^^ Sorry, it's just it's really hard to guage someones state of mind on the forum for obvious reasons.
Don't want you to think you come across "that way" on other posts, it was just that individual one that I obviously over thought far too much.
Apologies to @reluctantjumper too. Though I'd better not overthink his name too much from now on. 😉
You know that bit in fight club where he wishes a hole would open up in the side of the plane just because it would be something different that happens....
Instead of the day to day drudgery.
I've been struggling with sleep for the past few weeks. I think it's just an allergy or something to do with my sinuses. I'm going to the doctor about it.
What it has highlighted to me is that I'm only one small tweak in my life away from completely falling apart. This disruption to my sleep has caused issues that I thought I had more or less under control to come rushing back with a vengeance.
One of the things people like to say is, 'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.'
I'm sure it's well intentioned, but it just makes me want to punch them in their smug, ignorant faces.
For some of us this is not a temporary state, it's a core part of our being. For us as individuals it's as permanent a thing as it's possible to be.
We can put structures in place and learn techniques but this is something that is always lurking in the background waiting for it's opportunity.
So yes, my sleep problems are (hopefully) temporary problem but they are merely exposing the permanent problem. And the problem is that no matter how long we live we are going to be fundamentally unhappy for most of that time. This is not a situational thing, this is just part of who we are.
Society as it exists today makes managing this unnecessarily hard.
By the way, please don't offer any advice. Not to sound harsh but I can pretty much 100% guarantee your advice will be useless and only serve to irritate even more.
The assisted dying route does seem to be gathering momentum and I see this as very positive. My father had the last few weeks/ couple of months dying of cancer shortened to hours by a brain aneurysm which all told, despite him having a horrific last conscious hour was a 'kinder' departure. The same without the pain would have been better still. He was in total denial though - I doubt he'd have taken it.
My two concerns are possibly unfounded. The first is the timing. I remember how hard it was judging the best time to put our beloved pets to sleep. You hope with the person able to make the decision rather than the third party owner in the case of pets that would be easier. I'd imagine slipping into alzheimer's would be the hardest with mental faculties gradually impaired to make an independent choice. Maybe some illnesses are just not appropriate. My other worry is up scaling. I'm just not convinced the expensive Dignitas model upscales well. Can you imagine an NHS model on current funding levels - a postcode lottery of availability followed by 6 month waiting list then a hurried call that they have a cancellation and can fit you in if you can get there by 4.30 that afternoon......
As far as "impact on others", I don't think the method itself has a massive bearing on things, though turning up home to find a corpse probably isn't much fun.
Long past time for a proper debate on assisted dying for people reaching the end of their lifespan, but it's very sad when people suffer through depression etc and also terrible for those left behind.
I don't see the timing issue as being a huge one. People die randomly before or after "their time" all the time. What would it really matter if a terminal cancer case could have soldiered on for another month or 6? My dad was 2y in a care home, waiting to die. He wasn't suffering greatly but wasn't happy either and had nothing to look forward to other than an increasingly undignified life. He had talked about ending his life for a while but of course didn't have the means...the most he could do was refuse a battery replacement in his pacemaker (he asked to get it taken out but they refused because "do no harm").
Whichever of my wife and I lasts longest will be dying alone anyway (probably in a care home or hospice), if it's me I'd rather manage that process according to my own preferences and timing
I think you got the wrong end of my stick. For most I'd imagine there is a balancing act of wanting to die for pain/dignity reasons but also wanting to eek out every quality moment with loved ones. For me the hindsight afterwards for the living of it was the right time is not the issue - it's the act of making the decision. Like having your finger hovering over a button knowing it's irreversible. The jumper clinging to the bridge syndrome if you will.
It’s amazing how from the pension age people i know seem to drop off so fast, you go from 65 to 75 and it’s like they’ve aged 30 years in some cases, and deteriorated as if that’s the case.
My mum and dad are a case in point. Same age, to within 6 months or so. Mum retired at 62 and 15 years later is all but immobile, doddery and spending a lot of time going back and forth to the doctors and various hospitals for her various ailments. I doubt she'll get much past 80.
Dad retired in his 50s for 4 years, then rejoined the workforce a few years later and did another 6 or 7 years. He's still getting out and walking 5 miles twice a day, all weathers with the dog, looks after the garden and house, does the cleaning, runs around and plays with his step grandkids (they live less than 10 miles from him.) still has his little DIY projects (but they take longer now!). Only major issue he has is he started going deaf about 15 years ago, and now has got some very early indicators for prostate cancer. He's 77. My step mum is 10 years younger and in a right state.
Noted, and I kind of knew that. I think the point of the program was that at the nominal age of retirement, half of workers had already died.
Except a huge number of them never even became workers. A lot never even got to the point where they could walk, let alone work! In 1900 the child mortality rate was still around 20%. Didn't drop below 10% until the 1930s.
A lady I work with has just been through the end of life cycle with her mum.
Tore her apart as the hospital discharged her as nothing else they could do .so she got sent home with pain meds and a twice a day health professional visit.
Leaving the family to cover the other 23hrs . She had dementia and was 84 but the strain of looking after her, trying to work and being summoned when she deteriorated was heart wrenching.
A kiss goodnight and a hug then a tablet or injection that you don't wake up from would have been much more humane than the clinging on for another day of just existing inside a barely functioning body not knowing what is going on.
It's one of the least humane things humans do.
One of the things people like to say is, ‘Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.’
I’m sure it’s well intentioned, but it just makes me want to punch them in their smug, ignorant faces.
For some of us this is not a temporary state, it’s a core part of our being. For us as individuals it’s as permanent a thing as it’s possible to be.
We can put structures in place and learn techniques but this is something that is always lurking in the background waiting for it’s opportunity.
Very few people understand this, partly through ignorance but also as they've never had to live with it. I've been 'lucky' in that my mum fully understood what I say about my struggles as she goes through them too but I've had to jettison a decent amount of 'friends' out of my life the last decade as they just could not understand that it wasn't a temporary thing that could be solved by a night or two down the pub etc. The struggles of dealing with the Pandemic, losing my job, struggling to find a permanent new one, trying to move in a bonkers rental market, dealing with my dad passing and the resultant struggles to get my mum set up to live comfortably afterwards has really brought home who my true friends are as only some have been in contact that while time. People who have known me for my whole adult life and that I struggle with mental health at the best of times haven't even been bothered to text, message or call me throughout all of that. A further round of cutting ties with some of them is called for in the New Year I think.
I don't know what's worse, the people who give bad advice or the people who just aren't there at all.
