[Closed] Lost for words moments. What's yours?

30th minute of the Germany : Brazil game....

Friends of our have some Chinese kids on an exchange and my mate puts on the movie "Rush Hour" with Jackie Chan, so they will feel more at home. 😆 😆

Words failed me

My 3 year old daughter telling me she'd just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

Recovering a car from a ditch down a little country lane, wearing the fetching hi-vis overalls, lady stops and informs me if I drove more carefully I wouldn't have to block the road with a recovery truck. It wasn't my car, I was purely having a day at work.

My 3 year old daughter telling me she'd just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

😆

When I was interviewing a guy the other day for a senior role and when asked how he motivated a team to deliver high-performance said:

"I tell them to don't take the piss"

Saw a woman feeding a young baby coca cola from a baby bottle with a teat on it. She shook it up then squeezed the teat to let the fizz out first of course. Giving the baby coca cola without doing so would be irresponsible ?_?

In the same area I also saw a different woman getting her child to hold her cigarette so she could answer her phone.

freeagent - Member
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

After just getting back from a foreign holiday, a few friends landed at my house. I hadn't had chance to go shopping, so couldn't offer them a cuppa.

Luckily, I had some mini ice creams in my freezer...as we were eating them, my mate's sister asked if I'd fetched them back from my holiday!? I think the looks she got from everyone told her everything she needed to know.

Woppit's Spoiler thread.

Woppit then not being banned.

tightywighty - Member
Saw a woman feeding a young baby coca cola from a baby bottle with a teat on it. She shook it up then squeezed the teat to let the fizz out first of course. Giving the baby coca cola without doing so would be irresponsible ?_?

In the same area I also saw a different woman getting her child to hold her cigarette so she could answer her phone.

plymouth was it?

'Shame dogs can't look up, they must miss so much'

There is some evidence for this:

[img] [/img]

("Dogs can't look up" is from Shaun of the Dead by the way, she may have been trolling you or she may have been very stupid)

walking into the shared kitchen to witness someone filling the kettle up from the wall mounted water boiler...

"I tell them to don't take the piss"

I think we need more managers like him - Not ones who find holistic solutions!

You now have me wandering if she was sharper than she looked graham. That's not fair, you can't troll people at 6 in the morning, it's not fair to take advantage of the sleep deprived.

I feel dirty.

I was conducting an interview last week and the candidate told me his current manager was Madeline Mccann! 😯

Having driven through the wrong puddle and collected 2 pinch punctures on the nearside of my van, it was parked in one fork a little Y shaped drive for a country house; it very obviously had two wheels off, WAS leaning at an angle with two great big trolley jacks holding it up, and another van nearby was disgorging overalled fellahs carrying wheels and tools.

A leathery faced posh looking woman drove up, stopped 1 foot from the rear bumper, and leant on the horn.

Speaking to a lady yesterday who had uncomfortable shoes on so she had sent a cab on a 20 mile round trip through SW London to collect a comfy pair from home.

walking into the shared kitchen to witness someone filling the kettle up from the wall mounted water boiler...

I do that all the time at work. The water from the boiler isn't quite hot enough for my liking (ie. not actually boiling), but filling the kettle with it gets you a head start. Why would that leave you lost for words?

Watching a guy in his car, on his mobile while smoking a fag trying to do a three point turn on a busy main road.

There is a sign in one of the kitchens in our Nottingham office asking staff not to boil milk in the kettle.

I must get a photo of it one day.

Not very exciting but we have a big cheese visiting next week at work and a few of us have to give presentations. I arrived at the office yesterday and a colleague proudly showed me his - it had very little content, lots of un-necessary animations and bright colours, drum roll and applause sound effects, and a clip from the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition. I was completely speechless for a moment.

[quote=jamj1974 ]When I was interviewing a guy the other day for a senior role and when asked how he motivated a team to deliver high-performance said:
"I tell them to don't take the piss"

that pretty much sums up our HR policy. works.

Seeing this today for the first time

zippykona - Member

Speaking to a lady yesterday who had uncomfortable shoes on so she had sent a cab on a 20 mile round trip through SW London to collect a comfy pair from home.

Pah when i worked in the YHA in St Pauls eons ago some poor PA was sent out to "get some boots for my boss who's doing the three peaks this weekend"

A 'discussion' with a walker on one of the bridleways through Winterfold at the weekend.

Me: 'Good morning!'
Him; ' This isn't a bridleway you know. The bridleway goes up there '
(technical interjection, it is a bridleway, as is the one he was pointing out. There are two bridleways)
me: actually it is. so's that.
him; are you sure?
Me: yes. There's a finger post about 50 yards back there if you want to check
Him: I get idiots like you riding at me on footpaths all the time
(Technical interjection, i should have ridden on at this point but couldn't help it)
Me: What is the problem with folks like you. Can't you bear to let anyone else have any enjoyment?
Him: I don't mind you enjoying yourself, as long as it's in the right place
Me: What, like on this bridleway?
(technical interjection - I made a sweeping indication of the lovely rocky bridleway I was enjoying)
Him: JUST F*CK OFF!!

That was the bit where I was lost for words.

Posted this on here before, I saw a woman pick up her dog's poo in a plastic bag, tie a knot in it, then very carefully tie the knot to a tree branch. I asked "What the hell are you doing that for", and she said, (in her best talking to a stupid child voice) "It makes it easier for the rangers to collect". I made some vowel noises but couldn't manage any words.

Just leaving the checkout at Costco when we overhear the old guy behind us ask the cashier "when is it due?" and the cashier replies "I'm not pregnant, just fat". His wife was mortified.

😆

My 3 year old daughter telling me she'd just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.

The guy who drove into the back of my car whilst I queued at traffic lights last night who then asked:

"Do you know how much this is going to cost me?"

stewartc, that looks like a cracking night

ahh car crashes:

Moment 1: woman who T-boned as we were driving down a nice wide road on a sunny day "you came out of no-where"

Moment 2: as I am stood there with my right should dropped and hand turning blue (shoulder dislocated) waiting for a paramedic her husband comes up while I am on the phone to the insurance and butts in saying "at least no one is injured"

The Policeman saw the look in my eyes as I didn't know what expletives to use and told him to go back to his wifes car.

<looks up train times to Preston>

So there I was, nice sunny afternoon, stood completely stationary on my bike, on a wide, smooth, otherwise-empty towpath, looking behind me at my 5yo pottering along to catch up with me at maybe 5mph, when this runner barges between us and yells "DON'T RIDE AT ME YOU * NOB!" before storming off into the distance. Stunning.

If I ever see him again I'm going to kick the stupid **** and his ridiculous * bumbag into the canal.

Another driving one I'm afraid:
The driver who overtook our club group into oncoming traffic, paused when he saw the cars coming the other way, and then carried on driving directly at them before standing on his brakes to avoid the obviously impending head-on collision

Or the horse rider, riding her horse in a field, the other side of a 10ft hedge, shouting at the club group to keep the noise down as we road up the country road. The hedge was so high and thick we didn't even know she was there till she started shouting at us...

My all time favourite is when I tried to dob a bloke in for fraudulently using a disabled badge.
Phoned up the people who issued the badge and explained the situation and was informed that the driver may suffer a disability that is not obvious. "Such as" I asked. "He may be blind".
I hung up at that point.

"Congratulations, its a boy!" on the birth of No.1_oab
*cue tears*
*cue unable to speak*

I shot a Don't Tell the Bride wedding in Newcastle a few years ago. The ceremony room was tiny and I jostled for space with TWO film crews. We all finally settled in and waited for the bride to be to enter.

Just as she did, the sound guy un-apolagetically stepped right in front of me and one of the video guys literally elbowed me out of the way. Quite deliberately and with force. There was absolutely no need as both had a perfect viewpoint - it was purely malicious. I noticed the director grinning and giving the video guy the thumbs up. Needless to say I got my own elbows out and got the shots I needed but I was fuming.

About an hour later, the director came up and barked at me that he'd need my photos on his desk within the week - he was completely contemptuous, utterly dismissive. Lost. For. Words.

They got **** all from me despite numerous phone calls, during which I recovered the power of speech and waxed eloquent.

Reading in the local news today that 70% of the local population are overweight or obese, as many "healthy weight" as obese (28%). Okay BMI isn't exactly a great measurement, but seriously ?

Xc-Steve, the boiler to kettle thing is always done at my work. When the kettle "broke" one guy ordered a new one but when I tried ithe old one no problem, became apparent when he filled the kettle later on. Not bad for a sparky 😆

ryan91: yep. 64% of adults in the UK are overweight or obese (by BMI).
Worldwide one in every three people are now overweight!

[img] [/img]

And the UK is right up there leading the [s]charge[/s] wobble:

[img] [/img]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25576400

What percentage of that BMI chart are overweight due to medication and illness?

I don't know. But what medication or illness would cause such a massive rise in obesity levels in a 28 year period?

I struggled to describe the sound of the fighter jets in the air yesterday.

Girl at work saying she will do a charity "challenge" so she will have her holiday paid for by her sponsors.

i.e friends a colleagues

My bike accident in May 2013 was a classic too:

I'm riding on a cycle path on the pavement when a car just turns left across me resulting in me flying over his bonnet to land in a perfect headstand.

Driver jumps out of the car and says "I thought you'd stop"

I did enjoy his repeating this to the police as I was put into the ambulance on a backboard with a full restraint collar on!

stewartc - Member

Seeing this today for the first time

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzP1XC51kro

Holy shitting bugger that left me speechless too 😆 I honestly thought that must have been around 1995, it was actually filmed 6 months ago.

That video is awesome, truly inspiring...

I'll just leave this here

"So how long have you felt like this before you rang 999?"

"19 years."

^^^^ Holy Jesus and all that is good in the world, WTF! ^^^^

"Where's the KP?"

"Away for a long stand"...

CAMAAAAAAN.

I was once having a 'discussion' with a prisoner about some PSO (prison service order) & he said, 'trust me guv, I'm 99% right half the time'
My maths isn't shit hot so I was speechless till I worked it out.

Stewartc I am now lost for words
Was that the 1998 Romany travelling People annual conference knees up in
Billericay?

Standing outside the playground after dropping my five year old daughter off at infants school. It was the last day of term and all the children had bought toys in. A little lad from her class, in floods of tears, comes over to his fat, tattooed, fag smoking mum and between sobs explains to her another lad has accidentally stood on his action man and broken it.

Her reply, "Well don't come crying to me boy, go and smack 'im in the f###ing mouth!"
😯

I worked with a lady from Cadishead who made a pretty straight proposition in the stairwell at work "Would you like to come round this weekend?...the only time my boyfriend f^^^s me is when his mates come round to watch"

I was to intimidated to take her up on the offer, but it still gives me a twitch in the pants.

I worked with a lady from Cadishead who made a pretty straight proposition in the stairwell at work "Would you like to come round this weekend?...the only time my boyfriend f^^^s me is when his mates come round to watch"

I was to intimidated to take her up on the offer, but it still gives me a twitch in the pants.

Reading in the local news today that 70% of the local population are overweight or obese, as many "healthy weight" as obese (28%). Okay BMI isn't exactly a great measurement, but seriously ?

An increase in average population [b]height[/b] would send BMI up, as it incorrectly assumes weight should increase by the square of height. (And it doesn't account for muscley types, and there's plenty of fellahs liftin' these days.)

I've just watched that vid all the way through. How does he keep going for that long? 😯

An increase in average population height would send BMI up, as it incorrectly assumes weight should increase by the square of height. (And it doesn't account for muscley types, and there's plenty of fellahs liftin' these days.)

I can pretty confidently say that the rise in this nation's BMI and waist line has [b]very little [/b]to do with the minority of "tall weightlifters", and more to do with Greggs and McDonalds...

DrP

I can pretty confidently say that the rise in this nation's BMI and waist line has very little to do with the minority of "tall weightlifters", and more to do with Greggs and McDonalds...

Hahaha! Now that made me laugh.

Actually, there's some interesting evidence that the increase in obesity isn't down to eating more:

http://velvetgloveironfist.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/lets-face-some-facts-about-obesity.html

Ben - don't muddy the waters!!

Yes, since wartimes the calorie intake may have shrunk in some cases, and we eat (on average) a higher proportion of fresh fruit and veg per day.
However, we are still getting fatter...

If you weight 140kg and rarely move, let alone exercise, spouting "But on average the nation is eating fewer calories" doesn't help your cause...

DrP

DrP - Member

If you weight 140kg and rarely move, let alone exercise, spouting "But on average the nation is eating fewer calories" doesn't help your cause...

Is the point not more that so much of the message is about overeating so people aren't looking at the right cause? Everyone I know that decides to lose weight attacks it with diet first and then [i]sometimes[/i] exercise second.

I think it'd be easier to get people doing something fun and active than to get them to eat few enough calories to match a sedentary lifestyle, tbh, because eating food is actually enjoyable.

I would like to see those graphs plotted alongside public transport usage.

I think the best approach to this whole idea is to [b]understand [/b] it's a national problem, but to address it on an [b]individual [/b]basis.

I.e. if I watch (or watched - I was at Legoland yesterday) a morbidly obese family all tucking into full-fat coke, double burgers, large fries, piles of ice cream, crisps, sweets, and so on. And this pattern is likely to continue day in day out. Then this particular family should address their weight/health concern via diet mostly.

It's the equivalent of me constantly smacking a hammer against my head, complaining I have a headache, but feeling helpless as "recent studies have shown that in some cases, headaches are caused by a rare genetic mutation that simply cannot be fixed"...

DrP

Sorry sorry sorry... I didn't mean to derail this amusing thread into another fat debate. 😳

Can we all just agree that 64% of UK adults are simply under-tall for their weight and get back to the OP about "lost for words" moments?

Another car one !

Had a head on crash about two years ago albeit at jogging pace, a ford C Max people carrier thing driving the wrong way UP a dual carriageway !

I was in an ageing Discovery that belonged to work, it made a right mess of the ford and the first words he uttered when he got out of the car was " how long is this going to take ? I've just been shopping and I don't want the ice cream to melt" gobsmacked

I managed to restrain myself and tried explaining the situation and he just pointed out that he had seen the Police do it ! And other people also did when the traffic was blocked on the other carriageway, again gobsmacked

I captured the aftermath on my iPhone plus his confession on driving the wrong way up the road and the insurance company tried wriggling out of it by saying it was a NO fault claim !
And again !!!!!!

So I sent them a copy of the confession.

I'm not lost for words that STW has turned the thread into an argument that has nothing to do with the original post 😀

I was going to post "this has gone way off target, and I'm off..."

!!

DrP

That reminds of a nightshift in Nottingham when I drove from the roundabout up onto the A610, only to meet an older chap coming down off it in a clapped out old banger towing a trailer of bric-a-brac.

His explanation - he's taken the wrong exit on the roundabout, and when he realised the DC was not they way to the car boot sale, turned round and came back. This was ok because there were no signs on the DC prohibiting U turns.

Two favourites for me:

Similar to the Magpie one - working for the Forestry comm, many years ago we were hanging round the car park just making sure things ran smoothly, when we see a father pointing out a pheasant to his son, and saying 'look at the peacock..' - we really didn't have the heart to correct him 🙂

Then working in research labs - there was a fruit room door round the back of the lab that some of the old hands used as a secret smoking/five minutes of daylight spot - dog on a string AR protesters had been exploring round the back fences, and three of them turn up on the other side of the fence, bloke and two girls about 30m away - bloke shouts 'why don't you get a proper job?' and Tim (for that was his name) calmly responds 'its half past ten on a **cking thursday morning, what the **ck do you do for a living?' - hairy type just does a perfect goldfish impression for about six seconds, then he retorts 'I'm an art student...' at which point we all collapsed...

as my wife constantly tells me, science isn't a proper job 🙁

apparently all we do is sit in front of computers, drink tea and occasionally move tiny volumes of liquid from tube to tube

ninfan - Member

then he retorts 'I'm an art student...'

Well then, you know why [i]he's[/i] not got a proper job 😆

I saw a woman pick up her dog's poo in a plastic bag, then very carefully tie it to a tree branch. She said, "It makes it easier for the rangers to collect"

Somebody confusing Power Rangers with Poo Arrangers.

My line manager struggling with the idea of free will:

"Why have we not kept hold of 'xxxx' (our apprentice)?"
"Because when he was told the apprentice scheme was being discontinued and he didn't like any of the other roles on offer, he found himself a job elsewhere and has resigned- much like all the other people who've left recently" (we're going through a major restructure)
"Oh" <confused silence>

Thing is, I know he had the same conversation with someone else this week so even though the idea of free will has been explained to him once, he's still not got it 😯