The first few nights of owning our cockerpoo he kept us awake crying - didn't like the isolation of being kept in the kitchen. Enough that my wife and I took it in turns to go down and re-assure him several times each night. During the day he'd drag all his toys from the kitchen into the lounge. One night he slept through, we thought great until we realised he'd escaped the kitchen and was asleep in the lounge - he's slept in there ever since and not kept us awake.
Puppies do chew stuff, luckily ours hasn't started on the furniture - but does go for post - the best being a newly issued passport
Being able to admit that you're struggling is really the first and most important step.
Ask yourself what your ideal end scenario is - do you want to be a dog owner, with a companion who offers you possibly the purest, most unconditional love there is, and for whom you are their entire world? If so, then get professional help, both for you mentally and with turning the pup into that companion, and accept that it'll take a while before things settle down and you may just have to work hard to get through it.
My experience of owning dogs (I came to it unwillingly in my 30s having been afraid of dogs my whole life) is that it has been utterly worth every second of it.
My experience of owning dogs (I came to it unwillingly in my 30s having been afraid of dogs my whole life) is that it has been utterly worth every second of it.
Just for the OP's benefit as he's clearly in a bad place and it may not be helping to see so many people waxing lyrical about their hounds - my experience is that it's not utterly worth every second.
I love my doggo, but I wouldn't have agreed to get him if I knew how things would pan out.
Don't let guilt persuade you to act against your better judgement OP - do what's best for the pupper now.
It's all as others say, but you're going to have a lot more issues with the puppy over the coming weeks and months, best advice was early, speak to the breeder to see if it can be rehomed, and ask for updates, honestly in the current market it won't take long to find another home.
We keep thinking about a dog, our little girl would love one, but it's a hell of a commitment, a long training process, the chance of illness and/or injury, adapting into the house and neighbourhood with other dogs and people, not being able to do certain things as the dog will require looking after, and so on, yes there are people who can leave a dog alone for a weekend with some food, or ignore them and leave them in a room, but i'm not really like that, it would make me anxious like you to feel that i'd be doing the dog a disservice by not giving it all the attention it needs.
I've had dogs all my life and I've taken a rescue dog back after the missus didn't gel with him and he was too needy. Sometimes it's just not the right dog or the right time.
Puppy blues are a very real thing and I've cried over a burrito before because a puppy kept me awake for 3 nights.
Also, unlike what I've read here, everyone I know tells me that kids are easier than dogs. I don't want kids, so they could just be saying that to try and persuade me because apparently, that's the only important thing in life...
Agree completely with everyone that says it's worth persevering as the rewards are so huge, but we are all different. I'm still unclear on what it is exactly that's making you anxious OP, if it really is the change in lifestyle and the realisation that you are essentially tied down for the next 10-14 years then return the pup for it's own good. If it's the lack of sleep, mess, chewing, then maybe stick it out for a bit.
For balance, I love my two spaniels and couldn't imagine life without them. They're not quite as important to me as my kids, but they're not far off. However, the youngest spaniel is 3 years old now and can still be a massive pain in the arse - excitable, needy, attention seeking, chews when bored, humps when excited, steals shoes/socks/pants/anything that gets dropped or left within reaching distance just to get some attention. The other spaniel is 8 years old and is much calmer these days.
I feel the same as jam-bo although possibly for different reasons: "i have to say, whilst I miss my dog, I don’t miss being a dog owner."
It's not the walking in the rain, the picking up sh*t, the restrictions on your life... it's other people's actions that make it, or can make it, so hard.
Food-related rubbish everywhere, super busy roads, 'professional' dog walkers walking 10 dogs at a time, and clueless, entitled, inconsiderate dog owners with their pita dogs who have not had an ounce of training and are too busy talking on their mobile phones to notice what their dog is doing in any case.
Then there is the fear of them getting ill and knowing that while the vet might want to do the best for your dog, the industrialisation of veterinary practices, and the fact that they often have targets to meet, might mean that's not always the case.
Having said all that, I'm typing one handed here, the other one being employed as a belly tickling/back scratching device.
There's lots and lots of upsides of having a dog but I still think she might be my last.
Can only wish you good luck and hope you make the best decision for you all.
As others have said, it is really early days but your dog will likely be a really easy re-home too.
If you have this much stress around a pup...
Never ever have kids.
Seriously. (This is not a flippant comment)
If you want a dog that won’t change your lifestyle much get a giant. Sounds wrong but I’ve had the pleasure of living with a number of dogs over the years and the giant breeds are easiest to live with. They eat a bit more, not as much as you’d think though and spend 99.9% of the time asleep. The other 0.1% being taken up by ambling about. Very chilled and affectionate too (Newfoundland/Bernese cross and a Mastiff that I’ve had).
Don’t get a puppy though as they’re basically full sized dogs and teething results in everything you own looking like it’s been involved in a werewolf party.
^^^^^^
A retired greyhound, or better still a couple, might work too. Although they tend to need a quick zoom rather than an amble.
Borrow my Doggy, where you literally borrow someone's dog for an afternoon or whatever, could work for you too.
My wife struggled when we first got a puppy as though she'd had dogs all her life they'd always been older rescues. It's stressful looking after something that depends entirely on you but after even a few weeks it gets easier as the dog and you settle into a routine. Training can be fun and everything will start to come together, then the puppy will reach adolescence and you'll have to do it all again.
Not all these bad things are bad things.
My lad shat on the garden path as a toddler, my lurcher got to it before anyone else could and it was scooped.
My brother saw it and had to go home Ill and stayed away for ages.
Upsides in everything eh?
^^^^^^
Lol! I had an 'emergency' in the woods some months ago. There was nothing else for it but pants down and let it out. Doggo (also a lurcher) gobbled it up. Saved a plastic bag. Sorry! Grim I know.
Late terrier ate the contents of a nappy once. It must have got stuck in her teeth and on her fur. We had to drive home with the windows open and it was freezing!
Ha! Reading all this, I realise I must have lucked out when I got my dog.
He was a rescue dog of in-determinate age (probably at least 18 months old when I got him) but whoever raised him had done a really really good job and he settled in really quickly and has been great since.
The one negative is that he's somewhat nervous around other dogs which means I've never tried to put him in doggy day care (though he is taken out on group walks).
I got him about a year before COVID hit, and took him on holiday that year (camping) but I've not taken a foreign holiday since (mostly COVID related of course) but in terms in impact on my life, I still haven't figured out what to do with him when I (eventually) go abroad. I may have to pay someone a good chunk of money to dog-sit him at home. But other than that, the adaptation I've gone thru has been pretty minimal (apart from the additional cost of dog-walking, insurance and food).
I didn't work from home pre-Covid but now do so, so it makes life pretty easy with the dog. Not sure I'd want to do it again with a brand new pup though...
You have a new puppy, but it doesn't sound like either of you have taken any time off work for him? Would you not take any time off if you had a child? sorry to sound glib, but the two are comparable.
Dogs can be the most wonderful experience, but they are a huge lifestyle choice. However, ALL puppies are hard work. Some breeds are worse than others - terriers are right *up there*.
The first few weeks ARE hard, especially if you've never had a dog/puppy before. It does get better, but you are going to be living with a terror 50% of the time. after tehy're a year old it generally gets easier.
Are you ready for walking in all weathers for at least an hour, every day?
Training him when he doesn't want to be trained?
cleaning up after the next 'dirty protest'?
We have a 20 week old Working Cocker Spaniel at the moment, but he's not our first, and we love him but, Damn, puppies try your nerve. Puppies don't 'come easy' to anyone, you're going to have to work hard for this to work.
Good luck.
To the OP (I commented earlier in the thread about contacting the breeder). I'm assuming you researched the breed before buying your pup, but some observations as an owner who has been around Cairns a lot that you might want to consider:
Digging. I've yet to meet a Cairn who didn't dig. This means the possibility of your garden being a mess. It also means a high possibility of the dog being an escape artist.
Prey drive. Even with good recall, I don't trust mine 100% of the time. I'll let them off in the local park etc, but if we are hillwalking where there is a good chance of prey, they are on the lead.
Stuborness/selective hearing. It's a notorious Cairn trait. Sometimes it can be funny and other times absolutely infuriating.
Being vocal. Anecdotally, I think boys tend to bark more but you'll be made aware of the postman, birds in the garden etc. The only thing that sets off my bitch is the sight of a cat but she goes mental.
Coat care. They need hand stripped twice a year (finding someone local who can do it well isn't easy) and they need regularly raked to remove excess undercoat otherwise you'll find piles of it gathering around the house. If you choose to clip the coat, you'll end up with "damp dog smell" as the coat won't shed water.
Fox poo rolls. Not Cairn specific but both of mine do it at any given opportunity.
Activity levels. They may be small dogs, but mine need a lot of exercise or they get bored. Admittedly, that's because mine have always been exercised lots.
Life expectancy. A healthy Cairn can live for a long time (mid to late teens isn't uncommon). That's a big commitment when your circumstances may change (possibility of kids etc.).
All the above being said, I love the breed and will have more Cairns in future. They love my kids and absolutely fit my lifestyle but they are by no means perfect. An uber chilled lapdog they are not. My current two are 6 and still have the same energy levels as they did when 1. They don't slow down quickly.
I'll probably know of your dogs breeder and all the good breeders have big waiting lists so your pup will get a home if that's your choice.
If you do decide to keep the pup, you are in for a challenging time for sure but in my opinion Cairns are worth the work that you need to start putting in now (as with any dog).
Good luck either way.
I had to go back and read your original post to see if you even slightly indicated a desire for a child down the line, which you didn’t despite multiple people chipping in to tell you not to have any. Shocker people, there are folk out there who neither want nor desire children. There are even people out there who can’t have children.
Just wanted to clear that up!
2 pages in and no pics ? Shameful 🤪.
Here’s Ollie the cockapoo, he's 14 months and can be a handful, but now a key member of the family !
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I had to go back and read your original post to see if you even slightly indicated a desire for a child down the line, which you didn’t despite multiple people chipping in to tell you not to have any. Shocker people, there are folk out there who neither want nor desire children. There are even people out there who can’t have children.
Just wanted to clear that up!
Fair point.
If it was in response to my post, I was trying to make the point that people would be shocked if someone didn't take mat/pat leave after having a child/adopting, but people often don't for dogs which are a *similar kind* of commitment. We both took 2 weeks off work (the most we could) when our pup arrived.
FWIW, my wife and I have a dog, and will never have children.
5 months old and this is about as motionless as he gets...
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51762686539_b991001465_k.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51762686539_b991001465_k.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/2mS6ijK ]Staystillldammit[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/193671077@N06/ ]Simian[/url], on Flickr
@ThePilot, agree, particularly a third hand middle-aged retired greyhound who's already used to home life and who's been returned due to divorce, death, or the owner going into a care home.
A good rehoming org will know which dogs will do well with nervous novice owners and find you one of the "2 steps up from furniture" hounds, aka too dim and torpid to be much trouble!
TBH OP that's just a general remark, probably not quite what you're looking for at this time. I sympathize, a couple of times in my own life I've made a fairly normal decision that lots of people make, and found myself waking at 5am in a cold sweat every morning! It's important to work out *why* these emotions have come along, but once you're sure you understand that, don't be afraid to do a U-turn I'd that's what's best.
It would be only too easy in these circumstances to come over all judgmental - 'you should have thought of this before' type stuff.
But the reality is you really don't know until you have a child/a dog/a whatever just how life changing they are.
So, firstly, well done you for facing up to this one. It won't be right for you or pup if you decide to stick with it when your heart really isn't in it.
Secondly, give it a few more weeks and see what develops. Might get better or worse, but the loss of freedom that you have enjoyed isn't suddenly going to resolve itself, so be brutally honest. Don't give it too long however. The early weeks and months are crucial for bonding and setting the tone for years to come, so don't deprive yourself of that if you see it through, and commit fully. Similarly, don't deprive a potential new owner of that same start if you decide otherwise.
Thirdly, if you decide to part ways, despite how terrible you might feel, you absolutely must return him to the breeder for rehoming. Other than the minority of ruthless b**tards who are only in it for the money, most breeders really care about their animals and would rather vet and find a new home than have you do it. They will have a waiting list of people wanting just that breed rather than you sending him to somebody else, despite your best of intentions.
I love our dog. I love everything about having him a part of the family, despite being eyes wide open about the drawbacks. My wife is not so keen and whilst it isn't divisive, Toby is certainly 'my dog', so I can associate with people who do feel deprived of their freedom not necessarily loving every aspect of dog parenting. It really doesn't make you a bad person.
The early months are difficult and it does get better and more relaxed, just how you probably imagined it. Despite loving our dog and our son, I wouldn't willingly turn back the clock to the early days of either of them arriving!
Good luck with your decision, and whatever you decide, know that it will be for the best if you are honest and unhindered by guilt or other people's views or judgment in your decision.
We got our terrier (a wheaten) when he was 4 months old, I love the dog but the random violence meted out on small furry things (@futureboy, the "prey drive" lol) has been somewhat stressful. I can't let him off the lead if I think there are other dogs about. Also he hates going in the car so driving to some remote area to give him a proper run is a bit of a chore. We're keeping him but when he finally crosses the rainbow bridge I won't be rushing to get another dog!
@solarider
I'd like to think you are right about breeders but I struggle to agree. There seems to be a fair number of unsold pups - some with health problems - on rescue sites. Not to mention the ex breeders who have ceased to be useful.
A dog walker I know recently bought a terrier. I asked her how much she cost just out of interest. "Oh, she'll pay for herself in a few years time with a couple of litters," she said.
I know there are decent breeders and depending on the OP's decision, back to breeder is best in most circumstances, but I just think it's important that we are all a bit more honest about the realities of dog breeding.
@ThePilot, sadly you might be right. I know in our case the breeder was not in it for the money and maybe that has clouded my naivety!
In our case, the contract with the breeder stated that we should return Toby to him if the situation ever arose and he would refund upon finding a new home. He was most definitely at the more genuine and well intentioned end of the spectrum but that was also part of our search criteria when we got Toby in the first place. We visited a few other breeders at the other end of the spectrum and respectfully withdrew from the process.
Fox poo rolls! Tell me about in. My poodle was shampooed and cut yesterday. Did the poo roll today. I got her off it in under a minute but too late. Stinking and needed a shower when we got home. She goes totally deaf when rubbing her shoulders in it.
We are 2.5 weeks in with a mini-schnauzer puppy. she's now about 12 weeks old.
It's tough, partic for mrs epic who is taking most responsibility for care. Puppy is demanding, and quite nippy for ankles and fingers.
We have spoken with the breeder who has given us tips for what to do - distraction, puppy toys, treat toys, rewards etc to keep her interested.
She was allowed out at the weekend after jabs, and she is sleeping much better with the exercise.
You also have to realise they are small animals adapting to a new environment, potentially unsure of themsleves. They aren't purposely winding you up, they want to interact with you. And the puppy will work out how to interact with you and your other half, adapting to how you are with him
Once you're through this bit it gets much better. Our 7 year old schnauzer is an absolute poppet and has become an integral part of the family.
there was a useful article in the Graun over the weekend about puppy/dog training, might be worth a read
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/dec/19/we-dont-have-to-command-them-its-a-relationship-meet-britains-top-dog-whisperer
They are indeed a lot of work but the joy they bring me is unmatched by anything else. Currently got my 7 month old boy snoozing next to me
I'm sticking to 4 cats and tagnuts reading this stuff. And all my 4 are house cats with an 'outdoor run'.
It’s not the walking in the rain, the picking up sh*t, the restrictions on your life… it’s other people’s actions that make it, or can make it, so hard.
Food-related rubbish everywhere, super busy roads, ‘professional’ dog walkers walking 10 dogs at a time, and clueless, entitled, inconsiderate dog owners with their pita dogs who have not had an ounce of training and are too busy talking on their mobile phones to notice what their dog is doing in any case.
Then there is the fear of them getting ill and knowing that while the vet might want to do the best for your dog, the industrialisation of veterinary practices, and the fact that they often have targets to meet, might mean that’s not always the case
That's word for word my experience of dog ownership. The constant stream of McD's / Costa / Monster /Red bull rubbish, drug dealers operating with impunity, Saturday night personal safety if there are pubs in your area - fag butts being flicked at your dog. 'Bike Lifers' riding 'crossers over the playing grounds, Surron's ragging silently past. Fly tipping, popping and banging boy racers.
you don't normally notice the scum of society but when you are out in your local area 2 or 3 times a day it's a constant negative.
For Berts evening walk I drive to my old village or walk over the Moors, I accept environmentally it's not good but it's better for my mental health.
Our dog is a substitute for the children mother nature didn't allow us - he gets the love they would have had.
I'd get another dog but I'll have moved house/emigrated by then.
"That’s word for word my experience of dog ownership. The constant stream of McD’s / Costa / Monster /Red bull rubbish, drug dealers operating with impunity, Saturday night personal safety if there are pubs in your area – fag butts being flicked at your dog. ‘Bike Lifers’ riding ‘crossers over the playing grounds, Surron’s ragging silently past. Fly tipping, popping and banging boy racers."
I'll add to that list - idiots throwing chicken bones from their KFC for the dog to eat before I could intervene. This after a £3500 operation because the dog ate a bone and it splintered in its stomach.
Just before lock down, some friends of mine rescued a Jack Russel. He was used to dogs having grown up on a farm in Aus, she was predominately a cat person, but used to animals nevertheless. The JR was, to put in bluntly, a basket case. It was about 5, had come from a v bad environment and was more or less untrainable, behaviorally destructive, a nightmare around other dogs and children, and had separation issues that caused it to have uncontrollable shits. they tried with this dog for months and months while it slowly but surely drove them to insanity.
They made the worst (but in the circumstance probably better) decision, and have rebuilt their lives. Sometimes having a dog is a mistake, do the thing, and move on, it's not a character flaw
2 pages in and no pics ?
Read the room mate.
Thanks 'mate'. It's a forum, not a room, diversity of thought, view and opinion is what makes it an interesting place, still not a room though .. 🙂
Hey OP, hope you're doing better than you were..
I will add to this conversation is that you need to do what is right for the dog first and foremost.
For new owners the first 6 months are the hardest, you're setting ground rules and boundaries. You're making sure the dog is exposed to as many experiences as possible to avoid becoming worried around something new. Simple things depending where you live, like walking close to horses, sheep, or cars and buses.
The next 6 months is reinforcing all the hard work you put in at the start.
Get that right, and your life becomes a lot easier - as the dog knows boundaries and rules.
The question from me is - can you give your time and attention to someone that isn't you for 12 months? If no, then you shouldn't have a dog.
Every single dog deserves a healthy environment, with love, care and attention.
Any update?
I'm going through the exact same
Was only thinking about this earlier, hope things are working out (whichever way you decided was best)
Thank you all for your posts, it's really helped. I went to some dark places in the first week or two, but thankfully, all seems to be going much, much better now.
We dropped puppy (his name's Parker) with the in-laws over Christmas, so he could get used to staying with them as in future if we go away or we need to leave him for a while, he will go there as they are round the corner from us. This gave me a break and allowed me to reach out for help. After talking it through with Samaritans and my GP, we came to the conclusion that really, these mental issues have been there all along and getting Parker has acted as a massive trigger that pushed me over the edge. So I'm now waiting on some more counselling to help me be in a better place mentally, but already I feel much better within myself.
He's settled in well, is very well behaved for the most part (though still tries to eat everything when and is taking to his training well, we have a few 1 to 1 sessions booked with a local trainer to help out and may put him in doggy day care one day a week so he can socialise with dogs a bit more. He is a very confident little chap though, not fazed by much at all, was fine with my MTB as I rode round him on his lead and is fine with cars. Christ we even had him outside watching the fire works at New years; didn't bat an eyelid!
So far, so good. I'm under no illusion that there's still a long way to go, but talking about my mental health has been a huge help and here's hoping with some counselling, I'll be in an even better place for the future. Ohhh and hopefully this works, as we're missing a picture of the little guy!
Very cute!
Glad to hear things are a bit better for you. FWIW my dogs kept me sane when i was in some really dark places, despite the sock stealing and farting.
That's really great news - thanks for the pupdate. Parker looks like a proper little dude as well!
Good news all round, good luck with the counselling. Dogs are great - my Lab is my best friend, despite some of the limitations he puts on life - the adventures and companionship far outweigh them! Good luck...
Glad it all appears to be working out OP, and well done for tackling the mental health stuff. Good luck!