Suicide... who's considered it? gotta say, my life isn't turning out quite the way I wanted it to... almost certainly my fault, maybe a combination of factors, inherited (though self diagnosed 🙄 ) depression doesn't help I suppose... a plan and sticking to it might have been a good idea 😆 a few drinks tonight, wife's been away for a week... dark thoughts enter one's mind (not for the first time...) why post this bullshit on here? well, who else do I have to 'talk' to??
In all honesty, I won't do it chaps, I'm too much on the fence: not depressed enough to jump but depressed enough to feel like I should... what a ****in gip eh? 🙄
Dont you ****ing dare!
Theres lots of rellly good folk here and everywhere you are. Please em me or other here, you have interests, family and fiends you dont even know how gutted they'll be! Honestly.
Edit - it that your work email?
don't fret... it's not a cry for help (not tonight anyway)... more a question...
edit: maybe not an appropriate one... sorry
It can be therapeutic to have a drink and wallow in misery once in a while, if its more serious, or more than once in a while then you need to address it mate. There are ways through.
Ok - fret over! Really tho - 1st things 1st. I'd recommend some form of mentor. Out of your friends could someone do this? Otherwise lots of organisiations offer this, its worth the minor gamble. Things climb in on top of all of us - some deal with it better. Personally I recognise when I need impartial help.
Pain.
psychle - This is as good a forum as any. We should compare notes. Life doesnt work out. The dark dog wait for any opportunity.
indeed it does... it's a bitch really, not a dog 😆 Still never sure if I suffer from depression or just plain old laziness... how do you tell the difference?
how do you tell the difference?
You're on here asking for help.
... at 00:08 in the morning.
the difference being?
You'd still be going on about Avatar.
so it's just one drink too many?
Whatever wakes your monkey up and starts it chewing on your neck.
If you ride a mtb I doubt you're lazy!!! Where I am I have to cycle up a bloddy great hill to get the buzz on the downhill.
For me a really shit day can be tough to get out of bed. But I've now assimated a good team around me (mainly my wife, sister, painintheassbrotherinlaw) who can see the signs. It took me some time to know the signs and my escape valve.
I've never met you but all the best people I've ever known suffer from depression, some mild, some extreme, some bipolar. Maybe it's some form of normal?
Whatever wakes your monkey up and starts it chewing on your neck
are we talking about ambition and motivation here Mr Woppit? If so, I wish I could wake up my monkey... been drifting along for way too long, starting to question the point really...
but all the best people I've ever known suffer from depression
nah, I'm just a sad git...
I think you should give it a go. After all, what have you got to lose?
give what a go?
starting to question the point really...
Churchill called it his black dog. To me, it's the neck monkey. Stupid thing, but it won't stop trying to eat me alive until I manage to distract myself enough to force it back into it's little box. By talking about it on a forum, for instance. The most difficult thing is that this is a conversation most people either back away from very fast, or start offering "sympathy" which I find, only makes it worse.
What did you have in mind? There's options...
What did you have in mind? There's options...
what? noose, shotgun, high cliff, pills, heroine OD, in front of a train... that sort of thing? (have I tossed these options up? never...)
or are we talking about life in general? if you've decided it's not worth living, then why not live it to the limit and to hell with it?
or something else?
If you could have anything you want to make it worth living, what would that be?
heroine OD
Being a pedant, I'd go for that one 😉
There are very few people whose lives have gone to plan. My aim to be knee deep in cocaine and hookers by 30 went unfulfilled 😥
I gave it a ****ing good go though...
If you could have anything you want to make it worth living, what would that be?
In all honesty? I couldn't tell you... all I ever know is that I'm not happy (whatever that is). I buy stuff and for a little bit I'm happy with my new purchase, but then I look at my credit card and my savings and my paltry income and that's that... I have a wife who (for god knows what reason!) loves me to a ridiculous degree (honestly, why? I can't see anything to love and I don't even know if I love her... which isn't fair and I know it, and that sends me further into a downward spiral...) honestly, how the **** is someone meant to cope with a mind that just won't let up? always thinking, always wondering, always ****ing negative... maybe drugs are the answer?
Being a pedant, I'd go for that one
so would I actually... seems like it might be a good ride before the end...
Shopping will never make you happy!
Youre wife can, income never will.
Cuddle up beside her and tell her your inner thoughts. Maybe in the morning?
Number one, see the doctor. Whilst you're there, ask about 2: Therapy and 3: Prozac. That's the best advice I can give.
If you're sunk too deep to make it to the door:
Been on your bike much recently? Lack of exercise always puts me into a black mood. Generally seems to be a lot discussion about depression on the forum at the moment, maybe SAD?
Buying stuff will never make you happy. Unless you're in a cake shop, where it will make you happy and fat 🙂
hey man, you've come to the right place, there are loads of people on here who share common interests and feelings. Many of them also happen to be really good people so take it easy and discuss it with them.
feeling suicidal may well be a 'taboo' subject which people dodge but its as valid a human emotion as any other so dont feel like you cant talk about it.
Recognising how you feel is a good thing, now think of ways to improve your situation, get help doing those things if you need it and take a step forward.
Think of good times my friend.
mail's in profile if fancy a chat
Are you still with us, psychle?
psychle: what's bugging you? why are you down?
There's been a few threads recently about suicide, and plenty of people who can try and help you. A lot of us have been through depression, depressive thoughts, and have advice, but you have to let us know why you get down!
Kit
A plan and sticking to it sounds like an appalling life. You'll end up in middle management or estate agency with your 320 BMW and your orange wife. Jesus, that sounds like hell. I'm nowhere near where I imagined myself as a kid but I'm in a reasonably happy place. I've been suicidal but I'm glad I didn't do it now.
Ask for help if you really feel this way or just sign in sick for a week and ride your bike every day if not.
Are you still with us, psychle?
indeed guv'ner... fear not 🙂 just been wandering the interweb... it's all good, as mentioned above I'm not miserable enough to jump, but miserable enough to feel like I should... to be fair, it's a precarious state of mind to be in, perhaps all it would take is the easily accessible means to an end and tadda, that's all folks and a poor 'spur of the moment' decision made (perhaps)... I suppose that's how it happens most of the time... I wonder if all folks who jump off a bridge have second thoughts on the way down??
or just sign in sick for a week and ride your bike every day if not.
You know, I've been thinking about doing that... more like a month though...
psychle: what's bugging you? why are you down?
I think, if I knew I'd be one step closer to sorting my life out... not being sarcastic, but that's the way it is... I really don't know what my problem is... add up the sum of what should make me happy and it's pretty positive, and yet I feel so ****ing unhappy... it's shit, and in my head all I think is that I'm just a lazy cock wasting his life, but maybe there's more to it than that... or am I just looking for excuses?
Im no expert. But it seems like you do have a form of depression. My only advice is be a man and ask for help from those closest to you. Ime everyone that cares for me / you will help. Everyone. But you gotta be strong enough to ask. From the bottom that's a big big ask! You take that step tho you might be impressed by those around you.
Do you have children?
nope... not something I'd like to have in my life, though some do tell me it gives purpose...
just watched the opening sequence to Saving Private Ryan again... jeez, maybe I should join the army and go to war... get a sense of purpose 🙄
Have you ever been religious?
12 years of Catholic education (Roman Catholic), not religious though... I was actually the only person in my year to fail Religious Education, gave the teacher too much shit...
Mr Woppit, Couldashouldawoulda, RichPenny, walla24, samuri & Kit... thanks for joining me on this melancholy evening...'tis time for bed, I unfortunately have to work in the morrow 🙁 alcohol may cloud my brain but I appreciate you taking the time to post on a sad git's thread... ciao for now 8)
No worries.
I thought most angles were covered in this last thread.
[url= http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/suicideknow-anyone ]...[/url]
Psychie....I really stand up and salute you mate...
You are pouring out your feelings in a way that most people never even get close to realising - until it's too late.
I reckon the biggest thing is just to simply recognise that the human brain is not designed to tick over all happy and content...and that it needs varying stimulation to keep it from going 'really mad'....our deep thoughts and dark spells are something to live with rather than something to end our life for.
Words...easier said than done!!
If I may:
When the Jesuits say: "Give us the child and we will give you back the adult", it's not just an empty phrase.
It is an unfortunate fact that the first years of life experiences are, by and large, what form your character. It has been said elsewhere that the indoctrination of children into religious dogma is a form of child abuse - something that shows in later life with adults who struggle to come to terms with living it.
To reiterate one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite TV series:
"The world ends when you die. Until then, it's got more punishment to hand out.
Stand it like a man, [u]and give some back[/u]..." 😈
Hey leave religion out of this
I don't intend this thread to turn into another god debate, but I would be more impressed if you dealt with the concept of my hypothesis than simply denying it.
In my experience, the proposal is correct.
I think psychle should take it on board and think about it - he may find it offers an indication of why he feels, as an adult, in the way that he does... (I assume you have read his reply regarding Catholic education and therefore see the connection).
I can sympathise psychle, am having a difficult couple of days. My father has dementia and is in a nursing home. He made me a Christmas card but was unable to write my name, I cried a river. But at least he still recognises me.
Today will be another tough day, another challenge although a different one. Just got to get through it.
On the positive side and, yes, there really IS one, indulge yourself with making plans for next year. Get the maps out and plan your riding cos this is a great country for trails 8)
Sorry Mr Woppit I did not intend to disrespect your feelings just feel that whenever someone shows a flash of feeling anything other than 'chipper' out come the prophecies and psalms.
If I was feeling uber low - I might go to a church and have a chat with the vicar...why because I know he will listen, not because I want to listen to what John and Judas did thousands of years ago.
Religion in mind preys on the weak and vulnerable and perhaps should focus some of it's efforts to repairing all of these wars, conflicts and divisions that it has caused.
I don't think Mr Woppit is suggesting Religion is the answer... more a possible cause, right?
You are pouring out your feelings in a way that most people never even get close to realising
It's amazing what a few drinks and a dash of loneliness can bring out... my wife's back today, a hug'll make me feel better I'm sure; who knows why she puts up with me...
CG - sorry to hear of your problems, hang tough and as you say, take your lovely Litespeed for a ride, looks like a nice day for it. Hope you feel better.
See, one thing that always gets me with this, there's nothing like CG's situation in my life, in fact on the balance of it all I should be a happy chappy, and yet I'm not... I guess that's an indication of depression right??
I havent been suicidal, often thought of doing some stupid risky things for fun but not managed to do much real harm. Being not able to ride my bikes for the last two years has been tougher than you could imagine though. Off to see a councellor next week on the insistance of my partner, not sure what to expect really.
Don't forget to welcome your wife back with a huge bunch of flowers! And stop beating yourself up!
Reckon that as it's almost the end of the year, we all tend to look back and reflect on what we have/haven't achieved, which in turn unsettles us. But then put a positive spin on it and make plans for next year. Weather certainly hasn't helped either.
New Year's resolutions anyone? Or should I start a separate thread?
It's the end of a decade as well... makes it worse (for me anyway!)
Good that you've got a wife therecant she help in any way 😉
Numbers numbers, so what? Age? What's that 😉
The 'decade' thing is something that's been preying on my mind as well mate.
This time 10 yrs ago i was living in a shared (rented) house with a housemate who'd just done the dirty on me and split, leaving me with unpaid bills & bailiffs knocking on the door - fortunately they where his debts not mine.
I then met a woman i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with, i bought a house & she moved in soon afterwards. We eventually got engaged & started talking about a family - the idea initially petrified me but i slowly came around to loving the idea.
She upped & left a year ago & i've come to realise i wasted what is probably the best decade of our lives with a woman who couldn't decide what she wanted & left me in a sexless state of loneliness whilst she figured out her life.
Then i was made redundant in July & haven't worked since so it's been a bit of a crap year.
I often (every day) have the sort of feelings you describe, not down enough to actually do the deed but skirting around the edge of it constantly.
Maybe i just need a job?
i wasted what is probably the best decade of our lives
Try not to think of it like that. Surely there were loads of good times, great memories and experiences had. It's so tempting to look back and shit all over the positives, believe me I've been there. It doesn't help though. I can appreciate that the job thing is tough, especially if you're a hard working person. Can you volunteer for anything? Getting something going on a regular basis might be a help.
Had trouble leaving the house yesterday, but managed to get out for 20 miles today. Now I feel great 🙂 If only it was always so simple. I can sympathise CG, went with my Dad many times to visit my Gran, who had Alzheimers. Especially sad as she was such an intelligent woman who had written academic books, was a headmistress etc.
Well i finally managed to get out of the house today, even if just for a walk.
(Was going to ride but being repeatedly woken by the G/F/s alarm at stupid o'clock in the am made me reluctant to get up in time)
Managed 23 miles/2200ft ascent yesterday though.
I'm already volunteering with my local authority in order to gain relevant mtb quals so i can teach kids etc & hopefully make a living from it. Banged off loads of e-mails to local engineering Co's with no success - not even been offered an interview in 4 months 🙁
I'm looking forward to the coming hard frosts to freeze the mud, although i'm not looking forward to the increase in heating costs!