You're missing a trick here. If she checks your emails etc, that saves you a job. Just keep asking her if you have any new emails - she'll soon get sick of it.
yes we've had a couple of counselling sessions though I've not found them particularly useful. I fear the flame may simply have been extinguished 😥
Interesting, greedo joined today and this is first post? 🙄
Are we carrying out social experiments on here again?
Interesting, greedo joined today and this is first post?
Are we carrying out social experiments on here again?
See above, forum regular posting under an alt. Just because.
I am very ashamed of this but, in a previous relationship, I was inclined to sneak a peak at texts etc. I always felt insecure for reasons I don't really understand. I guess he was rather distant and seemed uninterested a lot of the time. I'm not aware he was ever dishonest and equally I never was. It just wasn't right. Current relationship is entirely different. He has lots of friends, male and female and socialises all the tme. He's also a photographer and regularly takes pictures of gorgeous women (and men) clothed and not. It would never ever occur to me to check up on him.
She is insecure of your previous fail.
Let her read till she stops.
You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.
Read her mail?
Perhaps its a bluff on her part to divert attention from her activities??
[i]You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.[/i]
my wife always puts a new loo roll on the hanger with the sheets coming off on the wall side.
I always turn it around.
We've never discussed it.
It's good that after 17 years of marriage there's still some mystery in our lives 😉
You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.
I got home last night to find the missus sitting crying in the dark. I hate to see her upset, but at least I knew it wasn't me who'd done it this time. I've not been home since last last Friday
LMAO @ Binners 🙂
See above, forum regular posting under an alt. Just because.
Because your wife knows your real forum name and checks that too?
or he doesn't want his mates knowing?
my girlfriend and i know each others email passwords, we don't read each others emails though. she would be *really* interested on planet X's latest carbon wheel sale and the fact that CRC are selling off purple BMXs and XXXXL windproof cheap 😉
thing is if you want to cheat & get away with it you will (at least for a bit), so you have to trust people not to.
Binners, unless she was crying because you came back...
My missus went through my entire inbox and facebook page soon after we met.
I think my suitably ape-shit reaction nipped that one in the bud, allong with a full set of new passwords.
thing is if you want to cheat & get away with it you will (at least for a bit), so you have to trust people not to.
Yup. She must know that this won't work if he really is cheating. It's not about trust, it's about control.
Mine does this from time to time and I've nothing to hide but I do like a good slag off to the mates ( bloody missus is a cow and wont let me go riding/climbing/buying stuff i dont need...kind of stuff) so she can get a bit aggrieved about this. so it can be a bad idea just for this reason
I think that it's something that snowballs. Someone will start to read another persons emails out of insecurity. But rather than quenching that thirst, it just grows, and so every opportunity they will be checking up.
Amusingly I installed the tracking software on my partners phone, in case she lost it. She constantly leaves her phone on silent, and the tracking software will allow you to login and make the alarm go off ... and locate the phone. Because the phone is always on silent, there have been times when she is due home from work, that I've tried to call and fine out what time she's due back, but to no avail. So I logon to the tracking, can see that she's enroute, and put the kettle on for her return!
She has access to my tablet and phone, and will use those devices. I don't think she has ever snooped on my mail. Most of it is boring stuff, but some of it is conversations with female friends, including former partners. They'd probably make her jealous, and no doubt lead to questions ... but from my perspective, there is no intention to cheat ever. I have a motto: "If you aint happy, then get it sorted before you look for something new".
Send [url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/if-youve-got-nothing-to-hide-then-why-do-you-care-if-i-read-your-emails ]this[/url] to your own email with "RE: The other night was amazing" in the subject line.
The problem will either go away or she'll come talk to you about it 🙂
I'm just thinking of any upsides to this. I presume she now knows what specific types of porn you're into.
Has that helped things at all?
We read eachothers messages/FB/twitter/post or whatever. We are pretty open about everything though and I know a lot of other couples who haven't ever gotten into doing this. Not sure why we do it, just always have done. I'd think it was a bit odd now if he suddenly decided I shouldn't and vice versa. The only time it bugs me is if a friend texts, he reads it before me then forgets to tell me until about three days later. Anyway, that's just us. If it makes you/her uncomfortable then you have some issues to sort out.
Its actually a form of domestic abuse to read a partners mails, and make demands on them to know where they are at all times etc.
Sadly it seems there are quite a few women out there that do a lot of this sort of thing, then expect roses.
Sadly it seems there are quite a few [s]women[/s] people out there that do a lot of this sort of thing
FTFY.
Does no one on here have Outlook or another client and just have both accounts loading into a combined inbox?! We both see everything whether we like it or not! For gifts/surprises we just use work email accounts.
She doesn't trust you because she is clearly capable of not deserving trust herself - why else does she passcode her phone?
Not too sure how I'd react in your position OP but I certainly wouldn't be able to put up with this kind of behaviour.She has a passcode set up on her iphone
Do you love her enough to either deal with this or keep putting up with it? If so then sounds like relate or something would be a good idea, or bring it all to a head and put a stop to it. If not then this must surely be the tip of the iceberg and perhaps you should get out.
Do you have kids? This would obviously complicate things enormously.
Seriously pussywhipped. Seriously. Strap on a pair.
The only time it bugs me is if a friend texts, he reads it before me then forgets to tell me until about three days later.
I assume you mean one of your friends sends a text to your phone, he reads it, removing the 'new message' notification and doesn't tell you "Sarah sent you a text btw"? That's reasonable enough, like taking a phone message and not passing it on.
If you mean someone texts him and he doesn't tell you so you get annoyed about it then that's weird! But I don't think that's what you're saying.
Why do you let her out of the kitchen long enough to read your emails?
As above, grow a pair and tell her to get the heck out of your emails etc...
My wife and I just use the same email account for everything.
Although, granted, I wouldn't know if she had a 'secret' account.
The shared account thing can go wrong on received emails, though. A mate of mine was going on a stag-do, but the best man emailed everyone (even though their email account was obviously named as a joint account) and announced that one of the major selling points of the chosen location was that punters in the lap-dancing clubs were allowed to (apologies for direct quote) "touch the slags".
Minus one on the attendees list after that little nugget!
[i]my wife always puts a new loo roll on the hanger with the sheets coming off on the wall side.
I always turn it around.
We've never discussed it.
It's good that after 17 years of marriage there's still some mystery in our lives
[/i]
your wife is correct, you are wrong, just fyi 🙂
blimey, first post on here in some considerable time and it is about which way a bog roll should face 😀
Mrs Toast - MemberSadly it seems there are quite a few women people out there that do a lot of this sort of thing
FTFY.
I stand corrected.
craigf, you are very wrong.
craigf: any suggestion that toilet roll should hang near the wall is just perverse. You are a sick man.
I assume you mean one of your friends sends a text to your phone, he reads it, removing the 'new message' notification and doesn't tell you "Sarah sent you a text btw"? That's reasonable enough, like taking a phone message and not passing it on.
This is what I meant! Not the other way round
I would suggest Relate pronto, even if you have to instigate it yourself. Issues like this can not be left unresolved and will always be there in the background, quietly chipping away.
Trust is an extremely emotive word that can be applied to all sorts of scenarios and contexts.
Can we all honestly put up our hands and say we've never hidden bikey purchases from our partner?
Good luck with it and just remember the hardest option is to face up to this and deal with it. It is the right thing to do.
I feel for both you and your wife.
On one hand, you shouldn't have your privacy "unnecessarily" invaded (even if it is your wife) on the basis that she's checking up on you
However, I really feel for your wife too. I can't imagine ever feeling the need to check someone i loved's email. There must be something really screwing with her head to cross that line.
As other have mentioned...Relate. Or just talk.
That said, I would be inclined to put an ad in gumtree for an xbox 360 with 50 games for £49. That should at least keep her busy in the run up to xmas 🙂
if my wife did this I'd have a good laugh about it and then subscribe to some developer mailing lists. She'd lose interest pretty quickly. She wouldn't do it though, we trust each other see.
I struggle with long sentences
Rule i have is you can read all my e-mail and check my phone and open my letters if you wish
if you think i am ever going to let it lie after you have done this then you are very wrong
TBH only a sad paranoid control freak or an insecure fool does this
Everyone needs some privacy but it does not mean you have anything to hide
PS go into the bathroom when she wants a shit - she may understand the point then
OK, apologies. You've had counselling so was any of it helpful? Or did the counsellor not ask pertinent questions? Presumably you can go back for more sessions and with a different counsellor, if necessary?
At the end of the day, if you have kids then you both have to give it your best shot.
My wife and I just use the same email account for everything.
I do find shared accounts weird! I know 3 couples who have shared accounts but no individual accounts (to my knowledge). One of the couples even have a shared Facebook account. The account is in his name but you can tell who posts (His spelling and grammar is awful). I just don't get it!
The same with shared email accounts. How do you order Christmas/birthday presents etc? Do you delete the confirmation email before your other half sees it?
Counselling still underway. I'll bring this up at the next one & see how it goes. Thanks for the advice everyone (mostly 🙂 )
Toilet roll next to the wall, ffs you sickos
Toilet-roll-against-the-wall proponents are, in essence, Jimmy Saville sympathisers. I hate to say it.
OP - I'd definitely be asking why she has a passcode on her phone, either it's open between you or not.
+1 on joint email/Facebook accounts being weird, unless as an RSVP for a wedding or something
I have the ability to check up on everything my GF does, but never feel the need. She very occasionally casually thumbs through my text messages, which doesn't bother me as I'm not doing anything sinister. That said I didn't text my ex to wish her a happy birthday yesterday in part because I couldn't be bothered to explain to the GF why I was still doing that after 6 years.
If they have kids she's probably used to having no privacy on the potty.PS go into the bathroom when she wants a shit - she may understand the point then
Toilet wall next to the wall. I've heard a lot of crazy stuff in my time and I'm quite opened minded but seriously WTF is wrong with some people I feel dirty even thinking about it.
I struggle with long sentences but your wife reading your emails is plain wrong its smacks of serious trust issues in your relationship.
I have absolutely nothing to hide from wife but I would still be pissed off if she thought it was okay to just go through my emails
