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Now this is more a rhetorical question than an actual one, given that I’ll now never find out the answer, but I’m curious anyway.
My Great Uncle (so, my mum’s Uncle) died a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t seen him for years and years and years, and never really knew him well at all. He was in his late 90’s and had no kids - the only family he had left was my mum.
Anyway, my mum (and, by default, my dad too) has spent a considerable amount of time over the last few years helping him out, visiting him at home, taking him shopping, cleaning, ironing, etc, etc.
And in the last 6 weeks or so of his life, she’s been busy visiting him in hospital, making sure he had everything he needed, dropping everything when the hospital called to say this is it (several times, often in the middle of the night), through to eventually arranging the funeral, clearing the house. That kind of thing. He’s relied on her a lot. And she’s had a bit of a rubbish Christmas, all being said.
Anyway, she’s just finished clearing the house and mentioned to me today that she needs to drop off the keys at the solicitors, because he’d “left everything to the RSPCA and the priest”.
Her words.
That includes the fairly big house, everything in it, and all savings and other assets.
I’m gutted for my mum. She's exhausted from it all. And then it ended just like that. I don’t know if she knew what was in his will beforehand, or if she’s only just found out. But I do know that even if she was aware that she wasn’t included, she’d have still been there to help him, and wouldn't have ever expected anything in return.
As, I guess, most people who are as kind as my mum is, would.
But I can’t help thinking… is not including any family in your will a common thing, or it it a bit of a dick move?
I can’t imagine having surviving family members that I get on well with and very much rely on, and then giving everything away to a “priest”.
Appreciate that’s it’s not always a black and white situation, but I just can’t figure it out.
Wow.
My Dad was a bit "gone" by the time he died, but luckily my older brother was made PoA early enough to ensure his will was sorted. Still, persuasion from 3rd parties can influence the older generation into making irrational decisions, as per your gt uncle. I suspect the priest had a chat. Could be wrong, but something similar could've happened to my old man.
Shame for your mum, and probably you down the line....
My aunt apparently remembered my sister and I :-). She had no children of her own
That does seem harsh on your mother. I can see why he might wanted to leave a portion to charity even a large portion with no children. But nothing seems harsh. The priest as an individual that does seem odd. I might be checking that with the relevant church......
I guess when he made the will has a big bearing on his thought process. If made say ten years ago when he was presumably relatively independent then maybe the RSPCA was his favoured option.
Leaving money to a priest does sound odd. If the money went to the Church that would be more understandable but to an individual it sounds very dubious. Do priests not have some code of conduct to follow in these situations?
Most people find it difficult to talk about death, wills etc. Not my brother in law and his wife. They have been pestering my wife's father about his will since his early 60's and have managed to persuade him to favour them in a 60:40 split - they cannot seem to wait for him to pop his clogs (sorry for off topic rant)
That's really pretty shit. I think I'd be having a free 30 minutes with a solicitor to see if there are grounds to contest. Got to be worth a phone call.
Who is executor to the will anyway? Normally it takes months to go through HMRC checks and probate before wills are even read.
The evil parasites that are the RSPCA will fight you for every penny though.
Yep the priest is odd one unless the priest was also their friend over a number of years but the RSPCA is very good. I would rather leave money to a charity than my family as the beneficiaries of the charity need the money more and are less fortunate.
I would rather leave money to a charity than my family as the beneficiaries of the charity need the money more and are less fortunate
The problem is that many charities (the RSPCA included) spend a dis-proportionate amount of money on paying salaries, paying for nice offices etc and very little of it goes back into helping those in need.
the french system doesn't allow for this - the percentage folks get is pretty much fixed, and includes shared assets even if the spouse is still alive (ie kids inherit half the house at that point in time).
My FIL changed his will before he died. Was a bit odd and 'unfair'. MIL, of course got savings and house etc etc as you would, but one sister got a £25k car, one got an ipad and laptop, and my wife got nothing.
MIL has her will equal shares to her daughters, but there won't be anything left as that's going towards care costs.
The flip side of this is that the expectation to be included in a will, or to be left with "something", is not a given. It's not like it's something you earn as you go through life. There are no rules on who gets what.
I expect zero from my parents when they go. I don't have a divine right to this, nor do my brothers, it's their estate and they can do what they want with it.
If he died without a will surely the government, or the land owner e.g. Duchy of Cornwall, would get all of it anyway?
I expect zero from my parents when they go. I don’t have a divine right to this, nor do my brothers, it’s their estate and they can do what they want with it.
I agree. I also find it odd that people expect an inheritance.
I agree. I also find it odd that people expect an inheritance.
So you wouldn't feel a little bit peeved if your parents were sitting on a big pile of cash and left it all to the Three Legged Blind Donkey Charity? Rather than helping you and your family have a better future?
If he died without a will surely the government, or the land owner e.g. Duchy of Cornwall, would get all of it anyway?
No it would pass to immediate next of kin.
I guess when he made the will has a big bearing on his thought process. If made say ten years ago when he was presumably relatively independent then maybe the RSPCA was his favoured option.
That was my gut reaction also - that he wrote it forever ago and never got around to updating it.
I agree. I also find it odd that people expect an inheritance.
I didn't *expect* an inheritance but I would have been very confused if I hadn't got one as I had very good relationships with both my parents and the modest amount I got (equally shared with my two brothers) meant we got to move into a slightly larger house with a garden at a time our little girls were needing secure outside space to play so it came in very helpful to us.
And my wife and I are already considering our children in what we do with regards to our property, pensions etc. Yes we could reach retirement, sell up and spunk it all away or give it to a charity where it could make a bit of a difference (I would always give to local charities, not the likes of RSPCA BTW) but personally we would rather be in a position to be able to help our children get on in life.
So you wouldn’t feel a little bit peeved if your parents were sitting on a big pile of cash and left it all to the Three Legged Blind Donkey Charity? Rather than helping you and your family have a better future?
This
That was my gut reaction also – that he wrote it forever ago and never got around to updating it.
Very much so, a lot of people put off making a will and even less update them.
So you wouldn’t feel a little bit peeved if your parents were sitting on a big pile of cash and left it all to the Three Legged Blind Donkey Charity? Rather than helping you and your family have a better future?
At least you’ll know you weren’t their favourite.
The problem is that many charities (the RSPCA included) spend a dis-proportionate amount of money on paying salaries, paying for nice offices etc and very little of it goes back into helping those in need.
bullshit
Rather than helping you and your family have a better future?
Personally I'd rather they did that when they were alive, and if they didn't I wouldn't suddenly expect a change of heart after their death (Not personal experience, mine were fine). Inheritance in this country needs a bit of a shake up, in fact people's attitude to money and property in general.
I feel for your mum, but you can't expect an inheritance.
I am an only child, and slowly becoming main carer for my parents. As I understand it, I'm the sole beneficiary of their will at the moment. But care costs may eventually eat up all of that, or our disagreements over Brexit may mean they decide to leave it their grandchildren, or the dogs home, or the woman who runs their favourite tea shop*, so I'm not "hoping" I'll end up with something.
*the tea shop owner is a distinct possibility actually 😄
The problem is that many charities (the RSPCA included) spend a dis-proportionate amount of money on paying salaries, paying for nice offices etc and very little of it goes back into helping those in need.
Yes, imagine, paying market rates for the charity sector, which are far below normal market rates in other sectors for equivalent roles, to enable things to be done by the charity.
Anyway, I guess it depends how your mum's finances are. If I had a decent pension, house paid off etc. then it wouldn't bother me one bit if a childless sibling decided to give the lot to charity.
Might raise my eyebrow a bit if it was the priest he left it to, but again if they had a greater need it wouldn't hugely upset me. I'd hope they would have a chat with me about it beforehand though.
Personally I’d rather they did that when they were alive,
Bit difficult if, like many, the bulk of their wealth is in the house they live in.
If it doesn't already exist, id like to see some law come into force whereby if the direct descendants of the deceased are claiming benefits (and perhaps step-children too), giving them x% trumps whatever is in the will.
The above is not going to benefit me, as far as I'm aware!
I guess any legal route would depend on whether your mum has the appetite to pursue and would want to appear mercenary. If there’s no mention of her or any family in the will, she may be able to follow that route- or you as a great nephew if she didn’t.
IIRC when Peter Sellars died he had changed his will so his kids from an earlier marriage got a token £100 and his current wife that didn’t get on well with them got the bulk. They tried to challenge the will but as they were expressly mentioned there was no recourse. Had they not been referenced there was the possibility of making a successful claim.
Obviously that was in the late 70s/ early 80s so things could be different these days and a niece may not be as direct a relation as a child.
Bit of naivety about charities in this thread. Remember Oxfam? They're not all as good as gold.
Anyway, my Dad has made abundantly clear my sister and I are getting nothing from his will - it's going to his new wife and the child he's had with her. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit peeved, but I've not let it affect our relationship. Money really does bring out the worst in a lot of people...
bullshit
Thank you for your reasoned response backed up as it was with proof that my statement was, indeed, bullshit.
Maybe him and the priest were in love?
Personally I’d rather they did that when they were alive
But often wealth is tied up in property which is then released upon the sale after the deaths of the parents.
I guess when he made the will has a big bearing on his thought process
My first thought as well.
Just yesterday there was something in the news about a will be overruled, A woman who seemed to make a habit of getting into relationships with elderly rich women with the same name even had the second inheritance overruled in favour of the son who had been left nothing. It was a bit more complex due to arguments over the way a trust fund had been drawn up but wills are not absolute and can be challenged.
Anyway, my Dad has made abundantly clear my sister and I are getting nothing from his will – it’s going to his new wife and the child he’s had with her.
In Scots Law you can’t disinherit your children or your spouse *
*Terms and conditions apply
The flip side of this is that the expectation to be included in a will, or to be left with “something”, is not a given.
In Scotland it kinda is. See above
If it doesn’t already exist, id like to see some law come into force whereby if the direct descendants of the deceased are claiming benefits (and perhaps step-children too), giving them x% trumps whatever is in the will.
Personally I think inheritance tax should be MUCH higher. like 80%+ (and close the loopholes).
It's probably the only tax you could raise to 100% and not penalize anyone. At best you're going to spend it on a bigger house and just pass it on to your kids keeping them in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. At worst you spend it on coke/hookers/a camper van/yachts and there's nothing left.
Ok so the idea of getting a windfall when your parents die is sort of nice, but it just keeps the middle classes and above in the middle class and above.
Anyway, my Dad has made abundantly clear my sister and I are getting nothing from his will – it’s going to his new wife and the child he’s had with her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit peeved, but I’ve not let it affect our relationship. Money really does bring out the worst in a lot of people…
Yeah, I'd be very peeved if one of my parents had done this, and wouldn't dream of doing it to my children despite having split with their mother.
Personally I think inheritance tax should be MUCH higher. like 80%+ (and close the loopholes).
It’s probably the only tax you could raise to 100% and not penalize anyone. At best you’re going to spend it on a bigger house and just pass it on to your kids keeping them in the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed. At worst you spend it on coke/hookers/a camper van/yachts and there’s nothing left.
Ok so the idea of getting a windfall when your parents die is sort of nice, but it just keeps the middle classes and above in the middle class and above.
So that money going back to the Treasury would be directly fed back to those in need? There's wishful thinking and then there's pure fantasy.
No it would pass to immediate next of kin.
I forgot that bit, in the absence of a next of kin it goes to UK plc
I can understand some people being annoyed if their parents gave all their cash to RSPCA or some other organisation but... it is their money and they can do whatever they want with it.
Just because your parents have assets, they are their assets, not yours. That's life.
What do I do with mine? If both me and my other half die there is hundreds of thousands to be distributed. I have no children. My parents do not need it, my sister does not need it. I don't see why my nephews should get rich not t'missus nephews and nieces none of who we have seen for a decade
We have set it up so nieces and nephews get a few thousand each as do some friends. A big all expenses paid party and the rest in trust for education / a start in life for descendants of our parents.
What do I do with mine?
Perchy’s Home for Bewildered Panthers.
What do I do with mine? If both me and my other half die there is hundreds of thousands to be distributed. I have no children.
I’ve always liked you T`J and agree with your view on helmets.
We have set it up so nieces and nephews get a few thousand each as do some friends. A big all expenses paid party and the rest in trust for education / a start in life for descendants of our parents.
Lovely move.
Surely it is should be Perchy’s Home for Rewilding Panthers in the Highlands
tjagain
Member
What do I do with mine? If both me and my other half die there is hundreds of thousands
Hello my favourite STWer!!
How much is tied up in Putoline stocks?
Surely it is should be Perchy’s Home for Rewilding Panthers in the Highlands
Maybe. I’m somewhat bewildered of late
Three Legged Blind Donkey Charity?
A wonky sanctuary
+1 for its his money/estate to do what he likes with it. If I ever have anything left it will be going to a charity of my choosing. I don’t expect anything to come to me from my Nan + Parents when they go, yes a nice bonus if there is but not counting on it. I take care of my Nan because I love her and want her to have best quality of life that she has remaining, not because I see £££ in front of my eyes
*edit* TJ my fees are quite reasonable if you want me to spread your ashes on a Munro somewhere
I feel for your mum, but you can’t expect an inheritance.
Doesn't sound to me like she did.
*edit* TJ my fees are quite reasonable if you want me to spread your ashes on a Munro somewhere
Other dry cleaners are available