[Closed] How do you deal with sh!t

Share it.

Tell us the tale and read the replies.

I've been reading the Chimp Paradox and it's a good grounding in how to deal with stuff, so spill the beans...

Exactly what Crikey said. Share it. There's nothing to be gained by keeping it to yourself.

Not everyone is a natural sharer - sharing does ease the burden and the person you share with should have a more impartial view (excuse cliche but women tend to just listen, blokes to offer their solution)

You might start by writing a few things down, what the issue is, what bothers you, the different routes/choices/reactions you might take

Sharing is good. As hard as it is sometimes get it Off your chest- just talking to someone usually helps me..
Even if there's fek all theycsn do about it it'll still help.
Have used the bike and running to distract me but it's not slways possible nowadays for me..

Some clue about what kind of shit would be a help.
I go through various crap everyday but luckily can leave it behind (till tomorrow). Iv'e also been through crap that doesn't go away (bank foreclosure, divorce/loss of home, & a years worth of a loved Mum with cancer & consequent death of, all at once.
Say something.

Sounds like somebody's run out of sweet life giving beer. I normally deal with that by nipping down to the co-op if it's before 10, or tucking into the wifes bottle of rose if I miss that deadline. 🙂

Yeh share it might me feel better. I'm sitting in a hospice at my mums bedside as the life ebbs out of her after a fight with cancer for the past 18 months. I'd bloody love to get out for a ride.

Have a DW in a cupboard

perrrrb

Thankyou all.
We learnt of our miscarriage today.
Pebblebeach, thankyou. Not much can be said there and i feel quite humble for starting this.
The desire to do something daft is strong but F! it, so far i'm hiding it with beer. Got work all weekend and another trip to hospital on monday.
Sorry for a downer

peace to you and your family brother. nothing else we can say. take care

When people really need it, this place is chuffing brilliant. I can't begin to imagine how that feels, but my most sincere condolences go out to you and your wife/girlfriend (i'm guessing?).

i'm drunk, so have patience...

Miscarriages happen. it's unfortunate and horrible and unpleasant, but they do happen. Look up the stats and maybe it will help you appreciate that you atre not alone, that this is not a thing that doesn't happen.

Sorry...

Pebblebeach - went through exactly that in 2008. Stany - went through that in 2010!

Didn't feel angry either time, but it felt very unfair. Talking about feelings was the solution.

Thoughts with you and your missus mate

I think you will soon find out how common an occurrence miscarriages are

Mrs pop had a couple and we were amazed how many people told us about their losses as well

You need to look positively mrs pop had tests which showed she had a blood disorder that was treatable with injections during pregnancy and we now have 3 children!

And you sound like a responsible sort, fighting the temptation to run away and ride/get pissed, but looking after the other half who's suffering as well. Good on you.

Don't do anything daft, just be there for each other Stany. Very sorry to hear your news. Be strong!

peace to you and your family brother. nothing else we can say. take care

I can't think of a better way to say it. All the best fella.

csb & all, thankyou. Yes, sharing it is better and i've finally cried.
We'll work together and what is meant to be will happen.
Thanks again

Stany that really is shit but stay strong. Much as you feel like running as far away as possible or doing something daft you know you really need to be there for your partner. Together you'll get through it.

Thoughts are with you both.

My thoughts are with you, that's a hard one to take. Not sure what to suggest that doesn't sound patronising, but try to get through it together.

aye, stany - sorry to hear that.
being there for each other is important.

Very common occurence are miscarriages.
Its horrible and emotionally draining, and hits you with a wave of suddenly none existant potential and plans.
Its normally because of solid biological reasons, like natures reset button when things go wrong.
If its any consolation ( and I doubt much will be at the moment), every single person that I have known that has miscarried has gone on to have at least one beautiful healthy baby in the years that followed.

Good luck and thoughts to you and your family.

pebblebeach - was in your seat in June. My sister said it was surreal but I said no, this is real life. In many ways it was a privilege to be there.

Thoughts with you both.

Stany. I've been there. Weird kind of feeling. Still think about that child a couple of years on. Keep a close eye on the other half.

Stany- really sorry 🙁 but as others have said, keep talking to your partner. Don't let your terrible loss put a wedge between you. You need each other now more than anything.

Feels like someone's hit the pause button paul4stones. Anyway I'm butting out, this isn't about me.

i was going to suggest riding through a stream and then using a stick, but i guess that's not the kida shit you meant....

chin up, fella.... look after your lady.

My family don't even know this (and fortunately don't read this forum) but we had the same thing happen, not very long into the term, but we now have a healthy, happy 3 year old. I hope you get over it and are able to move forward with your lives.

Wow. Again, thankyou all. It's positive vibes that keep us going and don't worry, i'm withh mrs stan all the way. We're fully aware of the percentages a d we'll carry on and try again.
Seriously, you've all helped.
I feel humbled!

And slightly tearful

stany - we've been through that a few times. All I'll add is that no matter how awful you feel - for the girl it seems to be much worse. You love her - you'll be there for her. And not just be there with solutions. Listening helped.

Thats not meant in any way to negate your grief. But you've got a responsibility now. Oh - and her reaction to all this may not be entirely rational.

My best wishes are with you both.

Can affect you for quite a while but it mostly passes, not something you'll ever forget but it fades. Stick together and help each other through it. Get out for a ride to clear your head when you can but don't rush it.
Good luck

I've no idea who you are but still sorry to hear that. That's not an easy thing.

Stany - sorry to hear your news, not a nice thing to happen at all.
Take good care of each other.

Best wishes mate,
Pete.

Tough times Stany - very tough times... Nothing other people will say can change what has happened, but as other people have indicated, it happens to a lot of people so you are not alone. Once most people find out they are are pregnant they invest emotionally in the baby and if you love something and lose it, feelings of grief in all their complexity are completely normal - including anger!

I sometimes think it is harder on the partner as they not only suffer the loss but often support the mother in getting through this hard situation by providing physical, practical and emotional support, leaving looking after themselves last. I believe you are doing the right thing by looking after Mrs Stany, acknowledging your own feelings and also looking for some help for yourself here.

Take care chap, my thoughts are with you (Even if I don't really know you so to speak...)

J

Stany - sorry to hear that. We were there in August. Sadly, the cause was a molar pregnancy (v rare), so Dr North now has months of follow up.

We planted two trees in our garden. One for our 2 yo daughter. And one for the one that got away.

Be there for your Mrs - it will hurt her like you can't imagine. And it wull hurt you. Hold on tight to each other. Love's the greatest healer of all.

Stany, I feel for you totally. We went through a number of miscarriages. It's an awful experience. Our souls tore apart through those years. Eventually we were told we would never have another child when it was all we both wanted beyond belief.

It will get easier in a way, but you'll have some moments thinking back. Sorry to hear of your pain.

Lots of good thoughts above.

All that I can add is that people do care. You and your lady are not alone. If things get worse and you need some help, don't be afraid to ask. No doubt you would help someone else in a similar situation if they needed it. So don't worry about being on the receiving end of a little help right now if you need to be.

Add one more on our account here. It's not uncommon, but that doesn't make it easier when it happens to you. But it'll pass, by doing the right things now and being there for each other you'll move on stronger as a couple for the experience and when you do succeed it'll be all the sweeter.

It's a tough time for your other half, for sure and you need to be there for her. We're expected to be strong, to answer the calls and tell the family that she's OK, so she can get rest and recover in her own time. But you lost a baby too, so if no-one asks you how you feel, then [u]tell them anyway[/u], it's part of the process.

And if you need a bit of space to press your own mental reset button then that's OK too. Talk to her about it, if she knows you she'll understand, and then if you're like me find an hour to go and beast yourself on the bike and get the button pressed.

Strava wasn't around when it happened to me, but if it was the times I'd have set on those days would have been untouchable.

Stany, I learned of my wife's miscarriage when on duty as a pilot in Afghanistan 8.5 years ago. I was home with her within 48 hrs. Before I flew home, one of my crew took me to one side, and told me a similar thing happened to him. He said they didn't talk about it, and it drove them apart. You have to grieve, but you have to talk.

We now have 2 beautiful kids, and are very happy. As has been said above, no matter how much it hurts you, you can bet she feels worse. There can be a strong feeling of self-blame when women miscarry, and feel they should have done it differently. The fact that my wife was pregnant again straight away really helped us.

Hope it all works out well.

stany- I'm another one that's been there, I didn't deal with it quite so well, so all I can say is this

Be there for your Mrs - it will hurt her like you can't imagine. And it will hurt you. Hold on tight to each other" is bloody brilliant advice

 

Stany - sorry to hear what's happened, a real tragic thing to happen to anyone.

Inspite of not knowing you my thoughts are with you.