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I’m on board with this. Feels especially relevant as today at work I fitted a bolt with a sledgehammer.
Going slightly Apprentice ish babble crap.
'Let's not use a screw when a nail will do' - Going OTT
'Don't hammer the screw in' - Cutting corners doesn't work
'It's time to put the screws in' - Seal the deal
'Stop hammering the screw' - You're making loads of noise and still doing it wrong.
You have put the name in, the job is done.
You don't need to go and try to screen them in well, that is unnecessary and pointless wasted effort
You can't screw a nail in...... thats surely the point: it doesn't work, the nail isn't threaded and doesn't have a screw head on it.
If you try, you'll get nowhere, because:
A) you are using the wrong tool
B) you are trying to apply a higher standard than has been specified/is necessary
I suggest updating the bullshit to "lets not try to screw the nails in" - which then makes perfect sense.
As the pig walks
Yes!
I suggest updating the bullshit to “lets not try to screw the nails in” – which then makes perfect sense.
You lot are beyond help.
The bullshit is exactly that because it doesn't make any sense. See ringfencing unicorns, what does that even mean?
Lets build this boat and see if it flies!
I always liked "let's think outside the box and close the lid"
what does that even mean?
You're too late if you want any sense - that cat licked its paws and left a long time ago and now nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus.
[i]nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus.[/]
I once heard "That project has hedge hogged and no-one wants to pick it up now"
thats surely the point: it doesn’t work, the nail isn’t threaded and doesn’t have a screw head on it
I remember those meetings, where there was always someone who took examples literally and felt like they had to explain the obvious. Always one capybara soiling the landfill.
“That project has hedge hogged and no-one wants to pick it up now”
I quite like that….. will use it tomorrow
Surely "Don't screw down the nails!" Could me don't do something that superficially looks like the right thing to do, but if you thought about it for a second, as actually useless. See for a great example, Sunak's announcement of the day of a rebate, which isn't a rebate, but a loan.
This is an attempt to create a bolloquialism.
You lot are beyond help.
It's funny isn't it. So many people missing the point completely, and trying to be cool while lecturing us about DIY. 😀
As the pig walks
Yes!
NO! Pigs don't walk, they fly. You ever seen a pig out for a walk? If you did, it was a nude sheep!
Now stop messing around and get these pigs off the ground. (A phrase used by the US Marines in Korea!)
It’s funny isn’t it. So many people missing the point completely, and trying to be cool while lecturing us about DIY. 😀
As someone that doesn't work in 'business', I'm wondering - is it just some nationwide in-joke to say stupid things that make one sound like a moron? Does everyone just assume everyone else is doing it ironically? Was Trump, in fact, writing sarcastically when he used 'unpresidented' or 'cocked & loaded'? I don't believe so, but perhaps I need to be whoosh parroted?
The more sophisticated examples are things that sound superficially correct, but given a second's thought it becomes clear that the user is well-aware of the usage and is trolling. Otherwise the recipient is always going to be unsure whether the person they're talking to is playfully trolling them or just an idiot.
little relevance to Q, but im going to steal a term form the energy thread - "tech Unicorn" ..
We did a course about report writing and the like (John Moon - look him up - Clarity and Impact) and it made a massive difference to the whole department - so much so, everyone in the business loved the clear and concise reports that didn't waffle and use 'fancy business bullshoot'. Win win.
As someone that doesn’t work in ‘business’, I’m wondering – is it just some nationwide in-joke to say stupid things that make one sound like a moron?
No, it's just generally moronic.
As soon as you start interacting with fannies who graduated with a business administration degree it's just torture. Scott Adams may be wrong about a lot of things but he was spot on with Dilbert.
It is not just business types.
Engineers 'fabricate' a bracket rather than just make the bracket, wood workers use CA glue as a temporary fix while I just use superglue.
You need some 'specialist' terms and expressions to show your value. It is just Business people have more time on their hands and need to prove their value more
Does 'fabricate' not have a specific meaning beyond simply 'make'? (I've no idea)
Business Bullshit Buzzword Bingo aside, there is a tendency I think for people to just assume that everyone else knows their industry. We have regular company update webinars (sorry, I'm doing it now) and I probably understand about half of it. I'm sure an 'ebbit dah' is important to someone but I haven't got a clue, sounds like a Welshman to me. Seemingly some numbers have got bigger and some others have got smaller. Is that good, then?
And of course, people in glass houses and all that. Technology disciplines do so love a good TLA.
It is not just business types.
Definitely not just business types - try some architect speak:
[url= https://www.building.co.uk/construction-issues/how-to-speak-architect/5065244.article ]In a Nietzschean manner, La Villette moves towards interpretative infinity, for the effect of refusing fixity is not insignificance but semantic plurality.[/url]
Definitely not just business types – try some architect speak
Good point. And don't get me started on academics, jesus. 'Context-free grammar' indeed.
https://pdos.csail.mit.edu/archive/scigen/
Already been done
"6. Lay down Your Decking Boards
Once the frame is finished, you just need to attach the decking boards to the frame. It is recommended to use two screws per joist in the frame. Make sure to leave a space of around 1/4 inch between the boards for water to flow down. It is recommended to get your hands on a high quality impact driver to screw down the nails..."
Business people have more time on their hands
Generalisation!
Where I work people are forever going on journeys to deliver things yet never leave the office. Customer journeys, delivering projects etc. Might be me but just sounds wrong. I think it’s a way to attempt to make extremely boring shit sound exciting, like when we used to surf the web. I have a mistrust of people that can’t talk plainly. Think it’s because I’m simple.
I’m going to try and get screw down the nails and nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus in to meetings over the next week. I’d also like to volunteer to pick up the hedgehog. They’re ace
I’d also like to volunteer to pick up roll the hedgehog in clay and bake it. They’re ace for travel snacks
Engineers ‘fabricate’ a bracket rather than just make the bracket
In engineering workshop terms ‘make’ is not specific enough, it could encompass assembling from parts, or it could mean physically cutting/forming sheets, turning metal etc. ‘Fabricate’ means the latter, ‘assemble’ the former.
I’d also like to volunteer to pick up roll the hedgehog in clay and bake it. They’re ace for travel snacks
Moved on from squirrels then? 😉