[Closed] Kicked in the Balls!!!

I am now in sympathy pain. Thank you. 😯

investigate other solutions prior to removal;

[img] [/img]

No excuse for not doing big hucks on the bike.

I once managed to punch myself in the bollocks whilst folding a towel.

be careful out there

pick your size
[img] [/img]

investigate other solutions prior to removal;

Brilliant 😀

anyone else just do an involuntary inhalation of air through their teeth whilst simultaneously bringing their knees together?

I also did some damage pulling up my trousers too quickly. The flailing heavy belt buckle whipped my testi hard, with perfect acuracy. Doctors, pain, more fondling by drs....all good now.

What you need is an eagle to teach her a lesson.

Sympathies OP. Had the exact same about 6 months ago. Two days agony then finally went to the GP. Sent me straight to A+E with the reassuring parting shot of 'just to warn you, you might not come back with them both'.

After several doctors copping a feel, and an ultrasound, turns out to have been some sort of infection (not nob rot), not a torsion, so I still have it.

Good luck.

I once managed to punch myself in the bollocks whilst folding a towel

See when you do get it lopped off - stay off the EPO and stay away from the TdF.

Ah, isn't Darwinism wonderful - she's just ensuring that there will be no other offspring to compete with. It's like the oldest chick pushing younger ones out of the nest.

I once managed to punch myself in the bollocks whilst folding a towel.

LOL 😆

I'm kinda interested to find out about your towel folding technique..

Damn it, Graham beat me by seconds. 😀

I'm kinda interested to find out about your towel folding technique..

Me too. 😯

Even them up by getting her to kick the other one.

<tannoy>
Calling [b]Harry_the_spider[/b], [b]Harry_the_spider[/b] to the thread please
</tannoy>

I'm kinda interested to find out about your towel folding technique..

Why, fancy trying it? Weird.

Holy cow batman!

Feel for you O.P. ouchy!

Last time I let my wife chain me up and kick me in the nuts.

Will need a whip now.

Silver linings?

1. you have the kid(s) so its largely unnecessary

2. you have a spare, just in case 1. is invalid

pick your size

FFS, I've been trying to ride a bike over various sized obtacles for 12 years and all I had to do was "buy" a pair of bigger ones?

Slightly related - playing games with my 20 month old little girl a couple of weeks ago, dangling her upside down above my head. Her arms were flailing around in excitement - unfortunately she managed to wack one of my eyes and her finger nail took a 2mm by 5mm chunk out of my cornea!! couldn't see out. Down to A&E to get patched up, then had to go back to see a consultant the next morning so he could cut the flap off my cornea that had been left hanging on!! Luckily for me it had fallen off of its own accord over night. Eye just about mended now...

Safety glasses and a bixe required for playing with toddlers me thinkks....

LOL that happened to me once by my daughter
I learnt to pick her up and then pushing away and raise her to my chest

That really hurts mate

1 1/2 months later my ball has grown to the size of a balloon.

OP -Might you be exaggerating just a little bit?

[img] [/img]

I had an accident at work once, falling about 15 ft landing with my legs astride a very metal and unforgiving bar. Paramedics, doctors, nurses all took one look, winced and pushed me on through the hospital. All was fine apart from my balls resembling a pair of auborgines in both size and colour for about a month. I've not tried having children yet

Whilst out mountain biking, brother of a friend sat down on his saddle only to painfully find the saddle had fallen off. His bits were a bit of a mess for months, altho he did have a permanent erection for about 6 months, a big bruised purple one according to his gf.
Be careful out there!

When stavro jr. was a toddler, we where on the Settle-Carlisle train and as he was looking out of the window he stepped back onto my plums, which was bad enough but I'd had a vasectomy that week. Mrs. Stavro then proceeded to go nuts with me for swearing in front of him. Talk about insult to injury.

Keep the stories coming guys - this thread is making me laugh a lot!!

Rachel

Mate of mine rode down a massive flight of stairs, stayed sat down. The jackhammer effect of he saddle/plum interface means he now has half the normal allocation of knackers 😯

OP's story made me cry with laughter, and I say this as a man who fractured his knob during a vinegar stroke accident in my earlier twenties (a ruptured tunica, for those of a technical mind) ; i think every doctor and medical student in devon and cornwall got to witness it looking like an aburgine. It was only slightly less embarrassing that having my repaired member photo'ed for medical science, i thought they may lend me a camera......:oops:
Still all is now fine bar a small scar and a slight drift to the left; and i'm still banging it out like a jackhammer 😉

proceeded to go nuts

Oh teh ironing 😀

I used to work at a dry ski slope and one of the other staff was running up the lift path with the tow pole between his legs - we all did this - made getting to the top of the hill a bit easier.

Unfortunately for him, he managed to nip his plums between the little round grey seat and the bottom of the pole. He was dragged about thirty metres, screaming horribly before someone had the sense to hit the emergency stop button. We called him tupperware, because they were.

Crossing a pine tree over a river my mate had the misfortune to slip and impale himself on the sharp stub of a branch - it got him right in the biffen bridge.

His sack swelled up to gynormous proportions - he tried to impress the girls by parading his purple plums at a party after the event. His nuts looked like a pair of baby cuckoos that had been beaten black and blue. The girls were not impressed.

Ouch.

My son jumped on mine earlier in the year. I passed out and got a ride in an ambulance.

http://harrythespiderblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/getting-on-with-it/

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/would-you-give-your-left-nut-to-ride-a-bike

currently got a tear in my eye from sympathy and laughter.

I've never had a swollen ball or administered one, but i did manage to stealthily flick my mates right nut on the way past him in a nightclub corridor.
I came back through 5 minutes later to find him still leaning against the wall crying. Served him right as he'd pushed me down the hill the day before when i was mid-stream having a waz (cue feet above head and covered in p!55)

ow...

Around 94/95 when I was doing a lot of boxing I was using a floor/ceiling ball (my own) but hadnt secured the floor hook correctly - A 2 ft piece of rubber/elastic, stretched between the floor and ceiling with an s hook on the end - half hour of not physically being able to stand up and being sick. The dr later described it as putting a tomato on the floor and stamping on it.

For two years I was kept under obs as one side was constantly the size of a tennis ball, then one day I was told that what looked like a tumour had developed - surgery within 3 weeks and 3 months of chemo followed (and whilst I was in hospital I picked up cycling weekly and read about this young US rider that had just been diagnosed with TC too...)

Oh well still had one t hat owrked and I now have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter...

Actually, my lad jumped on me again yesterday and I'm getting that tell tale stabbinbg pain again. Brilliant. 😐

Was she waving a emergency union jack at the time?

I had a giant ball had quite a nasty operation to reduce its size, think lemon juicer. Still on the large side and i got a fortnight off work 🙂

Few years ago I crashed whilst sledging, I abandoned the sledge, rolled over, as I did so I crunched my plums, I blacked out from the pain

Years ago, an old mate of mine had an over the bars when he hit a parked car. Lying on the bonnet he seemed fine, until he saw the blood and realised he'd caught his sack on one of the thumb shifters and ripped it open.

He has kids now so can't gave done too much damage.

I used to deal with vehicle accident injury claims - there is a reason that the petrol cap on a motorcycle fuel tank is flush nowadays rather than standing proud at testicle snagging height

Playing hockey against Wakefield in the early 80s so we were on grass.
Our full back hit a free hit like a rocket, it clipped a tussock of grass and started to lift. I dived out of the way and turned to see the guy marking me jump in the air legs spread wide and the ball appeared to just glance the bottom of his shorts before disappearing off the pitch.

The opposition player landed gymnast style with legs together, dropped his stick, turned on his heels and ran, he ran off the pitch, jumped over a small hedge, out of the ground and up the road.

He was in the clubhouse after the match and said the ball had just kissed his nuts on its way through and the pain was so excruciating all he could think of doing was to run home.

Not baw-sack related but....

6 or so years back I finally bit the bullet and got a long-standing ingrown big toenail looked at. There and then, they said it had to come out.

It was apparently a 'difficult' one- lots of grunting and tearing sounds as they removed it- I daren't look. Anyway, they patched it up, dressed it, gave me some medium strength painkillers (apparently I'd be needing them soon) and sent me on my way.

Jings. Later that evening, the burning, throbbing mess was almost unbearable. The pk's just about took the edge off.

I couldn't walk for a week- couldn't put a sock on, couldn't really weight-bear at all. Normally have an ok pain threshold- this was awful.

Gradually, over a week or so, it died down. Getting the dressing changed showed that they'd managed to rip a tear right down the middle of the nail bed. No wonder it was so bloody sore.

I managed to get a bath on the Sunday afternoon and could just about take tepid water on the toe itself. Things were improving. Got out of the bath, gingerly drying myself off- missus walks in, and with unerring accuracy managed to drive the spike of her left high-heeled shoe through the slightly softened scab.

I have little recollection of what happened next- the screaming I do remember, as well as her putting some painkillers she'd borrowed from her mother through the letter-box sometime later that day...

OP, look on the bright side; at least your father of the bride speech will raise a few laughs.

Thought I would make a potato cannon ..humm

So following 'loosely' instructions off the internet. Parts were gathered , 1 x 5" plastic drain manifold with inspection cap. 1 x igniter from old gas fire, 3 foot of 2 1/2" pipe, glue and a few odds and sods and a spud cannon was born.

Twas an ugly construction but after the first injection of Lynx deodorant and subsequent ignition, the foot and half of flame that shot out the top and scorched the kitchen ceiling left us in awe.

A few experiments with wet bread was successful and left us chuckling. It was time to ram a spud down the pipe and gas her up ... oh the sound and sight, of a good size spud disappearing over the tree tops amazed even the Mrs.

All went well for a while distributing free spuds across the neighbourhood until I put 2 in the pipe:(

The back pressure blew the blanking plug from the bottom of the assembly clipping my left nut as it passed by. I managed to get back up after a while in the foetal position and gingerly inspect the damage. I am amazed at the size a mans ball can actually achieve after an impact. Fortunately no lasting damage done, but a lesson was learnt - don't pretend your firing spuds out ya knob - keep the cannon away from the body.

but a lesson was learnt - don't pretend your firing spuds out ya knob

Indeed, a mantra I've always lived by. 😛

OP it gets worse- 2yr old having a tantrum wearing wellies skirming and running on the spot. Que me 😳

Taekwon-do sparring roughly 3 years ago. Semi contact against a green belt (I'm a black belt so keeping it light hearted). I'm keeping him at bay by keeping a leg up, foot at chest height and occasionally clipping him atound the ear when he over ambitious. Right up to the point he swings his leg as hard as possible and smacks his foot right into my plums.
The next thing I remember is the instructor tellingly me to put the pain aside and carry on, only could I clear the sick up first...