theotherjonv - Member
I'm not religious either but I don't think the heaven option for very young children is such a bad option. It's a perfectly viable alternative that gives millions comfort at times like this.
Except that small kids don't need reassurance about death, they are asking for the truth.
See this:
5thElefant - Member
Kids have no problem at all with death. It's adult that do.
I agree - it's you (theotherjonv) who was trying to soften the blow by introducing heaven.
It's got nothing to do with making me feel better, I'm just not making their decisions for them and waiting until they are old enough to make the judgement themself.
Whatever your beliefs, telling your children there is no heaven just because you don't believe in it is as wrong as making them believe in it because you do. For now as a concept (a place in our imagination where we can remember people rather than a physical place just above the clouds) it is just fine. The fact it's called heaven is a convenience, but bringing children up in a Christian country and at a CoE school, it's the mainstream opinion and in that respect; yes, it's easier to go with the flow until they are old enough to understand that it's a choice they have to decide on.
Having read some of the other posts though - death is far worse for the people left behind so if it gives comfort at this time to those people, OK. But I do like the answer - can you remember what it was like before you were born..... and may well use that when that question arises.
One other comment; in respect of just like falling asleep or even if you euthanase a pet 'putting to sleep' are definite avoid phrases. One of my wife's friends had the tragic situation where she was awoken by her then 3yo coming in to them as he often did in the morning but today complaining that he couldn't wake Daddy up. Daddy had had SDS in the night. A well meaning relative told the boy he'd fallen into a deep sleep that he wouldn't wake up from - the child is 7 now and still has panic attacks frequently at bedtime in case he too falls into too deep a sleep
Whatever your beliefs, telling your children there is no heaven just because you don't believe in it is as wrong as making them believe in it because you do.
You can believe in heaven, but you can't 'not believe'. If something doesn't exist it doesn't exist. No belief needed. Belief is only needed for fiction.
Balls. No-one's proved to me either way. Therefore I can be extremely sceptical that there is actually a place called heaven [as opposed to a concept], but until it's proven one way or another I can say i don't believe there is [i]but I don't know for sure[/i]
Heaven as a concept does exist - because there's enough people that believe it to make that so.
Same as Father Christmas. I don't believe in him either but to my daughters he is as real as you and me.
"Not believing in x" and "thinking (or even knowing) people who believe in x are wrong" are so close to being the same thing that the semantics are pretty much indistinguishable.
Try explaining that to a small child.
"Not believing in x" and "thinking (or even knowing) people who believe in x are wrong" are so close to being the same thing that the semantics are pretty much indistinguishable.
I disagree.
"all the families she knows are the traditional two parents and 2 kids model so she knows something is missing"
What the hell are you on about? What is missing?
My Dad died when I was 25(7yrs before I had kids) and 4 yrs before me and MrFC had kids.
Our kids did not ask about dead relatives..in my experience it's not what kids do.
It's a perfectly viable alternative that gives millions comfort at times like this. When they are older then they will make their own decisions. Forcing your beliefs either way is a bad thing and telling them heaven doesn't exist is just as bad or even worse imho. So as far as my two were told, my wife's Dad died and went to heaven before they were born.
If you tell your child anything other than I dont know you are giving her a belief to start of with so it is an argument that can be used against you. You also told her something you dont personally believe. I dont see how this has helped them find their own truth tbh.
No-one's proved to me either way. Therefore I can be extremely sceptical that there is actually a place called heaven [as opposed to a concept], but until it's proven one way or another I can say i don't believe there is but I don't know for sure
you can say that for a multitude of silly suggestions [ in fact anything untrue ] as you cannot prove an negative. you cant prove invisible fairies dont exist etc. It is far more sensible to speak of what you can prove* rather than what you cannot prove to be untrue as that is a very long list. As father christams shows tell your kid a lie and they will believe it
* I mean this in the sense a lay person says proof.