[Closed] Not having kids at all... tell me about it.

@therealhoops: as long as you realise that "reforming the regiment" isn't the simple manoeuvre that some majors seem to think it is.

Can't see it happening myself.

I'd have to behave like an adult, for starters.

[i]display purposes only[/i]

A worrying thought.

I'd have to behave like an adult, for starters.

I'd have to behave like an adult, for starters.

Well I have a 6month old son and I never act mature.

Well I have a 6month old son and I never act mature.

Our two are 7 months old. 🙂

<waves hand> Another reluctant dad here.... though the landscape has shifted somewhat since our daughter was born and daddy could be persuaded with another and mummy has signifcantly revised your desire from '...three would be nice...' to '...one seems just right...' 😉

I had an older work colleague (50's) who didn't have kids (through choice) who admitted one day that he regretted it, esp as friends of his were now getting to grand children age. He also said that that by not having children he'd effectively made his line of DNA extinct - he would be a direct ancestor to no-one.... which was quite a profound conversation over a cup of coffee in the office.

I'm the first on the soft play area and the last one off 🙂

DezB - Member

[b][i]display purposes only[/i][/b]

A worrying thought.

it's alright. it's not SFB talking....

@ stu mcgroo...

you'd be right calling me a tosser, but i see not why you do so.

i am, quite unbelievably to me sometimes, a teacher. albeit a lowly "English as a foreign language teacher", but a teacher nontheless. being a lowly TEFL teacher does mean i can't afford expensive holidays irrelevant to the time of year.

Interesting how not many woman responded! what annoys me is people who try to force their decisions onto others and can't understand why other people don't make the same choices as them. I'm 30, been in a stable relationship for 7 years (not married, our choice) everyone asks "shouldn't you be having kids?" which I find offensive. Firstly why do people always feel the need to ask? If I respond with "I don't what them" you then get comments about body clock ticking etc. I'm open to the fact that my body clock may change one day and tell me it's wants children but right now I don't want them and I find it annoying and offensive when people are asking me "so are you having unprotected sex" mind your own business!!!! Exactly as Sue W said on page 2! I want the choice to do what I want, when I want rather than be dictated by a baby/child. Okay the "stressful" bits may "only" last 18 months but that's a heck of a length of time in life. Mmmm some interesting comments though.

We didn't marry until 2006 (now wife was 30, I was 39). Up until getting married all we got was 'when are you getting married?' Then as soon as we were married it was 'when are you having children?' That bit proved difficult to deal with as we were undergoing IVF but obviously only those close to us knew about it. As you say, it isn't anyone's business but unfortunately most people think it is.

everyone asks "shouldn't you be having kids?" which I find offensive.

note to self:
Munge-chick is extremely easily offended

Uplink .. I'm way from easily offended! I just get offended with that particular topic for the VERY reason that Mastiles_Fanylion has pointed out. why do people ask such personal questions about babies? you don't know what issues it may be in a relationship between the couple, the fact that they want kids but can't have them etc etc. That is what annoys me and everyone that makes the choices to get married and have children (a lot of those I know) feel they constantly have to badger others (ie me and partner) because we don't feel/agree or confrom to what they deem is the "norm". Stock answer to "when are you getting married?" is now "I'm not as I can't see myself with Mr MC in 10 years time" ... normally shuts them up and they leave me alone!

but I certainly DON'T get offended easily.

Then as soon as we were married it was 'when are you having children?' That bit proved difficult to deal with as we were undergoing IVF but obviously only those close to us knew about it.

I always find that quite suprising for exactly the reason you had. I made a point of telling people who asked (after we'd finally got married) that we couldn't - just to see the reaction and point out the stupidity of asking the question before telling them that'd we'd have kids whenever we wanted to (which was about 3 years after getting married so we got that pretty well on target!)

"I'm not as I can't see myself with Mr MC in 10 years time"

Nice to have a good comeback 🙂 We have them at the ready for when we are asked if our twins were conceived 'naturally'. And yes - we do get asked. As before - people seem to think that these sort of questions are reasonable.

The best thing I was told before my son was born:

"When you have kids the partying doesn't stop....it just carries on without you."

Which is only mostly true. It is the end of selfishness for a while but for some of us that's a good thing.

have a listen to this;

[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00cpvsk ]bbc iplayer[/url]

from about 3 minutes in for the true story of being a father.

"they say beign a father changes your life...it's more like it ruins it really'

I've not read all this thread, but i don't want kids. I'm 30, and have felt strongly about not having kids since i was in my teens. what [b]really[/b] annoys me is that everyone expects me to change my mind when i'm older as its the done thing to want kids, and being female, i *must* want them.

I feel more strongly about not having them now, than i did when i was younger, and i don't see what the problem is. I'm not the slightest bit broody, never have been - in fact, when someone brings a baby into work, i'll be with the blokes at the other end of the room! my work colleagues aren't adverts for having kids either - i don't think i've ever seen them so ill and tired all the time over a two year period in the time i've known them.

dirtygirlonabike --- exactly what I was thinking and having been saying. yes I may change my mind but that's my choice!

Tssshh... you women and your hormones eh?

[size=1][i]*runs away*[/i][/size]

DGOAB, M-C - seriously, when are you going to have them?

😉

I always think that the whole reason people ask when you're getting married/having kids/etc is a kind of power/trying to make someone uncomfortable sort of thing - seems to me that it's the insecure who ask... (speaking as someone who got married after almost 10 years of going out with my wife and was asked innumerable times when we'd be getting married after about 4 years...)

Hey DGOAB and MC! Like I said somewhere back on page 2 of this meandering - and yes male dominated thread - oh the irony. Although I was open to changing my mind about the kids thing, my not wanting them did get stronger as I got older, contrary as you say, to what everyone seemed to think - and would often think it was fine to say to me! I lost count of the amount of times people said I would change my mind ... er no. Classics included being at a wedding answering the usual 'are you married' 'do you have kids questions' to which I said 'no' on both counts and the woman in question said - 'oh shame, never mind dear'... LOL!!!

My son is 3, me and mrs yinn still not married. Our son born out of wedlock, big deal!

I see no reason to get married or have children, just because you're supposed to do this sort of thing, what tosh!

Can I go into miserable old git mode please? (says mother of 2 adults).

What gets me is the amount of bad parenting I see. For example, parents seem unable to use the word "no" as well as looking the other way when their offspring misbehaves. It's sheer laziness!

And whilst I'm on a roll, I don't want "family-friendly" pubs/restaurants. They didn't exist when mine were young and I'm glad, would not have felt comfortable taking them out to eat. That's another thing, kids don't know how to eat with cutlery and parents think it's OK to let them throw food on the floor in a public place 😯

+1

Can I go into miserable old git mode please?

no you may not!

children born out of wedlock!!!

[img] [/img]

[i]What gets me is the amount of bad parenting I see. For example, parents seem unable to use the word "no" as well as looking the other way when their offspring misbehaves. It's sheer laziness![/i]

Saying no is one of the most satisfying things a parent gets to do. The little horror has been causing you grief all the way round the supermarket and then right at the end they ask for a lollypop.

"No"

And try to hide the smirk as they have a tantrum about it.

therealhoops that is one of my alltime favourite Black adder episodes 8)

What gets me is the amount of bad parenting I see. For example, parents seem unable to use the word "no" as well as looking the other way when their offspring misbehaves. It's sheer laziness!

If Mrs North and I have any offspring, I fear I may be too strict. I'm a bit Victorian with my godchildren, but it seems to do them some good when I return them to their parents who comment on how well behaved little X has been sinc Mrs North and I did the babysitting.

And whilst I'm on a roll, I don't want "family-friendly" pubs/restaurants. They didn't exist when mine were young and I'm glad, would not have felt comfortable taking them out to eat.

Hideous places. I would never dare enter such a place now or in the future. But then, I shall ensure that any children I have are sufficiently well trained to be out in public in the first place.

That's another thing, kids don't know how to eat with cutlery and parents think it's OK to let them throw food on the floor in a public place

This seems to exist with many more than just children. I work with people who are educated, and have been to decent universities, and yet the number I see unable to eat with a knife and fork, or hold their knife like a pen, are rather embarrassing. It isn't embarrassing because I think it's an important thing, but I have enough clients who do place importance on this and I cringe when some colleagues come out to lunch or dinner. Plebs.

Just thought of another thing 🙄

Just thought of another thing 🙄

Parents more interested in wittering away on their mobile instead of supervising their kids.

And another:

Letting kids put their feet on seats in public places, and even standing on said seats 😯

Blimey, I was such a perfect mother 🙄

and yet the number I see unable to eat with a knife and fork

one of the advantages of vegetarianism is not needing a knife 🙂 In fact, I prefer a spoon or just gobbling straight off the plate 🙂

Letting kids put their feet on seats in public places, and even standing on said seats

as soon as you say this stuff I want to go and do it...

as soon as you say this stuff I want to go and do it...

Naughty Simon 😉

Naughty Simon

I don't want children to be obedient, at least, not as muach as I want them to be I want them to be interesting, creative and fun. Obedience is for dogs and soldiers.

I haven't read all of this thread, it seems to be growing very quickly (and possibly degenerating just as quickly in the usual STW way), but...

I'm very happy for all those people who live happy, fulfilled lives with children, I know from my many friends and my two brothers who have kids that they have a great life, for them that at least.

But my Fiancee and I (I'm 40, she is 38) are in 100% complete, honest, agreement that it's not the life we want. We have a great lifestyle, complete flexibility, plenty of disposable income to spend on bikes, kayaks, lots of other toys, holidays, going out, cars, nice houses etc. We can go for a ride (together) whenever and for as long we want, go to the pub when we feel like it and pretty much go anywhere and do anything we want to. This might seem like a shallow life to some people, but then only in the same way that we don't understand at all the pleasure that parents get from having children.

The only possible way I can explain it is that I don't want to spend my life watching someone else (i.e. my children) having fun, I want to be the one having fun.

And that's the thing for me, some people may say that we're put on the earth to procreate, I disagree, as far as I can see we're put on this earth for one thing only, and that's to have a good time.

None of us should ram our way of life down other people's throats, if people want to go off and have loads of babies then good for them, that's less people out cluttering up the trails on a Saturday morning as far as I can see.

Maybe I just don't have the 'parent' gene. There never has, ever, not in the slightest tiny way, ever been a time when I have thought that having kids would be a good thing. I LOVE my life. When I die, I want to come back as me, and do everything the same as I've done it this time, it is THAT much fun!

Oh how it amuses me.

Clubber - you cannot say that my expereience is not what it is.

In my experie3ence most ( but not all)people become incredibly selfish once they become parents.

That is my experience your may differ.

Bigyinn. Bitter ands resentful? Where? I am a very content and happy chap without rancour.

typical stw.

nice one driller. talking my language. can you have a word with the SO?

Its right about the comments enjoying your own kids but not particularly others. A bit like farting really.

ART exactly what you say though people say "shame" why is it a shame that some people don't want children It's not a blinking shame at all it's flipping great skiing for 10 days in winter, MTBing abroad for 2 weeks in summer .. couldn't do that with kids!! Again it's choices and some people realise they will be lousy parents... better not to have them than to like a lot of types in this world!

My lass is reading EVERY book written and she says to me everynight (inbetween cramming for some virtual exam) that shes worried shes not reading enough/taking it all in.

I'm the opposite- take it easy/relax- stress and you'll end up stressed (or calling the Rozzers) 🙄

rumbledethumps - Member
A bit like farting really.

Not really. People love my farts- normally attractive work colleagues or blondes in bars- as soon as I quiff they all want to suddenly come and talk to me.

I'm mid thirties, single and have no kids. I date but I'm not on the hunt for the 'one', as so many of my peers seem to be, so cannot really see how I will ever have them. I have good friends and family, love my job, have plenty of time for hobbies and am lucky enough to get as much female company as I want. I really chuffed folk marry and have kids and are happy, it is their choice and I'm good with that. I am aware more people think I'm odd for not wanting this, but I'm also good with this as it's my choice. We only get one shot at all of this, you have to make your own choices.

I have three fairly grown up boys, couldn't even get them to go riding in the snow with me last weekend - where did I go wrong?

Driller - could I please cut and paste your above for future use? Nicely put - it's all about a decision that works for you and not ramming your decisions, opinions and lifestyle down other's throats.

It's a damn good job that we are all a bit different and don't all get off on the same things or the world would be a dull old place.

Smell_it but people think it's wrong that you don't want to! Mr MC and I always get asked when we're getting hitched (as we've been together 7 years considerably longer than our married mates). I still think a lot of people I know will divorce whilst me and MR MC are still together and happy but not married!!