:"japanese" or Bidet toilet

[i]apologies in advance for the middle class problem content[/i]

Could you describe the contents of the toilet better, or at least explain what 'middle class problem' content is?

Not sure I want that image in my mind

Pull the trigger!

I like having a clean anus after a poo.

Never really understood the poo paper wars during covid. Much fresher feeling of you wash your arse over the side of the bath than smearing poo around your abbia with some paper.

I Weise French guy once asked me.... "if someone smears shiiit on your face, do you want paper or water to clean your face?"

Wise words.

I would da happy to settle for a fancy foot bath, but why do they have to be so low down. What's the deal with that?

We used to use them in the hospital.  Lots of startled old ladies with dementia.  They weren't expecting that 🙂

The seat's not heated? That's not a Japanese toilet. 🙂

Japanese, all day everyday. (Sounds like the trots!) Love them!

So that washes and dries as well?

if a job's worth doing there's a power tool for it.

I like having a clean anus after a poo.

Er....thanks for sharing that snippet of info, im sure we'll all sleep soundly tonight knowing your bumhole is in pristine condition.

Right now Japan seems to have the edge in the field of rivet hygiene science, but there's an exciting homegrown quantum leap forwards for starfish sparkliness.

(that my wife and kids really want)

Is a fancy toilet the hill that you choose to die on?

I briefly stayed in a house with a wash/dry/led toilet last year. The kids called it the Techno Toilet and it might have been the highlight of their trip.

The wash facility was quite good once you got over the weirdness, and I can imagine it’s especially nice if you have a delicate bum (piles maybe?). But the dry facility wasn’t terribly effective. The way the lights came on as you walked into the room was quite nice for a middle of the night trip to the loo. But since I’m on a water meter it wouldn’t do for me.

That specific loo with the weird floating/cantilever set up… my dad has just moved into a house with a non techno version. It’s quite disconcerting but seems easier to clean.

The drying cycle takes 3 minutes, that's far too long for me, so I'm out.

Go for it!

I’d get 2 I’d we were in the market for refurbishing both bathrooms.
Go for the whole thing: lights, music, remote control, …

Edit. Pretty sure one of our toilets wasn’t a way off of the £1,200 you mentioned. if I remember correctly the seat assembly was about £200 and all that does is be open or closed. Did you have enough 0s?

Edit2
Surely the experience of tourists recounted in this TOTO website is sufficient persuasion beyond being the toilet hero of the family?

Although we're not in the affluent category, I still seem to tick many of the STW/middle class boxes and like a good gadget to boot.
Saying that, spending that much (plus installation) on an LED-lit, sphincter-blasting, blow-dry-your-anal-beard toilet crosses the line by a fair bit for me.

Sounds like a good idea, I like the idea of landing lights for the middle of the night.

How do they know where you are sat on the toilet though? ie to get the jet of water to spray in the right place and not be sat there and it stream up yor nostril?

Kids will love it for spraying water all over the floor

Have to say this beats the ‘what pizza oven’ thread for middle class problems 😂

Got one (not that particular one though) and they are great, do it.  However it is of course something else tech to go wrong in your house.

How do they know where you are sat on the toilet though?

It's adjustable with the remote and it remembers you (arse prints are a bit like fingerprints*)

I got to like the idea from travelling in countries where you have a small spray or a jug of water.  It is so much nicer

* This bit may not be true, it uses weight

I don't understand. You shit in the toilet, give I a good pebble dashing post Curry and then water comes out and cleans you arse? Water coming out of what I just shit in? No thanks, I'm out!!

anagallis_arvensis on the job

I don’t understand. You shit in the toilet, give I a good pebble dashing post Curry and then water comes out and cleans you arse? Water coming out of what I just shit in? No thanks, I’m out!!

Or worse, you're getting your starfish jet washed by a nozzle that someone else has previously besmittled!

A friend has just moved to Korea. From his fb postings the high tech bog is the major feature of his relocation. He did have some problem with it requiring a reboot but other than that it has apparently performed admirably.

Have a Vitra Vcare. It is brilliant. Wanted since I worked in Japan back in the 90s. Got one about 8 years ago. Love it.

Fitted a bum gun a few years back. Cheaper and less to go wrong. Really happy with it and will get around to fitting one on the downstairs loo someday.

https://www.bidet-shower.co.uk/bidet-showers/grohe-sena-bidet-shower-set/

Intrigued by some of the features on the one posted at top
Ultrasonic waterproof soldering seat: It is easy to use with safety in a humid toilet room with the help of spinning design providing a waterproof function and preventing water drops from being soaked into.
Antibacterial resins: Adapted antibacterial resin preventing colitis germs and sundry germs from being propagated.

The drying cycle takes 3 minutes, that’s far too long for me, so I’m out.

Thats  and extra 3 minutes of uninterrupted STW though isnt it?. If STW towers offered a free techno khazi with every sub imagine the increase in traffic.

Fitted a bum gun a few years back

I’m looking at this this one in particular.

I'm intrigued by the "remote control" aspect. You wanna make sure that you don't leave the remote in the lounge before you start on the crapper, or the kids will be having a lot of fun at your expense !!

Could you describe the contents of the toilet better

What??????

My in laws have one. I’ve not asked them about it.

But they’ve previously always plumbed a small shower hose type nozzle next to the toilet to spray their arses with.

Don’t knock it til you try it?

if a job’s worth doing there’s a power tool for it.

Conjures up an image of a pound shop plastic bog brush, dipped in bleach and chucked in the jaws of an 18V cordless drill.

They should actually be standard installations at trail centres, so you can eliminate the horror of skids on your chamois without having to repurpose the bike-oriented pressure washer.

Another objection is that you would never again experience the unmitigated joy of the elusive 'glory wipe'.

Conjures up an image of a pound shop plastic bog brush, dipped in bleach and chucked in the jaws of an 18V cordless drill.

I'd recommend 'conjuring' the image over googling it.

We have one of these on a standard toilet, brilliant! Much cleaner and night light good for the aim. Mind it cleans both front and back, Mrs LDM stopped at school gates after housewarming party by single mum middle aged women who advised it was the best twenty minutes she had had in years!

https://www.victorianplumbing.co.uk/smart-bidet-toilet-seat-tsb003?campaign=googlebase&pagetype=shopping&includeListing&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInauW9Zfq_AIVksvtCh25RgkmEAQYAiABEgJw9PD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

My biggest fear with that one is that it is wall mounted, toilet plus lard arse like me is probably around 140kg, pretty certain my walls wouldn't take it.

As for the hygenie side, never tried a bum spray, have a feeling it's something I that once you've experienced you would want to go back!

I regret going for a wall mounted (standard toilet when I had my bathroom done but the main issue is I don't have proper stud walls, just plasterboard sheets bonded together for the internal walls so plumber had to get a carpenter in to build a frame to secure it - but it still flexes slightly. One of the tiles underneath the toilet mounting has since cracked and the grout around the toilet + wall/floor when the toilet is mounted has separated (although the gap only shows when there's weight on the toilet). I'm a bit paranoid it will only get worse so ended up wedging a foot step under the toilet so in hindsight I would have been a lot better off with a floor-mount toilet 🙁

We stayed at an AirBnb owned by a Swiss couple. There was a Hyundai bog. For the first couple of days we both studiously ignored the buttons. Then Mrs BigJohn came up to me wide eyed and said "Have you tried it?!?!?".
Man, it's a revelation. I tried every button and a couple of days later the only question was "Should we get one for the new house...or two?"

so plumber had to get a carpenter in to build a frame to secure it

You can buy a floor mounted frame that you plaster over and the bog attaches too. Probably way cheaper than a carpenter too

Then Mrs BigJohn came up to me wide eyed and said “Have you tried it?!?!?”.

I remember that feeling

My family aren't great fans though which is brilliant for me as there is always a crapper that isn't being hogged by someone trying to hide with an ipad

besmittled

Word of the day!

I regret going for a wall mounted (standard toilet when I had my bathroom done but the main issue is I don’t have proper stud walls, just plasterboard sheets bonded together for the internal walls so plumber had to get a carpenter in to build a frame to secure it

Had none of them installed a wall mounted toilet before? As has been said: you can get a frame. I used one for each of our wall mounted toilets. Easy to install. Covers up easily with some aqua board. Makes the connections simple. And is secure. Different heights are available.

Fitted a bum gun a few years back. Cheaper and less to go wrong. Really happy with it and will get around to fitting one on the downstairs loo someday.

I thought that they were not permitted in the UK due to the way our plumbing is usually installed and the risk of 'backwash' in to the system?

Happy to be corrected though, as we will soon be doing a bathroom refurbishment and will probably install one.

Is it just me that's been mildly irritated for years with that Viz 'Clag-Gone' above, because the wheel is travelling in the wrong direction relative to the ejected debris? The chain needs to be crossed, otherwise you'd end up with an Inverse Badger down the underside of your gentleman's carry-on luggage.

Went for a bidet in Spain, I (as you do) had a suite in the Barcelona railway station hotel that had a funky toilet which broke down on my first attempt.

We’ve got the hung toilet,bidet going on metal frames built into the walls.

Not a lot to say about the bog but we moved into a house with a bidet and I will never again be without one.

@ b33k34

Fitted a bum gun a few years back. Cheaper and less to go wrong. Really happy with it and will get around to fitting one on the downstairs loo someday.

I prefer this one too because it is similar to the set up in the far east, apart from Japan. Less to go wrong and cheaper as you say.

In SE Asia there are many squatting or seated toilet with a "hose pipe" beside it to be used as bidet shower. Since toilet paper is not a necessity in the countryside, most people just prefer washing rather than wiping.

we have Japanese toilets at work, they are always the most sought after of cubicles but they seem to be forever needing to be repaired so put me off getting one at home

Had none of them installed a wall mounted toilet before? As has been said: you can get a frame. I used one for each of our wall mounted toilets. Easy to install. Covers up easily with some aqua board. Makes the connections simple. And is secure. Different heights are available

Yeah - one of those is fitted (that exact model I think), the problem is it doesn't just need a secure floor fitting but it needs the top part fixed as well otherwise the frame can flex forward when there's weight on the toilet. With my plasterboard walls there was nothing to anchor the top part of the frame to so they had to built a wooden frame for it but I guess that flexes a bit itself so still allows the metal frame to flex slightly and it doesn't take much flexing to crack tiles.

I see that that japanese thing has an ait dryer, but I've always wondered how people using the more basic bidet things dry their arse, do you need a towel or what?

With my plasterboard walls there was nothing to anchor the top part of the frame to so they had to built a wooden frame for it but I guess that flexes a bit itself so still allows the metal frame to flex slightly and it doesn’t take much flexing to crack tiles.

ah! I get it. Sorry, my bad. So they stripped the plaster board off, added more wood to the wall battens and it still yields a bit? 🤔 that is pesky. As it’s in and working there’s not much to be done I suppose. But when the time comes to refurbish and add a Japanese toilet 😉 I’d wonder about things like thicker battens, floor to ceiling frame, a metal frame on which to mount the frame, … all to increase that feeling of toilet security.

The chain needs to be crossed

I was going to suggest pedalling backwards but I see the drawing has a derailleur and therefore probably a freewheel so that wouldn’t work. Viz engineers need to up their game in these technical drawings.

I see that that japanese thing has an ait dryer, but I’ve always wondered how people using the more basic bidet things dry their arse, do you need a towel or what?

Probably a reason to avoid the hand towels in a bathroom with a bidet.

Definitely a fresher experience with a bidet thou, you lot are arse heathens not embracing them fully 🙂

I thought that they were not permitted in the UK due to the way our plumbing is usually installed and the risk of ‘backwash’ in to the system?

The UK seems to have this massive paranoia about some freak situation where a shower hose is left in a bath or toilet with the tap open at the same moment some bizarre incident happens that causes the entire water system to go into reverse and the main in the street to suck water back into the water main from your house. Has it ever actually happened? If it did wouldn't the future forward pressure sufficiently clean all the pipes again?

Anyway - to make it compliant you just need to fit a double check valve - the same as you should on any outside tap.

Also, you need to have an inline shut off - the gun trigger and hose won't cope with the slight pressurisation/depressurisation from other taps in the house being used. You either have a tap, or much better, like the one I linked to, a shut off valve built into the wall bracket that shuts the water off when you put the thing in it's 'holster'.

Lastly, ideally you want warm water - i used one of the temp limiters that you're supposed to fit on bath taps now and turned it down and it runs at the same pre-mixed temp as our hand wash sink.