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Personally, the concept of you giving her money so she can buy school shoes for your child seems completely alien.
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[quote=Cougar ]
It seems a lot of people here are moving money between theirs and their spouses separate accounts. It's just adding an unnecessary extra step, am I missing something?
Yeah, I wondered if someone would call me out on that when I was typing it. Thing is, it's a relatively rare occurrence. 😆
TBH, some of the previous replies to yours suggested it was happening every month.
If you do have separate accounts and your Wife doesn't work much, what IS a reasonable amount to give them for them to pay for fuel, food, kids stuff and her stuff per month? No household or car bills included.
It's clearly not a black and white situation. Some people are just terrible with money. My ex was. Earned well but spent every penny she earned, every penny I earned and racked up debts on credit cards that I had to pay off every year. If two people are fundamentally different in their approach to managing money then a separation of funds is key.
If however both of you can be sensible or you both equally as reckless then by all means a truly joint approach will work.
What works for you doesn't necessarily work for others. Would be good if folk remembered that...
Personally, the concept of you giving her money so she can buy school shoes for your child seems completely alien.
+1
Whereas if i put it into a joint account so that we can both buy them together then that would make you happier?
It's the same money from the same source being spent on the same thing - why does it matter what the number on the bank card is?
convert - MemberI've seen a few mention 'I give her a housekeeping allowance' or words to that effect. That just sounds so alien to me, like from another age. I'm surprised there are still folk that use that language.
I know what you mean, in my house we have a 'household' account (sub account of Mrs current account as it goes) it pays all the bills, it's separate from current accounts, for me it means I won't accidentally spend the Gas Bill money on a pair of tyres or something, for my Wife it means she doesn't have to keep a tally of how much she has left - slightly different due to the way our brains work.
It is my Wife's job to manage it, I put in more than her as I earn more, it leaves us with the same amount of disposable money-ish, but she makes sure the bills are paid, on time etc as that one of her jobs.
If it makes you feel any better my jobs include the food shopping, cooking and dishes.
If you want to know how we allocated the 'jobs' when we moved in together, on the day I moved in, I was earning more than the national average and on the verge of bankruptcy, She was a student, single Mother who had/has a perfect credit history and has never got so much of a reminder letter for a bill, but she can't cook for shit 😉
If you want a degoratory term, my Mum has a 'pin money' account my Dad pays her pocket money into.
If you do have separate accounts and your Wife doesn't work much, what IS a reasonable amount to give them for them to pay for fuel, food, kids stuff and her stuff per month? No household or car bills included.
My wife works as an admin / TA at a school for SEN kids. Pay isn't huge and it's on a 40/52 basis - so her annual salary is multiplied by 40/52 to account for the weeks off but then paid in 12 monthly instalments.
I then put about 1/3 of my after tax pay into her account as well, which pretty well doubles it.
I'm not saying what i get, but the maths astute will soon work out if I give her 1/3 of my after tax and that doubles her up, then what i have left is broadly the same as she has.
As said before I pay pretty much all of the household bills; she pays for food shopping and school / childcare stuff. Yes, including their ****ing shoes!!
If you wrote down all expenditure, after all 'fixed' costs are accounted she has far more discretionary spending than me anyway, and it's not as if they have shoes every month (it just seems like it). That seems fair to me as i have enough to keep me happy in general (CH pumps aside) and she can stack some back so that when holiday time comes and they go places and do stuff she has the money for it.
I know it's not a number which was the question - unless you're aware of SEN school admin staff pay scales - but of course you have to cut cloth to suit. If we had less, we'd buy cheaper stuff and give up some of the luxuries.
TBH, some of the previous replies to yours suggested it was happening every month.
We had to do a bit of creative juggling when she was out of work for health reasons, but haven't done it at all since she started back at work.
Whereas if i put it into a joint account so that we can both buy them together then that would make you happier?It's the same money from the same source being spent on the same thing - why does it matter what the number on the bank card is?
As I said, do what you like, but the idea of my/ her money seems very odd - it's ours and has been since before we were married. I do earn a fair bit more than my wife btw.
Don't worry Jonv, you're not the only one. My first marriage we both worked and had our own accounts and a central account we both paid a fair proportion of our salaries to cover all the bills.
The current Mrs R (of 20 years) never wanted that arrangement and so she's kept her account and I keep mine, paying a sum into her account to keep her in Chanel No. 5 and other essentials such as kids stuff and food. Also, I'm pretty good with money, so able to budget and decide what we can can't afford to do.
Yes, I'm IN CONTROL...but we've never had money problems, overdrafts or credit card debts.
As I said, do what you like, but the idea of my/ her money seems very odd - it's ours
As i said, we have mine, hers [u]and ours[/u], it's just ours is split between our two current accounts rather than in a third one just to conform to others expectations.
It's not hard to work out which 'ours' is because it's whatever gets spent on stuff 'for us'
I've seen a few mention 'I give her a housekeeping allowance' or words to that effect. That just sounds so alien to me, like from another age.
It does but I understand it too. Where we live, a lot of women are stay at home parents / ladies who lunch and their main responsibility is to manage the 'household' funds.
My salary is paid into my wife's account simply because when we got married her bank was paying better interest than mine. She earns more than I do. We have no individual savings (ignoring ISA allowances etc) which she organises. I have no idea how internet banking works and have no desire to. My wife often jokes that if something happened to her, I'd be asking friends to borrow a few quid until I'd worked out what banks we use.
I know our PIN. I assume there's a cash point card in her [s]pit of hell[/s] handbag.
Relish in the lack of responsibility.
I do do all my 'turns' be it attending children's friend's birthday parties, tax, MOT, lawn mowing and dish washing etc. I do what I'm told!
I'm also available for advice on how to tidy so abysmally you'll never be asked again 🙂
As i said, we have mine, hers and ours, it's just ours is split between our two current accounts rather than in a third one just to conform to others expectations.
We're going round in circles:
1. You are allowed to arrange your finances as you wish.
2. I am allowed to think that your arrangements are weird.
Coldplay > how on earth do you buy anything? Do you just ask your wife to order it if you want a new bike or, I don't know, a sandwich or something?
3. I'm allowed to point out why it isn't, and it is in fact just as equitable as anyone else's and I don't need to feel like Victorian husband.
3. I'm allowed to point out why it isn't, and it is in fact just as equitable as anyone else's and I don't need to feel like Victorian husband.
4. I'm allowed to point out why I think it is, and from what you've said is about attitude rather than practicalities.
Anyway, you seem quite sure that you're right about all this, and certainly don't need my approval, so what's the problem?
No problem at all. Just wondering why you keep having to have the last word. If my wife did that i'd dock her a day's allowance 😉
(and it's pure practicalities - initially we had to have separate finances and now we just can't be arsed to amend them and move dozens of DD's and SO's and employer details and..... when what we have works just fine)
The banks will very happily move all your DDs and SOs for you. It's not difficult, and given how gash some banks are these days, and how good others are...
3. I'm allowed to point out why it isn't, and it is in fact just as equitable as anyone else's and I don't need to feel like Victorian husband.
Maybe it's the way you explained it. But your wife juggling the money needed to run the house, feed the kids and put shoes on their feet and that having a direct correlation to what she, [u]and only she[/u], has left for her own needs does make it sound that way.
"Welcome home darling, here's your dinner. The children ate earlier - I made them a mutton broth and darned billy's socks instead of buying new so I had enough left over to buy myself this pinafore - I hope it meets with your approval" 😉
Get rid of the blue bills and the pink bills - lob both your cash in one pot and welcome to the 21st century. 🙂
No problem at all. Just wondering why you keep having to have the last word. If my wife did that i'd dock her a day's allowance
Well you could do that, but then your children might have to go barefooted 😉
@Cougar - envelopes.
At the start of the month multiple envelopes are filled with money.
nanny salary
elec. bill
water bill
4 x petrol for motorbike
4 x diesel for truck
4 x grocery
4 x wife and my socialising
4 x family meal out
4 x beer after Friday ride money
etc
If I were to want to buy a bike I'd ask / discuss it with her. I've always got what I wanted as I don't want the latest a greatest.
My life is very boring (but I like it). I pass a single shop riding to school (where I teach). Free coffee and meals at school. Ride home. Play with the children / study. Have tea. Bed. Our weekends are spent as a family. Beach usually. I don't have a need to spend money.
Enveloping has helped us save well over the years.
Anyone's partner not work? Not including disability etc.
Haven't read through whole thread but...
My partner and I have both been married before. We have no desire to be financially obliged to each other, like we were in our marriages.
I transfer her my share of the bills every month and she pays them. No need for joint accounts.
I did joint accounts with an old girlfriend years ago. I hated it being her business what I spent, and my business what she spent. Just split the bills (in a ratio that works for you) and keep your own money 🙂
We have no desire to be financially obliged to each other
Why would you feel that way anyway?
I think the critical thing is to have a deal that works for yuo and that you both are comfortable with. I know ALL the women I know would not like not having their own money.
Molgrips - if you don't have your own money then you feel you have to ask the other for "permission" to spend money - hardly equitable.
I like to have a partnershp of equals
molgrips - Member
Anyone's partner not work? Not including disability etc.
Mine doesn't. We have separate accounts and a joint for bills/food. Every month an amount goes from my account into the joint that covers all the household expenses and the food. An amount goes to her which is her money and the kids money that she manages. I pay the mortgage, the cars and the savings, and anything else major. Whatever is left is mine, in actual amounts she generally has more 'personal money' than me.
My wife pefers this as she feels she has independence with her money and doesn't need to ask me every time she or the kids wants something.
Why would you feel that way anyway?
Because...we do?
As I say, we've both been married before and have no intention of recreating the conditions.
The only reason we are together is because we love each other. Not because we promised God in front of all our relatives, and not because we depend on each other financially. If either of us decide at any time that the relationship no longer makes us happy, we can end it.
Share a bed, share your money, quite simple really
Anyone's partner not work? Not including disability etc.
Yes, my wife retired a few months ago, but has yet to start talking her pension. The joint account works as before, with the same allowance going to both my wife and I.
The allowance does vary; it went down when I didn't have a job, and went up when the mortgage ended.
The joint account works for us, partly because I'd spend more on useless tech that would end in landfill. It means that we're in a pretty good position financially, mostly because my wife manages all the money.
Share a bed, share your money, quite simple really
I think there's an old profession set up along those lines.
We pay both our salaries into the JA, then we pay ourselves an equal allowance into our own separate accounts to spend as we wish.
we've an individual account each, and a joint. The mortgage, and utilities, come out of the joint. Everything else comes out of mine. I (we!) spend all ours , save hers. She pays less tax, so.... If we overspend mine, I get money off her. Obviously she uses my credit card; the only exceptions are her haircuts (the price gives me a heart attack, and if I'm lucky, my birthday/xmas presents. An element of surprise is good!)
We've been together 22 years; there is a vague element of trust, but it's been like this for ~19 odd years, since travelling I guess. She cares more about money than I do (dad was a bank manager). She looks after my investments, and squirrels stuff away I know nothing about.
I like it like this. If I knew we had 10k sat somewhere, I'd get an urge to spend.
Separate here. There's certain things i don't want her to find out the true cost of things. "How much was that new dropper post?" "...it was about 15 quid" 🙂
I'm taking from this lots of people who are on their second marrage / relationship keep it seperate>
Not making the same mistake twice, or proving they're not really suited to co-habiting?
I'd bet the former.
Separate accounts. What's mine is hers, as is what's hers. I've no idea what 'managing household finances' is, but don't like the sound of it.
Separate accounts here, with joint account for house stuff. Except Mrs Daz now uses the joint account as her main bank account. We're both shit/lazy at managing money. Every now and again I ask her 'how much money do we have?', to which the answer often is, 'I don't know I'd best check the joint account'. 🙂
j5kol - MemberShare a bed, share your money, quite simple really
If that were true I'd need a full time accountant in my 20s. Holla.
Salaries go into joint account.
Then a monthly direct debit from joint account into our personal current accounts.
I earn twice my partners salary but we both still thought it made sense to have the same disposable income, hence the salaries going into the joint account.
Everything joint here, and my wife (as an ex-banker) keeps an eye on everything (shuffling stuff in and out of savings accts, making sure we have enough to pay the bills at the appropriate time etc...).
Too much hassle to do it any other way, any big purchases (e.g. new bike... 😀 ) we just have a sensible chat about beforehand. I must spend more on bike stuff than she spends on anything, but I earn more than her, so it just works. Might feel differently if she was prone to frittering money away on 'stuff' though!
@Cougar - envelopes.
Ye gods, really? Suppose if it works for you that's cool, but that would drive me insane.
Enveloping has helped us save well over the years.
Where do you keep the savings? In a pillowcase? In a chamber pot under the dresser? I mean who is going to look there?
I hope you have an envelope for Tiny Tims sixpence too?
@Cougar / MrSmith
It does work well. It was amazing how much money was frittered away without any real idea of where it went (~£500 pcm!). At the start of every month it takes (my wife) about 30 mins to fill up the envelopes. We rarely need to use the debit / credit card aside from that monthly cash withdrawal. It's all much easier than having to remember to go to a cash point for whatever reason.
Savings are all automatically transferred to pensions, off shore account etc.
It seems a lot of people here are moving money between theirs and their spouses separate accounts. It's just adding an unnecessary extra step, am I missing something?
(to save reading back as we have join account for household bills we pay equally into and remainder is our own)
ours is set up to happen the day before the mortgage is due to go out. so.
pay from employers goes in to own accts -> equal contribution to joint acct goes automatically from own accts -> mortgage goes out from joint account -> remainder covers food and all other bills for the month
once set up (with the right amount) it runs itself.
i also transfer a fixed amount per month from my current account to my ISA (meant to cover car repairs etc). right now i'm manually adding extra on top, as much as I can afford to as well.
if i had more in my current account i'd spend it 🙂 running myself on 'just enough' keeps me under control. (even though i can tap up any amount, or use a credit card (only used for emergencies ,and always paid off in full) at the drop of a hat..)
So my current account often has bugger all in, but I can quickly fire up the app on my phone and put money in to my current account from my savings / buffer account. (saving for a car, then a new bike, then just saving..). right now i've got enough for petrol for the rest of the month, and a little spare change. if i've been over ambitious saving at the start of the money i can pull back 30 or 50 quid.
It seems a lot of people here are moving money between theirs and their spouses separate accounts. It's just adding an unnecessary extra step, am I missing something?
I suppose it depends what you think is 'nescessary' ha ha. Seriously though keeping my own finances keeps me sane and my Wife and I together, we have such wildly different views on most things financial, it's best to pool what we need to pool and keep our own money our own.
We moved house over the weekend, lots of money being moved from the savings, lots of purchases - my Bank tells me my total income this month was about £5k, it really, really wasn't.
Keeping separate accounts with a joint a/c for household bills helps keep track of budgets as well - running low this month? due to gas bills or bike bits?
(If the bank would tag/allow you to set rules for tagging items with category names and sort them on your statement, then this would not be a valid advantage, but in the 1950's theme park that is the UK, that isn't possible)