[Closed] Life lessons.

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

Shit happens

talk carefully, walk quietly and carry a big stick

never use a self pleasurer designed for female use on your derrier they have an amazing propensity to go in and not come out!! 😯

the trip to A&E will be shameful 😳

[i]Teeeeny[/i] bit too much info there thomthumb! 😯

butt pie? Paging simonfbarmes, to the thread, please...

I'm not sure I'd be posting that much info on a forum where I posted my name and email address TomThumb!

Actually, I probably wouldn;t post it at all (were it true about me which, clearly, it's not, honest).

when looking back over your life you regret the things you did not do more that you regret the things you did do [thomthumbs sceanrio is an exception to this rule]

Measure twice. Cut once.

Use the proper tools...

If you can't be good, be careful.

"Use the proper tools..."

a piece of advice TomThumb would do well to read.

Its better to be optimistic and occasional disappointed, than pessimistic and occasional proved right

f you can't be good, be careful.

And if you can't be careful, have fun! 😀

It is easier to do something and apologise for the consequences than it is to seek prior approval.

mtbfix - Member

It is easier to do something and apologise for the consequences than it is to seek prior approval.

That's VERY good. 😯

mtbfix - can't remember who said this but;

"As a child I used to pray to God every night for a new bicycle but I never got it so I stole one instead. I now pray for forgiveness"

a) There's always something round the corner.

b) If in doubt, do nowt (cf. thombthum)

If its moving and its not supposed to: Duct Tape
If its not moving, and its supposed to: WD40

Brute force: If its not working, your not using enough of it!

Here endeth the Lesson.... oh go on, one more.

Those who live by the sword will be shot by those who dont.

EVERYTHING you need to know about life can be found in Calvin and Hobbes by Bill... Waterhouse(iirc).. and that is a FACT!

It's when your back's against the wall and life looks like going down the pan, you find out who your real friends are...

Nearly there but for me this is more appropriate:

[i]It's when your back's against the wall and life looks like going down the pan, you find out who your real friends are... It is then time to ditch the cynicism and replace with optimism.[/i]

I ain't going down to rock bottom again.

So it goes......

[img] [/img]

Do not leave your car key in your back pocket. You will sit down, open your car accidentally, and subsequently find it empty in the morning.

Lesson learned this very morning 😥

Be your own best friend. Rely on no one but yourself.

Be your own best friend. Rely on no one but yourself.

but expect to be let down occasionally...

Don't give up. Ever.

Use extra safe comdoms
Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. [variant of one above]
Life is full of woe, so make an effort to enjoy yourself
Car washing and other domestic duties are not hobbies
Love everyone equally
If you can afford wine, then drink wine
"Do nothing in haste; look well to each step; and from the beginning think what may be the end" - Whymper
Two wheels good

Knowing when to give up is a life skill.

I never understood this question "What do you want to be...?", because I am what I am - human. They should ask: "What do you want to do?". If "being" is anything to me, it is "doing". No?

live to ride....ride to live...

It's not the man in you life, it's the life in you man.

Do whatever you need to do now! I don't want to sit in my rocking chair in many years time and have regrets.

"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."
'marty macfly'

"its not how old you are its HOW you are old.."

“Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.”

Never dance on the same day you woke up.

Seize the day, procrastination is the thief of time.
What will be will be.

[i]“Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.” [/i]

This is fine until you run into people who live by the motto "if it's still twitching, shoot it again". 😀

I'm wondering how many of these are what people think sound profound, as opposed to how many are the result of personal experience...

Glad you're still with us, petesgaff.

Mr Woppit - Member
I'm wondering how many of these are what people think sound profound, as opposed to how many are the result of personal experience...

Further to my previous post, I can confirm that it took me many years to realise that I was rarely inebriated enough to dance with any aplomb until after the witching hour.

If at first you don't succeed, give up

[img] [/img]

1. This too will pass

2. That which does not kill us makes us stronger

3. Born astride a grave

Some pretty profound statements there folks, but who remembers....

"You may be a king or a little street sveeper but sooner or later you dance with ze reaper"

Death. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

Always tell someone when they've had a positive effect on your life.

Never say goodbye / goodnight on an argument.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

If you dont like what you're doing, dont do it.

Keep your can-do attitude for things you can do.

I can't remember where I read this one, but "Find something you love, then love it as hard as you can"

If you ever set yourself on fire, make sure you don't catch sight of yourself in the mirror as you're likely to panic.

I'm with Binners/Homer

"Why do something today that you can put off forever"

that which doesn't kill you makes you stranger.....

I'm very scarred and certifiable 🙂

You dont stop having fun cos you get old....you get old cos you stop having fun.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller I do believe

At John Ridgeway's adventure / bad-boys-borstal summer camp thing, we lived by three rules;

Self reliance
Leave people, places and things better than you found them
Don't fall into the abyss of self-pity

Had that wee 'holiday' foisted upon me back in my wild teen years and pretty much still live by those three mottos... Or try to.

You are more likely to regret not doing something than doing it.

with the exception of Tomthumb

Life is a fatal disease. Nobody survives, so stop looking for a cure!

Never fart in an empty lift.

A bit more from C_G:

Look for the good in everyone. It's there but with some you may have to dig a little deeper.

always crap on company time

Never attribute to malice anything which can be explained by stupidity.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and the world wonders why you're such a miserable **** 🙂

never start a land war in se asia

always ask for a cut of the gross, never the net

knee high water is perfectly safe unless you're standing on your head

Try not to be sick on your day off
Absence makes the heart go wander
Don't be annoyed be a nerd

The maxim "don't ask 'why?', ask 'why not?!'" Has always served me well.

LOL at Tribal.
Remember the chinese cockle-pickers at Morecombe bay? The were told to leave when the water reached knee-high. Unfortunately it was Nie-Hi's turn to look after the van...

A friend will help you move house. A good friend will help you move a body.

in every group of friends there is always one person that's really annoying. If you don't think that's the case or can't think of anyone then it's You!

Hard work might pay off in the future, procrastination pays off now.

He who proposes a bet does not expect to lose

Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission

always strikes me as incredibly selfish.

My tip? Steer clear of tequila

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

Unless you're an IT techie, in which case:

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is broke.

A friend in need is a pain in the arse.

"if you don't recognise the number, don't answer the phone; if it is important, they'll leave a message. If they don't, it's not important"
- been applying this a fair bit lately. The world has not yet ended despite the dramatics of the odd person to begin with.

"Work to live, not live to work"
- done the 60+ hrs/week, 28 work days/month, earned heaps and was miserable. Do 38hrs/week, occasional OT, less money, but more time to enjoy what 'little' I do have.

"just because it is 'fun', doesn't mean it is not 'real' work"
- my family took a while to realise that 40hrs/week standing in the snow and cold for 6 months of the year in Colorado so that I could ski 150+ days/year was actually as real a job as being a miserable desk jockey. I had less comparable debt than any of them, way less stress, actually didn't mind going to work (except on pow days...), etc

At work......... dont piss on them on the way up cos you might meet them on the way down again

work again..... to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is unacceptable

and for those who tell tales behind your back ..... dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

and mine over last few years ( to GF ).... i'd rather go riding on my bike at midnight than watch East fuc*ing enders

As stated above:

This too will pass

Simple short snappy (just like me) and can be used no matter the situation. GF asked how i cope with stress and this is the answer, well this and more bikes than i can ride at one time.

Surpised nobody mentioned money yet...!

You can't take it with you

It's made round to go round

etc

And what would you rather have written on your gravestone - 'He loved his life', or 'He loved his work' ?

IN Work - Never ask someone to do something that you wil not be prepared to do yourself.

IN life - We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing

Expert = "X" is an unknown quantity and "Spurt" is a drip under pressure.

Don't let other people make the most important decisions in your life

I am happy to realise that I have never started a land war in South East Asia. I've never before been able to put my finger on why life was looking so peachy, but I now understand that this is the reason. Thanks, grievoustim. 🙂

Don't piss into the wind.