Ah, I did start that thread I mentioned. It is closed now.
https://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/tinder-my-thoughts/
The best advice I got was set up a separate email address and get a phone number especially for online dating. That way if you find someone or choose to take a break you can easily switch off.
Then again I'm female so instantly got loads of replies, sounds like it may be tougher for men to get replies. In the end didn't meet anyone through that but through a sporting club.
The only experience I've had of dating apps is of people using them for a) a quick shag with no strings attached with a different person every time (Tinder), or of people getting romanced scammed (a recent one by a really emotionally exposed friend) into what I think was money muling.
Like the OP, I went through a long period of singleness after my last marriage ended (and I got screwed over by someone after I went into another relationship too soon). I remember declaring to all that I was happy with just my dogs, being an uncle and going to the gym. Then I met someone at the gym, moved to Sweden to be with her and have been with her for four years.
No more marriage. Not again.
Anyway, dating apps. Yeah, but no. Not for me. Even if I was single, I'm too old to do the one night stand thing and distrust people enough as it is without that risk of the dating scams.
Just be yourself.
No, hang on. That's not right.
Just be George Clooney, you'll be beating them off with a shitty stick.
you’ll be beating them off with a shitty stick.
Do they like that sort of thing then? I've been doing it wrong all these years.
Just be George Clooney
Sadly I'm too pale, unsophisticated, ginger and poor to pull that off.
Loads of great advice, especially the 'dont take it personally' and 'short first date'.
The female perspective is also really helpful too, so thanks to the ♀️ who posted.
Perhaps SingletrackSingles is a new income stream that Chipps et al. could mine? 😂
Make sure your photos are on point, head shot, upper body shot, friend's and activities in that order. The app based ones are so easy to swipe right on you get less than a second to make an impact, it's worth spending some time getting that first pic right, lighting, mood and smart'ish clothing. It shouldn't be like that but it is for both genders.
Bio wise I'd keep it light with a few interesting references so they can see your not Mr boring, add some sports activities to show your fit and active, If you can sneak a bit of humour in all the better, light, breezy and not too try hard.
Indipendent, responsible, active, good sense of humour. Everyone's different but to keep the numbers up I'd leave the niche stuff till after you've met, it'll give you a larger group of people to actually date, then you can start chatting about your fave Starwars characters.
Don't be too keen to meet but definitely sooner rather than later, no ones looking for a pen pal.
Humour can be difficult in those initial messages, you can say something you think is really funny, and you're trying to show a bit of personality, but without them hearing you're tone of voice and body language it can come over very differently!
It's a mine field but play it cool, don't take it too seriously, and good luck!
Perhaps SingletrackSingles is a new income stream that Chipps et al. could mine? 😂
They skipped that stage and went straight to a tie in with Lovehoney, iirc.....
I was in a similar situation to you over a decade ago. Went on match.com, had several dates in a short space of time, nothing panned out and I think I was a bit too keen. Then a girl not in my area contacted me and we got on really well by message so I decided to head to Shropshire from Manchester. The date (nice meal) was ok but we immediately decided we didn’t like each other in that way. Then came another few weeks of crappy dates whilst me and the lady from Shrewsbury kept chatting about how awful our other dates were 🙂
One weekend I was at a loose end, so I suggested hiking to the Shropshire lass, we were both happy that it wasn’t a date. Anyway… we had a full day hiking across the Pennines, realised we did like each other after all then did the date thing that night. Our next dates were mountain biking, hiking and fun outdoor stuff.
We’ve now been married for nine years, have an amazing eight year old daughter and live in a monumentally great place for biking. I am lucky I didn't go off that first date and I’m glad we did something we both actually really enjoyed instead of a typical “date”. 🙂
I have some advice! Be patient.
That is all 🙂
The key thing to note is that hygiene standards are a lot higher than back in the day. You will need to shave / wax yer balls for starters.
The key thing to note is that hygiene standards are a lot higher than back in the day. You will need to shave / wax yer balls for starters.
Not sure if that's a 🤯 or a 🤣 but it's definitely a ❌
Back in the day?! Some of us have been doing it for 25+ years
Houns - ahead of your time
Isn't online dating a bit scary chatting to strangers?
Isn’t online dating a bit scary chatting to strangers?
Give me your number and I'll whatsapp you 😉
Some of us have been doing it for 25+ years
When you expecting to finish? 😀
RM.
My funniest one I think, was someone who who apparently didn't drink and didn't smoke but didn't seem to mind that I did.
I figured it wouldn't go any further, and it didn't, but I wasn't busy that Friday night so thought what the hell.
Ten minutes into the date we're at a bar and she's knocking back fancy g&t's and pinching smokes off me.
We both end up pretty trollied and went our separate ways some hours later.
We pretty much went Dutch on the bar bills so it wasn't like she was taking advantage.
I texted her back the next day and no reply... The whole thing was quite bemusing. Lol
Moral of the story, whilst you think you’re not ready for the next thing, you might just meet someone who makes you think otherwise.
The first date with my partner, I agreed to go for a drink and I said "cards on the table, absolutely the last thing I'm looking for right now is a relationship."
~ three years later, we've bought a house together.
Isn’t online dating a bit scary chatting to strangers?
Doesn't seem to stop you doing that on here. (-:
I've got 2 dates on Saturday 😂
Like buses they are. Although slightly slimmer
15 years of online/app dating attempts and had zero to little success.
Either I'm an ugly ginger **** or an uninteresting ginger ****.
One way or another, I've been single a long time! Not helped by living in a rural single + intelligent desert.
Like buses they are.
If they both come at once you might be onto a winner.
OMG
I am going to have to face dating again at some point I guess - not ready for it now tho but these stories. Help!
At least it’s easy to spot the completely mental women now, they’ve got a “sticker” saying Proudly Unvaxed 😀
@DezB
Unvaxed or unwaxed?
Either I’m an ugly ginger * or an uninteresting ginger *.
There is the third option 😉
I think it's terrible that the poor ladies don't have a carpet cleaner.
Not helped by living in a rural single + intelligent desert.
You're on a hiding to nothing trying dating apps in the countryside I'm afraid. The pool of potential partners is just not big enough.
I moved to Glasgow to get some action - it worked and now I'm back in the countryside again with my lovely partner 😛
15 years of online/app dating attempts and had zero to little success
Well, when I said 'be patient' ... 🥺
Well just deleated Tinder and POF accounts been online dating a year now some good dates some lasted a few months but nothing more.
There are some nutters and some who just aren't over there ex.
Best was a womannwith 6 cats who told me 8 months was not long enough after previous relationship to be fully over it then went on to tell me how she kept going back to the same guy after 4-5 months of him dumping her.
Like has been said just be "Normal", appparently this stands out a lot, oh and be tall😁
Best advice was from one woman who said "you'll be fine your 40's, single and over 6 foot".
Anyway chatting to one woman who looks totally out of my league but we'll see, if not i'll start again after valentines day.
One of the 2 I mentioned above is lovely… 10 years younger than me and seems keen. Had 2 dates now.
The other was funny, very attractive and fit, has run marathons… but had a voice like a foghorn. Felt like the whole pub could hear our conversation! I really couldn’t cope for more than a short time, so tried to let her down gently with a ‘you’re nice, but not for me’ text the next day and she kept messaging back! Why not? How could you tell in such a short time? etc. Maybe i shoulda just said ‘I can’t stand the sound of your voice!’ 😂 But you can’t can you!?
The other was funny, very attractive and fit, has run marathons… but had a voice like a foghorn.
Thought 1: she was nervous and is one of those people who gets loud when nervous so possibly worth a second chance
Thought 2: Find a polite way to tell her, she might just not be aware, at least the next date might not get deafened
I used a few different apps. Bumble seemed to be the best for me as women have to send the first message after a match before men can send anything. It filters out a lot of the male time wasters.
As others said, be patient and honest about what you want. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to get out and meet people as long as they know that.
oh and be tall
That helps massively. I'm 5ft5 and had a lot of women say I'm too short, before even meeting me. Like a ridiculous amount. Even women at 5ft2! They all want a 6ft + person. Nearly gave up due to to shallow people but I perceiviered and met someone. Been together nearly 3 years now and just got engaged.
she was nervous and is one of those people who gets loud
No, unfortunately it wasn't that at all. Was the tone, accent etc. Just a horrible voice. Wasn't the only thing too, and I was as polite as I could've been tbh.
I feel for you mjsmke, I see the height "requirements" on profiles and reject them as shallow, even if I'm taller than they ask for! Good luck
No, unfortunately it wasn’t that at all. Was the tone, accent etc. Just a horrible voice. Wasn’t the only thing too, and I was as polite as I could’ve been tbh.
Well you didn't mention there was more! I'd just tell her nicely. As long as she doesn't know where you live.....
The other was funny, very attractive and fit, has run marathons… but had a voice like a foghorn. Felt like the whole pub could hear our conversation!
26 years ago next month I first encountered my now wife - who was quite some distance away, but could be heard clearly. I distinctly remember saying to the mate I was with "pity the bloke who has to put up with that".
So yeah, run away now!
Your third point is brilliantly put - a big no no for me too - not that im in the market! I don't know why anyone would ever do that to themselves?? They don't look younger, they don't look more attractive, they just look bloody odd! Some womens eyebrows leave me speechless! 😀
Anyway chatting to one woman who looks totally out of my league but we’ll see, if not i’ll start again after valentines day.
On this,
Looks might be everything when you're 18, but increasingly irrelevant as you get older. By the time you're in your 40s it's increasingly a case of "attractive, sane, single, pick any two." You might get the odd narcissist or gold-digger but generally people are more interested in people they actually enjoy the company of. She's chatting to you, she likes you, any perceived "league" is in your head.
Probably mad as a box of frogs, mind. (-:
From serial dating app user, on & off over the last 10 years, Bumble certainly has the lowest number of nutters on it
POF is 90% crazy and Tinder just got odder and offer.
Met someone really nice in the local area 4 months ago and now very happy
My advice - just be yourself
Looks might be everything when you’re 18, but increasingly irrelevant as you get older. By the time you’re in your 40s it’s increasingly a case of “attractive, sane, single, pick any two.” You might get the odd narcissist or gold-digger but generally people are more interested in people they actually enjoy the company of. She’s chatting to you, she likes you, any perceived “league” is in your head.
A mate is going through an "out of his league" phase at the moment, first relationship since separating from his wife. If he'd stop worrying and just enjoy the experience he'd be even more happy.
I’m 5ft5 and had a lot of women say I’m too short, before even meeting me. Like a ridiculous amount. Even women at 5ft2! They all want a 6ft + person.
Being short is definitely an unforgivable sin for some women. I've asked a few women over the years why this is and generally something about feeling 'protected' is given as the reason.
Yes, it really is a mystery where short man syndrome comes from.
My wife worked with a woman who used to meet her 1st dates at lunchtime for a coffee, no beer goggles and a good get-out clause.
Definitely agree with the 'as you get older looks matter less' however piece of advice from a woman, do not tell the woman that! My fella made a comment the other month about something I'm very sensitive about following a MTB crash and when he noticed my reaction he said something along the lines of 'I'm not with you for how you look, I'm with you beause.....' yep although I agree with his sentiment I'd still rather not have it spelt out quite so plainly!!
You're less likely be dismissed out of hand when you're taller but if you end up dating someone over a foot shorter than you it can be awkward
I’m 5ft5 and had a lot of women say I’m too short, before even meeting me. Like a ridiculous amount. Even women at 5ft2!
Yep, my partner turned down a guy as he was a couple of inches shorter than she is, it's about her only absolute red line.
