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Anyone done this?
I think most people will have - just do what the funeral director tells you and you'll be fine.
Buried my Grandfather many years ago (me in early 20's) and I was named after him so lowering him down and seeing a brass plaque with my name on it was a little disconcerting!
Just listen to the advice from the experts and don't sweat it, I felt very proud to have carried him after all the times he carried me.
I've done it for both my parents and the wifes father, apart from the emotional side it's not hard the undertaker will give some instruction and place the others accordingly so different height people are matched up evenly
On the emotional side it's tough but as my parents brought me into this world it seemed wrong not to see them out of it myself, the wifes brother said he couldn't do it so I took his place but now he's racked with guilt so even if you find it hard in the long run its probably worth it for peace of mind,
If it's not a family member it's a lot easier, one hand underneath and one hand on the side and keep a steady pace, there's normally four or six bearers depending on the weight so it's not heavy,
as above getting tearfull now thinking about it but it is the right thing to do
Sometimes the term MTFU applies, this is one of them
Regrets last forever as the o/h's brother is finding out
Agreed and we regret in life the things we dont do not the things we do actually do.
It was an honour though hard [emotionally] not technically
Did it at my grans funeral a few years ago. Unfortunately I was at the back with my dad and my uncle and a friend of the family, both of whom are a bit shorter, were at the front end. There followed a rather ungainly stagger down the aisle as the coffin threatened to slide off the shoulders of the two pall bearers at the front!
One of the pallbearers didn't turn up at my best mate's dad's funeal so I was asked to stand in at the last moment.
Don't be disappointed if there's no round of applause because you didn't drop the coffin.
[i]Don't be disappointed if there's no round of applause because you didn't drop the coffin.[/i]
😆
Done this a few times sadly, get the height balance right, tallest at the back, shortest pallbearers at the front. Last time was the toughest, helped with my parents lederly neighbour, difficult part was his two sons were obviously pall bearers & obviously very cut up at burying their father.
As above, undertaker will give all the advise needed. It is a great honour to be asked.
Agreed and we regret in life the things we dont do not the things we do actually do.
Not strictly true. In fact fails in many instances.
However I'd agree, you'll regret not doing this. It's not difficult, but very strange/hard emotionally, but at least you feel like you have contributed and paid your respects. I'm strictly of the "it's just a body, once you're dead you're dead" mentality but still it's nice to be part of giving them that last dignity.
Many years ago I worked in a crematorium, so I've done loads of this. My one piece of advice to you is DO NOT pick the coffin up by the handles!
Cheers chaps. Its a distant family member so no big emotional problem, just would hate to be the one that trips over . . .
My 2 brothers and I for my Great Aunt last year.
It is an honour. She was a wonderful woman (OBE for services to nursing).
Coffin was heavier than I expected, but with the guidance of the undertaker it was ok.
Only problem was my mother insisting on taking a photo. "OI, MUM. NO!"
Yep. I lost my father March of this year. I thought it was only fitting that myself and brother were Pallbearers along with other members of the family (both me and my brother were at the front)
It didn't feel right having the funeral directors peforming this role.
A massive amount of self control was needed but i'm glad i did it.
Did this. Beware, the weight of the coffin might be a shock, especially if you are one of the taller ones.
As mentioned coffins are heavy and uncomfortable to carry. Last time I did it the guy (the deceased's brother) in the middle left was so short he wasn't actually taking any weight at all which gave rise to a few jokes to lighten the experience. I was told by a gravedigger at a previous do that if you are taking it to the graveside and lowering it do not wrap the rope around your hand as you lwer it to get a better grip or there's a good chance of following the coffin in.
never mind the weight, or half tripping over the guys infronts heels..... the wood dust from the bottom of the cheap arsed coffin left six of us looking like we were trying to hide a serious dandruff issue.
cheers nora. rip.
Yes, done it a couple of times. Undertaker gives good advice.
Just don't drop it.
doing it for my Nan next week
I feel it is an absolute honour
Im sure it will be one of the most difficult things I have done in life, but im determined I will do it, I owe her
Considering going to see her in the chapel of rest beforehand so I can say my goodbyes in private, hopefully that may make it a bit easier to deal with
Its hard and tough youre trying not to cry, everyones watching you, the grass may be slippy,follow the advice of the funneral director, anmd all should go ok.
Mum Dad Aunty and Uncle, oh and our famuily where all undertakers.
Also beware if lowering the coffin into the grave, dont get tto close as the bank may giveway and in you go.
Best wishes.
I felt very proud to have carried him after all the times he carried me.
Lovely sentiments 😥
I'd say it was an honour to be asked...clearly the person (and his closest around him) regarded you with much affection. Never done it myself, but I'd be honoured if I was to be asked.
I'm sure there will be plenty of advice and direction before the ceremony and during so it should be ok (in terms of the physical operation of moving the coffin).
Apropos of nothing,
When I was at Uni, an asian friend of mine died and we were invited to the funeral. They do things a bit differently.
One of the differences was, they didn't have pallbearers. Rather, everyone stands lining the path from the hearse to the church, and it's passed hand-to-hand by everyone. Once you've passed it on, you go from the back of the line to the front, rinse and repeat.
It was an odd day in a lot of ways, but that always struck me as a really nice way of doing things. Everyone takes part and gets involved.
Carried my brother a few years ago, cancer. Coffins are heavy in every way.
I have been underbearer for both parents and my grandmother as well as several significant others.
My only advice would be 1) Listen to the undertaker and make good mental notes. They are generally on the ball
2) Try to ensure that the person on the other side of the coffin is roughly your height. At least make sure that there is not a big height difference
3) When you are lowering the coffin into the grave try not to worry about the strops coming off. There is actually a small lath to stop this happening
4) Remember this is the last time you can be of help to the person in the coffin