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Jeez. As a dad to a pair of (so far rather stress free, apparently) four and five year old boys, this thread is both terrifying and enlightening. Mostly terrifying though 😯
son is 18, daughter is 15. I've not spoken to either of them about any of your list, sorry. I lost it with my lad when he was 10 because he was being a bit of tit about the fact that we'd just got his sister a hamster for her birthday, and he wanted one, and was stropping.
we had a "conversation" about porn sites when he was about 14, he's probably still looking at them, but at least he's discreet. at 18, he can watch what wants after all.
I've never raised my voice to my daughter.
er, that's it.
Am I correct in thinking you live closer to the top of a mountain than the center of Brixton, Nick?
Porn was too minor a subject to go on the list, not even discouraged, though I sometimes tease him about the day he rang me for my credit card number when he downloaded the "gendarmerie nationale" virus.
no, we're a broken family and they live in the centre of Newcastle.
We clearly have different styles in parenting, shall we leave it there?
nickc well f*****g delivered.... Brixton couldn't stop laughing need to drag there arse to Heaton
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Wow, I didn't expect such a large and varied response!
For clarity, it's me that's the introvert... Although her mum is too and she also shows strong tendencies!
We also don't yet live together.
As I mentioned usually she is pretty good and our relationship has grown from 'I don't care who you are, I don't want my mum to have a boyfriend' through the biological father fuelled 'you're not my dad, I don't need to do anything you say' to cuddles on the sofa discussing the days activities.
Her mum and dad split quite acrimoniously six years ago, and MrsLerk has more or less been responsible for her care as a lone parent - she will gladly admit that she has at times given in to behaviour for an easy life and also cut a lot of slack due to the emotional trauma of the split.
We have been aware of certain comments/ideas which have been planted by him during time spent at his house and she is suffering from a bit of internal turmoil, not wanting to upset him.
I have spoken to her to confirm that I won't replace him and point out how much happier her mum is now.
I have been encouraging her to use her bike more (bought her a new one of better quality for her birthday last year) but it has taken a long time to get her comfortable with the idea of doing something without her mum, who is unwilling/able to ride one.
Sounds like I'll have a few years of bike rides and tinkering in the workshop to come!
Time is a wonderful thing when it comes to relationships as she grows older she will realise you are not an alien provided you are straightforward and trustworthy. Not deep meaningful advice just based upon 53 years of life.
Apologies to Edukator but it always makes me laugh when South London is raised as some sort of Ghetto (I know South London very well even as a northerner) and it simply can not be compared to the "crappy" parts of the North of England. Not an opinion an observation.
Jeez. As a dad to a pair of (so far rather stress free, apparently) four and five year old boys, this thread is both terrifying and enlightening. Mostly terrifying though
Might be early days, and there's still time for it to go horribly wrong, but my 16 and 12 year old daughters are fine. Study, do their homework, the occasional strop but nothing too serious. Most of their friends seem fine, too. At least one or two in my eldest daughter's class smoke, some of them drink (or at least have got drunk), but again nothing I wouldn't expect, and nothing I didn't do when I was their age.
Edukator's son is an outlier, not the norm - no consolation for him, and he has my sympathies - but I wouldn't worry [i]that[/i] much. Just a bit 🙂
I just picked places poles apart, Oldman. I should have quoted Beaumont Lees in Leicester as it's the most depressing place in the UK I have spent any time in.
Kids are a function of their total environment of which parenting is a part but not the only part. Their peer group has increasing influence as they grow up and when the peer group is dodgy you just hope that the values you've transmitted hold up to the assault.
I'm not going to link the threads because it's better to let them fade but there are some examples of this forum where good parents doing their best (with other good kids to prove it) have had one go off the rails.
One for Lerk with a smiley, 8)
Edit: junior is great, he just lives things very intensly, is fiercly independent (in thought and action) and lives life a 200km/h with half a dozen balls in the air at the same time. 18 now and things are looking good, but the last 4 years have been very rock and roll (perhaps because he plays in three bands).
Edukator i agree environment is a big part of the challenge including peer groups, not saying any of this is easy
If all else fails...
There's the '**** it' option - some of my Son's mates are very "lucky" if you listen to my Son - they get given nice TV's and consoles, mobile phones or whatever else and are allowed, nay encouraged to hang out in their bedrooms, they can watch thier nonsense all day long if they like as long as you can't hear it downstairs, eat in their rooms and go to sleep when they like. It's piss easy parenting, but if I was being mercenary I'd think it really just sets you up for a hellish time in their teens and frankly it's the lazy option, but if all else fails.
PJ - those are battery children. From my perspective, I'd hesitate to call that approach actual parenting. Those kids are going to have a real tough time learning about life as adults.
v8ninety - Member
Jeez. As a dad to a pair of (so far rather stress free, apparently) four and five year old boys, this thread is both terrifying and enlightening. Mostly terrifying though
True - we only have one (19 months). Looks like the future is going to be interesting!