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My father passed away early this morning. Fortunately managed to get here (northern Scotland) from home and work (southern England) in time. Assuming funeral is this Friday or next Monday how long do you recon I could get away with asking from work without taking the piss (yet to contact)? Given the distance and mother's current frame of mind I can't envisage staying the week to arrange the funeral and leaving her high and dry 700 miles away the next day. 2 weeks too long to ask for? Sounds a long time to me but can't imagine doing my "job" for my mother with less. Teacher so can't just take annual leave to fill the gap between what is reasonable for an employer and what I feel I need.
2 weeks is the norm where I work. I took three as there was so much to sort out. The bastards made me take a weeks holiday, I just took a week off sick later in the year to get this time back.
Other people take the two weeks then go see the GP and get another week or two signed off so no one can question their time off, usual symptoms are not sleeping, anxious about remaining family, can't concentrate and the obvious still stunning and in shock and therefore useless at work.
What I would say is don't rush back,
Can you not tell this to your boss? S/he'd have to be pretty evil to refuse your request.
My thoughts are with you. Even though I was in noway close to my Father I still grieved and felt the pain keenly in the following months.
Speak to your boss asap and explain. Also add that you will keep her/him updated as you may pop back up and back down but would like to play it by ear. As long as you keep your boss completely updated they will be firmly on your side. All the best.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your father.
One of our neighbours took 3 months off sick after her father passed away.
2 weeks is reasonable.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Having been in this situation, everyone reacts differently so it's hard to say what is normal.
However I would say, you might be itching to get back to normal life sooner than you think. I was at Uni at the time, and doing a series of part-time jobs. I didn't tell half of them just kept going to work, it was good to get away and mix with normal people for a few hours a day.
But we had a fair bit of warning and are a family of obsessives doers/planners so in some ways just wanted to get on with our lives.
You will grieve for years anyway, just get the practical stuff done, make sure your mum had loads of people to help her when you go back home.
Think of the best of times, discuss them with your mum. Remember the goodtimes and things about your Father. This will help.
Normally I'd expect someone to take holiday after a few days, but I'd assume that as you are a teacher there is a pretty standardised approach to this (and other term-time leave)?
I was given 3 days when my dad died.
Sorry for your loss. My own father passed away 7 years ago today.
My work was great & let me take the time I needed, which was about 3 weeks.
I took 2 weeks but i was in a state of shock and really wouldn't have been much use.
If you read online there is a lot of professional advice not to go back until you are ready, maybe point this out to your employer? If you aren't thinking about work you aren't likely to do a good job!
2 weeks? Lordy. I get one day, 2 at a push and that's yer lot, either take it as holiday or I don't get paid. I take it you lot are salaried?
i was given 3 days when my gran died - but i was flown across the world to be there by the company.
my partner a teacher also was initially not allowed the time off as we were not married.
she fought and got it eventually - we have been together for 10 years.
Sorry to hear about your dad convert, I guess in a way i am fortunate not to have had to think about this but a colegue in my last company got a week off and then took a few days sick when it happened to him.
Your circumstances are a little different living and working at the other end of the country to your parents so hopefully your company will take this into concideration.
Soory to hear of your loss.
I'm a teacher - in Scotland - and asking for 2 weeks off work is totally reasonable. Your headteacher, I'm sure, will be understanding. Explain the situation as soon as you can.
You need to consider yourself in all of this as well.
3 days would be the norm in the NHS
Compassionate leave more than this is usually discretionary and you could be asked to take AL instead or unpaid leave.
How long you need off and how long is reasonable may not be the same thing but to me two weeks is too much
At my work you can have as long as you like but you don't get paid. And if you're sick it's no pay and then Statutory Sick Pay after three days. Remarkably low levels of absenteeism.
I was given 3 days by my old company, when my mum died and during those 3 days had constant phone calls and hassle to go in, so in the end spoke to my GP and he signed for off for 3 weeks.
Quit the job very sortly after that, much to their surprise ....
At my work you can have as long as you like but you don't get paid. And if you're sick it's no pay and then Statutory Sick Pay after three days. Remarkably low levels of absenteeism.
Fair enough, but I should imagine there is also remarkably low levels of employee loyalty as if I was treated like that, they could kiss goodbye to working evening and weekends for free when they are in the shit.
Sorry to hear about your sad loss. My own Dad passed away 15 years ago close to Xmas and I took care of everything.
I had a couple of days off but really days/weeks/months it makes no difference it can take years to come to terms with the loss of a parent/partner. Work was genuinely surprised they didn't expect to see me until the New Year.
As above remember the good times.
I think a week is what we get, any more and it would be expected to be annual leave or unpaid.
I think I took two weeks when my Dad died.
I wouldn't have been much use to them after just one week, to be honest. But after 2 I found I was ready to get on with things again.
Ask your employers what they give. Then ask if it is possible to have an extra if you feel you need it?
sorry to hear about that convert. my dad died just over 5 years ago. I was in a teaching job at the time (which wasn't going well have to say) - I think 1 week was default - but as you'll know, that's barely enough to take change / help mum / set up the funeral.
Oh, and if you need any help from fellow singletracker up here (there?) you know I'm just along the road mate.
That keeps you busy, and then there's a void after that which is in many ways harder. I took two weeks in total and that was about right. Was happy to get cracking with stuff, although staying in same town as my folks may have helped.
Self employed folk obviously find it harder but even then two weeks is not at all unreasonable I'd say.
My father in law died a month ago and I've just spent the week in the US for work, in hindsight it was a mistake to go away and leave my girlfriend.
She had family around and stuff but still wasn't good, especially with 8 hours time difference. By your original post it sounds like you're more concerned about looking after your mum. Indeed she might take longer to get over it as she'll have to readjust to day to day life without him bit don't neglect yourself and your grief. Even the closest families can have silly arguments in times of stress, be ready for them and let anything go that doesn't compromise your principles. We learnt that the hard way.
Best of luck, it's a grim time for everyone but you should have a few laughs along the way finding out things about your dad you never knew!
Ask yourself - "what will my employer do if you take two weeks?" and "What's more important - looking after my Mum or keeping my employer happy?". If there is no other support for your Mum, then I reckon you can easily justify the two weeks to both yourself and your employer.
Do remember to take some time out for your self during all of this, whether it's quiet reflection or a night on the piss. It'll do you good and help you cope with the process (and your Mum).
oh, and ^^ the bit about time for yourself. Even if it's just a short walk, try and find time for that in the days ahead - and weeks. Morning after my dad died I made sure my mum was OK, then headed out for rather long and therapeutic MTB ride with friends. Was the best thing to do, felt odd though /-
My wife is a Teacher. Her mom died a few weeks ago and her head gave her 2 weeks off.
Why not nip to the doc and get a sicknote?
As others have said - if you need more time you need more time - take it and don't feel guilty.
2 weeks too long to ask for?
Not IMHO, esp if you were willing to take unpaid leave after whatever was the "normal" amount.
Condolences, OP.
Not only isn't there a time limit, take what you need, there is also no unwritten rule about minimum time off. My father died on a Friday, I went to work on the Monday. I was young, lost, and didn't quite know how to react, or how I was expected to react...so work was a pleasant distraction.
I know a few cases where, because of the bereaved's job, no time off has been allowed, indeed, I even know of an RAF Officer who was expected to miss his father's funeral to perform his duties.
No rights or wrongs really.
I took four days of which 2 day were used getting to and from Belfast to Inverness, the other 2 were used for the cremation and burial of the ashes, when I got back to work the owner said I'd taken to much time off, which resulted in my grabbing him by the throat, needless to say I left not long after.
I doubt any employer would awant the publicity of sacking someone who took an exteneded period off to grieve a loved one
A sick note form a Dr would be easy to arrange
Take as much as you wish
2 weeks at mine for a parent, 3 days for a grandparent, funeral for others and unlimited for a child
Sorry for your loss
Remarkably low levels of absenteeism
Some emeployers really are arseholes
Sorry for your loss.
[i]2 weeks too long to ask for[/i] - I would say yes but knowing the teaching profession, my wifes a teacher, then I would say its probably the norm as generally the teachers my wife works with take as much time as possible.
Hi Convert,
It is a very tough time to get through - I don't think two-weeks is too much to ask. My father died in late February and I needed at least two-weeks to get things straight and get over the intial shock. Druids earlier post also hits the nail on the head - supporting your Mother and taking the time for yourself is the most important thing.
Very sorry for your loss and take care,
J
Not sure what you are officially allowed. However 4days is standard in my place, but they also allow reasonable time to care for family and dependents. That would cover this case as you really need to support your mother.
Any reasonable manager will be ok with 2-3weeks.
My deepest sympathy and I hope you get the time you need.
Speak to your boss and explain the situation, there's more to it than just the emotional side with bereavement, there's the purely practical side too. I'm sure they'll understand you'd rather not be doing it. Hope you can get what you need.
DWH - Member
At my work you can have as long as you like but you don't get paid. And if you're sick it's no pay and then Statutory Sick Pay after three days. Remarkably low levels of absenteeism.
Wee bit OT... I don't really do sickies, but I totally would if I didn't get paid! Does away with the guilt. OTOH I'd seriously resent it when genuinely unwell, and I'd not much appreciate it if people come in while incapable just because they don't want to lose money and I have to deal with the results. Still, I imagine some folks think it's clever.
I sat with my dad for a week as he was dying. Took a week off after and got a call from work askinging when I was coming back.
In contrast, we buried Dad on a saturday and both my sisters were back at work on the Monday morning.
The downside of the unreasonable employer view is that I've had people who are too dim to understand that we keep records who have claimed to lost their parents more than once. Unfortunately that sort of experience tends to make you less reasonable.
Best advice = Sensible conversation, with understanding from boths sides of the fence works best.
i worked for the the countrys largest employer when my baby son died i was asked to come back to work that afternoon to cover someones shift.. beraevement and all that it entails is individual and you should take what you need.. if you mean how long can i have off paid then 5 working days would nt be unreasonable.
various folks here seem to think that the relevant question is whether the leave is paid or not is important Sorry Mum, they're not paying me so I'm back to work ?!
Take the time off you need, have a sensible discussion with your boss about how much the employer will fund and how much you need to cover yourself as unpaid etc. But what you need to do now is not a financial question....
I lost my dad a couple of years back, took a few days off before he died, and went back to work almost straight after.
I didn't want to sit around at home dwelling on it, but i was usleless at work too. Had red eyes every day for the first week and spent a lot of time hiding away in a toilet cubicle. My choice mind, my employers were great.
I wouldn't have wanted to be trying to teach kids in that state though.
It's taken me all this time to start to feel better about it all, so my thoughts are with you OP.