[Closed] I'm really not alright

Sh*t! Healing vibes man...

OMG! That's truly awful. Don't know what else to say right now other than my thoughts are with you and his friends/family.

How truly awful - I feel for you. We do our best but sometimes it's just not enough, guess he was determined. Very sad. CPR rate of success is low - you did your best. I'd strongly suggest you get some help X

I don't know what to say, I just feel the need to say something. Really sorry for both the loss of your friend and that you had to witness something so terrible.

I'm really sorry for you mate. Nothing I can say will make you feel better but thoughts to you and his family.

Second what Diane said, when you feel ready get some professional counselling, next to no-one can deal with that alone

That's terrible to hear George..

I doubt there's much anyone can say to take away the pain right now, but please try not to be too hard on yourself..

I've got a fair bit of experience of this sort of thing, and I'm a firm believer that there is something deeper bubbling underneath the surface of any suicide victim..

always here if you need a talk man..

Our neighbour did it the same way, his daughters boyfriend found him.

No idea what goes through their heads...

Deepest sympathies for you

Words can't describe what your going through

Mental illness really is horrible

My thoughts are with you and the family of your friend

That's shit. I can't offer support anyway, but you have my sympathy.

Really sorry for you.

My deepest sympathies, must be thoroughly shit going through that. Is there anyone you can hang out with tonight, just to keep your mind company? Apart from us rabble?

Thoughts also with your friend's family. RIP.

Not nice. Many condolences. Not much more I can say really. To be honest if I was you I'd find a friends house to sleep at or book into a hotel for a couple of nights - Being alone in the house I think anyone would be the same as you and just be staring at the door etc, etc.

Best wishes, Realman.

Please find someone to talk to. You're at university, right? I hope it doesn't sound trite to say that the student support officer will be helpful.

Whatever the case, keep well.

Tomhoward, well put.

Rm, stay strong. Speak to people. People are, generally speaking, good. They will help. As will we, for what little it's worth.

That is shit RM - sorry for you and his loved ones

See if you can find a counselling service - You probably think they're a load of shite but they might just be able to help you organise your thoughts a bit

It isn't your fault

Dreadful situation, but it is not your fault.

Look after yourself and take care

Realman, don't beat youself up. Easier said than done i know, in hindsight we all think we could do more BUT it's impossible to know what was going on in your friends mind. Stay with friends and stay positive.

It isn't your fault

This is correct.

Nothing I can really add to what others have already said - my condolences.

Sorry to hear such tragic news. Sorry for your friend and sorry that you had to be the person to deal with the consequences. You really should try to either be with someone else tonight, it's no time to be by yourself.

thats awful, you should definately speak to someone professional about this

and it definately wasnt your fault

and Id find a new place to live

You need to be with people RealMan, try not to be on your own for at least the next few days. What you have experienced is truly horrendous.

Not a lot to say which could help you at all. Just remember that you will get over it and feel better - probably not all that soon, but at some point. Not that you're likely to ever forget, but the pain will dull. I'd really recommend finding some friends to be with - or maybe even to crash with - I'm sure in your circumstances you'll find you have some good ones, maybe even ones you didn't realise you had. Probably the last thing you want to do, but make some phone calls NOW - I can't believe anybody who's a real friend would object to getting a call from you at the moment.

Having suffered from depression for quite a while, I can kind of see it from your friend's point of view - unfortunately it gets to the point where it's not so much that you're not thinking rationally, but that you believe you are thinking rationally when you're not.

Woah. That's got too be really tough to handle. My deepest sympathies to you.
Like others have said, having people around who you can talk to, is really important right now.
Stay positive.

Ooh, um, errr.

Cripes that's awful.

Stay safe, stay clean and healthy.

Its a horrible thing- Deal with this at work and a good mate did the same last year.
Can only imagine how bad things seem in their heads that that that's the only solution they can see.
But you'll never fully understand it, you just have to try not to feel guilty about it, remember the good times and try to move on.
It ain't easy and its ok to be angry at him. Speak to someone about it, rant or blab about it on here. It'll help a bit, maybe.
Horrible situation for you but you did your best and that's all anyone can do.
Rip.

Shit!.....i have no idea what to say to make you feel any better, christ....to be honest mate nothing i say can make you feel better to be honest but for gods sake don't feel it was up to you to forsee it or consider you should have done something to prevent it- you couldn't have done anything! - allright?.

I was in a similar position many years ago with a friend who suffered from schizophrenia, i tortured myself for years afterwards to no avail., i was out on a cycle run from castle douglas to my home town kirkcudbright, halfway home on the A75 i come across many blue flashing lights and there's a local fireman i recognise flagging me down, i stop and he eventually gets it across to me that one of my friends is up a tree with a rope round his neck and he's hearing voices telling him to jump. I ran across the field to the copse of trees and try to reason with him but he barely recognises me as he's in full flight schizo mode shouting at everything and nothing, he looks at me and mouths 'Im sorry" then jumps and hangs there jerking and convulsing till the fireman can get him down, by this point the blood supply to his brain had been cut off and the damage to throat and spine was extensive, he survived, just......i dunno if it was a blessing that he survived though as he is now severely brain damaged and needs help on a daily basis, he has no function to swallow and needs fed through a tube to his stomach - there's not been a single day that goes by that i do not suddenly come to a complete stop in whatever i'm doing at the time, or wherever i am as i so vividly remember him looking at me, mouthing the words "i'm sorry" and jumping, when it hits me i get so ****ing angry that i'm best left well alone otherwise................i just feel just so ****ing useless for not seeing the problem or considering i may have been able to help him somehow, i knew he had schizophrenia but i thought it was semi-controlled.

I'd like to say you'll get over it but you never will - sorry, it is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life but please consider it is how you carry it that will define you from this moment on. I'm not much help i'm afraid but it has made me a more accepting person with regard to mental health issues, which can only be a good thing, and we still have a laugh every now and then as i know he still recognises me, his eyes give it away.

How truly awful for you. Is there someone you can stay with, to talk it through? I really don't think you should be on your own.

Pastoral care at uni does tend to be excellent so you must approach them for support.

Please take care of yourself.

Grim.

As above, it's not your fault.
Take time to be upset, but don't be angry.
Take time to remember him as your friend, and make time to talk to his relatives about what he meant to you.

It's OK to feel messed up for a while; it's the price we all pay when people we like aren't there anymore.

I'm so, so sorry to hear this.
I can only echo what others have said,ring people, ring them now and get out of the house.

my very deepest sympathies .

I spent last night at my girlfriend's, and I've talked to the uni already, I'm seeing someone tomorrow. They've also provided me with some accommodation so I don't have to stay here. I'm only here at the moment to put some stuff together. I don't mind being here too much, just don't want to sleep here right now.

somafunk... Thank you.

Don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said - keep talking to people, and keep posting on here... I think this place was a bit of comfort to the chap who lost his little baby a few weeks back.

It'll take time, you need to work through it (5 stages of grief etc) don't expect to be fine next week, but as long as you can keep talking, and focus on some positives you'll get through it, and put it in its place.

Oh man. Don't know what to say. Your mate was in a dark place & hopefully the poor chaps now found some peace. You will too, eventually. Probably never fully understand it. You'll probably understand enough to cope enough to accept it. Sorry for the loss of your mate Real Man.

A friend of ours did the same a few years back. His wife said goodbye and popped to the shops and came back to him hanging in the loft.

No note, no signs of depression or money worries.

I really feel for you buddy. Try to be around friends as much as possible and just remember that someone who is really determined to kill themselves will eventually, and there really is nothing that you could have done than you already did.

Like others have said on here, make sure you keep posting if you feel you get comfort and support from the STW crowd.

All the best

I have nothing constructive to add, but.

Please don't blame yourself. It's very easy to go down that road and a) it's bogus and b) nothing good will come of it. Did you have good times together? Then you did your bit.

Friend of mine took his own life out of the blue when I was at university. I have a lot of emotions wrapped up in that. A big one is anger; stupid bastard could have talked to any one of us. Could I have done things differently, perhaps. Is it my fault, absolutely not.

Sorry for your loss. It's a cliche but a truism that time is a healer. The next few days are going to be hell in a handcart, but it will get better. Keep your chin up (and heels down). For what little it's worth, my thoughts are with you. Shitty thing to happen.

Where about s in the world are you RM. I'm sure there's someone on here that would a call in for a coffee or meet you somewhere?
And as everyone has said, you absolutely must talk to someone about it. I've been in exactly your situation sadly, and its a terrible thing to go through. Quite honestly you really mustn't think too much about the CPR. The 999 operator was urging me to try it even though rigor mortis had begun to set in and his pupils were fixed and dilated, but they work from a standard set of scripts, and are not to know that.
It is so sad, but you will survive this. It certainly helped me to talk to people. My little brother was in fact a massive help, as he's a police officer and is involved in this sort of thing quite regularly, and a lot of what he discussed with me helped make sense of quite a few things.
Despite what you will no doubt tell yourself over the next few days there is almost certainly NOTHING that you could have done differently that would have made any difference in the end, either before or during the event.
I recall oscillating between profound sadness that my friend, who was also my father in law, felt so awful that this seemed the only way forward, through to anger towards him for what he had done, and the mess he had left (emotionally) with all the people that were going to miss him so terribly.
I too recall the emptiness in the hours after. Get out. Talk to someone. Anyone.

Awful thing to experience for you.

Look up your local Cruse bereavement service, they can really help you when you feel ready.

Mate so sorry to hear this, its utterly shit, we buried a friends son the other day, same thing.

Good that you have some people around you to help and talk to. Grieving is a very private process and being the person to find him must be traumatic. There are professionals out there that can help and your work and friends can help you too.

Don't be afraid to reach out, even on here there are great professional people and great advice. Look after yourself as best you can and listen to people. Good luck with this and you know everyone here is 100% with you and any help we can give just ask.

As others have said, keep your friends/family/missus around you and hang in there.

So very sorry to hear your news, my thoughts with you and his family.

But please, speak to someone about it.

No idea what to say really except that's a terrible experience to have to go through. Can't see you could have done any more...

I had a friend who was depressed and he just couldn't be reached... didn't want to in a way...it showed me that as a friend there was only so much I could do.

Def keep the dialogue open to friends and the various support networks open to you... make sure you look after yourself.

Realman...

Get out the house, you need to be with family & friends you need to be with REAL people... anyone will do... you are not imposing on them, this is a genuine emergency.

If I could hug you right now I would.. you did your best, you did all you could... your mate couldn't ask for anything more... but please.. get where there are real people who can hold you and wrap you in cotton wool cos thats what you need right now.

If you are in Northumberland or North Tyneside/NCLE then you can come here if you have no one close by.

..

I hope it's not imposing to much to mention that I believe George (Realman) is in Exeter, for those wondering if they were anywhere nearby.

Sorry, RM, that's desperate news. Thoughts and prayers for you, your friend and his family. I have nothing to add on the good advice above, but best wishes - you did what you could, I'm sure.

Really awful news, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Again, I don't have much to add, just remember that it's not your fault and you couldn't have done anything more. Talk to people, stay off the sauce, look after yourself.

Dunno if my words were of any help realman but if at anytime you want to bitch/moan/vent anger through a keyboard then my email address is in my profile, i know what your going through and yeah - you feel like a shit friend at this moment in time, you're swinging from deep sorrow to unbelievable anger and rage in an instant but that's to be expected, don't feel you you need to put a brave face on things as it does not help. I still get really upset over my friend and his actions, even 16yrs afterwards and i had to take myself outside for a walk in the snow and cold night air after i wrote my post earier as it brought it all back clear as the day it happened. I'll never forget it but as the years pass i can deal with it rationally and with personal distance otherwise i'd crack up big style and prob go postal on some poor underserving person.

It will get worse before it's get better, you will learn to live with it but you will never forget it - he was your friend and thus you should never forget it however horrific, make sure it doesn't dictate how you live your life from here on forward, be honest with everyone who asks you how you are feeling - this is very important, do not say "i'm fine", you are not fine - by explaining your thoughts and feelings you will come to terms with it - it does work over time, it took me years.

Best of luck mate.

Condolensces. It will be little consolation, but there was no more you could do. People who are truly determined to take their own lives are, sadly, likely to be succesful. Seek help, and don't feel weak for doing so.

Dreadful, dreadful thing to deal with...

Realman it sounds like you did everything you could. When people are truly suicidal there is not much you can do to stop them - so don't blame yourself. Try and be with people over the next few days rather than on your own in the house. It will be better for you.

Take care,

J

OP - I can't say anything any different than many others have already. My thoughts are with you.

One of my mates at 6th form did the same, didn't get the shock of seeing him dead though.

You'll pull through but things are going to be shit for a while, I'd suggest you spend some time with your family if you can. Or go riding.

Apply for mitigating circumstances to put your uni deadlines back and retake your exams in the summer because it WILL effect your grades.

Go easy on yourself fella and dont try to make any sense of it as sadly you wont. Remember the person and what made them who they are to you.

My thoughts are with you and your friends family at this difficult time and I hope you are able to find some resolution soon 🙂

Don't be alone, use your support network and take any help that is offered to you. Awful situation you found yourself in, not your fault.

Just read this and my heart just sank.

its not that long ago i lost my son and had to do the CPR thing (it's not nice so understand what you been through there)

I'm still getting to grips with it all really myself but all i can suggest is that i found it so much better talking on this site (the support is overwhelming good and the people are just amazing)
If you can try and post/talk etc... dont bottle it up

If you need a chat mate or anything let me know.. more than happy to give ya a call...

Will be hard over the next few weeks but try and keep your Chin up stay positive and dont blame yourself!!!

thoughts are with you

This brought back some very bad memories.

The same thing happened to me - On April 26, it will be four years ago since I had to cut Andy's body down - But, the memory's still 'raw'.

You will experience an absolute roller coaster of emotions from very upset to incredibly angry. - This is normal.

It's an awful position to be in - the constant questioning and beating yourself up wondering if you'd missed something, however small.

One of the posters above mentioned you being linked with University ? - If this is the case, I'm guessing they'll have someone professional trained to help you with this kind of situation - Use them !

Most blokes initial reaction at the thought of seeking help is to feel that they're somehow weak - Get rid of that thought right now !

Go and speak to someone as it will be a good way to offload & It's good to have someone more professional keeping their eye on you other than just well meaning friends.

Your friend will have left a sudden and very painful hole in peoples lives - It's the ones he's left behind who need help.

If you do want to offload to a complete stranger - email's in the profile.

Very best and sincere wishes.
Chris

Thoughts are with you bud.

We went through this a few years ago, the life an soul of the party decided he didn't want to be around anymore. A big group of mates went to bits that day. A bit of advice for further down the line is to organise some kind of event, maybe close to his birthday. We have a golf day, raise some money for charity. His family are involved and I think over the years it has helped them, as well as us.

And keep posting on here, it will help.

Nothing to add to the great advice already give.
Thoughts are with you chap, look after yourself.

Shit. That's a terrible situation to be in, but it sounds like you did everything you could think of for your mate. Please don't blame yourself.

I know talking to someone about this might seems a bit wrong, but do consider it. And take care of yourself.

What an appalling experience to go through. My heart goes out to you.

I went through this twenty years ago and that involved two people who were strangers to me, one of them died, one survived. When it's a friend it must be immeasurably worse.
I remember I later got a certificate of commendation from the Chief Constable, in recognition of my actions, but I tore it up and burnt it - I didn't need any more reminders of that day.
My thoughts are with you and your friend - in my life I've seen it from both sides and either way it's a bastard of a thing.
Stay strong, talk to people, swear at them, cry, whatever it takes to get you through.

Thoughts are with you mate, and deepest condolences to both you and the family.

TALK to people. Do not go into yourself, talk to friends, us, anyone who will listen. Get your feelings out of youself and into the open where they can be rationalised.

Stay strong mate.

Try not to take comfort in solitude, not yet. You can try to figure it all out later, accept any offers of company and see if the police can put you in touch with someone who can help.

All the best.

Realman, I hope you are getting support. A very difficult thing to have to deal with. Just keep busy it does help and please try not to ever blame yourself or spend too much time alone.
Condolences

Not sure if this will help, possibly. I have been close to being that person wanting to end things. All I can say is this - talk. Talk some more. When I'm out of my lows it really does help to talk and grab a bit of perspective. Force yourself outside on the bike, go for a walk, emmerse yourself in normal things. It's not your fault, not one bit. You did your very best for him and that's all a friend would ever want.

Take care.

I hope things get better for you Realman. If it helps, it sounds like you did everything right and you shouldn't feel any guilt. I know that you will, but you shouldn't.

When our friend Chris was killed in the Glencoe avalanche it helped me talking to my friends. We were all over the country but spoke on the phone and saw each other regularly after the accident, and this really eased the pain. There will be other friends who are grieving and while their experience is obviously different to yours speaking to them WILL help, even if it's not about what happened.

It sounds like you could do with some professional help too, but it sounds like you're getting that.

This is not your fault in any way realman, if he wanted to do it so much, he'd have done it regardless of what you did. You did absolutely everything you could do and you should take comfort in that fact.

Really sorry to hear that, as has been said, be with people and talk, not for your friend as he is at peace now, but for you.
I had a workmate take his own life 20 years ago, I dropped him off at home laughing and joking, said see you in the morning, he laughed and replied dont be late....
I never saw him alive again
Got home and my cousin who I was living with was really late home and annoyed as "some selfish ba$tard" in his words had chucked themselves in front of a train

Was on time(for once) the next morning as I pulled up outside Lee`s house...... Beeped the horn, nothing, waited, beeped again and his dad came out, said Lee wouldnt be in and who did he need to talk to at work.

I found out from work later that day, that Lee had stepped in front of a train the night before...... the same train my cousin had been on.

It destroyed his family, his mum never got over it, but he had planned it for quite a while, he`d been down there with someone else and mentioned in passing that this would be a good place to top yourself if you ever wanted too. Chris never thought anything of it at the time but beat himself up about it for ages afterwards, could he have done anything ? should he have picked up on that comment ? etc

Lee sadly didnt want to be around anymore, he kept everyone out of his decision to take his own life, but the fallout with those left behind was huge......

So very sad for your loss

oh dear mate, I'd like to put an arm around your shoulder and tell you it'll be alright. The human soul weeps whenever we hear of another's suffering.
if it were me I'd get some beers in or a few bottles of wine, get blotto'd for a few nights, play music loud and cry it out of yourself.

Realman,
Guessing a few of us here are wondering how you're getting on ?

Chris

So very sorry that you've had to go through this at such a young age.

As others have said, you did everything you possibly could and there cannot be anything to blame yourself about.

Depression is a terrible thing and you mustn't find yourself going through it too. Go and get some help.

Bunnyhop x

".....he's seemed fine recently"
Sadly, this is when you * really * need to keep an eye on the buggers.
The days before I last took a bottle of sleeping and anti dep. pils were the calmest of my adult life.
It is very sad and I'm sure you'll be running the full gauntlet of emotions as God only knows will his family if they cared about him but try not hate him for what he's done.

My condolences and sympathies to you and his family. A terribly tragic and harrowing thing to go through. I wish you the very best.

It is a tough thing to go through and no doubt there will be times when you think you'll be haunted by it for the rest of your life, which in itself is a terrible thing to consider but I can assure you that those feelings will pass, and while you will never forget it will soon get much better. If you do need someone to chat to in confidence or just email then please get in touch with me. I'm a clinical psychologist and sadly my work has meant I have experienced the very same sort of events that you have. I will only be too glad to lend an ear and help to make sense of things for you.

Best wishes.

Oh man - all the best.

It definitely wasn't your fault - remember that above all else.

Sorry to hear about this . Hope you are keeping your chin up and have contacted the Uni to see about some councilling. Horrible thing to experience , for anybody at any age.
I think the funeral will be very difficult . If he has family nearby it may well be worth visiting or ringing them beforehand.
Take it one day at a time , and if people ask if you are OK , then dont be afraid to say "no , not really I could use a chat and a coffee"

I would consider moving house as well

🙁

Thoughts with you dude and your mates family.

Don't really know what to offer, but I will tell all the people around me that I'm always there for them, Like you said in the first post.

That's terrible Realman. I had to read the first bit twice to make sure it said what it said. So very sorry it did. Can't begin to imagine the mental processes.
For yourself and everyone involved nothing but deepest sympathies.

Deepest sympathies, look after yourself.

Nothing useful to add except my sympathies and best wishes to you realman

Realman, thanks for posting this up,it just possibly it may help just one person who is so depressed and so unable to talk to a freind or complete stanger it may well save their life just by simply getting the courage to ask for help or to just have a chat.

We can only imagine what youre going through at the present time, and to you it must be hundreds of times worse, but please chat and talk to someone, sometimes total strangers are the best, proffesionals or people on chat forums reason being because we all care and will listen.

Finally condolances to yourself for the loss of a freind and to his family and feinds also .

RIP.