[Closed] Ladies advice please - my boyfriend doesn't like mountain biking!

This is gonna end up in tears (or a ban)

dump him!

Dump him quick!
Choose me!

just think though, it's an excuse for you to get him to do the housework whilst you go out for a ride! 🙄

Oddly enough, i'm sexy, kind, v.masculine etc and well into riding.

CALL ME!

I've reluctantly come to the conclusion I can only date biker babes as I cannot bear to miss riding (my bike) at every possible opportunity 😐 Also I mostly talk about riding, photos of rides, maps & places to ride etc etc 🙁

Have some bloke advice...

Is he actually making you feel guilty or do you just feel guilty?

If he's actually making active steps to make you feel guilty, chuck him, it's not exactly how you want things to be going forward and just think what else he'll try and make you feel guilty over - it's a form of being controlling... nasty!

That said, you've mentioned he's kind so maybe you need to just get over it and keep riding or accept that you need to give up some time for him...

Or tell him to man up and get out there on the bike!

YOu could try asking him how he feels about your riding and whether he will accept it long-term, but I think you already know the answer to that one...

check he's not, you know, batting for the wrong team. that's the only reason I can think of for not liking cycling.

I have no useful advice to give. mrsmw was in to cycling before I met her and it was one of the reasons we met.

That's a scenario that's never even occurred to me! I can see it would be a problem after a while. Can you get him to give it another go? Take him on a nice easy route round somewhere beautiful, and - a favourite of mine - take a picnic. Sunshine, lovely scenery, food and a bottle of wine....what's not to like? Then when he realises how fab it is, he maybe won't need to be tempted by a picnic.

Do people really need to be persuaded to like something? Do people not decide for themselves what they do and don't like?

Surely it's only mentally putting you off him? Dislike of cycling doesnt have any physical symptoms that I know of 😆

Either way, I'm sure theres plenty of people here and out there that wont make you feel guilty for doing things you enjoy.

Well is he makgin you feel guilty or he just doesn't like to ride but understand you like it and need times on your own?
If it's the late I wouldn't be too worried for the moment. After all a lot of poster's wives do not share their enjoyment for cycling. If it's the former it can only end badly.

check he's not, you know, batting for the wrong team.

You mean, oh god, he's sneaking out on the road bike while she's out mountain biking? Nowt worse than a closet roadie.

Thanks - to clarify , i have taken up things he enjoys like rock climbing which i enjoy anyway and he has been out with me riding before and he is quite efficient - think 'red trail' level. But he is adamant he wont go again as he doesn't like it and reckons i "outride" him as i like to push myself and like the jumps and drops etc and i'm wondering if it is a pride thing? For example, he always takes the chicken runs and i always go for it 🙂
So i tried to hold back a bit but i get bored easily if i dont push myself and now he makes me feel bad for going riding !

that's the only reason I can think of for not liking cycling.

no, that's right, there's be no reason at all for a gay bloke to want to go riding with lots of fit(tish) scantily clad blokes 🙁

juan - its the former i'm afraid. And i agree with mastiles_fanylion , i dont want to have tell someone what they like or dont like but why should i stop doing what i love?

But he is adamant he wont go again as he doesn't like it and reckons i "outride" him as i like to push myself and like the jumps and drops etc and i'm wondering if it is a pride thing?

sounds very much like pride to me, if he's frightened of being 'outdone' by a woman then it doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

ok i get the pride thing then but he is better than me at everything else(almost 😉 ) - surely thats an insecurity problem on his part?

Making someone feel guity for doing what they love (and did before starting to go out with them) isn't kind or frankly even very nice and as above, is really an attempt at control even if it's at a very low level.

I had a gf years back who made me make a choice between my sport and her (fairly early on too). Needless to say, we didn't last very long after that.

Hi foxy, me again.
I've thought long and hard and it's not going to work out. It's not you, it's me. I live miles away and i've got to think of my carbon footprint. I think this is the kindest way. Try not to think about what could have been.

And yes, sounds like insecurity at being beaten by a 'girl'. I reckon you need to talk to him about it and explain that it's not ok to make you feel guilty - if he's not willing to accept that then it's tough decision time... IMO of course...

He's definitely "got issues" - is he "inexperienced"? (read - young!)

My wife seems to have finally decided after 3 years that she likes the idea of mtbing - have taken her out on some simple trails anyway. I wanted a biker chick but they all thought I was ugly or something....

IanMunro - i will try to soldier on without you 😉
woody2000 - nope he is older than me, i'm 29 and he's 37.....but it was his fitness that attracted me in the first place. Dont get me wrong, i'm no Rachel Atherton but i am just quite confident in my ability on a bike.

My boyfriend doesnt bike either but doesnt stop me as he has his own interests that I dont really do (but we also have other common interests) but I find doing rides close to pubs helps cos he can stay in pub while I ride then have post ride refreshment in the pub 😀

Seems he can't handle being beaten by a girl. Tell him to mtfu. 😉

At face value it sounds like he can't handle you being better at something than he is.

We as individuals should be able to handle our partners being better at something than us. My wife, for instance has the potential to be a much better climber than me, and I think that's great, but then again I've dealt with my insecurities (of which I have many!)

So you either need to help him through this, as it's down to his self confidence and self image. Is he like this at other stuff? Would he play a game (scrabble for instance) that you would often beat him at?

Or DTMFA, there are plenty more fish in the sea, many of whom do need a bicycle.

To be honest, i think he is just the huffy sort and since we've only been going out for approx 3.5months i am just beginning to see these traits come through 🙄

I know what is meant by the guilty feeling...
My lady thinks my cycling is just plain retarded and I know when I'm out riding she's thinking when is that a*se going to be back home.
It can really spoil the enjoyment of getting out in the fresh air away from all the annoying stuff in life.

On the plus side she says I am welcome to get up in the middle night to go cycling 🙁

If he's actively making you feel bad for doing something you love then there are some fairly serious issues there, which will doubtless come to the fore later. If he's that insecure that he can't handle you being better than him at [i]something he percieves as masculine[/i] (that's an important point, I suspect) then that might cause problems.

So, you need to either not go biking together (could be awkward if you don't get much free time), convince him that it really doesn't matter who's "better" than who as long as you're having fun (which probably won't work as he won't be able to enjoy himself if you're better than him) or get him on some bike handling training to up his skills and get him to really enjoy it.

Or obviously you could dump him and go out with me.

Sounds like he's due to be dumped from your posts.

Dump him, date me. I'm single, have no problem being outbiked by girlies and am incredibly sexy, kind and v.masculine. I'm sure MrsF will back me up on all of this.

Won't you Claire.

Claire?

Claire?

Claire?

sigh...if only posting my phone number wouldn't get this thread banned 😆 😆
but, yes - i think a serious talk will take place this evening(after my ride of course!) ....shall i post the outcome? 🙂

the outcome of the talk, not the ride 😉

You don't have to post your number, I'm quite happy to receive it by email 😉

Definite case of needing to
[img] [/img]

IHN - i'm far too shy for that sort of thing 😉

Good luck whatever happens, and remember - you're a mountain biking girl, you're like gold dust!

** STALKER ALERT **

** STALKERS ALERT **

You missed an S 😉

[i]To be honest, i think he is just the huffy sort and since we've only been going out for approx 3.5months i am just beginning to see these traits come through[/i]

Ah, honeymoon period is over. someone can only simulate the nice guy approach for soo long?

Thing is, if he was into biking how claustrophobic might it get? (ok the Flashes deal with this bit fine but others..). In general its good to have your own space for part of the day- sell that to him. Possibly he is jealous about the amount of male (rider) friends you have?
Im guessing alot here mind.

One thing though, dont compromise who you are. You will end up resenting him.

Hora - agreed. And yes nearly all my riding buddies are guys (i think only 3 women). Strange, i've been riding since i was 13 but never ended up with a guy who rode too and i just happened to meet the man in question while swimming! Typical 🙄

Whatever you do, dont compromise. Its a hardly a 'bad habit' that you'd better without. Its part of you, part of what makes you happy? A good bloke (or girl) would realise that. My GF loves shopping, she doesnt buy alot- she just likes the nosey bit and seeing whats out there, hunting for bargains. I bet she walks over 20miles in a weekend. Its her thing, it makes her happy- so whats wrong with that?

Thing is, if he was into biking how claustrophobic might it get?

Claustrophobic ? I've enjoyed riding out with the biker babes I've dated, and also an occasional dive into the bushes for some mid-ride nookie too :o)

Too much info there Simon!

This chap needs to MTFU!

After SFB's post I feel soiled.

Show him this thread?

we've only been going out for approx 3.5months

Well short of riding with a sign on my camelbak that says, i'm single! i'm powerless! If indeed i am after tonight as he may have decided to get a grip on his childish behaviour 😕
I think i'm too picky - i want a hugh jackman lookalike who can ride a bike like greg minnaar, wear a suit or a kilt whenever the fancy takes me and all the usual kind to animals/kids etc! Yes in fact, i am too picky 😉
Ironically one of my best girlfriends who has never ridden a bike recently married a mountain biker who she randomly met at a pub 😐

You're not making him wear lycra or ride a Marin are you? I mean the combination of inappropriate gear can be quite off putting!

There's nowt wrong with being picky, better than being stuck with someone you don't like innit.

i want a hugh jackman lookalike who can ride a bike like greg minnaar, wear a suit or a kilt whenever the fancy takes me and all the usual kind to animals/kids etc

Well apparently that would be almost everyone on here specially for the minnar bits 😉

Agreed, better to be single and picky than "with" someone you don't like.

Simple answer to this (apart from controling your hormones of course), A4 paper divided in two. Plus points on one side, minus on the other. Fill in over the weekend and through the week. Next friday post it on here and we will all decide if you should dump him or not. Done.

Now go and ride your bike!

sofatester - i like your style 🙂 although i think i will either dump him or not before i update this thread 😉

I disagree. The plus points may massively outweigh the negative ones, but one big negative one can be enough to override all the plusses, especially if the ol' spark is missing.

You should ride your bike though!

Bin him! Huffy, sulky men with fragile egos are not worth the effort. IME.

The biking, Hugh Jackman-alike boyfriend does exist, unfortunately one of them belongs to me, so that's one fewer out there for you. 😉

Yeah but yours wouldn't fit too Jo 😉
It has to ride like minnar 😉

(btw if you and him ride like the atherton family please let me know NOW so I can take some private tutition before I go to scotland 😉 )

He can ride really very well indeed. The only thing I have in common with Rachel Atherton is the biceps...

I concur with you, you are far more attractive than Rachel, and your voice Grrrr ;p

That's a really strange one. I had something I was going to post and then I decided to try and put myself in his shoes - ie if I was going out with Tracey Moseley (however improbable) how would I feel?

It would be very strange to have a lady blow me off the trails (easy SFB) but I think I'd be very proud and determined to be just as good. Then again I am mental about biking and it's a huge part of my life so pretty much nothing would put me off it.

Even thinking through other activities in my head that I like, I'd still be happy if my other half excelled at them. I strongly suspect he's jealous of the fact that you go riding with a bunch of guys, and you all presumably are much better than him so he feels demeaned. If he's as athletic and fit as you say he's probably never been in many situations in his life where he couldn't at least imagine himself on a level pegging with guys around him, added to that he's probably dismissed mtb'ing as less than taxing. I reckon there are ego and trust issues at play.

The question is what do you do? Personally I take him to the gnarliest tech DH run I could find and take him down it, stopping occasionally to scream choice phrases of encouragement at him like "MTFU you little pussy bitch" etc etc etc 😆

Kill or cure.

GF last night commented that my arms are now 'too big'. WTF, no I don't mean bingo wings. I took it as a huge compliment however I know she didnt mean it as such 🙁

[i]i want a hugh jackman lookalike who can ride a bike like greg minnaar, wear a suit or a kilt whenever the fancy takes me and all the usual kind to animals/kids etc[/i]

Well, hop on baby.

Oh, actually, sorry, I thought you said Hugh Laurie. Never mind.

Yes, date Nettles, he's lovely.

MisterGnar, you wouldn't know if a lady were to be better than you at riding would you. Seeing as you never want to ride with any. 😉

Seriously though, it does need addressing. You can't let him stop you doing the hobby you love or you'll resent him. Either he has to deal with you riding without him, and you can't feel guilty about it, or he needs to deal with you being better at it than him.

FWIW, GF was dead proud of me when I beat him at mayhem last year. There'd have been problems if not!

mrsflash

MisterGnar, you wouldn't know if a lady were to be better than you at riding would you. Seeing as you never want to ride with any. [;)]

Hey c'mon now I thought we put that one to bed ages ago.....and I think my post just there was a fairly good and honest one 😉

[i](and I can tell by their times at the NPS how the ladies stack up to me anyway)[/i]

Hugh Laurie rocks.

MisterGnar I was just messing. 🙂

I know but I had to cover my ass just in case 😛

I think i'm too picky - i want a hugh jackman lookalike who can ride a bike like greg minnaar, wear a suit or a kilt whenever the fancy takes me and all the usual kind to animals/kids etc! Yes in fact, i am too picky

LOL, you think? 😉

Honestly though, from another 29 year old (in a couple of months anyway) mountain biker (though sadly not in Aberdeen, I read your profile though!) who is at the moment single, he does sound a bit of a nightmare. Blokes can be very fragile and insecure, but we're not all like that. So avoid the ones that are... I can't imagine anything better than a girl who loves riding bikes, but not only that, if she was better than me it would give me even more incentive to go out riding with her as I'd get to watch her lovely arse all day long!!! haha

As Jojo says, guys with fragile egos really just aren't bothering with, especially as enough of us out here are single, into mountain biking, don't have fragile egos, can ride a bike pretty well (I'm not Greg Minaar, but I'm not bad on a bike). But there ain't many of us look like Hugh Jackman (I'm "rugged" but not that rugged), and whilst I do look bloody good in a suit if I do say so myself, there ain't no way I'm donning a Kilt for anyone! That and Aberdeen is 500 miles away is a non starter really eh... 😕

[i]Yes, date Nettles, he's lovely.[/i]

Sheesh, you took your time.

Well, at least if she doesn't want it looks like Hora might.

ain't you the lucky one then nettles! BTW, you are prepared to get outridden by a girl again on holiday aren't you?? 😉

hora might? Erm I havent to reached foxylaydee's criteria. Not even on one point sadly. I'd like to think Im the gay(safe)friend of girls, they drop their guard and I pounce (well suggest) 🙁

Yep, I'm prepared. I don't know if I'm outridden, or am simply a gentleman and let you go first 🙂

we'll call it that for the sake of your fragile ego shall we?

foxylaydee: book a weekend away at/near a trail centre somewhere (without telling him what you're doing).
Then post on here saying that you're riding [insert name of trail centre]and would like some company. Then show him the thread with the hundreds of STWers queuing up to meet/ride with you and that'll get him down there with you. And after the ride (just the 2 of you obviously) you surprise him by heading back to the nice B&B/hotel. He will then associate going riding with you to nice weekends away, meals out and a romantic night in a B&B.

Or alternatively he'll be sulking at being duped into a days MTBing, nursing an injury from where he's fallen off and your romantic night away will be spent not getting any sex and listening to him moan... 😉

Someone mentioned sex?

I used to work with a bloke who would refuse to do anything that his wife was better than him at. I found it hilarious, seeing as he was really successful and intelligent, but he couldn't face being beaten by his wife at anything. Apparently she really enjoyed ten-pin bowling but doesn't go now as she is way better than him.

I would find out whether he just doesn't enjoy it (not everyone has to) or whether it is the ego thing.
One of my riding friends is a girl and she pretty much beats me at everything. She rides techy stuff slower than me, but seems to assess it better and therefore gets down stuff that I roar up to and then halt at in fear. She has also beaten me in pretty much every race we've done, although the tide is now beginning to turn. I don't care if she is faster than me or not.

For what it's worth my partner has no interest in mountain biking per se, although she does have a Spesh Myka and we go cycling together, which she enjoys. She just isn't into the whole adrenaline thing which is fine. I have time to do my stuff and she has time to do hers. I go for weekends away, have been on one biking hol (to Spain) with mates and am going again this yr and I ride at least once a week over in Thetford (which is the whole evening ruled out as it's 1hr 20 mins away).
But, I don't think it causes any problems. It's all about compromise.

😆 these posts are really funny and are distracting me from the matter at hand 🙂 thanks for all the constructive comments though! There are indeed alot of plus points to this man but without boring you all with the ins and outs of our relationship thus far, i get the distinct impression that he may turn out to be quite controlling 🙁 Now that is all fair and good in certain rooms of the house but not when it comes between me and my Lapierre! Damn men....damn you all! Except the yummy ones........

La Pierre......don't tell me you've got a Zesty??!! I will be incredibly jealous (just don't tell the Spesh. it will hurt her ageing feelings!)