...and honestly if after some self reflection, you have discovered that your true identity is "belligerent arsehole" then do the rest of us a favour; and get some therapy.
Get your otherhalf to withold pudding if you are not polite, meek and compliant at all times.
No one talked about faking anything.
I'm perhaps particulary triggered by that sort of person.
If I had to draw up a list of the most hateful people i've ever met in my life then a clear pattern would emerge that they are outwardly courteous and well mannered, charming even....or "nice" if you prefer but it's just a veneer to hide their true arsholiness.
Probably says more about me than I'm comfortable with.
I'd still take genuine arsehole over fake nice any day.
(The calling a spade a spade gang, or the doesn’t suffer fools gladly mob)
Ah, those guys. The ones whose Facebook profile reads:
"Education:
University of Life
School of Hard Knocks"
See? There's Binners being Binners.
A genuine arsehole and I love* him for it!
* Well, grudging respect, at least.
We all have to pride ourselves on something PP. Without my arseholyness I'd be an empty shell
I think we're probably talking about different groups of folk TBH. What's fake about treating other people with courtesy and respect?
I think the lying shysters who'll do or say anything, are a different group to the being an arsehole because I can and there have been no repercussions thus far, so I'll just carry on.
Considering this post for a bit,
If I had to draw up a list of the most hateful people i’ve ever met in my life then a clear pattern would emerge that they are outwardly courteous and well mannered, charming even….or “nice” if you prefer but it’s just a veneer to hide their true arsholiness.
it's unervingly accurate with reference to unpleasnt people. Maybe its part of the ringpiece attributes as it makes you feel guilty about disagreeing etc... Then when you do their true character quicky slithers out through the cracks.
(*and you can help things by not calling me McLovin next time i see you!)
almost impossible you see...
and honestly if after some self reflection, you have discovered that your true identity is “belligerent arsehole” then do the rest of us a favour; and get some therapy.
tried that, genuinely. and they said yea i can see where your coming from
But ive met some people that are just always really really nice. I dont know how they do it. Its like they are able to reason and consider their thoughts before speaking. They are happy and seem to enjoy everything and speaking to everyone. It looks great.
Bear in mind that i am never horrible to anyone intentionally. Or say things with malice. Its generally because in my tiny mind i find it amusing.
Seems like ive got a similar outlook to perchy, which again is slightly concerting.
Binners, You go girl....
Bear in mind that i am never horrible to anyone intentionally. Or say things with malice. Its generally because in my tiny mind i find it amusing.
Sure, You do know that that's the sort of thing that makes you sound like Jacob Rees Mogg, right? You're in a privileged (there's that word again) position, as I suspect, nothing has ever happened to you (really bad) to make you pull up and think about it. Almost uniquely in society; men get to be arseholes with really no comeback...It's about the closest most of us get to being a Tory MP I'd have thought. If that isn't enough of an incentive to make you change tack, then there's probably no hope.
Stay off social media. Even if you try and battle the asshats on there they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
But ive met some people that are just always really really nice. I dont know how they do it.
Easy. They're simpletons. They must be. I exist in a constant state of barely surpressed rage. I just assumed everybody else did too?
nickc,
just how bad does it have to be for me not to be privileged?
I just take it that most people in casual interaction really don't care what I'm like somewhere deep down, it's how I act that matters. So try reasonably hard to act nicely and try to save being a **** for those I'm closest to and most care about. Actually, I try to be nice to them too as they already know how bad i am, I don't have to keep proving it.
Obviously none of this applies in the pub where I give no quarter and expect no mercy. It's awful when someone tries to be nice.
just how bad does it have to be for me not to be privileged?
Simple: If I say "X" Is that the sort of thing I could imagine say; Iain Duncan Smith saying. If the answer is yes, then keep your trap shut... 🙂
I have a simple rule. Treat others how you would expect them to treat you. I don’t think you can go far wrong
ahhh got ya.
Im clearly not as big a fan as the torys as you are though Nickc
Easy. They’re simpletons. They must be. I exist in a constant state of barely surpressed rage. I just assumed everybody else did too?
Joking apart that’s insightful regarding the most genuinely toxic people I’ve known, ie those on the ‘dark triad’ (notably the unrepentant Machiavellian and or with NPD)
A common trait I’ve noticed is they overly project, ie they are convinced that there is little to no genuine kindness in the world, only wolves and sheep. Instead, they genuinely believe that everyone is either like them (ie fake, manipulative, avaricious, bigoted, etc) or else like a naive sheep (except still fake)
Totally blew my mind talking to one of these people and learning how they really feel. Exhausting.
Im clearly not as big a fan as the torys as you are though Nickc
I've read this a couple of times now, and I've not a scoobies what you mean...
How can i be a nicer person?
Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to stepping back a bit from things that hack you off about the world, people, and life in general. If you can just let it wash over you, from people being tools, the world being unfair, politicians being utter b*stards and the like, it becomes easier to just smile and nod when someone's banging on about something that's important to them but clearly irrelevant to the wider world.
I find myself relying quite heavily on 
as a way to cope...
Treat others how you would expect them to treat you.
Unless you're Max Mosley, obviously.
I have a simple rule. Treat others how you would expect them to treat you. I don’t think you can go far wrong
Commonly known as
How about taking the time to understand what makes the most important people to you feel happy and loved? If you make people feel loved, then the general vibe is altogether nicer. It might sound like a heap of hippy nonsense, but I think the 5 love languages thing makes a lot of sense. It highlights the difference between doing things that would make you feel loved, and doing things that actually make other people feel loved. So, you might do the dishes because you think that having helpful things done for you is a lovely sign that you care, while really what the other person wants is to be told you think they're amazing - and then you wonder why they don't appreciate your effort. It's not just about couples, it's about kids and friends too. Do the quiz and see what you learn. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
How about taking the time to understand what makes the most important people to you feel happy and loved? If you make people feel loved, then the general vibe is altogether nicer. It might sound like a heap of hippy nonsense
The overton window explodes
Some of the most popular people I know are right miserable self centred sods which I find a tad confusing.
How about taking the time to understand what makes the most important people to you feel happy and loved?
Or for everyone. I've always believed in "chivalry" its just how I grew up, well after the age of 20 anyway. When I went though my self examination one thing I did was to extend that to a deliberate daily process on the basis of having no other agenda than lightening someone else's mood. Holding a door open, buying someone a coffee, offering a seat, having polite conversation with a server/ticket clerk/person next to you (all pre covid obvs) can go a long way.
Give it a few years and you won't give a toss.
I have come across a couple of those magical people - the ones whose presence brightens up the room. I have no idea how they do it, but it's not artifice. They didn't learn it, it's how they are.
I suspect most people who seem to be naturally lovely had a very loving and stable family.
Conversely folks who are basically decent can have picked up all sorts of undesirable ways from f"©ked up family and acquaintances that can (thank goodness) be discarded, particularly if better role models come along.
have come across a couple of those magical people – the ones whose presence brightens up the room. I have no idea how they do it, but it’s not artifice. They didn’t learn it, it’s how they are.
To be more practical, it doesn’t take a luminous magical spirit to practice simple kindness. Or is that where we’ve arrived in 2020?
Me being genuine all the time would lead to me being sacked, divorced in jail or worse!
Pick someone who you think is nice and think about what they do and how you could do it. Forget the sarcasm, try and be positive.
Just be kind and caring and like animals.treat others like you would like to be treated.
Might be worth considering if you have a personality disorder.no one really talks about them but I am convinced they are more common then thought.
Deal with ideas rather than reduce yourself to trading insults (invariably aggressors are dimwits anyway). Understand the difference between sarcasm and satire. Ask questions. Be interested in things and people and learn about them.
Fix why you feel you are not nice. What's making you behave the way you do? Any change has to be authentic. People who are nice but not genuine tend to be psychopaths.
