[Closed] Is it just my wife that's mad?

[b]1.75/10[/b] - poor show, Not really that great a subject, but 2/10 given for the use of full caps and -0.25/10 taken for the ok grammar

no reed diffuser....tisk

Basically...Must try harder then?
Sounds like my school reports.

a throw is just that something to throw off the bed, cushions breed in womens houses, no man i know has cushions on a bed

I'm a single, boobies-loving man, and I have cushions that I put on the bed that I got especially made in the same JL pattern as the bedroom curtains are.

That's mad. Or fabulous taste.

for **** sake you didn't even swear.
Call that a ****ing rant?
**** off and try harder next time you ****er.
🙂

It's the fact that I get grief if I don't out them on (in the prescribed fashion) to enable me to then take them off again several hours later during which time no one else will have seen them. Uterley pointless process.

[IMG] [/IMG]

Fabulous.

We have 2 cushions on our bed, I have no idea why we have them even though we argue about why we have them every night when I throw them on the floor........

It's like those stupid blankets that go over 2' of the bottom of the bed.

WHAT'S THE ****ING POINT

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Phire up the photoshop, pholks!

I'm off to Mumsnet for a good old swearathon, and to let them all know how nuts they all are for collecting soft furnishings.

Phire up the photoshop, pholks!

phuck off!

Ah, reminds me of an old thread I started... http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/single-men-do-you

nice cushions

I refused to replace cushions on a bed only to have to take them off before I get into it. 2 or 3 are OK, but I'm damned if I'll position 9 or 10 just so, and then position cuddly toys too. Mrs Z must prefer that I make the bed as most of the shift has disappeared.

When I was a bachelor I had plenty of nice cushions, throws etc and the bed was always immaculate and cleaned regularly. Now I DGAF and if I have to chuck it on the floor to get in it stays there 😀

There's a lot of people protesting too much here

Least BearNecessities is honest about it

Three cushions on our bed. I leave them on as there is no headrest and it's extra comfort.

We have no cushions on our bed, and none on the guest bed, as we don't have a guest bed.

Simply take all the cushions, go and put them on the driver's seat of your wife's car. Wait for the "why did you do that" and simply reply - I think it makes the seat look nice.

Repeat as many times as needed.

@cranberry. I like to sleep with both eyes closed!

Just get cats...Warmer + slightly more useful than cushions...

Sandwich - that is the sort of cowardice that makes you a cushion slave, twice daily.

For the rest of your life.

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Good start!

See Dave German's "shi**ing hat" episode.

Why would you have... oh I can't be bothered.

If a liking for cushions is the worst of it then there really is no postage stamp small enough upon which to write 😉

They are for raising her hips

Or yours.

Wallop 😯 😆

Can someone please photoshop the last picture on DezB's thread onto bearnecessities' picture please 😀

Extra points for making the cushions and curtains match 😈

* I would link the picture here but the forum isn't rendering correctly, again 😥

<quote>

For the rest of your life.
Not me, I chose wisely. A woman who has little desire for a bed full of 'cushion treatment'. There's a lot to be said for a quiet domestic life when it comes to the little stuff.

Another vote for replacing extra bed items with cats. Just think of them as self moving cushions

Thing is, they [i]do[/i] make a place look nice and cosy but they're a PITA in reality. I blame DFS adverts. Life's too short to be pissing about with soft furnishings 😆

It reminds me of the faiground operator who took a young woman back to his caravan where the bed was surrounded by hundreds of soft fluffy teddy bears. This unexpected display of his feminine side released her inhibitions, resulting in an energetic shag. When it was over, he said "you can have any prize off the middle shelf"

OK....Now for vases.
Just had a quick count up.
Decorative or plain glass, either is fair game.
We have 31 out in the house and another 20 in the cupboard.
I'm sure there must be rules for this sort of thing?

Decorative or plain glass, either is fair game.
We have 31 out in the house and another 20 in the cupboard.
I'm sure there must be rules for this sort of thing?

There are "don't go complaining about your wife to a bunch of internet strangers"

This is like some terrible Jim Davidson / Bernard Manning reprise.

"Take my wife..."

Don't get me wrong, she's great and I love her to bits but I'm beginning to wonder if this is how secret hoarders start? Things just keep 'appearing' on shelves. Kind of like the Bermuda Triangle in reverse.

she's great and I love her to bits

Good to hear it, choppersquad. Then tell the world about that, not the negative stuff. Lots of failed and dead marriages in STW are full of this deprecation. This good stuff? That's the novelty.

Now for vases.

Sounds minging.

but I'm beginning to wonder if this is how secret hoarders start?

Dunno. How many old bike bits have you got stashed away? Just in case.

Now for vases.

Vases? Vases are useful. you can put flower in them. Or the ashes if you already have a patio.

Now for candles....

Now for candles....

Please Gods no.

House plants.

****ing Houseplants

Everywhere

What about beakers?

Why do people have curtains, sometimes "heat proof-eco-reflect-o-therm" lined, that cover the radiators when drawn?

Why?

What possible reason except a punch-kick combo of stupidity and vanity?

WHY?

We have just the one vase!

But loads of bike bits everywhere...

I threw out Mr TW's vase because I got fed up of all his clutter. Now using a 1ltr water bottle as an emergency vase.

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Sounds minging.

Very good 🙂

I married a rational (most of the time) physicist, so none of that fluffy stuff around here....

Surely, the reason that women have vases is so that you can buy them flowers?

You'll never get her to throw all those cushions on the floor or light any of those candles if you don't get the basics right.

Why are lilies always included in bouquets? They absolutely stink so bad that I chuck them in the bin. They need to be left growing outdoors!

*phones florist to change order for vickypeas bouquet* 😉

Cushions and spare pillows that we don't use on our bed, which have to be evicted and replaced daily.
Two cats at the far end, usually carefully positioned on a folded blanket.
Several more pillows and cushions on the guest bed.
Cushions on every chair and sofa in the living room.
A giant cushion leaning on the wall.
Big, heavy and new curtains over the radiators in the living room, perfectly positioned to channel all of the heat straight to the glass and not the room.
I think that's a full set. Do I get a prize..?

Highlandman:

[url] http://www.homebase.co.uk/en/static/how-to-lay-a-patio ][/url]

[quote=vickypea ]Why are lilies always included in bouquets? They absolutely stink so bad that I chuck them in the bin. They need to be left growing outdoors!

You need perchy to send you Asiatic lilies they have no smell

...I think that's a full set

Depends - can you see a shelf/cabinet full of Lladró or other china geegaws?

We have cereal tubs to put cereal in (even though it comes in boxes)
We have a hot chocolate tin for putting hot chocolate in (even though it is delivered in a can/tin thing)
We have a pasta jar for putting pasta in (even though it comes in bags)
We a dishwasher tablet tin for putting them in, even though they are already in a box.
And so on.....

More bikes than cushions in our house. I do have a couple of vases and love a bunch of flowers.

Why are lilies always included in bouquets? They absolutely stink so bad that I chuck them in the bin. They need to be left growing outdoors!

My Wife is going to be mad soon.

I need to move the table my turntable is sat on. I only need to move it 2 feet to get it away from a speaker as I'm getting feedback and very annoying hum. It will mean the room won't quite look 'right'.

I'm waiting for the right moment to do this as I know she's going to have a flipper!

😀

If you move the table 1 foot one way and the speaker 1 foot the other way will that meet with the Feng Shui requirements?

We have cereal tubs to put cereal in (even though it comes in boxes)

We have cereal tubs to keep cereal fresh. How this is supposed to work I've no idea, given that they're always perpetually empty whilst the half-full cereal boxes sit on top of the cupboard.

Cushions on the bed, two of which match the curtains. Check.
Cushions on guest bed and 2 foot throw. Check.
More candles than a Catholic Church. Check.
Fairy lights all year around. Check.
But what really does my head in are the fresh lilies that drop their stamen on the floor and the fact that I didn't even know what a lily stamen was until I got married!!!

I didn't even know what a lily stamen was until I got married!!!

Sex education in this country is terrible.

I didn't even know what a lily stamen was until I got married!!!

We won't judge you - there's no stigma attached.

A giant cushion leaning on the wall.

Dafuq???

I should think myself lucky that I might have loads of vases around the house but I also have zero pot plants and absolutely no Lladro figurines or other associated trinkets. I thought I'd avoid the candle count as I really don't have enough hours in the day. I'm with you all on the stinking lillies though, and so fortunately is Mrs Squad. They go straight into the garden.

We won't judge you - there's no stigma attached.

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I have cushions, candles and vases (with flowers in) and my girlfriend doesn't even live here yet!

Run. Run away now.

Unless you put them there yourself, in which case you win the prize for being the world's most thoughtful caring boyfriend.

All my own doing I'm afraid. I know, I know, I'm a disgrace to men everywhere (but my home is very homely 😉 )

I have just found out that the runner/throw thing that goes across the bottom of the bed actually has a purpose. Apparently it is to stop you marking the bed linen with your shoes if you lay on top of the covers with your shoes on.
So off you go chaps, preferably straight after a muddy ride, crash out on the bed with your manky 510's on and don't worry about the linen because the runner will be serving its true purpose.
Don't forget to report back on your experiences.

Don't forget to report back on your experiences.

Did exactly what you suggested.

Your wife was furious.

We won't judge you - there's no stigma attached

That was beautiful

Did exactly what you suggested.

Your wife was furious