[Closed] Not having children

JCL - Member
It's a choice that should be respected.
Why? There's about 5 billion too many of us on this rock already.

must say as a late 30's year old and haing been with my wife for over 17 years that some 'people' think it weird we do not have nippers..

Well, I suppose as most couples in your situation would probably have had kids by now, it probably seems a bit out of the ordinary that you don't. I don't get how either position feels such a need to justify their choices sometimes (not saying that you are by any stretch btw).

Nope. both the wife and i never want them. Fair play to anyone that does, and I'm sure its awesome for you, but its not something we ever want

deadly, just not something that has cropped up... it fact it was my best mate who said 'yer people think its weird...' cheers.

[IMG] [/IMG]

I don't get how either position feels such a need to justify their choices sometimes (not saying that you are by any stretch btw).

I dunno, when people start going on about how they have this amazing special bond that non parents just don't understand, it makes me want to say things like 'I don't have a gaping void in my life/relationship that needs filling'. 😛

I don't think you can deny there is quite a bit of social pressure to have kids.

We don't have any and don't have any regrets about it either. Best mate has two and he's a decent chap but they've both turned into right little shits. It's really not worth the risk! If mine turned out like that I'd be most annoyed.

If, say you don't really like kids or can't envisage having them, then anything bad you see may be magnified. I know more good kids than "little shits". It's perfectly possible to have nice ones with a bit of work. To be fair though, the "little shits" that I know alway stood out more in my mind when I envisaged having my own when younger. That's the thing about negative traits. They do tend to stick out a bit.

I've got 2 from a 1st marriage (who I wouldn't swap). My wife also has 2 from a previous marriage (who she wouldn't swap). We also, at 56, still have a fair old mortgage.
My mate & his Mrs have neither kids nor dogs, a 400K house & 4 renty houses with no mortgages & are extremely happy....
Just saying like. 🙂

(I don't like kids at all, but my lads are mates now)

interesting not sure a conscious decision has been made eitherway but then you realise so much time has passed - where did all the time go. when you think by wife could of got knocked up when we first met and that child would just be A level age now... crazy when you think out it...

not sure it is a decision you make either way, though there is always that saying which could perhaps be adapted.. better to have loved and lost rather than never loved at all, or better to have tried and failed rather than not tried at all...

not sure it applies to having kids though?

I don't think you can deny there is quite a bit of social pressure to have kids.

Well, there's a drive to reproduce I guess. We're all going to feel it to different extents. Mine and mrs deadly's pressure came from within - that much I know. I don't witter on about anything that someone else might be missing. And I'm sure not everyone else does either. (Unless its to another parent - in which case, yeah, it's open season 😀 )

Cant risk it.
If me and my mrs had kids, be a good chance they'd be the spawn of satan.

I dunno, when people start going on about how they have this amazing special bond that non parents just don't understand, it makes me want to say things like 'I don't have a gaping void in my life/relationship that needs filling'.

I don't think you can deny there is quite a bit of social pressure to have kids.

I never felt any tbh - my mum moaned but no one else ever said anything

Well, there's a drive to reproduce I guess.

Aye there's that but there's also pressure from society, family etc - it's still just seen as 'the done thing' and people consider you odd if you don't.

I'm still undecided tbh, I suppose I just resent the slight undertones of 'I'm better than you because I'm a parent' you pick up from some people. Like when people say 'speaking as a parent' as if that gives them some extra moral authority. 😡

Have you considered being Gay?

Yes.

What about the couples who have kids as a means to an end, insecure woman traps bloke, older, ugly bloke gets his younger bird up the stick to keep her, the council estate skanks who equate another baby to more benefits, not to mention all the mistakes. No one will admit they screwed up, instead a brave face and a united front does the trick. How many kids are actually planned ?

No kids myself but a house full of foster brats/kids. 🙂
Some of the older ones do need quite a bit of reprogramming but it's great to see the change in them and be adopted by a loving family.

Yes

I thought you were riding behind me because you were slow

Like when people say 'speaking as a parent' as if that gives them some extra moral authority.

I thought you were riding behind me because you were slow

How very dare you. I was ogling your perfect vegan physique.

It is not really that surprising that we evolved to want to have kids and have a string bond to them now is it

I guess I might feel differently about the whole 'amazing special bond' thing if my dad wasn't the person he is. Lets just day we don't have an amazing special bond.

No kids myself but a house full of foster brats/kids.

Good on ya. Thought about this - seems like a really positive thing to do.

[i]Have you considered being Gay?[/i]
Not me, but my eldest son is. (dunno what being gay has to do with the thread though)

Aye there's that but there's also pressure from society, family etc - it's still just seen as 'the done thing' and people consider you odd if you don't.

As more and more couples choose not to have children, I guess attitudes will change. You're just unfortunate to be in a society that still views getting together and having kids by the time you're, say, forty, as the norm. Tough luck on that one I reckon.

I'm still undecided tbh, I suppose I just resent the slight undertones of 'I'm better than you because I'm a parent' you pick up from some people. Like when people say 'speaking as a parent' as if that gives them some extra moral authority.

Well, when if you have one (and from what I know of you, you're the type of guy who should be passing on his genes 😉 ), then you can face that attitude from people who have two. 🙂 I know what you mean, and I tend to see through anyone's superiority complex as a compensation mechanism. The "speaking as a parent" thing, to me, is largely something I hear on 5live, not amongst my peers. But, yes, it does make me do a little 🙄 everytime I hear it.

Me neither and the good thing is you know you will always be a better father than that ****er was - I know nothing of your situation I speak personally

Partly yes, it's an evolutionary biological imperative after all if you follow such theories. And that I have not loved as a father loves makes me a little sad. But this was down to the circumstances of my lifelong relationship and I cannot regret a wonderful free and active youth and young adulthood. Being single now and 43, it's probably unwise and unlikely to contemplate fathering children at this point.

Not sure how I feel.

Without going in to enormous depth, my ex-wife and I were both 'don't knows' about the whole having kids thing for many years. As time ticked by our views gradually polarised - I was firmly in the 'yes' camp, but by the time she hit her mid-thirties (ten years ago) she had decided she definitely didn't want kids. That was probably the root of many other problems that followed... 😐

Am now 43, divorced, childless and consider it far too late in life to find someone else to start a family with. In fact it's not even worth considering any more. It doesn't enter the equation.

I sometimes regret not having kids. I sometimes regret not getting out of a dead-end relationship ten years ago. I sometimes wonder if my ex-wife and I *had* have had kids how different our lives would be now.

Hindsight, eh?

No definatly not for me. I'm 27 and soon to be wife is 33. She has a 16 year old daughter, and as lovely, brainy, well mannered (to me and other people, not to her Mum) as she is. She aint half one lazy little gett. Always wants stuff doing for her, but never does anything in return.

Cant even move a bloody plate when finished with it. Demands stuff and then has a hissy fit to her mum and then i end up with a Migraine listening to them to argue. She eats like she is dying of starvation and sits on her arse watching TV and on her laptop (which had to be replace immediately when the other one broke).

No i don't want kids, if they stayed babies then yeah it would be great. I like kids when i can give them back to their owners after 5 mins.

Plus Missus cant have anymore and doesn't want any. Suits me.

It's a trick!!!!!
It's a biological ****ing trick

Run for your life.. no good can come of it and those that pretend it is good are LYING (or relying on their wives to raise the kids)

All that shit in the bible about Adam and Eve trying the forbidden fruit and being banished from the Garden of Eden?
It's a metaphor for breeding..
Hellfire and brimstone will rain down upon you.. your children will JUDGE you with their beady little eyes, you will judge yourselves and you WILL be found to be sinning in the eyes of the lord..
You will burn in the fires of hades for eternity, there is no escape

On the plus side my youngest age 1.5 slept right through last night, sooo.. after 3 and a half years the Guantanamo Bay style sleep deprivation may finally be coming to an end..
Maybe my luck is changing..?

the bags under my eyes will never go though, and it seems that the sleep pattern will take some time to adjust to..

.....and on that note

good night and god bless, children everywhere
x

I've never been that way inclined. The mrs would like to, but she has a dicky ticker, so would be a bad idea.
2 cats are enough for me.

I meant not having kids

Oh sorry.

I reckon I could have gone without - however, wouldn't swap the one we have for the world. She's 12 now and has been a model child (well, mostly).

We seem to be in a minority just having one though - mrs STR has gone through phases of wanting another (too late now, due to early menopause), but I've just been happy with the one and no desire for another!

There's TOO MANY folk already adding to the continuation of the species without any need for our contribution.

I understand this view, but like to feel that if/when we reproduce (planning it in the next 1-2 years) the offspring would be an individual who overall contributes something to society and makes it a better place rather than being purely a drain on resources.

Every time I see family or friends with kids it makes me want them more, though every time I think about the practicalities of it I realise how different life would be.

the offspring would be an individual who overall contributes something to society and makes it a better place rather than being purely a drain on resources.

They might be a lovely, kind and funny human being, that lots of people enjoy the company of so on a personal level they may make a contribution but unless they end up curing cancer, reversing global warming or bringing peace to the middle east I wouldn't kid yourself that they are are going to be a net benefit to society as a whole.

🙂 (but still sort of serious)

They might be a lovely, kind and funny human being, that lots of people enjoy the company of so on a personal level they may make a contribution but unless they end up curing cancer, reversing global warming or bringing peace to the middle east I wouldn't kid yourself that they are are going to be a net benefit to society as a whole.

Yay! That kind of attitude goes just beautifully with the shitty weather we're having.

🙂 (but still sort of serious)

All those that are claiming mid-40s is too old to be starting a family should have a gander here.
My eldest brother in law had his fist child at 58, married to a woman 20+ years his junior. The buzz lightyear incident is recounted with glee when he and his boy both went to casualty after it got a bit out of hand. It would appear the male of the species is never too old to father children and be in touch with his inner child.

Despite the problems with our eldest it has been a wild and extremely satisfying ride and it does bring an extra dimension to your life (not filling a void in it).

In a week, you need to spend 2 days with children and 1 day with elderly. 4 days enjoy yourself. That makes you perfectly balanced person.

I fail at staying with elderly, but having 2 kids ( 2years old and another 1month old ) who I can't see that often due to amount of hours I have to work to support family. So there fail again.

There is no need to ask if its good or no good to have children. You've been programmed by god to have them. If not, you're failure. When you realise that, it could be too late to mend. Simple.

Every time I leave house, my 2 year old always runs to a window to wave me goodbye, he has a very sad eyes when doing it. Unconditional love you will never experience for any money.

No point to argue what benefits of kids or no kids etc, there are bad parents, who make kids worse. And good parents who enjoy being parents by raising little gems.

Do you know HOW to make babies?

UrbanHiker - Member
Does anyone who doesn't want them, find it hard finding a partner who doesn't want them either. I find all the women round my age are ticking timebombs just gagging for them.

Yes! I'd say >80% of women around my age on internet dating sites want kids, quite a few of whom have profiles which read along the lines of "not looking for anything casual, want to settle down and have kids as a matter of urgency"!!

b r - Member
My biggest worry would be when old, especially looking forward when a far greater percentage of us will be old.

I've three sons, so hopefully one of them will be around for us.

I find that a rather selfish attitude tbh. I know I'll go through it with my folks, and I'll do it willingly, but I've seen the effect caring for an aging, senile parent has had on my mother and I certainly wouldn't consider that a good reason to have kids. Quite the opposite in fact, to me it would be a reason not to have kids as I'd not want them to feel responsible for me when I'm old. It's hellish draining being a carer for someone and often means you can't live your own life. I'd not want to inflict that on my offspring.

I'm 43, the oh is 40. We both have zero interest in kids. (we both teach :-)) .

popstar - Member
There is no need to ask if its good or no good to have children. You've been programmed by god to have them. If not, you're failure. When you realise that, it could be too late to mend. Simple.

You really believe that?? 😯 😯

[i]I find that a rather selfish attitude tbh. I know I'll go through it with my folks, and I'll do it willingly, but I've seen the effect caring for an aging, senile parent has had on my mother and I certainly wouldn't consider that a good reason to have kids. Quite the opposite in fact, to me it would be a reason not to have kids as I'd not want them to feel responsible for me when I'm old. It's hellish draining being a carer for someone and often means you can't live your own life. I'd not want to inflict that on my offspring. [/i]

Selfish, that I'm around to make sure my parents are ok? And (hopefully) my children, me.

What would you rather had happened to your grandparent, dumped in a home and/or worse? And with that attitude what hope has your Mother when she is in need?

Well, when if you have one (and from what I know of you, you're the type of guy who should be passing on his genes

😀

Me neither and the good thing is you know you will always be a better father than that **** was - I know nothing of your situation I speak personally

I'd like to think I'd make a better job of it than my dad did - but in the back of my mind I suppose there is a worry that I wouldn't.

Every time I leave house, my 2 year old always runs to a window to wave me goodbye, he has a very sad eyes when doing it. Unconditional love you will never experience for any money.

Puppies aren't that expensive you know.

If you want kids, have them. If you don't, then don't.
The argument against having kids that there's too many people is ridiculous. Why don't you campaign against medicine saving lives instead? Perhaps ban life support machines or cancel cancer treatment?

If there were an option to go straight to grandchildren, missing out the intervening step, that may solve a few headaches.

You have no idea the special relationship your missing.

This is the arrogant approach that really bugs me. Yes I do have an idea. No I don't want kids.

You did however want kids, but conversely you're not going to catch me saying "You have no idea of the special life you're missing" because I'm not arrogant enough to think I have any idea about you or what makes you happy.

Rant over. Sorry, but that assumptive attitude of "you don't know what your missing/You'll understand when you have them" really annoys me.

Rant actually over!

Im pretty sure I would not have felt I missed out if I hadnt had one. The one I did have has turned out pretty cool though so I am quite happy, top riding partner for long summer holidays :-). However, if he had turned into a PITA I would probably be regretting the decision.

Each to his own, I fully understand why some people prefer to not have the hassle of kids and prefer to do their own thing.

The argument against having kids that there's too many people is ridiculous. Why don't you campaign against medicine saving lives instead? Perhaps ban life support machines or cancel cancer treatment?

Or nuke India and China, that would sort it.

b r - Member
Selfish, that I'm around to make sure my parents are ok?

No, selfish that you think a good reason for having kids is so you'd have someone to look after you in your old age. Sorry to have a difference of opinion, I know this is the internet and everyone is supposed to have the same views, but I just don't see things that way. I guess I just don't like imposing on people or relying on them in that way.

b r - Member
And with that attitude what hope has your Mother when she is in need?

I think I already covered that...

dashed - Member
I know I'll go through it with my folks, and I'll do it willingly,

Plenty of good reasons to have kids, but I don't think that care in your old age is one of them. It [i]can[/i] destroy your kids lives - I wouldn't want to wish that on any of my kids...

Grum, you inflicted good hook. I didn't think about puppies. They're good substitute to those who can't have children.

The argument against having kids that there's too many people is ridiculous.

Unlike your logically flawless argument here:

Why don't you campaign against medicine saving lives instead? Perhaps ban life support machines or cancel cancer treatment?

Can you really not see a fairly large difference between not having kids and letting people die unnecessarily of horrific diseases?

How's about compulsory euthanasia for those without kids?