My brain is melting

Cheese and ham?

Just leave and see how long they keep on paying you before they notice you're not actually there.  Truthfully, it doesn't sound like you're critical to productivity.  

Alternatively, you could return to the "crush it" mentality and find something else to do - ask "who needs help with something?"  It sounds like you have some spare capacity.   

If nobody has noticed your lack of productivity then embrace it, just find better, healthier ways to fill your time, maybe with stuff that you do after work now that prevents you from doing fun stuff

Are you using an appropriate amount of caffeine?  

Being frank, this time of year is bad for my motivation too. We had a sniff of Spring last week, but it was a fool's spring and now we're in the doldrums of 'no weather' it's shit enough to make being outside just a little bit of a pain, but at the same time not really worth moaning about. 

The excitement of Christmas, if you care, has long past, but it's not really time to get excited about summer riders and pub garden beers. 

Leaving the rat race behind and heading south till the weather suits my clothes sounds lovely, but very soon the woods will be full of bluebells and wild garlic and we can forget about the unrelenting greyness of the UK through the darker months. 

More sensibly, this is how I feel when my depression and anxiety are building up. Talk to your GP or another trusted friend or colleague. The urge to just disappear and escape it all is pretty common. Please on't let it slip to the point where you are considering more serious options to get away from it all.

Yep sounds like you're anxious or depressed. I had a similar spell after Christmas as I definitely don't like the short days.

I had a word with myself and got my head straight and work is really busy which I like as it keeps me focused.

I was awful at getting out of bed, but I've decided to observe fasting during Ramadan (I'm not religious in the slightest) just to see how easy or hard I find it. Anyway means I'm up at 5:45 to eat a d drink before sunrise. This has resulted in a wonderful side effect of giving me an hour to myself in the morning after walking the dog. It's great and made a massive difference to how I feel.

Maybe suffering burnout.

I'd see the doc, explain the symptoms, maybe arrange a sick note for a fortnight then do sweet fanny adams for at least 10 days.

By do nowt i mean do nowt. So dont go cycling. Maybe just find a beach somewhere and sit on it soaking up some sunlight.

I have this exact same problem.  Only I work at home so I'm surrounded by distractions.

I had the exact same problem so I retired 👍

It's new job time

I’m writing this to avoid responding to an email about what kind of sandwiches I want to see at a team building exercise.

Kemi, is that you ? 

Posted by: Sharkattack

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I’m writing this to avoid responding to an email about what kind of sandwiches I want to see at a team building exercise.

That, right there, is cause for loading the system with whatever virulent virus you can find on the dark web, followed by walking out of the building, saying “I’m just going out for a walk, I may be some time”…

Lay off the sugar.

See your GP.

 I found a quiet waiting room in the Hospital where I can kill 15-20 minutes hiding

So NHS? An organisation in a crisis of work overload....that appears to have passed you by.  

So has 'the system' broken you? With your current productivity levels (and seemingly lack of accountability) you sure as hell don't sound like you are part of the solution right now.

Sounds like it's time for a GP visit and a career change? Can your finances handle a 'career break' to find your mojo and a bit of passion again? 

It would drive me crazy having that little urgency and accountability at work, perhaps you need to look for something else with a bit more pressure to keep you on your toes. The brain needs worked and exercised a bit to keep it in good shape. 

Retire early.

I don't work in the NHS and if I tried to retire early I'd be homeless in weeks. We have no savings, no safety net, no family assistance and I'll never inherit a penny. I feel like I'm on a treadmill suspended above a lake of shit. It's tempting to stop running but if I do it'll be messy.

Despite how I made it sound, I actually do have a fair bit of responsibility and accountability but I've perfected the art of doing 'just enough, just in time'. I always have something recently completed or a work in progress I can point to when someone asks for it. It just takes me a fraction of my working day to do my job but I'm expected to be present for 8 hours a day.

I'm in a big meeting on Friday with the bigwigs and I need to prepare for it so I've switched my brain on and had a flurry of activity. I HAVE to be prepared or I'll look like a muppet. The adrenaline rush that comes with the danger of impeding failure and humiliation is the only thing that can motivate me. The closure I get to self-sabotage the bigger the rush.

I've been trying to contact my GP but I'm commuting when the phones open and I always miss out. I don't know what they'll do anyway, probably very little.

The adrenaline rush that comes with the danger of impeding failure and humiliation is the only thing that can motivate me

Same.  You have ADHD. Go on YouTube and read about it, there's a load of good content there about how your brain works.

Posted by: Sharkattack

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I've perfected the art of doing 'just enough, just in time'.

Hate to break it to you, but so has everyone else.

Can you afford to take reduced hours?

This reminds me to watch Office Space again.

Posted by: Convert

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 I found a quiet waiting room in the Hospital where I can kill 15-20 minutes hiding

That reminds me.

Where a mate of mine used to work (Morrisons I think) there was a huge walk-in freezer.  One time he went in to get something he found a co-worker at the back, shivering like crazy.

"What on earth are you doing, Sid?" he asks him.

"Sk- sk- sk- sk- skiving!"

I worked at Morrisons as a teenage shelf stacker. At the back of the walk-in freezer I used to use clothes pegs to hang rubber gloves full of water on the racking. Then a day or two later I would peel off the glove to reveal a life-size hand of solid ice. I'd drop into a box of whatever I was moving around that day and then stand the ice hand on a shelf behind a big cereal box or bag of dog food or something. Or I'd put it in the freezer among the bags of oven chips, reaching up from the frozen depths.

I wondered what would go through the heads of the customers when they discovered them but no one ever mentioned it so as far as I know it went completely unnoticed. I like to think at least one person had nightmares after reaching for some Aunt Bessie's and accidentally grasping a severed hand, colder than the grave.

I got sacked from that job but not for the frozen hands. It was the first, but not the last, time I heard the phrase 'gross misconduct'.

You have ADHD. Go on YouTube and read about it, there's a load of good content there about how your brain works.

AND it means you can tell other people they also have it (it's a Sara Pascoe joke rather than just me being rude to molgrips)! 

It does sound like it's time for something new, I similarly have been looking as I am bored and this company feels like it's in the final weeks/months before something terminal happens to it, which is a shame as it's an interesting product and a good team.

Don't self diagnose with ADHD. Seek the help of a professional if you think you might have it.

I've fortunately never got to the OP's stage, but have certainly seen it over the years in a couple of good colleagues (actually friends) and Mrs too.

All I can say usefully is that by the time you get to the stage of having taken a week off.... it needs a whole lot more than a week to get back on track.   A  friend of 20 years (who became my boss - all good there) ended up with a month off.... those she trusted told her she needed 2 months off. The hole takes a long time to be dug. It's not possible to get back out and fill the hole back in properly in a weekend ! She actually took that advice, and later told us we were absolutely right - she'd have come back, 'relapsed' and then needed 2 or 3 months more off.

It's like a broken leg - go back running too soon it will re-break and be worse the 2nd time.

I’ve been in similar situations and have also left simple tasks to the last minute to get the adrenaline buzz they’d lack.

As others have said, I take it as a sign to move on. While waiting for the next opportunity, I’ve used the spare time to improve spreadsheet skills.

I spent some time at a large company with sites all over the UK. My department was a go- between for the factories and corporate world. We’d go to help out if there were any particular problems/ short of staff.
It was easy to invite myself to them to assist with an issue, but while there have an “important HQ” task to complete.
Add in arranging a meeting up in Newcastle for a couple of days, followed by one in Somerset, there’s a day on the road not working!

I suggest the OP dig out a copy of Office Life by Keith Waterhouse.

Posted by: FB-ATB

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I suggest the OP dig out a copy of Office Life by Keith Waterhouse.

Purchased on eBay, I'll get around to it asap. Thanks for the recommendation.

My brain is not currently melting. I spoke to my GP a week ago for the second time this year and they prescribed Sertraline so I've joined the large proportion of STW on the happy pills. The side effects are pretty rough. I've had a week of mostly sleepless nights and very painful heartburn but hopefully that wears off as I get used to it.

I had some time off but I've also managed a few days at work where I can actually read and focus on what I need to do. I've been able to get some work done without my brain doing 10000mph. Maybe it's the medication, maybe I was just due to come down off the ceiling anyway. Time will tell.

I might have to tell my team leader about it at some point but so far I've only spoken to the Mrs and the GP (and you lot).

There's also light and warmth coming from the sky which makes a huge difference. I've got a long weekend coming up, I might attempt a bike ride.