Dennis Buses.
If you can imagine a kit car that's been designed and built by someone with absolutely no mechanical experience, that's what a Dennis bus is like underneath.
My commute and the thoughtless, selfish others who share it.
Binners - please let us have some more quotes. They're pure gold!
Papa_Lazarou - Member
...and then being forced to spend more time with these people that you do with your kids.
thanks for that man.
i sometimes get a bit neg about being a stay at home dad.
wanders of happily to make a brew.
the utter lack of a meritocracy in most businesses
and the kettle makes far too much noise
Current job, the only downside is the location (a drab suburb of Manchester).
Previous job, it was downside for around 2 years during which time we went through the financial crisis and recession. I was in such a bad mental state, I'd write more on here than I would say to colleagues for a week. And one mistake made in the last job has the possibility of ending my whole career. Great.
On the upside, I'll be a father tomorrow. Every cloud, etc. 😀
Binners. How long have you been in Manchester? Every day we see handfuls of badly blinged Range Rovers in the centre. Godawful things.
Don't bregudge how people made their money through drugs, crime or fraud.
Yesterday a lad in a sooped-up Merc AMG cut a corner in town and almost had me over his bonnet. I stopped and looked back (no hand movements- nothing). He slammed on, opened his door, put one foot out and said 'what? what? whats your problem? yeah you keep moving' (I was stationary) and I replied calmly 'its not me with the problem'. He immediately slammed his door and drove off.
I swear he was wearing Louis Vutton trainers?!! WTF.
The morbidly obese people I see on every morning commute with Greggs pasties and a bottle of cheap immitation red bull for breakfast. Makes me shudder.
Urgghh [url= http://www.dedoro.com/i/e/globe-trotter-sneaker-in-monogram-canvas/ ]More money than Style?[/url]
TJ - (and before anybody jumps on the bandwagon, I most certainly am not having a go here) our current experiences of the private sector vs NHS are, oddly, completely opposite. I recently returned to the NHS after ten years working for various private sector companies, and at the moment feel totally disillusioned. What have the f***ers done to my NHS? My current unit appears to be mainly staffed by morons who cant do their job properly yet still believe they deserve a job for life, and managers who believe that everything in the garden's rosey because they have all the necessary paperwork in place, with all the right boxes ticked. I know I'm generalising here, but at the moment, it's really putting a hair across my a**e.
Reading this thread is one of them!
The morbidly obese people I see on every morning commute with Greggs pasties and a bottle of cheap immitation red bull for breakfast. Makes me shudder
Parents with child seats in the back of their car with their drivers window open an inch so that 'the smoke cant be inside the car' 😆
My commute that takes an hour driving or 55 mins cycling but has to be done in a car most of the time.
My boss who says (in his [s]London[/s]Derry way) [i]1st thing tomorrow morining.[/i] when he means [i]at some point in the future if I haven't forgotten which I probably will[/i].
Customers not appreciating the hard work I put into fixing their bloody bikes that spent last 5 years in the garden and got properly rusty.
No Jaffa Cakes brought by punters ever!!!!!!!!
Pay? What pay? You mean the pay-lookalike I get weekly?
Parents with child seats in the back of their car with their drivers window open an inch so that 'the smoke cant be inside the car'
Oh that really boils my piss. Selfish bastards who don't deserve children.
Being called a c*** and knowing that the kids is one of the HT experiments and isn't being challenged enough, that's why he is in top set.
Next one is harsh - having a kid with Severe Learning Difficulties in my main stream nurture group class because he has integrated and made friends well at school and now we can't get rid of him.
Doesn't matter that he is now in year 9 and yet is still learning sub KS2 has made no progress in any subjects since arriving, other than learning his last name and being able to write it. Has OCD, autism, memory problems and is currently starting to show signs of teenagness.
I know. If you ever sit in a smokers car whilst they are smoking with the window down....all you can smell is the cloying smoke as it escapes from their mouth, drawn-on inside the car and sucked back in FFS
Sitting in a meeting with clients trying to explain an approach where one of the clients knows exactly what you're getting at, but his two more senior colleagues keep banging on about their own non-sensical ideas.
Anyone who smokes in front of their children in a car or whilst pushing them in a pram, or at home indoors needs their ****ing fingers cutting off! (NB I used to smoke, but NEVER in the same airspace or within sight of them)
My last performance review. Boss started by saying "this is just a box-ticking exercise for me, these things are a complete waste of time, I just mark everyone in the middle". Wouldn't mind so much if my salary review didn't depend on the results..
Great thread, cheered up my lunchtime no end.
mediocrity
The fact that the aircon in the office seems to be on a 2 day lag so if its hot on monday we are hot as the aircon doesn't go up, then if it cools down by wednesday we freeze as the aircon is now in full flow in response to mondays hot weather.
The tea from the machine is frothy and tastes of coffee, we call it the Cuppateano.
Everyone else in the office being either lazy or incompetent.
In that order
3 months at a time away from my 15 month old boy. Skype and a webcam is good but not the same. Still it's nice to spend a whole month with him at a time with no distractions when I'm home.
sssimon - Member
mediocrity
Ah, so your one of the girls who has slept with me?
BT, in general.
I had a conversation with a solicitor recently, she couldn't understand why our mail forwarding service didn't include postage costs, for next day, international, signed for deliveries, daily, for £25 per month. When I politely suggested that this might not be a profitable piece of business for us she tried to argue that our website was misleading.
Anything that involves "going forward".
Cold calling and the tactics they use to extract contact details or to get put through. We had somebody call up from the states recently who assured the receptionist that she had "just been speaking" to my grandfather. I strung that one along for a while before breaking the news that grandad has been dead for 3 years.
I refuse to let you make me think about my job whilst I'm 'at work'.
hora - Membersssimon - Member
mediocrityAh, so your one of the girls who has slept with me?
slept with you? I was just talking about your chat up lines and general presentation
Joke lost on you there sssimon 😉 !!!
(I was referring to me being mediocre)
The fact you can sweat blood to make stuff happen, only for no-one to notice.
The fact everything must be legally agreed and double failsave, only for no-one to have any balls for a fight when we're let down.
The way I'm expected to constantly make up for the shortfalls in the mish mash of systems we run, the delivered system never matches up to what was promised, nothing integrates properly, work-arounds become established protocol and nobody ever gets held to account, so its all our fault nothing weorks properly. Practical obvious suggestions to improve workflows get ignored.
Any flash of inspiration or insight gets punished by being made into a millstone to wear round your neck.
my boss just winds me up...
This morning I was at home since the contract I was working on has expired.
My phone rings
"Why aren't you with the client?"
"Contracts finished"
"Aren't you onsite?"
"The contract has finished"
"But you should still be there"
"Why?"
"They've renewed the contract for another 6 months. I thought you knew?"
sigh......
Joke lost on you there sssimon !!!(I was referring to me being mediocre)
think I got yours but mine went right over your head, I was implying that you're so mediocre I doubt you'd get anyone to sleep with you.........
the fact that i work in an office of supposed engineers and professionals who are in charge of spending 100's of millions of public money and yet we have a coffee kettle and a tea kettle!!!!
WTF people its all water!!
Continuous half-witted office innuendo.
Makes me wish I had some hand grenades to spare.
Continuous half-witted office innuendo.Makes me wish I had some hand grenades to spare
Hahaha you wouldn't like our toilet jokes revolving around our office toilets then 😉
Woody - Member
Calls to 'emergencies' with details.....Patient has been drinking
Fight in progress
Police travelling
Patient not breathing
Overdose
Cut finger/toothache/diarrhoea
major blood loss PR or PV
Contractions <1min apartand at 4am last Sunday.... patient (female 22) has vomiitted - been drinking heavily but has never vomitted before after a night out !!
What's that book by some paramedic from London Ambulance, "Tea, sympathy & A&E"?
I was most offended when he said he hates the kind of call stating "40yo male, first seizure", seeing as when I was reading the book I was in hospital recovering after 60 minutes of fitting(!), and it had been my first episode seizure as well!
Sorry, I should have put that in quotes: "A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that wont heal." - No Surprises, Radiohead.
Woody, I can't believe everywhere is as dire as where I'm based, and that every para deals with the same dross that I do, therefore, I conclude that you are infect me.
Where did we leave my phone charger?
Being paid half what every one else is in my office as my predecesor was a retard so when the job assesment people visited they thought the job basically involved chewing your tongue and staring at the ceiling.
Now I have turned the job around and got national recognition for my work and every time I address a conference I just want to plead from the podium for someone to offer me a job and pay me good money. Every time I've dropped a hint people say "oh we couldn't afford someone like you"- Yes you can, I assure you!!
Half the office play kiss chase all day and I get treated like the outside for taking my job seriously. Although a lot of the real freeloaders got made redundant the other month.
What make my spirit sink,
My Nutty Sister!
Being put on hold!
Idiots who take your order, then don't order it 👿
Unsolicited sales calls!
Indian call centres!
Time it takes for cheques to clear!
premenstrual women!
Lawnmowers breaking down!
Doing Accounts 🙁
Litter!
Dog Poo!
Cat Poo!
Anything out of the ordinary mid week - tyre fires, fights, snow, rain, lightning, practicals going wrong, someone calling another students mum a lesbian then chinning each other.
Unless of course I don't have any classes in the afternoon then it's great.
Constant threat of redundancy!
si_progressivebikes - Member"Bureaucratic nonsense like this is far more prevalent in the private sector."
Becuase of all the crap that successive governments have imposed on them due to H&S etc and the fact that they are worried about the claim culture?
Sort of. Almost none of it is mandatory but its all about box ticking and giving a good impression - its also " bright idea of the week" from regional management.
I was once told to write down everything that residents who didn't finish their meals ate. Not for a few days to see a pattern but for ever. No one would ever look at this data, it took time I could have spent making sure they had enough to eat. Just wasting my time and I was threatened with disciplinary for not doing it.
Barnslymitch - I think it all depends where you work but the nursing home I work in part time is a bureaucratic nightmare - far far worse than the NHS units I also work in.
If the staff nurse did all the paper nonsense they are supposed to do it would occupy their entire time. No time to see a patient.
Another one that makes my heart sink
Logging on to the computer at work ( nhs) to be told my password had expired again and I had to change it. Why oh why do I need a new password every 6 wks? I don't have high level access, it reduces security as everyone writes their passwords down, the new one you try to use is rejected for being too similar to the last one, you end up forgetting it and having to have your password reset by IT
AAAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH
+1TJ,
I'd forgotten that one despite being warned I had to change it again this morning. How many memorable words and number combos can one person have?
I'd forgotten that one despite being warned I had to change it again this morning. How many memorable words and number combos can one person have?
A long time ago now, but... getting securtity notices stuck on my desk, computer etc because I had yet again failed to lock my desk, put my lab note book away or turn my computer off.
FFS I worked in washing powders at the lowest level, it's not like Tom Cruise is going to suspend himself from the ceiling read my files and say "ah, run code 2333 had a higher alkali level than other runs, that must be the secret"
LOL!
lol, however an employee at my old workplace managed to black mail the managing director using credentials from an unlocked PC while the user was away.
Took us a month to find out who it was.
Threads like this make me really curious as to what people do.
Like PracticalMatt for instance - intriguing.
Big Wigs making decissions about taking away funding from services they know F*** all about. As per many a Public Sector at the mo thanks to the Tories!! Again...
1. Tends to p1ss me off that short term thinkers are often so heavily rewarded, and that those who think longer term aren't. Admittedly this is a gripe that extends well beyond the workplace.
2. Colleagues that send Instant Messages with opening lines such as
'Need to speak to you mega-urgently'
erm... try the phone then you f***ing kn0bhead. Then, if you ignore them for 20minutes they send a
'?'
On my rounds at work last night putting the double locks on I'm at the back of B wing & suddenly get this torrent of abuse from some unknown prisoner, calling me all sorts of boll0x, now I normally work on G wing so no doubt this creature doesn't even know me!
Anyway I shouted for him to tell me what pad he's in but no, he just keeps the abuse up. I eventually shout out ' I know who you are, It's Mr Nobody, going nowhere' All he can then manage is '**** off'!
I quite enjoy working with prisoners but It's a bit downheartening when you get this type of crap.
buzz-lightyear - Member
Sorry, I should have put that in quotes: "A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that wont heal." - No Surprises, Radiohead.
Hah, no bother. Must admit, I didn't recognise the lines but I was initially joking since you're a pretty chirpy bloke. Just before I sent it I wondered if you were serious but figured what I wrote was OK either way (I took the smiley off, just in case, though 😳 )
getting up a 4 in the morning to drive ****in miles to have to:
crawl into a 3 ft high gap full of radiation and mercury;
or
jump around in clinical waste to retrieve samples to see if it's been sterilised;
or
run up and down a runway in a plane as it fills with smoke to determine what it is, where it's coming from or if I'm going to catch fire, while the fire crews watch at a distance with the same look on their faces as penguins who've just kicked their mate into the water to see if there are any killer whales about;
and then to have a holiday and have clients and management bombard me with shite all starting with the phrase "I see from your out of office that you are on holiday, however could you just....."
time to find a new job, or change industry all together 😥
Realising that a lot of the people that I work with have the same level of maturity as a 5 yr old. Gets right on your tits
me:
id like to take next week as annual leave
my boss:
are you sure? we have a lot of work to do, i think you may have to consider coming in at weekends
tazzymtb - Member
run up and down a runway in a plane as it fills with smoke to determine what it is, where it's coming from or if I'm going to catch fire, while the fire crews watch at a distance with the same look on their faces as [i]penguins who've just kicked their mate into the water to see if there are any killer whales about[/i];
time to find a new job, or change industry all together
I should Coco, quote of the week there mate 😉
Clear desk policies.
And
The numpty who decided we must lock our laptops to the desktop with a cable. I work out of the office at least 4 days a week and *must* (disciplinary offence) lock it to something wherever I am. In a hotel today; not one desk had any way of locking anything to it and at lunch, despite the room being locked and me having the only key, I am compelled to take the frickin thing with me into the lunch room and presumably keep it with me whilst I chew. Oh - I can't cos the security policy forbids leaving it on the floor next to me unlocked, or putting it back in the car or merely leaving it in the training room...
*plip*
Rich_s - MemberClear desk policies.
Rich are you working for our firm 😉
Oh yes I will clear my desk into a big bin bag & then when you ask me about a random bit of paper chucked on there 6 months ago I will say "clear desk" 😀
Control freak that neat picks with no respect for others.
When you go to the fridge at work for some milk for a coffee and the Tw*ts on night shift have used it all for there brecky cereal. Bring your own milk for cereal you B*stards!
The bloke in our office who probably has more qualifications than the rest of us combined, yet dresses and smells like a hobo 😕