[Closed] How do you 'let go' of ex's?

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You answered you're own question ...

Get a new woman? There is nothing as exciting as.

(Maybe on a practical note - remind yourself of why you split, revisit in your head and then bury.)

We all move on from time to time. Let it go.

Get on with it and move on

Every time I try and find one (and I try lots and lots), I can't...

Either I picked people who were never going to sign up to social netowrking, or as soon as they did, they found me and blocked me. That's life though, when you leave a lot of broken hearts littering the emotional baggage carousels of life. 😐

EDIT: or they've all committed suicide. ❓

From their ankles, on the 5th floor.

For me with The Big Ex, we stayed in touch, then she had kids and became incredibly mumsy overnight and I thought "well out of [i]that[/i]" Problem solved.

Okay take a step back and perhaps don't try so hard, just be around social groups that allow you to make friends first.

Maybe you should generally stay away from social networking.

What is the permed-haired woman above? Odd, slightly funny in an odd way though. 🙂

Google Bunny Boiler

What is the permed-haired woman above? Odd, slightly funny in an odd way though.

Definitely a hint of "bunny-boiler" about her, though.

Gah! 29sec late!

What is the permed-haired woman above? Odd, slightly funny in an odd way though.

Glenn Close

[url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093010/?ref_=nv_sr_1 ]Fatal Attraction (1987)[/url]

I can't help but feel that the old suggestion of bombers might not help in this particular situation.

Wow.

Watch Fatal Attraction.

Stay away from any ex. One of you didn't want the other in their life for a reason.

I find anger, loathing and resentment [ from either one of us] is great for helping get over an ex

Never tried to look one up on Social media either tbh

There's still one of my exes I have big regrets over, and miss terribly; my stupid fault we broke up. Most of the others I still keep in touch with, went to the weddings of two of them, and one is possibly one of my best friends, although contact is infrequent.
If we do speak on the phone, the conversation can go on for a couple of hours... 😀

I spent years regretting splitting up with an ex. we'd been together for 5 years and were engaged. I finished it because I really fancied another girl and let my desires get the better of me. I didn't want to go behind my fiancees back so I left her and shacked up with this new piece. So, my new piece turned out to be a complete **** and by the time I realised this and dumped her there was now way I could work things out with my ex-fiancee.

It took years of guilt and self-loathing before it dawned on me that I wouldn't have left her in the first place if staying with her was the right thing to do. Now I'm very happily married with two brilliant kids and it turns out ****fink did me a favour by coming along and stopping me marrying someone who I really shouldn't have married.

To summarise, she's your ex for a reason, you're feeling a bit lonely, stop bl88dy thinking about her, crack one off and go for a ride 😀

[b]Rone[/b] wrote [i]"and then bury"[/i]
Bit extreme, that 😯

As my dear old gran used to say,
"To get over someone,
get under someone!"

I don't let go, I store them:

[img][url= https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7185/6972693375_e09ec054e5_o.jp g" target="_blank">https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7185/6972693375_e09ec054e5_o.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/bC9SPi ]Grave[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/people/66651884@N00/ ]martinddd[/url], on Flickr[/img]

Don't look them up.

In a recent session I ran on social network use someone expressed surprise that if you browsed LinkedIn whilst logged in that folks could get the summary 'weird old ex browsed your profile' (I paraphrase). A few 'stalking' jibes ensued from other participants.

Tell them EVERYTHING you need to, as soon as you can, or suck it up.

I never said that I hope she dies a vestibule of visceral despair, pissing tears of burning regret having lived a life of sycophantic whoring and father ****ing fantasy.

I never got a chance. Now she writes for a national paper and I regret saying "Yeah you take care too".

****.

Edit: 7 years ago, happily settled now.

This too will pass.

My exes are all either estranged now or good friends. It's all too easy to look back with rose-tinted glasses but you split up for a reason.

Are you mourning the loss of a love or the loss of a friend? The latter was always more difficult for me I think, I've never had any real desire to go backwards with relationships and I haven't the remotest romantic interest in exes, but losing touch with someone who you spent a lot of time talking to and knows you really well is pretty tough. After six years maybe that's something you could salvage, you've had a clean break, time to be friends?

I have the same problem as the OP. Nagging desire to contact ex(s) even though in a happy relationship. Its caused me BIG trouble before, so I've learnt from that and the email address will remain unused! Otherwise I'm a complete idiot. (And not just a bit of one).
There is nothing positive to be gained from it, that is for certain.

Bridges are best...

Rachel

Three of mine (there weren't many more) are my friends on FB and I interact with them to varying degrees. They friended me so I guess I'm just a damn nice guy..

Despite this, having been told by her public profile that she's now engaged - I'm actually feelling physically sick at the thought of it.

This, however, has also happened to me (not with one of the ones on FB). It was only a few years after the breakup and I did feel pretty bad about it. However it didn't last. Life goes on and so do we.

I think it's always interesting to look up ex's to see what there are up to and to stay friends if possible.

Life moves on though, and so should you (meant in a nice way)

Haha, must be something in the air 🙂 I looked one of mine up last night after 27 years. Found her married with kids and living in Chile. Has a profile but not posted for a couple of years so I think I am safe.

I had a w$&k over an ex once. She's a heavy sleeper and I Still had a key...

Sorry.

On a serious note you split for a reason. Life can be a bitch.

The only Ex. I stress about, I found her number in my 2004 iPod last month.

She was [i]really[/i] shocked to get a call!

Married though, which kinda cheered me up. Got the shakes calling...just like old times [we had a wild time of it].

Do not measure your self worth based on what she's doing well after you split up. Remember you rejected her, yes? She wasn't good enough then, and she's not good enough now.

You are, in effect, judging every gorgeous intelligent fun, sexy woman you've not met by her standards

Daft eh?

OP, does she have a sister?

I am 36 years old and split up with my first proper girlfriend when I was 18. I have been with my wife since I was 19, we have a brililant relationship and have been very happily married for 12 years and have three kids.

I haven't seen my ex for 18 years but still have a thing for her.

No logic behind that.

My only significant long term relationship ex got married then upped sticks to France to live the 'good life' on a small holding. Not spoken to her since she left the country. Found out recently she has a two year old child. She was very much a career girl when we were together. Don't want to go back there, but do still feel like I lost a good friend.

Facebook link please,let us judge!

Loads of unresolved issues with my first proper ex girl-friend. We split up when I was 19 after 2-3 years. I'm 46 this year, happily married with two kids.

So is she, as far as I'm aware, though hers must be grown up now.

[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/profile/franksinatra ]still have a thing for her[/url].

Do You Know Why?

Don't Be that Way. Pick Yourself Up, Dry Your Eyes.
No One Ever Tells You: The Saddest Thing of All....
Out of Nowhere, The End of a Love Affair [is sometimes] Necessity

[[url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_songs_recorded_by_Frank_Sinatra ]Don't Blame Me[/url]]

Do You Know Why?

Yes I do. It is because she was a filthy little minx who enjoyed spending a disproportionate amount of time doing indescribable things in bed.......

I still have a thing for my last serious ex. Only rational reason I've come up with is that she offered security in areas that I don't think I have in current relationship. The downside is that she was a bit batsh1t mental at times. She went off travelling and voluntarily kept in touch with me. No bridges burned whatsoever. I'd meet up with her tomorrow if she happened to be passing. Nothing would come of it though.

I've solved this problem by only ever having one partner my whole life. 😯

Thanks... some top-quality STW responses there and plenty of STW mirth there too. Has cheered me up a tad.. 🙂

We were really close, best friends, soul-mates and everything else, through some formative years. But like some suggested - I must've broken it off for a reason. I needed to be able to roam free, something I'm still doing, 11 years now after we broke up. 38 now and I still haven't quite managed to settle down with anyone just yet. It doesn't mean that looking back isn't sometimes tinged with regret.

I'd love to get in touch and tell her I'm really happy for her, but hey, I guess that might not work out well in reality. I guess we probably burn bridges for a reason, eh..

We were really close, best friends, soul-mates and everything else, through some formative years. But like some suggested - I must've broken it off for a reason. I needed to be able to roam free, something I'm still doing, 11 years now after we broke up. 38 now and I still haven't quite managed to settle down with anyone just yet. It doesn't mean that looking back isn't sometimes tinged with regret.

EDIT: I see this a little more complicated, now I've bothered to read the thread. 😆 My advice would be not to live in the past and measure other people you meet up against her, you can love different people for different reasons.

I've solved this problem by only ever having one partner my whole life.

Me too - I avoid problems with exes by not having any 😉

Social media and more importantly the relationships that it can spawn, is thought to be cited in over 30% of divorce cases..

When I first got on facebook I contacted a few old friends (a couple of them were old flames too but I've always found it's just a tiny bit saner to refer to folk from your past as old friends)

It was good to catch up, and I even hooked up with one or two for a pint.. no romances came of it and I'm glad, and I even have one or two very close friends as a result

I think getting yourself in a lather about having those thoughts and feelings is totally unnecessary.. We all have fond memories and it's good that we can go back and revisit those times to see what pieces are left to pick up

I'd love to get in touch and tell her I'm really happy for her, but hey, I guess that might not work out well in reality

just get on with it, drop her a line and say hello.. what are you imagining could go wrong!?

The last thing she might have communicated to me was something about not wanting us to be in contact anymore... and I've completely respected that since then. We were on-off friends-with-occasional-benefits for a few years after we broke up and I think it was probably doing her head in.

Probs best just to let things lie.. I'm glad she's happy now.

Do You Know Why?
Yes I do. It is because she was a filthy little minx who enjoyed spending a disproportionate amount of time doing indescribable things in bed.......

I came home from work last week to find a dvd on the coffee table entitled 'London with other girl' That sounds shite I thought, what an odd name for a movie.

Yep, it was a dvd of photographs from me and my ex having a cracking time (hotel and all) in London about 8 years ago, cleaned the house and got the dinner on in time for the current Mrs Scandal returning from work later that night 😳

Don't leave that kind of shit about the place is my advice.

^^ Confused.

You had the DVD, left it lying around, the current Mrs found it, watched it and left it on the table ?

The DVD was on a DVD holder that contained approx 15 disks of mostly old shit and terrible old albums, she was having one of her random clear outs and was looking at what was on these disks, she helpfully labelled said disk and left it on the table for me to see when I got home, hence my initial confusion regarding the title.

Remind yourself of all the negative stuff about them if you were the one to split up then shouldn't be a problem. I'm often thinking, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

The only ex I still think about was hardly an ex, as I only saw her for a few weeks.
I think the reason I romanticise is the fact that we never got past the honeymoon period. She did have bad breath mind.

It was me that ended it

For a bloke to end something with a girl its usually because he wasn't ready for something/not the right time or it just wasn't right.

With time you can forget the negs if the girl wasn't beserk/just normal and thus think back 'what if'..

Most of my ex's never really seem to leave my head either

Why should they? They are part of your life experiences, your memories.

Memories and experiences are what makes us. Nothing wrong with an occassional dip into the back catalogue whilst having a hand-shuffle either.

One thing though- DONT look them up. Leave the past the past. All my ex's will have children now. All the girls I fancied, all the girls I nearly did.

Keep your memories and look forward.

Any time going backwards including social media is doomed to cut into your mental time living Now. This will close you off to new relationship opportunities and ultimately hollow you out from the inside so you're looking at life through a foggy filter. Like hanging on to old prescription glasses. Bin them! Live in the present, in the very second that is happening. Then you will make new friendships with people that are compatible with the clear-thinking, uncluttered you. There is every chance that you will develop new life-changing bonds with people that you can explore as you grow in confidence to *be* who you are, ie not looking back or forward, just being. It is powerful stuff once the shackles are dropped. Memories are sometimes painful, but good memories shouldn't be turned 'bad' because you moved on. Accept your decision fully.

I often scoffed at 'self-help' books, but can't recommend Tolle's 'The Power Of Now' highly enough. In fact you've just reminded me to read it again, thanks!

OP, as others have probably said - you've made the first step by admitting the problem, which is great - yet be careful as lengthy focus about the 'problem' risks giving it too much headspace which in turn runs a risk of steering you in circles. As long as you are focused on being who you are right now, not looking for someone to 'complete' you, then you're off and living again! The best relationships (of all types) always seem to happen around the time you are most comfortable being you.

I guess we probably burn bridges for a reason, eh..

Yes! But standing on the bank looking back at the remains isn't part of that deal. Grass always (hopefully) looked greener after a fire. While you pacing around and around in that same spot simply muddies up your side.

You left the bridge, now it's time to leave the riverbank...and keep walking.

Ok my numerous, excessive cheesy analogies are messing up this place, time for me too to move on 😀

Cheers... some sage advice right there 😀 (Even from hora 😯 ) 😉

I have heard of the Power of Now, been meaning to read it for some years. Will have to look it up.

Anyway. I don't 'let go' of my ex's. They live downstairs. Its soundproofed too 😯

I let go of my ex.

Luckily it was recorded as an accidental rock climbing accident 🙂

The one I look back on and think 'what if' isn't an ex at all, as we were never an item. Our paths crossed for a few days and we just 'clicked'. There was definately something there on both sides, others around noticed the chemistry. At the time we were both in relationships so nothing happened. It was the days before social media / mobile phones / prevelant e-mail and we very quickly lost touch. Now I'm married with kids, it's probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Damn this thread! It's making me curious... 😕

Um, still in touch with my last 3, all amicable, not that I'd dabble now but in between GFs there were a few booty calls. is that wrong

It is, because even if one of the parties says its just fun it still secretly ****s with one of their minds at somepoint IMO.

My ex wife popped up on Facebook as someone I may know not long ago, guessing she'd just created an account. Had a quick nosey and it looks like being the independent woman with a fab single life hasn't turned out too well.. is that a bedsit you're in in your profile? Anyway, although that ex relationship is still a bit fresh I'm not overly arsed in contact. However the girl before her was proper filth so last year I dropped her a message and found she was newly single too.. as we'd learnt new tricks over the years the sex was good but she was still a sandwich short of a picnic but I scratched that itch.. Now in a blissful relationship with a totally new girl.

^If I found out an ex had popped it/was down on their luck etc it'd hurt me. Probably more than if they were grinning onboard a yacht etc (if that makes sense?).

Any other ex then yes I agree, I'm a soft touch and would still want to help.. even the itch I scratched as nuts as she was I was overjoyed when she informed of me her new partner late last year. The ex wife turned into a piece of work through separation and divorce though, I wouldn't like to hear she's dead but that's she's had a bit of a rough year then yeah I'm fine with that.

hora - Member
It is, because even if one of the parties says its just fun it still secretly **** with one of their minds at somepoint IMO.

Yea, but I tend to see well adjusted ladies rather than nutters

I've solved this problem by only ever having one partner my whole life.
Me too - I avoid problems with exes by not having any

Glad it's not just me. My wife is awesome but I do feel like a bit of a freak sometimes compared to almost everyone else.

Yea, but I tend to see well adjusted ladies rather than nutters

In my experience a vast swathes of ladies are like unstable pieces of dynamite kept by a chain smoking drunk.

Got an email address, by any chance?

her card will probably be is any phone box around Soho