[Closed] How often should you see a new person at the start of a relationship?

I wouldnt go out with him/non-starter for me based on the above.

he sounds like a total psyco

run ... run away

Accept, but say you want to keep it less intense to start with. Perhaps that's why the relationships broke up: too much, too soon.

If he won't accept a gentle start, that's his problem.

If he's looking for a marathon, he shouldn't start with a sprint

Setting out rules before he is even in the relationship - stay well away!!!!

I would say twice a week max, only more if you both very quickly decide you want to see each other more.

So - how many dates before Yellow Pages?

😉

If I were you, I'd clear the kitchen of any saucepans big enough to fit a bunny in.

run away

Sounds like he's just a bit too fixed on his ideas. I always thought that you just see each other as much as you want to.

FWIW, when my wife and I started going out, we saw eachother pretty much every day almost right from the start but that just felt right really, it wasn't exactly a chore (thought it was quite different to what either of us had done in the past so I guess that it was clearly just right 🙂 )

He's just being honest about how he likes relationships to be. You dont think the same way. Walk away. Personally I think it's thinking too much, I'd just take each day as it comes and go with my gut, rather than thinking things over all the time.

I find all this overwhelming and way to full on, so I am going to turn him down

I think you have answered this already, if you are having any doubts at all leave well alone. Your first instincts are usually right. 😉

Why not ask for a bit of role-play. Sounds like he'd go for that. Then ask if you can jump straight to the "married for 10 years with 2 kids" phase of your relationship.

Then he could get his wish: to see you every night. But you'd sit, sullen and exhausted, ignoring each other. Never a word passing between you. You'd probably manage a meal once a year. And best of all: you wouldn't have to have sex with him!

Do I sound bitter?

Do I sound bitter?

that's a very sad story 🙁

Nevermind the 'rules'/discussing freqency so early- part of the magic is the unknown/getting to know- where you learn if you are both on the same wavelength.

Then, there is the talk of previous girlfriends. I would never talk to my new girlfriend about ANY previous girlfriends. Why should I? If I started seeing a girl and she told me about her previous boyfriends I'd politely inform her that its not a starter.

I dont think theres any synergy (again based on your first/limited info).

All the best. BTW, might I say Im devilishly dirty and a real dab hand with flash grenades?

He'd make a perfect partner for Autolec's ex.

he sounds weak, controlling, insecure, and emotionally retarded

but then you knew that already, what with him being male

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cashew nuts ?

Sounds an odd approach to me. But hey. (And chuckling at binners. 😀 )

It took you 10 years to get that stage Binners? You did well.

OP. Honestly, if it was me in a new relationship again, I'd see how it goes. I most certainly wouldnt tell her in a Teutonic style what I'd expect from her.

[img] [/img]

What next? As you are approaching orgasm he says to you 'Mandy, one of my ex's would have come twice as loud by now'.

I'd rate that a 9/10 on the potential stalk-o-metre!

to OP - 'Pull up Pull up' - in best wartime aviator mode

to Mr Binners true - so true ! - I've being doing that phase for a while - what's next ?

Err its been almost 20yrs with me. GF tried to hen peck me recently. The good thing is when you point something out she realises and adjusts. Wish I was the same! 😀

Well, I appreciate the guy was upfront about his hopes/expectations as thats more useful than not being clear and I dont really think people should have to hide thier past (I would rather know), but I feel better from reading these answers that its not just me who thinks he is a bit overwhelming.

He's given you all this information and instruction before even going out with you once?

Weirdo.

Presumably he's really [b]hot[/b] or the question would not have been asked ?

He has probably been 'seeing you' for months already.

Check for Bin Ninjas!

I dont think he was giving instructions, just chatting about his past. We were introduced in an odd sort of way so have only spoken by phone. No matter anyway, as I find this way too over the top. I am not going to date him.

Is he a fellow cyclist? No offence guys but some cyclists are quite disfunctional/inept with girls.

I find all this overwhelming and way to full on,

And probably why he is still single. He sounds like one of my mates waaay too clingy.

FWIW Me and my wife worked together when we first got together (thats how and where we got together) so we saw each other daily at work. I also went round to hers most evenings where we would just sit, chill and get to know each other. We probably spent about 5 evenings a week together but it wasn't planned or rigid and pretty relaxed. We both wanted to see each other and it wasn't expected by one and not the other but hoped for by both.

Personally,I've always treated a first date as a gentle introduction to someone,no fixed ideas about the future,some have been intense and led to quickly developing relationships,where you see alot of each other,some haven't,but it's a lttle worrrying that he has such fixed ideas before the first date,I'd be uncomfortable with a person like that.
Ian

midnight, if you are local I could pop round and give you some helpful advice?

I've never heard it called that before Hora.
Ian

Tell him it's fine and you'll see him every day, but only if you can take your 14" strapon each time 👿 😆

No, not a cyclist. I guess he is lonely and so am I, so I cant critisim him for feeling alone and wanting to change it. But I am used to spending lots of time on my own and the thought of suddenly having no space at all and being overwhelmed by enthusiasm... it scares me I guess. I dont see I could (or want!) to fulfil that kind of hope/expectation. He sounds a nice enough bloke - just way too overwhelming. I am not great at romantic encounters myself, so I am not condemming him - I just think it is not what I want. Its already too big a deal.

The previous person who asked me out raised a lot of similar fears in me as he dated anyone at all - internet, personal columns, blind dates all one after the other in a frantic rush - it seemed so indiscrimante that it felt very impersonal that he was interested in me. It was the same sort of 'I want someone with me all the time' feel to it. Maybe they mistake me for the same type, which I am not.

Being lonely is bad news, fix that first. It makes you needy and more likely to get into unsatisfactory relationships.

When I first got together with my wife, we saw each other pretty much every day, but that's because we were at school and they got really knarky if you didn't go in.

SFB's right. I like you SFB. Well your photograph, love of girls bums and sometime-Sage words.

Midnighthour I think you need to assert your feelings abit more about your space and what you like in a relationship otherwise you'll end up compromising.

and Parsley too I hope ?

I have lots of fresh Parsley present in last nights homemade Chicken Stew for lunch.

Well, I will assert tonight and tell the chap its all a bit much and he needs to look elsewhere!

Hora, what a kind offer, but your advice on here seems very adequate 🙂

I have the opposite problem can only squeeze dating in every other weekend if I am lucky.....which most likely explains why I am single lol but this guy does sound a little full on. You could try putting him on a bike see how he copes with that(a couple of black runs somehwere ) and make an informed choice from there 🙂

Midnighthour nay problem 🙂

I have a few friends who are female and single. Bloody good girls. I do wonder why men can be soo bad/inept/idiots/crap. One of them went on match.com (I imagined it was full of bunny boilers etc) but it seems its also full of fantasists, people who cant form relationships, odd blokes and liers looking for a leg over.

Midnighthour,do you want this date?If you like this man,or what you know of him,then you could set your own ground rules,if he won't accept them,then move on,if he does you never know,it may be a goer.That way you maintain your independence and control.BTW I agree with sfb,perhaps you need a more active social life generally?
Ian

Yes, I do need a bigger social group - tried to widen my horizons in the last year or 18 months by going to more events and suchlike and have intead gained no ongoing new friends and 3 older ones have drifted off 🙁

As I said, not exactly a social catch myself 🙂

Midnighthour this guy sounds a little odd with his expectations but instead of just bailing out and taking the easy option and not see him again why not just tell him what you are thinking and why, theres no right or wrong answers, just be yourself and have fun with it. Call it a training exercise 🙂
Tell him to back off if needed and see what happens, he might just be a bit dense in the dating department and be ok or one of those guys that needs to manipulate everything around them. Find out and learn from it for your next dating encounter, you will have more confidence that way.

As I said, not exactly a social catch myself

Neither am I. doesnt mean you have to lower your social standards though for misfits like this bloke.

[i]Yes, I do need a bigger social group[/i]
Post on here roughly where you live, and I'm sure you'll increase you social group massively. Admittedly it will be mostly slightly inept mountain bikers, but they might have normal friends 🙂

PMSL @ miketually

Why not ask for a bit of role-play. Sounds like he'd go for that. Then ask if you can jump straight to the "married for 10 years with 2 kids" phase of your relationship.

Then he could get his wish: to see you every night. But you'd sit, sullen and exhausted, ignoring each other. Never a word passing between you. You'd probably manage a meal once a year. And best of all: you wouldn't have to have sex with him!

Do I sound bitter?

I must be doing it wrong. Married for 10 years and a month with 2 kids and this doesn't match my experience at all.

proper mental - tell him to do one.

This chap does sound overpowering to me by giving you instructions on how a relationship should proceed even before meeting you.
However I would go on a first date with him. You just never know until you try.

miketually - I think you're doing everything right 🙂

[img] &h=78&w=78&usg=__lZsxSZwuNAko55KmgV8WQYAiv7U=[/img]

P.s Why not post a pic up as well as some info about you here and find a like minded guy that will know pretty much know what you are looking for. Sure there are plenty of single guys on here that would love a MTBin GF. I know I would love my past GF's to understand my love for spending all day on a trail, getting dirty and spending crazy amounts of cash on a thing that you need to peddle lol

You can stay on the shelf too long ! (either sex)
Maybe he feels he is 'getting older' and thinks he can fast forward a relationship by 'dating' everynight.

I personally think everyone needs there own space, even in new relationships.
You didnt turn him down flat when he asked, so he must have a chance of a date with you.
How well do you know him? does he have a good group of friends or does he need someone like you to fill his life ?
As stated several times, lay your own rules down in the beginning.

my ex - first date ended 5 days later when i dragged my sleep deptrived corpse back to my own house to be greeted by rounds of applause from my housemates

the last girl i dated - decided i was a bit too full on when i tried to call her on her birthday! Then had a go at me for texting her contantly, i actualy had to check my phone and I'd been averageing less than one message a day! Apparently too much for some!

Girl I'm going for a first date with on saturday - invited me arround for coffee sometime this week. She knows I dont drink coffee :p

scratch that, just got dumped by text! Something about looking and sounding older than I am!

Note to any women in the house, if age is (or anything else) an issue, ask it FFS!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

he's a weirdo. And that's coming from me, a weirdo. Avoid.

It's easy to become over enthusiastic and over excited at the start of a (potential) relationship. You either avoid and get out of there or try and bear it and see how things turn out. But if somebody is talking about their needs and expectations before you even meet... then, girl, get out of there. Ther are far better, more stable and interesting men out there 😉 *cough* email in profile 😉

scratch that, we're back on again

to be continued...................... (hopefully)

Just go out on a date with him. What's the worst that can happen? OK, maybe being kidnapped, locked in a cellar and kept hostage for 18 years until the Police finally get round to doing something about it. But how oftern have you head of that happening??

Second thoughts, go on a date to a public place and never, and I mean never, be out of site of other people. And [u]don't[/u] let him walk you home 😯

I say give the guy a break, who hasn't said something stupid you didn't really mean or regretted before, especially if he's nervous talking to the opposite sex.

You should be more more wary of smooth operators.

Unless of course next he starts dropping hints about how you should dress and who you're allowed to be friends with. 😯