My wife asked me the other day if I would mind if she went to a concert with her friend on new years eve rather than spend it with me & the kids, I said I would mind, (as to me NYE is about another year gone & another year to come with my wife) but she booked it anyway & now it has resulted in me being the unreasonable one, so how would you see the situation?
And yes she knows I'm posting the question on here so please be honest, I'm big enough to [s]say[/s] lie when I'm wrong.
Cheers.
You aren't being unreasonable. You are however, wrong. 😉
Which concert?
good god man if that's not a reason for a whole weekend away bike riding I don't know what is. Possibly even 5 days or a week. Milk it man, milk it.
Male friend?
You've not been married long, have you?
I would be upset if my wife chose to celebrate New Year's Eve with her friends rather than me and I've been married 35 years, and we don't live in each other pockets
TJD gary Barlow.
jekkyl, what about the kids?
C9 no, SL yes I have.
any grandparents or siblings with kids you can celebrate with/ invite over?
It'll be finished by 10pm,Gary needs to be tucked up in bed with his cocoa by 11,she'll be home for first footing,relax.
sounds brilliant to me. This should be enough of a bartering tool for that week in the alps next year -
"Oh but remember new year when you went away...?....? Yup? I'll be booking my week away now then"
🙂
It doesn't start until 10, let alone finish.
Speaking from the POV of someone who really couldn't give a rat's ass for New Year, if my hypothetical SO wanted to go to a concert with her bestest friend, then I wouldn't stop her, because it's not unlikely that I could be in the same situation. Depending on who's gig it is, I might even plead to be allowed to go with! 😀
[edit] Just noticed who it is: I'd be begging to be excluded under any and all circumstances! Use as a bartering tool, got to be worth lots in exchange. Offload the kids onto the GP's, then go out for beers with some mates, relish the opportunity to get shitfaced while she's screaming at GB.
If she was going to book it anyway, why bother asking you first ?
Do you like dance music 2unfit? dump the kids somewhere and get yourself to a sweaty dance club for the evening. NYE is the best night of the year.
And yes she knows I'm posting the question on here
I'd say is the answer. You're both comfortable enough to listen to arguments, so both probably think there are cases for both of your stances. Lucky buggers.
Oh, and Mrs 2U2R: You should have consulted, men have feelings you know.
2U2R: Coke & Hookers, Leeds. Dec 31st. Email in profile.
HTH
Use and abuse the power!!!
You are entitled to be peeved. I would be.
Count Zero is correct..
I save up evenings out for a festival or two in the summer..
Are you a partner or her owner?
What's the big deal with new year? Is it a family tradition that she'll be scuppering? How old are the kids? Will they care? Why?
I'd most definitely be bent out of shape about this, I'd also be surprised if the kids weren't upset about it too.
Book a holiday for you and the kids that leaves on NYE and leave a note 😀
Do the kids have any [s]milfs[/s]lonely single mum's amongst their friend's parents? If so invite them over with their kids for a friendly evening. Make the house reallllly warm. Lots of photos to share with Mrs 2u2r the next day.
I think you have every right to be annoyed. If she asked you how you felt and then just went ahead anyway then that's pretty selfish IMO.
Personally I think NYE is a load of overly sentimentalised bollocks. I'm not sure I'd rather go and see Barlow though.
It would not occur to me to stop a partner going in this particular situation, unless they were doing this constantly to the point of unfairness. Is it a marriage or a prison? She clearly thought you would be ok with it. Now you have done the heavy handed thing and she is (rightly) rebelling.
Make the most of it to ensure you can have a day out on your own or better still, play the decent partner, encourage her to go to her event and arrange a special day out for the 2 of you later in the week/month thats romantic and fun. Also, have some special time with the kids and do a bit of extra bonding with them. Its fun to have a parent just to yourself.
Who would you value the most - the supportive romantic or the sulky 'do what I tell you' person?
Are your kids old enough to go with your wife, if so i'd take up bearnecessities offer.
But yes you are right and wrong. Quantum mechanics isn't it? Multiple states of being.
Poor form on her behalf, very poor form & I wouldn't hesitate to inform her of such.
I'd imagine the kids aren't too amused either....
I wouldn't give a 5h1tt, i'm in bed asleep by 10pm anyway.
Bit like Christmas, total dollocks.
Yes i am the lovechild of the Grinch and Scrooge, but i'll never repent.
As per others, I wouldn't consider it to be a little unreasonable however as the man you are and always will be wrong.
Also as per others, bank it for when you really want a trip away with the boys.
Personally i'd be more upset that she considers the mindless droning that is Gary Barlow to be a form of music, that is totally unforgivable in my opinion but as i've previously been outed on this forum for being an ignorant toss-pot music snob it's not an issue i would ever encounter.
Send her to somewhere decent for New Years Eve, such as the Sub Club in Glasgow, education...education...education, fair enough she may collapse in the door at some point on January the 2nd with a 1000 yard stare and a vacant expression on her face whilst being barely able to walk but at least that'd be caused by the 24hrs+ dancefloor action......and possibly mdma abuse.
That's an awful thing to do, especially if you have young kids.
why don't you go to see the prodigy while she is listening to that wet blanket? you could send the kids to the grandparents and bounce round the O2 until the early hrs. have a wail of a time and still have martial bliss?
I see where your coming from and i would be a little miffed as well. So i would embark on a little revenge shopping and book myself a weekend away somewhere in the summer (you can book it anything between now and the concert for max points usage) if she gets upset say well i was upset about missing out on nye with you so it will give me something to look forward to!
job done, next!
I've be pretty pissed off if my wife did that.
I would be over the moon i did not have to attend with her then i would e-mail somafunk
The real issue is she ignored your feelings about family and put her fun with her friends first. How pissed off you are about this is your call but I do think you have a bit of a point tbh
It all depends on how she plans to make it up to you.
You'd be welcome Junkyard, Andrew Weatherall this New Year, with the usual (cough)after party shenanigans(cough) dragging us well into New Years Day or beyond.
With ecstasy and plenty of wizz I could listen Garry and love it and a few of the mums there to.
If my wife asked me if i minded then when I said yes she did it anyway, I'd be ****ing livid. And she'd know all about it. If she then accused me of being unreasonable the shit would really hit the fan. Simple. but then i know it would never happen.
No way would my wife even consider doing this but yeah I'd be v angry - asking then ignoring is not what marriage is about.
I would ask her if she minded me going to Spain for an MTB holiday with mates and then book it anyway.HTH
toemul - 😛 , personally i'd need either ketamine or a very strong dose of microdots...or possibly both, and a set of noise reduction headphones plugged into my iphone playing decent tunes.
😛Send her to somewhere decent for New Years Eve, such as the Sub Club in Glasgow
Just spat my wine out !!!! LOL 🙂
The fact she asked you then did it anyway isn't great but having the points in the bag is priceless. Can't see your problem.
I'd be a bit peeved. Mainly at the 'asking despite the fact it's already booked' aspect of it. Especially if NYE is particularly important.
But as others have rightly said it does give you permission to book a decent riding trip later in the year. Enjoy!
Just checked with my wife...you're not being unreasonable.
She was a little shocked when I got to the part "she booked it anyway".
Hmmm… tricky one. Being presented as fait accompli isn't particularly impressive and so I can understand why you're feeling a little peeved.
Then again, interdependency is a very good thing.
And, as other's have said, bank the credit, just don't forget to take your bike when you go away for the long weekend riding with the boys in the new found Baltic states riding paradise… that and hide the credit card summaries for the following couple of month's 🙂
I'd be delighted if my wife went out for the evening with her pals; I could go out on the bike, come home for a hot shower and a beer then dig out the old pron collection.
Anyway the more she goes out, the more it gives you carte blanche to go out.
If the tables were turned and you had wanted to go to a gig on NYE, what do you think she would have said?
Not sure how I'd feel on this one but then I genuinely think my wife and I would have ruled out a gig on NYE because it's NYE...unless we were both going together
[i]Personally i'd be more upset that she considers the mindless droning that is Gary Barlow to be a form of music, that is totally unforgivable in my opinion but as i've previously been outed on this forum for being an ignorant toss-pot music snob it's not an issue i would ever encounter.
[/i]
I, personally, think you are spot on. (apart from the mindless droning bit, sounds too good to be Barlow). I wouldn't have married someone with such poor musical taste in the first place so no good me imparting any advice to the OP.
Gnar @ Slackalice.
Yes it sounds bad as described, but who knows what you've done?! Also, it could be genuinely not be meant as ignoring your feelings. Just bad judgement, and of course none of us are guilty of that.
Fact is, it's now being discussed and that is what is most important, without a shadow of a doubt.
Plus, remember, coke/hookers/Leeds/31/12/13 😉
I can't believe people are talking about 'scoring points' or banking them! Is that really what it's all about? How crap!
I genuinely have no idea why she would ask you if it's ok, without then discussing why you were against the idea?...
Unless I've missed something through the posts above I truly do not understand why she would put the blame on you.... Unless..... Her concience was trying to tell her something that she wasn't yet ready to tell you. I think you may get an appology +/- reason for this reaction soon....
Hope it ends well btw xx
Ps/edit: I'm not married & therefore not really qualified to give advise!
Just told my wife it's Gary Barlow.
She wants to know where she got tickets from.
Apparently it's going to be on tv...you and the kids can watch it to see if you can spot her.
Are you spending Xmas Day with you wife and kids? Yes. Then be thankful for that and let her enjoy NYE out with her friends it's nothing special.
I've 2 colleagues who are both working Xmas day together so won't be spending it with their kids, just to a perspective on it.
I assume they did not choose to spend xmas day apart though - there is a difference, a big one.
I can't believe people are talking about 'scoring points' or banking them! Is that really what it's all about?
Absolutely! I'd be delighted as that'd be some big points 🙂
You now have a golden coupon. Coupons are nice things to have but GOLDEN coupons are the most sought after. Spend wisely but I'd use it for a riding holiday with the lads.
LOL at Sub Club suggestion. Evidently, it's not lost it's dance and drugs reputation it had in the late 90s. I remember being in their when Francois Kevorkian was doing a set. Some random, stoned Doris came up to me and told me how great he was.....I was a bit, well, Mheh! All he seemed to do was play other people's records...... 😀 Perhaps the drugs were a necessity to appreciate his, errr, genius!
Meanwhile, back on topic, you could of course talk to your misses and tell her how you feel? Radical I know! Ha! Ha! I'll now show my total lack of cred by saying that I reckon Barlow is a pretty damn fine songwriter......jeez! I may need to section myself if I keep this up!
I assume they did not choose to spend xmas day apart though - there is a difference, a big one.
Yes they had no choice which is worse.
She gets a night out to see Gary Barlow, you get a long weekend skiing - simple
I'd be quite happy to see her go off and enjoy herself.
she'll be getting rodded, SWT.
What globalti said. Personally I'd swap the prawn for action movies mrs K doesn't like, but id be doing the same and coming back to a curry followed by a table full of Parma ham, cheese and some XO
Only bit that would annoy me is the being asked then going ahead and doing it anyway. Most of the time I know what the answers going to be, so...
If I'm going to do something like this, I just go ahead and do it. You only get one argument that way rather than two .
If my wife asked me then went ahead and did it despite my not being happy with it , I'd be concerned she had no respect for me nor the relationship.
Saying that, I wouldn't have had a problem with her going in the first place.
TJD gary Barlow.
Yes, I'd mind too.
Mrs Forest does this to me too. She asks if I mind her doing this or that. And I say no, no go ahead I don't mind. Then she's goes and does it and I get very sulky and miffed because she should realise that I didn't mean it. Typical.
You're right to be peeved, but it's not the end of the world is it?
I would overly worry about it, don't let it ruin your Xmas/marriage/life. It's one night, if you trust her, get on with it and let her go. I'd relish sitting there with some days banked watching war films.
Wouldn't doh
Rubbish thing to do, I would feel quite despondent with someone who discussed it then totally disregarded the conversation.
And Gary Barlow . . . Seriously!? To me new years eve is about seeing in the new year with your nearest and dearest.
How old are the kids? If they are too young to really appreciate it get a babysitter organise yourself a decent night out - or if the kids are big enough to get into it find somewhere to go with them - a child friendly party?
Oh sorry, is this a serious question?
Right, you're married, of course you're in the wrong.
"Fair do"s love,after all I am going
out xmas eve"
seems alright to me
ive been married 10 yrs 2 kids
seems a bit of a once in a life time thing - I might feel different if she wanted to do it the following year as well but a one off id be fine about
What do the kids think about it?
Booking a concert on NYE? Fair do's.
Doing it when she knows you don't want her to? Bad form.
I wouldn't have said no if asked.
NYE's not a biggie for us - there's plenty of other dates when family time matters more.
She appears totally to be in the wrong: I should be utterly pissed off in your situation.
I'd be wondering what was wrong with our marriage if MrsJA and I didn't want to spend NYE or any other significant date together...
MrsW also thinks your wife is bang out.
I'd have let her go and banked the lads holiday but whatever. Just make sure you fully cream it.
Still over in west wales?
[i]I'd be wondering what was wrong with our marriage if MrsJA and I didn't want to spend NYE or any other significant date together... [/i]
It's just a day in a year. Means naff all. What's more important is how compromises and agreements are made.
One night?
My wife told me her Mom had given up her job and planned to come and stay with us 3 months of the year. That was their plan.
She arrives in a couple of weeks. Very little discussion. I'll take your one night and swap it for 3 months with the M-i-L.