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Firstly, good luck OP, what a rubbish situation to be in.
Some random points in no particular order:
MIL had a Japanese car that needed the key turning back an extra click when parked up, or it went flat.
My mum had a battery drain that turned out to be a cracked spark plug, no idea how that worked but new plugs fixed it.
Cut off relay in my current (sorry) Kuga seems to be non-existent/broken, car doesn't shut down fully unless the car is closed up, and no the interior lights aren't on!
Many main stealer's techs aren't necessarily the best techs, just the highest prices. What you want is an older tech who is still engaged with the modern technologies, they have the experience to test things that make no apparent sense but which have worked in the past.
Lastly in this stream of consciousness there does seem to be a reluctance to request help from head-office, we had a Skoda with a weird infotainment issue, kept getting faffed about until they finally rigged it up to the factory and hey presto - new firmware fixed it.
Just ordered a Noco Boost Plus GB40 from Costco for £48, here's hoping it wasn't too good to be true - I'll report back on that!
I would be interested to know what "diagnostics" the dealer has done. Just checking the voltage when the car is running and when switched off isn't enough.
I am not that great mechanically but Google threw up this article where the guy seem to know his stuff. I am not convinced every main dealer tech would be checking as well as this. Any good specialist auto electricians in the area. You shouldn't have to do it for a new car but if paying a couple of hours labour solves the problem?
https://www.team-bhp.com/news/idiots-guide-tracing-parasatic-battery-drain-modern-cars
Took delivery end of March 2024.
The issues is that it doesn't start.
When did you first report the problem to the dealer?
+1 on the Noco jumper packs.
My Kuga, whilst otherwise has been pretty reliable so far in 3 years of my ownership (7 years old total), does like to kill batteries. Even without faults. I'm on the 3rd battery (at least) in its 7 year life. Partly because every time the car is opened, all the computers boot up, and interior lights come.on - that you can't then turn off !!! Camping is the worst as of course you're often in and out the car, + if you have a dawgie in the back ans leave the tail gate open side lights, tail lights and interior lights are on constantly, as well as the computers booting up for 10 or 15 mins. After a stranding because of this, I got a Noco booster (went for the GB70 - bigger than probably needed for a 2 litre turbo diesel, but I'm on for having plenty in reserve if I need it).
For the reply thst said the neighbours car battery was dead- not sure if you know but the Noco has a 'polarity protection' meaning it's looking for + and - on the battery (so you're not connected the wrong way). If the car battery is really dead there's not enough voltage for it to detect, it won't boost the car. You then have to use the over-ride button (red exclamation mark) to bypass the polarity protection. Think it has to be held for a couple of seconds (to avoid accidental pressing).
For the reply thst said the neighbours car battery was dead- not sure if you know but the Noco has a 'polarity protection'
Sorry, perhaps I should have added more detail. Yes, tried that after it wouldn’t even turn over . After overriding the protection It would turn very very slowly but not enough to fire the 1.9 diesel. The Noco then got quite warm so we stopped.
I’m convinced that out Merc has some weird setting that if you drive it in ‘eco’ the battery doesn’t get charged as you drive.
That's not actually that unusual. The eco mode will reduce drain through the alternator. What it shouldn't do is allow the battery to get below a safe set point. This gets difficult when the battery is old, cold or knackered.
FWIW a lot of dealers just test the current and voltage being delivered instantaneously (or over a few seconds) and then say the battery is good. You need to be looking at it over a longer time and/or with a known load being applied. They won't do this, they want you to stick a new battery in at ~150 quid.
NB, if the battery has been replaced and needed coding (but they didn't) the new battery will quite possibly be knackered.