[Closed] HELP: My wife thinks WiFi is harming our baby

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[i]This is not about the WiFi[/i]

This.

At least as a doctor she *should* be ok with the concept and risks of vaccination.

For the great wi-fi switch off you can just up the data allowance on your phone and tether stuff to that when the wi-fi's not running, not being vaccinated lasts for ever.

Couldn't eat whole one.

Am I going to get it trouble for saying that breathing sensors to make sure the thing hasn't stopped breathing are also a bit paranoid compulsive?

We just slept with the thing next to us or inbetween us, and poked it occasionally.

For the great wi-fi switch off you can just up the data allowance on your phone and tether stuff to that when the wi-fi's not running, not being vaccinated lasts for ever.

As long as she doesn't find out that the tethering uses WiFi (or Bluetooth) and the mobile is also sending radiation back and forth to the cell tower.

[i]As long as she doesn't find out that the tethering uses WiFi (or Bluetooth) and the mobile is also sending radiation back and forth to the cell tower.[/i]

shhh!

🙂

As has been said, this isn't about being rational.

the baby spent the entire gestation being exposed to wi-fi and mobile phone signals (plus whatever other stuff's floating around in the average NHS establishment) any harm to it's fragile developing body and mind has long been done...

It does sound like your wife is using the WiFi issues as a manifestation of underlying anxiety concerns. Speaking from personal experience, I wouldn't be so quick as to dismiss post-natal depression as it can occur in ways that are not immediately obvious or detectable.

[quote=teamhurtmore ]Best of luck as its a difficult situation at a difficult time (vickypea's comments above) made harder by fact that she is probably correct. Wifi is the tobacco of our generation - it just takes time for that to sink in.

You're far from being an expert on this, and scaremongering comments like that are far from being helpful. And you're wrong, as evidenced by the weight of research showing the harmful effects of tobacco and the lack of such harmful effects of Wifi.

As I say, I really don't think it's a depression thing. She's not in a bad mood, she's eating normally, sleeping well when possible.

Depression or other mental health issues can manifest in all sorts of ways other than a "bad mood".
Right up till the day when I totally "lost my potatoes" I was in an artificially constructed good mood to conceal my true feelings from everyone around me, especially those closest to me.
The pressure to maintain an image of calm competency is huge, especially, I would imagine, to a doctor.
I've also never lost a single nights sleep or missed a meal either.
It's a whole lot more subtle and complex than that.

Just sayin'.... she might not be coping with being a parent, a wife and a doctor as well as it appears.

Depression or other mental health issues can manifest in all sorts of ways other than a "bad mood".

She is not rational.

Trying to fix her with rational suggestions wont work.

(Think how much worse it will get when you buy your kid its first bike)

You need to get her to see an expert who can fix her. Talk to your doctor first and see if they can suggest someone.

As suggested, it doesn't sound wholly about the Wi-Fi. God knows how you get to the underlying issue though - good luck with that.

Could you have a temporary compromise though, whereby you only turn the router on when you actually need to use the Wi-Fi?
Although this might confirm to her that you also believe there are issues with the Wi-Fi.

I'd be more worried about her mental health than the baby

This exactly, plenty of people out there are naturally hard of thinking but it sounds like your wife is not one of those.

stick the router in the loft and change it's details. when she 'can't get a signal' just say you decided that although you think she's wrong, you thought you should be more supportive, and decided that as she's so concerned about wifi radiation you'd remove any cause for concern.
see if she changes her opinion when she can't look at the internet at speed without being tethered to something.
don't get caught.
yes, i'm single.

You need to get her to see an expert who can fix her. Talk to your doctor first and see if they can suggest someone.

And here in lies a problem. I don't want to make assumptions about your wife but my experience here is that trying to convince a medic to seek advice from another medic is [s]really hard[/s] impossible, especially when it is mental health related. To do that she would first need to accept there is something wrong, and medics are not too good at admitting they may be wrong, ill or in need of help from other people. There is then the issue of them being part of the medical community so they know all of the other medics/nurses/admin staff/porters in the local hospital and services so the privacy that you or I may enjoy is not in place for them. There is a terrible suicide rate in General Practice as GP's are so reluctant to ask for help. Please don't think I am suggesting that is the path your wife will take, I just state that as evidence of the problem in the medical community.

If you wife is like mine I would be inclined to quietly sit it out until she hopefully moves onto something else. Plenty of talking about it, as well as her general feelings, is a good thing. The BMA also run a [i]medics to medics[/i] helpline that she, or you, may find helpful. they are just as happy to speak to relatives and, I know, are extremely supportive.

So my wife is an intelligent, rational woman most of the time. In fact, she's a doctor and an academic

I'd disagree with your statement given her job and the rest of the information in your post lol

Best that I can suggest is, given that she is a doctor and academic, pick something from her speciality that she knows a lot about and find a ton of bogus and misleading information about it from quack websites. Ideally on the same sites she is quoting to you.

I'm thinking of a conversation along the lines of:

Her: [i]"According to natural-nonsense.com any wifi within 3 miles can cause your baby to develop an extra head."[/i]

You: [i]"That's interesting. I see natural-nonsense.com also say that you can cure diabetes by rubbing beetroot juice on your balls."[/i]

But as others have said, I agree there is more going on here than a misunderstanding of the science and risks.

Good luck.

It sounds like there is some underlying issues, sorry to hear. I suffer from anxiety and have done for several years. I am a well-educated and reasonably well balanced person but still will find irrational concepts entirely rational and they will become my mental focus despite all attempts to convince me they are irrational by either professionals or friends and family. Sometimes the process of convincing can actually exacerbate the issue because it becomes acknowledged and the timescale it takes to deal with it allows more time to dwell.
My point being that I have been able to share all of this with my wife and when the anxieties become more prevalent she can take the tough love role and tell me straight what it is.
I appreciate the first time may be hard but have you had a long and straight talk with your wife? Almost pulling no punches to try and get to the nub of the issue?
A Faraday cage was suggested earlier; perhaps if you were to get hold of some chicken wire and construct one around the cot (covering sharp edges of course) it would help visualise how she is trying to seal baby away from the world and the wifi is the focal point of that anxiety?

She's a doctor as in hospital doctor. She thinks I'm being laissez-faire about our son's health, and says I'm naive and arrogant for assuming I know the risks

The best form of defence is attack!

She is being stupid, you need to show her that she is being stupid.

Start discussing concerns about the babies vaccinations, and begin emailing her daily with links talking about the risks of vaccination to children.

Don't accept any evidence to the contrary and stand by your 'better safe than sorry' and 'we can't be sure' arguments till you are blue in the face

The internal contradictions here will cause your wife's brain to reset to default, or possibly explode (or somehow blame you for everything)

Perfect

(Edit: GrahamS, great minds think etc.)

Don't argue the toss. As others have said, it's much more likely to be a sign of an underlying anxiety than a rational assessment of risk. If you argue, you'll only end up doing something like pointing out that next door's wifi is still pounding your baby, and make the irrational response stronger.

Wait it out, be ultra-supportive for now, keep an eye out for any other unusual behaviours.

The internal contradictions here will cause your wife's brain to reset to default, or possibly explode...

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😉

It both is and is not about the WiFi . successful human mothers are the hyper vigilant ones who protect their offspring and anticipate and avoid danger acting even on false danger signals and bad feelings. So her responses are hardwired and hormonal ,rational argument and objective evidence won't help .
Support and space may do. I have my own irrational and rational fears for my child being a bloke I grunt and shove them to the back of my mind my biological role is to hit the threat with a big stick or delay it by being eaten while the wife scurrys off with the baby , so rational thought may assist but emotion will hamper my function.

I'm not convinced that pandering to her flights of fancy is the way to go; switching off the router etc is just enabling her paranoia.

Not that I've any better ideas, mind.

This is a tough one. Lots of our friends latched onto things like this. Using talc = cervical cancer, microwaving the bottles to sterilise them = brain cancer, etc. I think you have to nip it in the bud or it can become a massive thing forever.

How you go about it? I personally would have the repeated arguments, using "unsubstantiated risks of 2.4Ghz vs very real risk of baby being sick and choking" as my main ammo. But then I know my wife would be stubborn up to a point and then give in when no immediate harm comes to baby.

If all else fails you could buy a 20m network cable from eBay and just roll it out from your router to use with a laptop when you need internet access. Or compromise by just turning WiFi on when you are using the internet?

In the long run, the simple daily inconvenience of no WiFi may well overcome unfounded fears about its use.

My wife can be a bit over protective of our son but mostly OK now - I would always argue though and say she needed to show me something on the NHS site about whatever she was worrying about, if it's there then I'll accept it.
Here's a few or hers - she seems to have forgotten about the top 3 now though:

Take own sheets to hotels
Wash underpants on their own
Avoid cow milk
Not eat eggs when have a cold
Must have bright light on to read
Must keep TV/Hi-Fi volume low

It does sound like first baby anxiety and unfortunately (IME) this then transfers onto the child as they grow up... Chilled mothers make chilled children who become less-neurotic as adults.

How to deal with it? You'll know best how to deal with it.
The trouble is using logic for an emotional issue. Perhaps appeal to her emotional side with a similar rationale rather than deal with it head on...
e.g. children brought up in a germ free existence tend to get more allergies; ergo children should be allowed to play in & eat mud.

Change name of wifi to the neighbours address, change password so her phone doesn't connect.

Tell her you have turned the wifi off, then just use it to your hearts content.

Tell her you have turned the wifi off, then just use it to your hearts content.

That will work until the first notification goes ping on the wifi-only tablet.

Seriously, lying to her at this point is not a good plan even if it would seem to bring short term peace.

Girl in my office has no wifi at home for similar reasons, she is great at her job really smart cookie just has a few quirks.

from experience , women latch onto certain safety fears,

eg cats and dogs are dangerous to kids,

single men are dangerous to kids,

any man is dangerous to children, except a teacher who as has been proved numerous times doesnt feel any attraction to children,

power tools/noise/dust/workmen/

not being able to park within 10 foot of the front door,just incase somebody attacks or steals the kids,

not allowing any child to climb, fight, chat to strangers, walk to school,or to any club un escorted,

no one must smoke within 200 feet of HER child,

and lots more, wifi is just another to add to the list.

Tell her you have turned the wifi off, then just use it to your hearts content. But turn off notifications on everything!

Sorted.

I think we have about 8 things including the telly that connect to our wi-fi.

Mums tend to be mental, as someone has already stated they are wired to protect kids from Sabre Tooth tigers and wolves.

We don't have that now so they start on other stuff like Wi-Fi and Vaccinations.

for those suggesting disguising the wifi, dont, you will be caught with some kind of data connection, which you will have to pass off as 3/4G

show her the ionising/non-ionising chart and agree to cut the 2.4GHz in favour of the 5GHz as thats obviously betterer.

There really are almost no women left on this forum, are there ?

I hope you manage to get through this, we are expecting our first in June ( after a couple of horrific miscarriages) and I fear my Mrs will be a bit like this due to the last couple of years. I can offer little advice bar try to (like all arguments) reach some level of compromise that satisfies her and keeps you sane.

we had 2 friends who unfortunately both went like this with having kids, she was a Masters Qualified HR professional and he was a PhD in Science who worked for a pharma company for petes sake, both clever, rational people

They now are only homeschooling, home birthed (1 hour from a hospital) don't use SOAP!!, only drink purified water out of glass bottles or mainly drink from springs, ant vac, breastfeeding when the kid is 4, don't own a TV, still sleep with the kid, forage for food etc. Its a bizarre thing to see and they have become really separate from our group of friends but they (seem) happy...
(an he still works for said pharma co..)

your wifes delusions are caused by the same reason well respected academics like Peter Duesberg fall for crazy theories like aids denialism, they have been right all their lives and can no longer look at issues objectively.

They now are only homeschooling, home birthed (1 hour from a hospital) don't use SOAP!!, only drink purified water out of glass bottles or mainly drink from springs, ant vac, breastfeeding when the kid is 4, don't own a TV, still sleep with the kid, forage for food etc. Its a bizarre thing to see and they have become really separate from our group of friends but they (seem) happy...

First time that kid goes out in public it'll be hospitalised.

There really are almost no women left on this forum, are there ?

Maybe that's because they've turned off their wi-fi.

they have been right all their lives and can no longer look at issues objectively.

Ah, I see you've met my father-in-law 😉

There really are almost no women left on this forum, are there ?

Trying my best, hels!

Different things scare different people. We all grasp onto certain things to worry about when thinking of our loved ones. I don’t have children but do have a goddaughter and would do anything to keep her safe. However, my definition of safe and that of her mothers are different - she would worry about her falling over and generally doing active things. I worry about her *not* doing those things…

There doesn’t have to be sense behind the wifi thing. It’s not about that.

Rachel

There really are almost no women left on this forum, are there ?

Jack Nicholson's character in As Good As It Gets sums this situation up perfectly...

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

Aaaaaaaaaand.. there goes the last of them...

[i]at the risk of offending one of the remaining few...
phew! it's a good thing you're here![/i]

+1
[i]
Aaaaaaaaaand.. there goes the last of them..[/i]

quite.

You could move house to here [url] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_National_Radio_Quiet_Zone [/url]