Hmmm… tricky one. Being presented as fait accompli isn't particularly impressive and so I can understand why you're feeling a little peeved.
Then again, interdependency is a very good thing.
And, as other's have said, bank the credit, just don't forget to take your bike when you go away for the long weekend riding with the boys in the new found Baltic states riding paradise… that and hide the credit card summaries for the following couple of month's 🙂
I'd be delighted if my wife went out for the evening with her pals; I could go out on the bike, come home for a hot shower and a beer then dig out the old pron collection.
Anyway the more she goes out, the more it gives you carte blanche to go out.
If the tables were turned and you had wanted to go to a gig on NYE, what do you think she would have said?
Not sure how I'd feel on this one but then I genuinely think my wife and I would have ruled out a gig on NYE because it's NYE...unless we were both going together
[i]Personally i'd be more upset that she considers the mindless droning that is Gary Barlow to be a form of music, that is totally unforgivable in my opinion but as i've previously been outed on this forum for being an ignorant toss-pot music snob it's not an issue i would ever encounter.
[/i]
I, personally, think you are spot on. (apart from the mindless droning bit, sounds too good to be Barlow). I wouldn't have married someone with such poor musical taste in the first place so no good me imparting any advice to the OP.
Gnar @ Slackalice.
Yes it sounds bad as described, but who knows what you've done?! Also, it could be genuinely not be meant as ignoring your feelings. Just bad judgement, and of course none of us are guilty of that.
Fact is, it's now being discussed and that is what is most important, without a shadow of a doubt.
Plus, remember, coke/hookers/Leeds/31/12/13 😉
I can't believe people are talking about 'scoring points' or banking them! Is that really what it's all about? How crap!
I genuinely have no idea why she would ask you if it's ok, without then discussing why you were against the idea?...
Unless I've missed something through the posts above I truly do not understand why she would put the blame on you.... Unless..... Her concience was trying to tell her something that she wasn't yet ready to tell you. I think you may get an appology +/- reason for this reaction soon....
Hope it ends well btw xx
Ps/edit: I'm not married & therefore not really qualified to give advise!
Just told my wife it's Gary Barlow.
She wants to know where she got tickets from.
Apparently it's going to be on tv...you and the kids can watch it to see if you can spot her.
Are you spending Xmas Day with you wife and kids? Yes. Then be thankful for that and let her enjoy NYE out with her friends it's nothing special.
I've 2 colleagues who are both working Xmas day together so won't be spending it with their kids, just to a perspective on it.
I assume they did not choose to spend xmas day apart though - there is a difference, a big one.
I can't believe people are talking about 'scoring points' or banking them! Is that really what it's all about?
Absolutely! I'd be delighted as that'd be some big points 🙂
You now have a golden coupon. Coupons are nice things to have but GOLDEN coupons are the most sought after. Spend wisely but I'd use it for a riding holiday with the lads.
LOL at Sub Club suggestion. Evidently, it's not lost it's dance and drugs reputation it had in the late 90s. I remember being in their when Francois Kevorkian was doing a set. Some random, stoned Doris came up to me and told me how great he was.....I was a bit, well, Mheh! All he seemed to do was play other people's records...... 😀 Perhaps the drugs were a necessity to appreciate his, errr, genius!
Meanwhile, back on topic, you could of course talk to your misses and tell her how you feel? Radical I know! Ha! Ha! I'll now show my total lack of cred by saying that I reckon Barlow is a pretty damn fine songwriter......jeez! I may need to section myself if I keep this up!
I assume they did not choose to spend xmas day apart though - there is a difference, a big one.
Yes they had no choice which is worse.
She gets a night out to see Gary Barlow, you get a long weekend skiing - simple
I'd be quite happy to see her go off and enjoy herself.
she'll be getting rodded, SWT.
What globalti said. Personally I'd swap the prawn for action movies mrs K doesn't like, but id be doing the same and coming back to a curry followed by a table full of Parma ham, cheese and some XO
Only bit that would annoy me is the being asked then going ahead and doing it anyway. Most of the time I know what the answers going to be, so...
If I'm going to do something like this, I just go ahead and do it. You only get one argument that way rather than two .
If my wife asked me then went ahead and did it despite my not being happy with it , I'd be concerned she had no respect for me nor the relationship.
Saying that, I wouldn't have had a problem with her going in the first place.
TJD gary Barlow.
Yes, I'd mind too.
Mrs Forest does this to me too. She asks if I mind her doing this or that. And I say no, no go ahead I don't mind. Then she's goes and does it and I get very sulky and miffed because she should realise that I didn't mean it. Typical.
You're right to be peeved, but it's not the end of the world is it?
I would overly worry about it, don't let it ruin your Xmas/marriage/life. It's one night, if you trust her, get on with it and let her go. I'd relish sitting there with some days banked watching war films.
Wouldn't doh
Rubbish thing to do, I would feel quite despondent with someone who discussed it then totally disregarded the conversation.
And Gary Barlow . . . Seriously!? To me new years eve is about seeing in the new year with your nearest and dearest.
How old are the kids? If they are too young to really appreciate it get a babysitter organise yourself a decent night out - or if the kids are big enough to get into it find somewhere to go with them - a child friendly party?
Oh sorry, is this a serious question?
Right, you're married, of course you're in the wrong.
"Fair do"s love,after all I am going
out xmas eve"
seems alright to me
ive been married 10 yrs 2 kids
seems a bit of a once in a life time thing - I might feel different if she wanted to do it the following year as well but a one off id be fine about
What do the kids think about it?
Booking a concert on NYE? Fair do's.
Doing it when she knows you don't want her to? Bad form.
I wouldn't have said no if asked.
NYE's not a biggie for us - there's plenty of other dates when family time matters more.
She appears totally to be in the wrong: I should be utterly pissed off in your situation.
I'd be wondering what was wrong with our marriage if MrsJA and I didn't want to spend NYE or any other significant date together...
MrsW also thinks your wife is bang out.
I'd have let her go and banked the lads holiday but whatever. Just make sure you fully cream it.
Still over in west wales?
[i]I'd be wondering what was wrong with our marriage if MrsJA and I didn't want to spend NYE or any other significant date together... [/i]
It's just a day in a year. Means naff all. What's more important is how compromises and agreements are made.
One night?
My wife told me her Mom had given up her job and planned to come and stay with us 3 months of the year. That was their plan.
She arrives in a couple of weeks. Very little discussion. I'll take your one night and swap it for 3 months with the M-i-L.
The night out would never be an issue NYE or not. The asking if you would mind and then doing it I would find hurtful. I don't get the points thing though - surely marriage is as much about give and take as it is about anything...? I can't understand it either when friends or colleagues need to get a 'pass' for a night out.
Wot jam1974 said.
I think the people that don't get the points thing are confusing 'marriage' with 'parenthood..'
To keep things on a humorous and jokey level regarding who gets a bit of respite and when, we operate a (very approximate) tongue in cheek tally system..
Mrs yunki has a very busy social life and training schedule and I spend a lot of my life minding the kids to enable this..
Come summertime, there will be a couple of long weekends when I will be off my tits in a field somewhere soaking up the smells of cut grass, woodsmoke and weed whilst getting my insides rattled by throbbing basslines and tear inducing joyful melodies..
it's a fun system
That aside..
Mrs toounfittoride's **** you attitude would seem to indicate some deeper relationship issues
If I did that, my wife or kids wouldn't speak to me again!
She sounds pretty selfish.
Expect a divorce in future?
Maybe she's bored being a Mum/wife?
If it was the other way round and posted on Mumsnet,there would be the wrath of every woman/Mum for their husband to be castrated.
Take the kids to Disney Land then? With a friend...
I think the people that don't get the points thing are confusing 'marriage' with 'parenthood..'
Not sure I get it still. We just do what we do and neither of us is disadvantaged.
well.. that's very neat and rational.. well done 😀
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I think you both could have done things differently. Going to see Gary Barlow is presumably a nod to her youth; something to remind her she is still something other than a wife and mother. You could have reinforced this need by encouraging her to go and have fun with her old mates. She could have reassured you that your family is central in her life.
Clearly the above is a bit distorted if she's out every weekend with her mates and hasn't spent the last 10 NYE with you. Have you discussed why NYE is so important to you? Maybe being apart for one will bring you closer together?
I think the people that don't get the points thing are confusing 'marriage' with 'parenthood..'Not sure I get it still. We just do what we do and neither of us is disadvantaged.
I agree with Yunki. Call it a points system, whatever, but when you have small kids and limited babysitting offers, it's all about compromise and respect for the other partner. I would feel bad going off on numerous nights out, and bike trips, thus leaving my wife to stay in and look after the kids, if she didn't have the opportunity to do the same.
Cheers Yunki. I think when you love someone not taking the piss with your social life is easy. I think what you say you do is pretty much the same!
