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You stay? Then you might never get a pay rise again and the new offer is burnt, they probably won't offer again. You get trapped.
Also utter bollocks.
If someone is good, employees want them and don't get put out by people rejecting offers. In fact, being made a counter offer actually reinforces the interviewers opinion that this person is worth having.
I would be doing something similar to what Poly said.
Take the 30% and negotiate a day off a week to work on your own stuff, ultimately you lose no money but get the chance to do your own work as well.
You looked for another job because
andI'm a board at the place I work
felt like there was little scope for progression.
On top of that long term I'd like to be self employed or small business in some way in the future and I don't feel this helps me in that direction.
More money changes none of these so while you will feel better for a short while, you will come around to these issues again.
If you are going to talk to management about why you're leaving I'd be telling them this.
Either way once you've decided you want/need to leave I've found it's best to just get on with it. Leave on good terms and you can always go back at a later date if you need to.
Tell old company that you are leaving to set up your own consultancy company and that if they want to take advantage of the services your company will be offering then you'll be happy to discuss details of a suitable contract. If being self employed is your aim then this may be a very good opportunity as you seem to be in demand.