we will be soooo rich i tell ya 8)

I'm an only child. My parents always made a huge effort for me to have lots of friends around and to make sure I was super-sociable, which I think has probably left me with no qualms about meeting new people / striking up conversations with anyone random!!

I never wished I had siblings as a child, although I have as an adult. When my Mum died last year it REALLY hit home that there was nobody to share the horrible situation and the pain with. It was just me. No matter how much friends said they would help in any way (and I know they would) there was nobody else going through the same experience, and that was hard.

Hey ho - I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles though 🙂

For what it's worth, if i'm ever lucky enough to have children I would always try to have more than one. I wouldn't want to be responsible for my child being all alone like that having lost a parent.

I am exactly the same as monkey boy on a year older.
Although I am now worried anagallis junior might turn out to be a ............... Moderator 😥

My 5 minutes of peace this afternoon...

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I struggle to think of more than a handful of folk that experienced positive sibling relationships in childhood..

seems like an unnecessary trauma to me..

Um, is it really?
I'm intrigued. Are there genuinely people out there in functioning relationships who have one kid (intentionally) and then have trouble deciding whether to stick at one or not.
I'm amazed.

Very much so. Number 1 is 14 weeks old. It's been an incredible journey so far but I'm happy with one. My wife seems to be hankering after another so we are just discussing that one now !

There is a lot of research available on the internet re only children. A good start is to search "Birth Order" and go from there. You position in the pack will also tend to mould your personality ...

Gf is an only child of only child parents. They're both lawyers or something like that, live in massive 5 bedroom house. Gf was sent to boarding school, and only on pleading was she sent to normal school to do her A levels. Frankly the fact that she can be in normal society is a surprise!!

She can be (sorry Hun) a bit controlling, a bit self centred and a bit of of a huff monster when she wants to be. 😆

I'm an only child and would probably make an interesting psychological study.

I'm very independent, maybe not so caring, although my wife might disagree. But on the whole I don't think it has made any real difference to me.

I think parenting makes more of a difference than whether or not you have siblings. My wife has 2 sisters, they have a great bond, but they don't always get along and tears can often be involved so there are positives and negative to both.

Both my parents were only childs. I had a sister who died, so I'm also effectively an only child.
I sometimes think it would be nice to have aunts, uncles and cousins.